"SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!" The politician slammed his hands down upon his desk and looked at his the people in his office. "What can we do? We have anarchy in our streets. It's at least every other day that those two are running about the streets! We have chaos on our hands! I need solutions!" The man leaned back in his seat and moaned, "I'll never be reelected if those two are chasing each other down, destroying this city."

"Sir, we are thinking about solutions as much and as fast as we can-"

"I'm going to die on the streets. No doubt from a vending machine. Can you imagine? My face plastered on the news, with the picture of a vending machine nearby. Marble pop sales will sky rocket from the advertisement, no doubt."

"Sir! Think rationally-"

"I have a solution!"

Everyone paused in the room as a hand went into the air, a figure moved forward and smiled, "moshi moshi, my name is Kanra. I have the solution of a lifetime. This solution will resolve the problem without a single difficulty."

"Woman," the politician wiped his eyes and stared at her, sniffling, "you're an angel. Truly~ What do we do?"

"What do you do with any pair of people who bicker over the stupidest things and defend the other without the other's knowing to no end?"

"…"

"…get them a reality show?"

"…send them to America?" A couple heads nodded at that.

"Oh yeah!"

"New York is always repairing things anyway."

"Then again we could send them to Korea."

"Or Russia. Remember the trouble with that island a while back. Oh! China would work-"

The woman cleared her throat angrily, "you marry 'em, gents. You force them to settle down in the old fashion church."

"But that's not legal here in Japan."

"It'll never work."

"Sending them to China-"

"Listen!" The woman sat down on the desk in the room and gathered attention once more. "We must stop thinking like government officials and start thinking like fangirls. True, they can't have the rights that most couples have, but why would they need them? The only thing they really need is their names stuck together. We can make it so that every citizen of this city can't mention one without mentioning the other. WE! WE GENTLEMEN, can make it so that those two not only have to live together, but they have to like it! WE HAVE THAT POWER! We, as a collective body, can make certain that those two fall and thus our fair city can never again fear for the sake of a single can of soda in any vending machine! We will never have to replace an uprooted stop sign again. PUPPIES WILL REMAIN A NONFLYING OBJECT!"

People clapped, others nodded. The politician nodded and stood up, "Kanra, you're a genius! Of course! TO CHINA WITH THEM!"

Everyone facepalmed, shaking their heads at the dolt's mistake.

Kanra grinned, "we're repealing the law against same-sex marriage for one day. OCTOBER 2nd!" She pointed at the calendar and smiled, "because it's this Saturday and this Friday I have to attend a convention with my gang."

The men nodded.

"What should we do to prepare?"

"We're going to need a city-wide hush hush planning. We need cake, we need a dress-"

"Dress?"

"Of course, the relationship is obviously Shizaya, not Izuo… although I think IzaIza could get away with topping when Shizu gets bored."

"…okay…"

"I want someone to get into contact with Shiki. He can get intel on the informant without a moment's questioning. As for Shizuo's measurements, Tom Tanaka can help with that, or Shizuo's brother Yuhei."

"Whoa, they're related?"

"Of course." Kanra nodded, "Anyway, we need a cake, we need a hall opened for the whole event, we need to have support of the city. WE NEED TO MOVE PEOPLE!" The men went running in all directions as phone calls were made.

"Kanra-san, are you sure about this?" the politician looked scared.

"Of course." She smiled at him, "these kinds of things are something that fans like me are experts on. I've been studying and supporting Shizaya for ages."

"I see…"

"Well then, when everything is complete. I want you to go to this address. Tell the man in the white lab coat named Shinra that if he helps us by making what is in this envelope, he will be able to have his motorcycling wife, and do make sure to say wife, ride as fast and as much as she wants without having to worry about police."

"But-"

"Do it." Kanra turned and walked out, skipping out the front door and into the van parked nearby, she pulled off her wig and pulled off the coat, smirking.

"Oh crap," Walker frowned, "should I be worried about you?"

"No~ I just realized how much fun it is to cosplay Fem! Izaya."

"Manipulative, evil, and feminine… interesting. I would suspect Fem! Izaya would be kind of like a Diva slash Evil Hungary of sorts… perhaps a fem! Prussia feel to her…" Walker tapped his chin in thought.

"Dang, I was thinking more of a Tyki Mikk. You know, has a dark side/light side to her."

"WILL YOU GUYS SHUT UP!" Kadota glared at them from his seat. "I'm trying to sleep before Tosuga comes back."

"What's he even doing?"

"I don't know. Something about hitting up lunch with an old acquaintance- Oh," Kadota blinked as the man of topic jumped into the car, "what's up?"

"We're leaving."

"What?"

"Why," Walker asked.

"My date turned out bad."

"Hmm?"

"GET BACK HERE YOU BASTARD!" Shizuo's voice could be heard as Tosuga started the car and took in it into overdrive.

"What the hell did you do?"

"The woman blamed her debt on me. Claimed I should pay it and offed herself," Tosuga bit his lip as a stop sign narrowly missed the van. "I really don't wanna talk about it."

"Dota-chin!" Erika cooed.

"Dota-chin!" Walker repeated for her benefit.

"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!" Kadota glared at them.

Erika merely smirked back, "Go console your boyfriend! He's all upset!"

"W-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

Tosuga turned the corner and gave off an aura of hate, "When I pull over I'm dragging you out of my van and leaving you in a ditch Karisawa."

Oh shush, you were checking out Dota-chin's ass all last night."

The van turned awkward at that.

~.~

A/N: -is most likely insane – Reviews are welcome…