First Name: " " Last Name: Boykewich

AN. I came up with this the Tuesday after …Or Not to Be was on. This has spoilers for secret life of the American teenager episode 326 …Or Not to Be . It is really sad. And the only reason it took me this long to get it up was because I was on my class trip when I wrote it. Tell me what you think no flames please, and I own nothing that has to do with Secret Life of the American Teenager.

It was Thursday when I started towards the light. It was white and blinding and everything else was dark and black. I was floating.

After I got the light at the end of the tunnel (on Friday) I knew everything.

I knew Amy and Ricky where going on a date, I knew that Lauren wanted to break up with her boyfriend. I knew Madison and Jack had decides to not have sex, I knew what sex was, and I knew that Tom was getting married to a girl he met on the bus. And I knew that she had two children.

I knew Kathleen did not want to go to Africa with Jeff, I knew that Ashley and Toby had taken the GED and placed out of high school. I knew grace wanted to meet Angie and that grant did not want her to, and why.

I also knew John. And I knew that if I had lived we would have been best friends despite all of our parents fighting. I knew about the fighting too, and I knew that my mom had dated Ricky and that my dad had dated Amy. I knew that Ricky and my mom had been accepted to the same collage.

I also knew something that no one at all knew yet, I knew that my parents were going to the hospital to give birth to me, and I knew they were in for the shock of their loves because I was dead.

I just watched as they went all happen expecting me to be fine. I wanted to sob when I came out dead. And when they held my dead body I wanted to scream "mom dad I love you" but I knew they would not hear me.

I saw them crying and if I had the ability to cry I would have.

I saw my grandparents-Leo, Ruben, and Cindy- run to the hospital. I saw my mom on the phone with Tom saying "I can't talk now I'm at the hospital"

I saw him start spreading word the "Adrian and Ben were having the baby"

I watched as Tom told Jack, Kathleen and Jeff, I watched as Aunt Alice and Uncle Henry found out. I watched as Madison and Lauren found out, as Ashley, Toby, Ann, and George found out. I watched as Grace, Grant and Angie found out. And I wanted to scream "NNNNNOOOOOO!" when Amy and Ricky found out.

I watched them all go to the hospital happy… waiting for me to come… dreading seeing their reactions when they found out I was dead.

I got sadder as each one found out. I wanted to yell when Alice and Henrys faces dropped. I wanted to cry with anger when Madison and Lauren hugged each other, when Jack put his arm around Tom I felt like sobbing, and when Grant held Grace I wanted to die all over again.

But what hurt the most was when Amy and Ricky found out. They have a son too, and when my dad begged Amy to see my mom I wanted him to stop. I saw how much this was hurting my mom, and how much she needed Amy right now, but I also saw how scared Amy was to see my mom, and how sad Ricky was. I saw how much they were thinking about John.

But Amy finally did go to my mom, she lied next to her and they hugged and cried… for me. I saw my dad hug Henry and Alice, and I saw him fall to the ground and I saw Ricky help him up.

I looked away it was too much pain for me to feel… I had just been bore and already I felt more pain than any new born is capable of. I felt something touch my shoulder and I turned around. I saw a woman standing in front of me, I had never seen her before but already I knew she was my grandmother. My dad's mom, she hugged me and I wanted to cry more.

"I know I know it's a lot of grief" she said.

"It hurts so much" I said

"The only reason you feel their pain is because they are the people who love and care about you" she said

"But I'm not even alive. How can they love someone they've never met?" I asked

"It's hard to explain it will come to you in time" and in the moment she said it I knew what she meant. I knew the felling of love, all of them down there in the hospital cared about me enough to be sad I was dead and my grandmother loved me too. I loved all of them but they would never know how much.

"What's your name?" my grandmother asked me. And I could not answer, I knew my last name was Boykewich but my parents had never given me a first name. My first name was a blank.