A/N: I attempted to start this story well over a month and half ago. I failed. Life is hectic because of musical, but I am going to try to take a break and chill and write for a while!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything! ...Pertaining to Wicked, that is.
It was then that Elphaba found she was prone to becoming lost in delicacy. Perhaps it was because she had never considered herself a delicate person and generally appreciated all things that she was not. Even as a small child, the delicate glass that Turtleheart had blown for her served as her sole source of amusement, comfort and entertainment. And now there was this. This situation that was more delicate than anything Elphaba had ever found herself close to- close enough to brush it with her fingertips yet far enough that it seemed almost painfully out of her grasp. The worst part about it all, the part that made it all the more painful, was how accidental it was. Not a mistake, per say, nor a coincidence, but more like an... unlikely occurrence. It should not have happened. She should not have let it happen. And yet, here she was. And there she was. It was most perplexing to Elphaba that upon finding herself in this situation, this situation she was all too familiar with – it had been a frequent frame in her dreams and in her thoughts increasingly as of late- that when faced with it in reality, she was frozen. Frozen and lost in some convoluted path to self-discovery to her past. Action, action, action- the moment begged for it, she could feel the pressure in the air, the want, the need, for any semblance of action and yet she remained stationary. Introspective. Lost. Silent and unmoving.
"Miss Elphaba?" Even when plagued with the weight of disappointment, her voice remained cheerful. Galinda fought the urge to smile triumphantly at that. Now was not the time to be considering her success at portraying the portrait of a proper lady. "Would you please tell me what is the matter?"
"It's nothing, Miss Galinda. Really, forget it." Her heart began to slow as the formality Galinda could not seem to forget shocked her into reality. Galinda cursed herself for panicking and using the formality she had insisted Elphaba forgo almost two weeks prior.
"No. Don't do that... that thing you always do. Now tell me, what is it?" Galinda, for her part, was a little concerned, and mostly confused. She had, over the past few weeks, come to know her roommate quite well. They were acquaintances at first, and then friends. Galinda had confided in Elphaba. She had spent time with her, told her stories- she had sacrificed for her! And what did Elphaba do? Nothing- that's what. So maybe, Galinda reasoned, it was more than confusion, more than concern. It was frustration, plainly and simply.
"It's nothing." Elphaba reaffirmed. This... situation, this game could not continue. She would not let it continue.
"Elphaba, Elphie." Galinda sighed. She wanted so desperately to move away, to create at least a tolerable amount of space between their bodies but she was caught, captivated.
"I don't know what you want from me." Elphaba could do honesty. In fact, her brutal honesty was high on the list among her many flaws. "I told you- it is nothing."
"That's where you're wrong. It's everything. Can't you see that? You're everything. So there'll be none of this acting as if you don't need my help." Curing her weak nature, Galinda wished, for the first time in their friendship, that she were more like Elphaba. Stronger, wiser, braver. Elphaba wasn't creating a fuss, Elphaba wasn't trying to talk about emotions. Elphaba wasn't nearly in tears. And three weeks ago, maybe even two, Galinda knew she would have been off the bed and out the door by now, long ago even. Not anymore. It occurred to Galinda then that as she tried to hide her weakness for fear of looking as if she were the weaker side (which really, she figured, she was) then Elphaba was likely doing the same thing. "You are wrong, Elphaba Thropp. And I know that you want to seem all tough and unbreakable, but it's just you and me. It's just you and me and you'd better tell me what in the name of Oz is wrong with you."
With that, Elphaba found herself right back where the night had begun. Galinda, adamantly practicing her sorcery, determined to levitate Elphaba's biology textbook by the end of the evening, was humming quietly to herself as Elphaba, books laid out in an orderly fashion, studied for Chemistry across the room.
"Arrgh!" Galinda groaned, throwing herself dramatically onto her bed.
"Something wrong?" Elphaba asked absentmindedly, turning a page in her text.
"Your biology book is not cooperating." Galinda pouted, pulling herself upright into a sitting position.
"You should cooperate with Galinda; we've talked about this many times before." Elphaba chastised the book. Galinda tried to conceal her smile. "I'm sorry, she hasn't been feeling well and if you ask her nicely, she may levitate for you." Galinda couldn't help but let a giggle escape her lips. "Now try again when you're not so tense. You can't perform the invisibility spell when you're frustrated, why should levitating be any different?" Galinda collected herself, took a breath, and went over to the textbook for another attempt. Elphaba looked up from her notes a moment later to see Galinda smiling proudly as the biology book hovered in the air.
"It worked!" She squealed, attempting to keep her focus on moving the book across the room. Her concentration, coupled with her joy, though allowing her to continue to levitate the textbook, disabled her sense of direction and, apparently, balance as moments later she, along with the textbook, came crashing down on Elphaba's bed.
"Galinda!" Elphaba shrieked as her notes scattered on the floor. The girl landed, legs somehow becoming intertwined with Elphaba's as she fell in a decidedly ungraceful manner beside her roommate. The textbook landed with a loud thud on the ground in front of the bed which, Elphaba figured, was the safest outcome to that situation.
"Ugh, I'm sorry." Galinda blushed in embarrassment. "I messed up your notes and everything."
"Are you okay?" Elphaba asked, brushing a piece of hair off the fallen girl's face.
"I'm fi- fine." Galinda's voice hitched as Elphaba's hand made its way gently across her face.
"You sure?" Elphaba stared intently at Galinda, uncharacteristically not caring that her precious study notes were at risk of being ripped or misplaced.
"At least I got the levitation spell down." Galinda smiled, lightening the mood. "I just have to work on my balance and my awareness of surroundings. It don't imagine I'd score too well if I had an episode like that in class!" It was then, Elphaba observing Galinda joke and giggle about her embarrassing mishap that her feelings, feelings she had been working to actively suppress, resurfaced. It was her smile, her laugh, the twinkle in her eyes. The way her jaw, so delicately curved to meet her neck which, in turn, led to an expanse of creamy collarbone and lower even leading to her soft curves where Elphaba, having a sense of common decency, adverted her eyes, snapping them back up to Galinda's face.
"Elphie, you're spacing out." Galinda brought her back to reality. "I'm sorry for well, snapping, for lack of a better term. You don't have to tell me what's the matter if you really don't want to. Just know I'm here to listen, okay?"
"It's not that I don't want to well, talk, share, confide... I just don't know how." Elphaba admitted quietly. The last thing she wanted to do was push Galinda away, she knew that for sure. "I just get lost in my thoughts sometimes, caught up, and I can't always say what I want to say out loud."
"Try being candid." Galinda suggested. "You went all quiet and the look on your face... you look like you're going to war, Elphie, not trying to finish some chemistry."
"Chemistry, indeed." Elphaba muttered wishing Galinda weren't in such close proximity to her at the moment.
"What was that?"
"Nothing." Elphaba clarified quickly. "Sometimes I feel... things I don't think I should feel."
"What sorts of things?" Galinda furrowed her eyebrows, now very confused.
"Things normal people don't feel. Things you wouldn't feel."
"You'd be surprised by some of the things I feel, Elphie." Galinda smiled coyly. "Continue, please."
"But you're you. People love you. No matter what you say or what you do. People love you even though you spend time with me. When I do anything, even something mundane, I am criticised. You're practically my only friend and I just... I think sometimes that if I feel how I want to feel you won't want to be my friend anymore." Galinda was baffled. She had no idea Elphaba was so insecure!
"Elphaba, darling, you can feel however you like. I promise you there isn't a feeling you could have the could make me dislike you." Not true. If Elphaba had a crush on say, Boq, for example- Galinda may have a problem with that.
"It's just sometimes I hear things. And I try to ignore them, I do. I know it's all idle gossip, jealousy..."
"What things have you heard?"
"Things concerning the nature of well, you and I." Elphaba blushed a dark green at the implication she realized these rumours held and the fact she had enlightened Galinda to the presence of these rumours. Surely her roommate would squelch them, set them straight. Crush Elphaba's hope. Surely she would.
"Things concerning the... oh those old rumours! They've been around for ages! Don't let them bother you. People will talk."
"But it doesn't... bother you?"
"Why should it? Does it bother you?"
"No! Not me. I just... What about boys who might ask you on a date? You don't want to discourage them, you have your reputation, your future to think of!
"Oh Elphie, why do you think I began spending so much time with you? Ignoring the Misses Pfannee and Shenshen? Not accepting dates, the offers for which I assure you, has not declined in light of recent rumours? Surely, you must have had an inkling? A suspicion, perhaps?"
"One cannot believe everything they hear." Elphaba answered quickly. "Besides, I thought it was just my wishful thinking."
"And I thought it was my wishful thinking." Galinda smiled, her eyes suddenly drawn to Elphaba's lips. She was so close to getting what she had wanted, no, what she had needed for a while now. So close and yet the girl who had seemingly no insecurities, the girl perceived as courageous, ambitious, unrelenting- maddingly so- by her peers was now unconfident, insecure and unsure at the time when it was least convenient.
"Your wishful thinking?" Elphaba asked confusedly. She was trying madly to sort things out in her head. What did Galinda mean by all of this? Was she referring to different rumours? Surely she couldn't be, but it wasn't possible that she could feel the same way.
Galinda, fed up with Elphaba's unceasing thought process, in a moment of pure frustration and want, pressed her lips gently against the green girl's whose eyes widened and then shut in response. Pulling away, eyes fluttering and heart racing, Elphaba's mind was calm for the first time she could remember. And yes, it was probably the eye of the hurricane that was Elphaba's thoughts, but in that moment of clarity, that moment of divine perfection with Galinda's hand in hers, eyes clouded over with contentment, chest heaving just a little more than normal, Elphaba found one thought reverberating in her mind: there was no doubt that she was, indeed, prone to becoming lost in delicacy.
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A/N: So, I don't really know how that ended up being. I am pretty tired and I have school then a six hour rehearsal tomorrow night, so that will be fantastic! But anyways, story, yes, so it may be a little confusing at times, I am thinking. But hopefully you followed it, and maybe enjoyed it! I just wanted to get SOMETHING done! I have not been writing much at all lately and I want to begin again. Reviews = love!
