AN: I've only seen a teaser from 8x01 as it hasn't shown over here in the UK yet…this is how I imagined the journey home might have gone like….
Leonard was still half asleep as he stumbled his way across to the coffee pot, briefly grimacing at Penny's offer to join her in yoga practice. They had been making the most of Sheldon's absence by spending the majority of their time over in 4A which was roomier than Penny's apartment across the hall. Leonard had barely taken a sip of his coffee when his phone started to vibrate with an incoming call.
"Hello?" Leonard checked his watch and frowned a little when he saw that it was barely even seven thirty in the morning.
"Hello Leonard." Leonard's face brightened when he heard the sound of Sheldon's voice on the phone.
"Hey buddy, good to hear your voice."
"I'm in Kingman, Arizona and I need you to come pick me up."
"I'd love to…" Leonard thought on his feet, and watched Penny balance on one leg on the yoga mat, and was struck by sudden inspiration. "But I'm just about to do yoga with Penny."
"Leonard…I'm at the police station. I was robbed! They took my phone, my wallet, my ipad…everything!" Sheldon's stressed tone had Leonard straightening up and paying more attention.
"My God! Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not okay! I'm wearing borrowed pants, I don't have ID and one of the officers here won't stop calling me 'chicken legs'."
"Okay, I'll come get you. What's the address?" Leonard started scribbling down the address that Sheldon was reciting, and Penny wandered over to see what the matter was.
"What's going on?" She asked, looking over Leonard's shoulder as he continued writing. He cupped his hand over the phone and filled her in on the situation.
"He got all his stuff stolen." Leonard said and then turned back to the phone. "Sheldon, hang tight. Do you want me to bring anything?"
"Yes, please. A pair of pants, and my toothbrush…and my mail…and a really good comeback for chicken legs because 'I know you are, but what am I?' was met with stony silence."
"I'll be there as soon as I can." Leonard agreed and disconnected the call.
"Is he okay?" Penny asked in concern, Leonard shrugged a little as he started walking into the living room.
"Yeah, he's fine; just a little rattled. You feel like driving to Arizona with me?"
"I can't, I have that job interview this morning." Penny refused with a slight shrug.
"Oh, right."
"Besides, I don't need six hours of 'your hair is different, why did you change your hair? I'm holding my breath until your hair grows back'." Penny ran her hand through her pixie cut and mimicked Sheldon's voice.
"All right, fine. Can you think of a reason why I shouldn't invite Amy to come with me?" Please think of a reason, please, please?
"Nope." Penny didn't bat an eyelash as she walked back over to her yoga mat and reassumed her sun salutation pose.
"Come on, you didn't even try!"
"Nope." She said again and Leonard began calling the one person that he knew would jump at the chance of a road trip, especially when it meant meeting her beloved Sheldon at the end of the line.
"Amy? How would you feel about coming on a little road trip with me…No! Not like that! It's Sheldon, he's got himself into a bit of a fix and needs us to go and collect him…where from? Arizona…Sure, I'll pick you up in fifteen outside your building…" Leonard hung up and scowled over at Penny's calm expression of serenity. "Guess it's settled then, six hours in a moving vehicle with Amy Farrah Fowler…the nightmare has begun."
"Ah, sweetie, don't be like that. You get along great with Amy, what about that wedding the two of you went to; you said you had a great time."
"Yeah, I guess." Leonard sighed as he walked down the hallway to get dressed. "But that wasn't six hours…imagine what it will be like when there's two of them together on the way back!"
"Suck it up, big boy. You were the one that signed that stupid agreement in the first place…" Penny called out and Leonard sighed again as he vented his frustration by slamming his bedroom door shut with a loud crash.
"Stupid roommate agreement…" He muttered as he threw on a shirt and some pants, before shoving his feet into a pair of sneakers. He left his room and went into Sheldon's to gather up a spare pair of pants and an unopened toothbrush from Sheldon's emergency supply kit. He ignored Sheldon's request for his mail and kissed Penny's cheek in passing as he collected his keys from the bowl by the door and made his way slowly down the stairwell, repeating under his breath the whole time…stupid roommate agreement, stupid roommate agreement. Six hours later, he was still using it as his mantra for keeping calm as he and Amy stepped out of the car into the blazing summer heat of Arizona. They were shown the way through the station and directed to go through the swinging doors at the back of the corridor.
"Sheldon…"
"Leonard!" Sheldon exclaimed as he looked up to see his roommate step through the doors. "I'm so happy to see you!" Sheldon raced over and much to Leonard's surprise gave him friendly hug in greeting.
"Are you okay?" Amy stepped out from behind Leonard and Sheldon turned around in surprise.
"I'm fine…Why did you come?" Sheldon had called Leonard to come and rescue him and had hoped to keep the unfortunate events of the last few hours completely between the two of them; it wasn't enough to have all of his belongings stolen from him, he now had Amy as a witness to his humiliation. Amy looked over at her boyfriend with a look of hurt in her eyes; he hadn't even given her any sign of affection and it was starting to grate on her last nerve.
"What do you mean – why did I come? You're my boyfriend, I haven't seen you in over a month. I just drove over six hours to help you out, don't you have anything else to say to me besides 'why did you come?' Did it even occur to you that I drove six hours, stuck in a car with Leonard, because I don't know…maybe I was worried about you?" Amy's voice rose shrilly towards the end of her tirade and even Leonard was starting to feel more than a little sorry for her. She'd taken Sheldon's leaving in her stride, devoting more time to her research in his absence but still finding time to have the occasional take out meal with the guys. She'd never once taken herself over to the apartments uninvited, and Leonard knew that Penny was feeling a little guilty for ignoring her best friend over the last month or so, but it seemed wedding fever had struck 2311 Los Robles Avenue and it had struck hard taking every one down with it.
"Little harsh, Sheldon." Leonard muttered to his friend, knowing that Sheldon couldn't help but hear due to his very keen sense of hearing. Sheldon's eye twitched a little, giving away his tension but he remained silent.
"I do, but…I feel uncomfortable saying it out loud in front of these police officers." Sheldon finally said quietly as he stepped a little closer to Amy. She smiled faintly and gestured for him to bend down.
"Fine, whisper it."
"Shotgun!" Sheldon whispered as he ran out of the swinging doors and into the corridor. He was stopped at the front desk by the admin clerk waving some paperwork at him.
"Sir, you still need to sign the incident report."
"Very well." Sheldon sighed and bent over the paperwork, scanning it over quickly to make sure that no details had been missed off. Amy nudged Leonard's shoulder and held out her hand.
"Leonard, please pass me the keys; I'm going to wait for you in the car." Leonard warily passed across the keys, silently hoping that the car would still be in the parking lot when he and Sheldon got outside. He knew how volatile Amy could be sometimes, and had a tiny scar on his cheek to prove it from where she hit him in the face with a cushion the very day that Sheldon had left. He waited until Amy had left before turning around to face Sheldon with a heavy sigh.
"All right, what's going on?" Sheldon blinked hard and looked surprised at the questioning.
"Nothing, Leonard. I just needed some clothes and a ride home; I didn't expect you to bring along a travelling companion and I was a little surprised to see that Amy would have willingly forced herself to endure six hours alone in a moving car with you."
"Yeah, well…I didn't really have a lot of choice. Everyone else is working, and for some unknown reason; Amy actually wanted to come along. I can't think why…" Leonard muttered the last part with deep sarcasm, which of course went straight over Sheldon's head as usual.
"I see." Sheldon murmured and his gaze flicked over to the clock behind the admin desk. "Well, if we want to be home by the time Game of Thrones start, we'd better get a move on. Come on, Leonard hop to it." Sheldon walked out of the station and looked back over his shoulder to see if Leonard was following behind.
"Thanks for picking me up, Leonard. I appreciate the fact that you've taken the day away from your own research to drive all the way to Arizona to save my sorry ass…" Leonard grumbled under his breath sarcastically as he shuffled out into the blazing sun, Sheldon patted his shoulder as he passed him on the way to the car.
"There, there, Leonard. I'm sure your little project is still in exactly the same state as it was when I left forty-five days ago…one more day will hardly make the slightest difference."
"Get in the car, Sheldon." Leonard ordered between clenched teeth, wondering how on earth he'd been able to put up with Sheldon's condescending attitude for so long. The time he had spent living with Penny over the last six weeks had made him far happier than the past ten years ever had done, and he had made great strides in his research during Sheldon's absence due to that fact. The two men climbed into the car and Leonard glanced over to see Amy quickly flipping her phone back to silent mode after listening to some music while she waited for their arrival.
"I love that song! You could've just left it on…"
"It's one Penny recommended to me. She said it worked rather well for the two of you at one time." Amy ran her hands over the screen of her phone, a sad fleeting smile quickly flitted across her face as she met Leonard's eyes in the mirror.
"Yeah…she was trying to romance the pants off me one evening, and was desperately failing; so I stuck this on the ipod and we danced by candlelight…good times."
"Ah yes, I believe she stated that you claimed to be the 'romance ninja', and whilst I find that hard to believe, I do rather like the song." Amy gave Leonard a small smile and turned back to checking her phone for messages, hoping that there was a reply on the way from her bestie, Penny. She'd typed a furious text as soon as she'd reached the car, and was now desperately hoping for a response to her plea.
"Please…you both know how I abhor music whilst travelling. I beg you, don't make me listen to any caterwauling laments of despair…I had enough of that growing up back home." Sheldon muttered as he checked that his seatbelt was securely fastened. Leonard met Amy's eyes in the mirror and they shared an amused look, it was almost as if Sheldon had never been away. "Hey, do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get…"
"You get your house back, you get your dog back, you get your best friend Jack back…" Leonard and Amy started singing together in a rendition of a Rascal Flatts song that they had listened to on the drive down. They'd spent very little time alone together over the past four years, but when they did, Leonard always managed to have a good time. He'd once told Sheldon that Amy knew how to make a man loosen up and enjoy himself; Sheldon had judo chopped him in the shoulder for that remark and Leonard had tried to explain that he'd merely pulled a groin muscle when trying to do the Hokey Pokey when he'd escorted Amy to one of her colleague's wedding.
"Oh, you've heard that one…don't forget you get your woman back too." Sheldon crossed his arms over his chest and turned to look out of the side window at the passing scenery. Leonard sent Amy a grin again in the mirror, but his smile faded as he saw how sad she looked staring at the back of Sheldon's head. After a couple of hours driving, and forcing Leonard to listen to his long monologues about the various aspects of his trip, Sheldon turned slightly in his seat to face Amy.
"Hey Amy, are you ready for the mustard round?"
"Have you not noticed that I've been sitting quietly back here stewing for the past two hours?" Amy gave Sheldon a pointed look and he waved his hand in the air dismissing her words.
"I just thought you were bad at the game."
"I'm mad at you. How could you just go away like that without even saying goodbye? And then you call Leonard for help instead of me!" Amy folded her arms across her chest and slumped back against the back seat. Sheldon thought for a moment before turning back to her.
"Amy, may I please have a moment of privacy with my roommate?" He asked quietly, Amy merely snorted and muttered back sarcastically.
"We're in a moving car, Sheldon. What do you expect me to do, stick my fingers in my ears?" Amy muttered sarcastically and Sheldon beamed in response.
"Well I was think put your head out of the window like a dog, but that'll work. Please? I'll be quick."He waited until Amy had stuck her fingers in her ears before shifting slightly in his seat to face Leonard. "Leonard, as soon as we get home I want to have coitus with Amy." Leonard nearly skidded out of the lane at the matter of fact statement from Sheldon, and he was sure that he was going to need his inhaler any minute. Sheldon peeked over his shoulder to see Amy's face, her calm exterior suggested that she was in fact unable to hear his conversation.
"Okay, she can't hear. Leonard, the reason I called you is because…I didn't want Amy to know that I couldn't make it on my own."
"What's the big deal?"
"Of course it's no big deal to you. You idolise me and nothing could ever knock me off that pedestal you put me on."
"It's true, you are a God to me." Leonard replied sarcastically, and Amy pulled her fingers out of her ears when she couldn't see Sheldon's lips moving any longer.
"Can I stop now?"
"Just tell her." Leonard advised Sheldon, feeling sympathetic towards his roommate as he glanced over to see the misery etched on his lean face. Sheldon thought about it for a while and then turned around to get Amy's attention. She lowered her hands and waited for him to speak.
"I called Leonard because I failed ad I didn't want you to think less of me."
"You were worried about that?" Amy had tears glistening in her eyes and started to lean forward.
"Yes."
"Sheldon, it's okay with me that you're not perfect." Before Amy could say any more, Sheldon requested one more quick moment with Leonard and gestured for her to plug her ears back up again.
"Leonard, Amy hurt my feelings. I want to break up with her." Unfortunately Amy hadn't quite managed to block her hearing completely and caught all of his remark. She leant through the middle console and hit Sheldon on the arm with her phone.
"God Sheldon, you can be such an ass! Did it ever occur to you how I might be feeling right now?"
"Amy! That hurt!" Sheldon rubbed his arm and glared over at his girlfriend.
"Good! It was supposed to! Do you remember how many calls, texts and Skype messages you exchanged with me over the past forty-five days? Of course you do, you are the one with the eidetic memory after all…" Amy muttered the last part under her breath before Sheldon even open his mouth to reply. "Six, Sheldon! Six! Two calls, three texts and a single lousy Skype…that's all I got the whole time you were away."
"Jeez Sheldon…I called Penny that many times when I was at a two day conference…Really, you were away from your girlfriend for nearly seven weeks and you only contacted her six times?" Leonard was amazed, he'd have thought that Amy would have been crying on Penny's shoulder long before now…but then Penny hadn't been spending an awful lot of time with Amy recently, neither had Bernadette. Leonard felt guilty again and tried to apologise to Amy with his eyes, but she just kept her head turned out of the side window, ignoring his attempts to get her attention.
"I kept up my part of our agreement, I texted you on every date night even though I couldn't be there in person. And I Skyped you on your birthday…"
"We missed your birthday? Amy, why didn't you say anything to us, we could've had a party." Leonard was ashamed that the whole gang had completely ignored Amy's birthday, especially since she went to so much trouble when it came to one of theirs.
"It's no big deal, Leonard. I had a chat with my Mother and had a nice bouquet of flowers from the monkeys at the lab, I know they were really from Dr. Gundersen but he'd signed it with love from Betsy and Harry, so it was okay…I had a bath and went to bed early."
"But it was your birthday!" Leonard protested again, and Amy just continued to stare out of the side window. Leonard felt a sharp jab in his side and turned to see Sheldon scowling at him.
"I thought I asked you all to look over Amy in my absence, I e-mailed you all with a reminder the day before informing you of the occasion."
"Wait! You e-mailed everyone reminding them not to forget my birthday?" Amy suddenly sat up on the backseat and looked surprised at the news.
"Of course, I reminded them all to give you the card that I left for you in my desk drawer…They didn't give you the card, did they?" Sheldon twisted in his seat and from the look on Amy's face guessed correctly, which earned Leonard another jab in the ribs.
"Hey! I lost track of all the e-mails you sent, I stopped reading them after the first dozen or so…"
"Dozen or so? DOZEN OR SO!" Amy's voice rose higher and higher in pitch until she was almost shrieking in anger. "You are a lousy excuse for a boyfriend, Sheldon Cooper! I bet you've got pre-written birthday cards, Christmas Cards and sympathy cards are written out and tucked away inside the relevant person's folder."
"Um, yes?" Sheldon admitted quietly, he saw nothing wrong with being prepared. So the cards were a little impersonal but he couldn't turn down a bargain lot for only two dollars at Target.
"Urgggh!" Amy groaned in frustration, and slapped him on the shoulder with her phone again. "I wasn't expecting a grand declaration of your undying devotion or to have you stick your tongue down my throat; but would it have killed you to at least pretend to be happy to see me? We were doing so well before you left, and now it's like we're right back to where we started. I can't take this anymore!" A bleeping from her phone had Amy looking down and checking her messages.
"Amy, calm down. We're only a couple of hours out of Pasadena now, I'm sure you guys can sit and talk all of this out tonight when we get back."
"Oh, no Leonard. Not tonight, a) not only is Game of Thrones on tonight, b) it's not Thursday so it cannot possibly be classed as a date night and c) well, I just don't want to!"
"You know what Sheldon? It may come as a surprise to you, but I don't want to either!" Amy yelled out from the backseat and both Sheldon and Leonard winced at her strident tone. "Leonard, pull over."
"What?"
"Pull the frickin' car over right now, or I swear to God I'll hand myself in to the nearest police officer and confess to a double homicide! Just do it!"
"I would do as she suggests, Leonard. Something tells me that she is not in a joking mood right now." Sheldon advised quietly and Leonard turned around to mutter sarcastically;
"Yeah, and what was your first clue? God, Sheldon you are a complete ass sometimes." Leonard checked the stream of traffic and pulled into the off ramp which lead to a Target store. He noticed a familiar looking beige sedan idling in the parking lot and knew exactly Amy had been texting on the journey back. "Amy, your ride's here."
"Thank you, Leonard for stating the obvious as usual." Amy opened the rear door and prepared to slide out, before she closed the door she leant over to murmur into Sheldon's ear. "It's Tuesday, you have two days to come up with a valid reason to continue on with this sham of a romance. I'll expect you at my door promptly at seven o'clock with a heartfelt apology, if not consider this your three day notice of termination. Good day, gentlemen." Amy slammed the door shut and strode over to Penny's waiting car and the men watched as Penny pealed out of the lot with a squeal of burning rubber.
"She must have left Pasadena straight after her interview and drove like a bat out of hell to get here before us. Sheldon, if you want to keep that woman in your life, you need to get your game on." Leonard looked out at Penny's retreating vehicle and glanced over at Sheldon who was sitting hunched over in the passenger seat, slack jawed with a combination of shock and amusement.
"You vixen, Amy Farrah Fowler. Leonard, warp speed ahead if you will…I have a woman to woo." Sheldon snapped his fingers in front of Leonard and then tapped on the dashboard.
"Uh? Oh…course laid in, Captain."
"Make it so." Sheldon waved his arm in a gesture not unlike Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise and Leonard gave a little smirk as he pulled out of the parking lot and turned into the flow of traffic. It seemed Sheldon got game after all…
