Heyo everyone!
So, first off, I cannot take credit for this plot at all. I saw it as a fic suggestion on tumblr, by superfandomz, so if you want go check out their tag "SuperFandomzFicIdeas" and you'll probably see this one in there lol. But it was just too good to pass up.
And I also had people ask me to do this, so there's that as well haha. xD But, why make it a one-shot when it could easily be stretched into something longer? Perhaps a 3 parter or even a five-seven parter. Let's see how much we can make this silliness last lol.
Enjoy!
Chapter 1.
Toothless bounced onto the sea stack, Hiccup instantly pulling out his spy glass to zoom in closer to the strange island before them. Toothless rumbled and gave himself a small shake in question.
"It's… very odd." Hiccup twirked his head and lowered the glass, staring on in bemusement. "They're strangely dressed, that's for sure."
Toothless snorted in agreement.
The others finally caught up, flying down to gracefully land beside and around him- all except Snotlout, who all but crashed into the face of the rock given to Hookfang's mischievous behavior.
"Hiccup, control that dragon!" Snotlout shouted, scrambling over the edge. "He refuses to listen, and is continually trying to get me killed!"
Hookfang grumbled in dragon laughter, eyes crinkling in mirth. Snotlout growled angrily, rolling up make-belief sleeves in a threatening manner, but somehow only managed to make himself appear more childish.
"Hush, would you?" Fishlegs said with a cross of his arms. He then turned to Hiccup, "Is that it?" He asked excitedly as he took in the large mainland spread out in front of them.
"It's huge." Astrid breathed.
Hiccup leaned back and ran a hand through his hair, smiling dazedly. "It's not only that, but I see very few dragons. I don't think they like to fly this far South."
"We should go introduce ourselves!" Fishlegs squealed, clicking his fingers together.
Astrid shook her head and pointed out the large stone structure that seemed to be built into the landscape, blending in well but not so much that it escaped view. It slipped and flowed with the landscape, the thick choppy stone of the structure large and massive in scale. Hiccup had seen nothing like it before.
"Somehow, I don't think we'd be welcome." Astrid stated, hands on her hips. "Toss me that glass, Hiccup."
Hiccup watched as she peered through it, her face puckering in a frown when she finally saw the village. "What in the name of Midgard are they wearing!?"
Fishlegs squealed and grabbed the glass from her hands, fumbling to press it against his face. Hiccup grinned at the fuming Astrid, her eyes narrowed towards the island.
"Those little sissies." She huffed.
"Astrid, I belief those are… gowns." Fishlegs stated in disappointment, lowering the spy glass. "You know, fabric that wraps pleasantly around a woman's shape-"
"I know what a dress is, Fishlegs!" Astrid exploded.
Ruffnut cackled, "Have you ever worn one, Astrid?"
"No, and I don't intend to either. Dastardly things that only get in the way." Astrid sniffed. "They're attire is so much different then ours… holy yak. How do they expect to do anything in those things?"
"I don't think the woman do." Hiccup spoke, relaxing against Toothless while his arms braced himself up. He glanced over at his girlfriend, flashing a lopsided smile. "I read somewhere in one of Johann's books that there are cultures that consider woman… of… well, of lower stature."
Astrid's face visibly turned puce. "What..?" She said fiercely, fingers fumbling for her axe. "Let me at the men who brought this on and I'll chop off the piece of them they value!"
"Hold up!" Hiccup exclaimed, leaping off of Toothless's back and rushing to her side, plucking the axe out of her hand before she hurt someone- or something. "We have to think this through- it would be nice to get to know some different cultures, don't you think? Like, maybe they're Romans?" Hiccup rubbed his chin thoughtfully, glancing back at the island. He absently reached a hand out to Fishlegs for the spy glass, mumbling a sidetracked thanks as he raised it to his face. "Hm, I don't think they're Romans. I'm guessing… some sort of tribe…"
"We're not far enough South to meet Romans." Fishlegs said vaguely.
"I don't care who they are, I just think they deserve a good lesson or too. Maybe a round in the ring, let me show them what woman can do." Astrid mumbled to herself, gaze hard.
Hiccup laughed and patted her arm comfortingly. "Hey, don't' worry about it, Ast. I'm sure if the woman wanted to, they'd speak up and change the rules."
"Is wrong." She huffed.
Hiccup stiffened suddenly, mouth gaping from behind the glass. "What… in the name of Thor…"
"What now?"
"Look, there's a man standing out on that platform- please tell me he's not wearing a… whatever that is…" Hiccup gulped, face pale. "That will haunt me in my nightmares."
"What!? Nightmares!? Lemme see!" Tuffnut jumped off his dragon's back and practically tackled Hiccup in his haste to grab the spy glass. "Holy crap!" He shouted, promptly shoving the glass back into Hiccup's hands. He marched back to Ruff and climbed aboard Belch, eyes wide and smile wild. "I NEED ONE OF THOSE."
"What? What is it?" Snotlout demanded, grabbing the glass out of the broken Hiccup's hands, who was staring absently at the island. "OH THOR."
"What is it!?" Astrid exclaimed, grabbing Hiccup's arm.
"These people have a thing for gowns, apparently." Hiccup mumbled.
"Even the dudes are wearing them!" Tuffnut shouted in excitement. "We have to check this out-"
"Hold your dragons." Astrid grabbed the glass and peered through it carefully, moving about slightly in search for what they were all so horrified by. She froze, her jaw dropped, and her hands lowered on their own.
There was complete silence for a moment, before Astrid's eyes twinkled and her mouth turned up slowly. She burst into boisterous laughs.
"What is so funny!?" Hiccup demanded as he placed his hands on his hips. "They're wearing freaking skirts, for crying out loud! Guys! WEARING SKIRTS. So what- how in the name of-… I'm sorry but that's just…" He facepalmed while Astrid continued to giggle uncontrollably.
"Man-skirts, who knew?" Ruffnut cackled.
"They look… so ridiculous…" Astrid panted weakly, doubled over in her mirth. "I can't- how do they protect their woman wrapped in silks? Huh? If they themselves are… ho ho that's mixed up…"
"I think they're cool!" Tuffnut said in confusement. "I want one- think they'll sell me one? Or better yet, give me one?"
Ruffnut nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! And maybe they'll give me one too! I wonder if you have to still wear undies under those things?" Ruffnut tapped her chin. "Because, if so, they'll have to lend us some."
"That's disgusting." Fishlegs gagged.
Hiccup tapped his prosthetic in impatient thought, eyes trained on the strange stone building. His eyes lit up and he snapped his finger. "Ah! I've got it now, that's a castle, guys."
"Castle?" Snotlout asked with a scoff. "Please, those are just myths."
"No, castles are real, Snotlout. Unicorns- those, those are myths. Unlike Bessie, which is very much real." Hiccup said professionally. "Castles are built out of stone- though they used to be built of wood- and they're large structures with one main building inside the outer wall called the Keep, where the ruler or chief lives with his family and servants. Surrounding the Keep, but still inside the defense wall are other buildings like huts, a Forge, a stables, et cetera."
"Stables? If they don't have dragons..?" Astrid wondered.
"Some creature they call a horse." Hiccup said with a shrug, turning to walk back to Toothless. "I don't know if they're real or not, although I saw a picture in a book once. They have four thin legs and a thick body, with a longer neck and head. Apparently you can ride them, although they can't fly."
"Well what's the use of that?" Snotlout exclaimed, patting the dazing Hookfang on the neck. "Dragon's are a hundred times better, right?"
"I'd think so anyways." Hiccup shook his head, looking just as confused as they felt.
"Alright then, if we want to explore this a bit more thoroughly, what're we going to do?" Astrid rested on hand on her hips, the other resting on Stormfly's neck. She tilted her head and smirked mischievously.
Hiccup grinned slowly in return, glad she was up for such a venture. "We're going in disguise."
"Disguise!?" Snotlout squeaked. "Please tell me we don't have to wear skirts- oh Thor." He buried his face against Hookfang's neck with a moan.
"I don't know, Snot… maybe we could show up as simple peasants, I'm not sure. But, I do know you ladies can help out a ton." Hiccup grinned slyly. Astrid's smile faded as painful realization dawned.
"Oooh yeah…" Ruffnut cheered slowly, grinning lazily.
"Oh no! What the heck, Hiccup?" Astrid stated in frustration, causing Hiccup to laugh in amusement. "Not funny, Haddock! You're gonna make me wear a dress, aren't you?" She accused with a glare.
"Please?" Hiccup pleaded innocently. "It'll be fun, honest!"
"I hate you."
"True love" Ruffnut said in mock dreamy voice. "Don't you just love it?"
"Kinda like us, huh?" Tuff added. "Where we clunk our heads together to show sibling favor."
Fishlegs ran a hand down his face in exasperation. "Mhm, you two are not ones to talk."
Astrid sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, staring accusingly at Hiccup out of the corner of her eyes. He was still grinning maddeningly. "Alright, Mr. Snarky, where are we going to get a gown?"
"That's where Snotlout comes in." Hiccup looked to his cousin, who's face was still pressed against his dragon's neck. He seemed to burrow further, if that was possible. "Snotlout, you'll sneak in and buy some gowns, got it?"
"Okay, okay, I'm not entirely against this plan, but why is it always me?" Snotlout demanded, turning to give his cousin a pointed look.
"Because you have a way of fumbling your way out of trouble."
"I'm with Astrid: I hate you." Snotlout whined with a pout.
"And no dragon's either." Hiccup added.
"I HATE YOU WITH A PASSION."
Hiccup shrugged and smiled, leaning his elbows back against the chortling Toothless. "I think I can live with t hat, Snotlout."
The Jorgenson exploded into a serious of rambling complaints and accusations, pacing in a frustrated circle while Hookfang watched on in amusement.
"Okay, so here's the deal." Hiccup said, eyes scanning the others. "If we want to get to know these people better, we need to blend in. So don't say anything out of turn, and just listen and watch what they're doing for the first hour or so. Try not to get caught up in anything, just blend in the background, got it?"
The others nodded, although some more grudgingly then others. The twins were all for the endeavor, while Fishlegs and Astrid were hesitant but willing for the excitement. Snotlout on the other hand, was blatantly against the entire thing.
"And who's going in first? Do I have to not only purchase womanly products, but those man dresses too?"
"That's their attire is all, Snotlout. It's not a big deal- I'm sure we'd look just as strange to them… besides, I'm sure they have a purpose…" Hiccup said slowly, but it was clear he was just as confused as they. "We'll find out one way or the other, because we will be giving them a shot."
"Alright, this is officially your worst idea ever. I'll even take near-death experiences over this!" Snotlout cursed under his breath.
"But the girls will be going first." Hiccup looked to Astrid, who sighed and nodded willingly. "Ruff, you up for that?"
"You bet your undies I am!" She called, fist pumping the air. "But seriously, bet your undies. I need something to wear under those gowns…"
Just pure silliness and fun, guys! And I don't mean to offend anyone about their talk on kilts. They're different cultures banging into each other, they're gonna find each other odd at first lol. And as DreamWorks Vikings, they aren't used to gowns on woman, much less something similar on men. It's just odd for them, give them a break! xD
Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this, and I'll see you next chapter! Toodles! :D
