TOTAL DRAMA PRESENTS: ALPHABET ADVENTURES with CHRIS MCLEAN
EPISODE ONE-
"I am standing on the summit of Vulture Head Rock, the pinnacle of Vulture Island, a backwater establishment in Baker Lake, Nunavut. It is here that 26 brave—" He paused. "—or stupid—teenagers, each one's name beginning with a different letter of the alphabet, have agreed to spend their summer surviving in harsh environments, undertaking brutal challenges, and voting each other out until only one remains to claim the grand prize: one million big ones. Seem familiar? It should. But let's just say that the standard Total Drama formula has been…um, amplified." Chris McLean, the host everyone loves to hate (or in Topher's case, hates to love) flashed his pearly whites, whiter than ever, at the camera and winked. "You'll see what I mean in a little bit. But first, we've gotta introduce our contestants, who are just as oblivious as you are, right now on the inaugural episode of Alphabet Adventures!" His signature evil snicker escaped his lips, which could only mean one thing.
A bunch of teens were about to pay the ultimate price for fame or infamy. Total Drama was back in action.
As Chris descended the steps which had been cut out of the mountain, the roar of a truck engine could be heard. When he reached the bottom, he turned toward the camera and grinned.
"Our first four contestants have arrived, everybody, and number one is just making her appearance now!"
Chris went forward to lend a hand to the girl stepping out of the back of the truck. She wasn't anything special to look at. She was short and skinny, her mousy brown hair in a messy ponytail. She wore a red tank top over a long-sleeved white T-shirt and a pair of cargo shorts. The tank had a 0 emblazoned on it in blue, reminiscent of the back of Owen's shirt. She accepted the help, but not without a glare at Chris and a small remark of "You should probably sue your moisturizer company. They're not keeping your veiny hands in check." Then, after a perfectly timed pause, "Or are you just old? My condolences to your career's loved ones."
ALYX-THE WALKING ONE-LINER
(Note: Confessionals are in italics like this)
Alyx: I don't have to pretend to be thrilled, do I? Because this wasn't my idea and we all know I'm not going to win. I'd say "whatever" but I'm too apathetic right now. Can we move on?
The host, still reeling from Alyx's insult, said weakly, "And here comes our next player, Braydon!"
The next contestant leaped out of the truck with a small squeal and an expression of unbridled joy on his face. A casual observer might have put his age at around 10. He had spiky, flyaway blond hair and a gap-toothed overbite made more pronounced by his enormous grin. He wore a gray shirt on which the head of that infamous Minecraft mob the creeper was printed and jeans that were a few sizes too big. He immediately made his way over to the host to shake his hand, exclaiming "This is more exciting than a six-diamond vein on day one!"
BRAYDON-THE MINECRAFT BOY
Braydon: I'm thrilled to be here, or I'm trying to be. I kinda miss my computer already though, but my mom said I had to get some fresh air or else. I tried to explain to her that I WAS getting fresh air, couldn't she see I was on the top of a mountain slaying zombies, but I guess she's just uninitiated like that.
"She's no stranger to hard working and sweet living, and she'd hog-tie you as soon as look at you, it's Chelsea!"
The next arrival stepped lightly but expertly out of the truck as if this was just another day on the farm for her. Fringed skirt swaying in the light breeze, she grinned and batted her eyelids at the camera before turning to Alyx and Braydon.
"Well, hey there! I'm Chelsea. It's nice to meet ya," she said with measured decorum. Unlike Braydon's almost overbearing grin, Chelsea's smile was demure and infectious—even Alyx found herself matching faces with her.
CHELSEA-THE SOUTHERN BELLE
Chelsea: I may be sweet, but I have an agenda, and don't none of you doubt that for a second. Turnin' on the charm's second nature to me, and I'll ooze sweetness as much as I hafta to win this game. It's on like Donkey Kong—which is actually the name of my family's donkey, funnily enough.
"Coming here all the way from a small country in the South Pacific whose name I can't pronounce, it's Daria!"
The fourth contestant was not as well received. She had mocha skin, long, jet-black hair, and an expression of contempt for the universe on her face. She marched over to Chris, flip-flops pounding.
"Redo that introduction RIGHT NOW! Do you have ANY IDEA how insulting that was to my people? My heritage? DO YOU?"
She was well in Chris's face now. "I AM NOT TO BE TRIFLED WITH."
DARIA-THE TOUCHY PACIFIC ISLANDER
Daria: It's well and truly hurtful is what it is, and I've already had a 16-hour plane ride and then I had to be blindfolded and holed up in that jalopy! This show does NOT know how to treat people with the respect they deserve. I'm sure that just because my country is smaller than New York City that he thinks he can push me around, or that I'm stupid. No and NO!
Alyx: Jeez. You have a right to be angry. You don't have a right to be a psycho.
"Yeesh," said Chris, backtracking away from Daria's anger storm. "ANYHOO, the next truck is pulling in, so while those four contestants get to know each other, let's meet the next batch, shall we?"
The door of the truck slid open and a pair of hands pushed out a boy whose shaggy hair and beanie served to hide his expression very well—a frown was the only noticeable feature.
"He is proud to announce that the number of friends he has holds strong at zero, it's Eugene!"
"Meh," grunted Eugene, shrinking into his sweatshirt and shuffling away behind a tree.
EUGENE-THE INTROVERTED MISANTHROPE
Eugene: I hate the outdoors, I hate competitions, and most of all I hate people. It's not that I haven't tried to like them. There's nothing TO like. The only good thing about this situation is this: I keep this attitude up, I'll go home early for sure and then I can forget this ever happened to me. Because who'd want to remember?
The next contestant was an immaculately groomed boy with short, shiny black hair and dark eyes. He wore a collared shirt, khakis and dress shoes. He gave off the strong appearance of being a fuddy-duddy, and he seemed painfully aware of that fact.
"This young man here recently moved to Canada all the way from China and has recently figured out how hot dogs work, it's Fo!"
"Hi." Fo smiled at the small assembled crowd. Chelsea and Braydon returned it. "I'm looking forward to playing with you."
FO-THE NEFOB
Fo: It's not exactly like that—although I admit I did only just get the whole hot dog thing. I'm no stranger to North American culture, and I speak English fluently. People just tend to gravitate toward the stereotype when they see me, I suppose, especially on television, but I don't fulfill it—much.
Chelsea: Now I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer—although I'm pretty close on it—but I get a feeling that Chris is being just a mite racist. I'm sure they have hot dogs in China.
The next contestant didn't step out of the truck so much as swooshed. She looked to be completely normal in all respects except for the getup—she wouldn't have looked out of place in Little House on the Prairie. She lugged a big suitcase behind her.
"She has participated in a bunch of famous historical battles where women played an important role, it's Georgia, everybody!"
"Why are you wearing that? And how did you…?" asked Braydon, who seemed genuinely confused. Fo and Alyx exchanged glances.
"Oh, I'm a historical event revival specialist, of course! Duh."
GEORGIA-THE RE-ENACTOR
Georgia: It's not weird. It's an art. Trust me on this. It's like LARPing but with historical accuracy. And class. And if you're me, corsets. Lots of corsets.
"Our next contestant knows how to tap an oak tree for syrup and how to bait a sidehill gouger into feeding on deathberry juice, it is Hal!"
The boy that stepped out of the truck was tall and bearded, sporting a pair of frayed dungarees and not much else to speak of. He grinned, showing the world that the number of teeth he sported was decidedly less than the norm.
"How-dee!" he exclaimed, rushing over to the group to shake their hands with his grubby own. Braydon remained thrilled by the whole situation. Others were less enthused with his general hygiene.
HAL-THE BACKWOODS HILLBILLY
Hal: Ah'm super pumped to be gettin' out of my mama's shack and inta the real world, cuz the backwoods life can get a mite lonely, I ain't gonna lie. It's interesting, but when yer only friends are animules, ya start wondrin' if maybe you got a problem.
Alyx: Hal, meet basic human hygiene requirements. Basic human hygiene requirements, meet Hal. Feel free to run away screaming, cuz God knows that's what you've been doing your whole life.
"And that's eight, mate, and it can only get more great!" rhymed Chris as the next truck pulled up. "After the break, we'll be meeting four and more great new characters for a great new season of this great new show, Alphabet Adventures!"
AWTHER'S NOAT: This is the first 1600 or so words of the first chapter of a new fanfic I'm writing. I have many seasons and characters stored up for this, so if you guys like it, expect it to be around a long time.
THIS IS REPLACING SPIAHDS (lol remember that?), as you may or may not have gathered, for the simple reason that I'm a much better writer than I am fully-fledged PowerPoint pseudo-animator. SPIAHDS may get rebooted in a while with new characters, but the scrapped cast has been diluted down into this show's seasons. This will be a more crowd-pleasing project as it will come out more frequently than SPIAHDS would have and will be able to be edgiced and analyzed, because all boots are decided by me.
Relay your thoughts on the overall writing style and the first eight characters and feel free to ask questions if there's anything you're confused or concerned about! I want this to be really good.
TD fanfic writers, of which there are many, if you have any tips on how to differentiate my work from your own, please advise. I want this to be a pretty standard competition story but I don't want it to be a carbon copy of any of yours.
I may draw a picture of the contestants if I have the motivation and skills. It's a maybe, though.
The full first chapter will come out soon, but I want to write 3 or 4 before I release the first, because I may need to store up some back chapters to facilitate more regular updates.
