Disclaimer: How I wish the boys were mine but no, they belong to someone else.
Thank you to grnfield for reading and fixing this up for me.
I'm frustrated, hurt and angry. Alan has somehow got himself out of his turn up here on Thunderbird Five. Again.
I call down to the island and yell at him for doing this to me again. I have always helped him out whenever he's asked me but now he's just gone and turned his back on me and got what he wanted. As usual.
I wonder if anyone down there really knows me. Do they even remember that I'm up here…that I'm human? I love it up here but even I need to get out sometimes.
My family gets mad when I ask for anything. Anything like…oh, I don't know, time off or time away from the island…time to be free, just like they are.
I know that my family cares about me. They love me and would do anything to protect me but the problem is they overdo it and I have a feeling that they know it too.
Most of the time I'm kept up here away from anything and everything that can hurt me. The only thing they can't keep me away from is my loneliness. Do they even think about my feelings? They think they're protecting me but they can't protect me from either my conscious or unconscious mind, now can then?
Life used to be fun. It was fun when I was a little boy but when I turned ten my eyes were opened for the first time to a world that I now wish I didn't know. A world without my mother.
All my life, my parents had taught me. They had taught me about life and death and love and hate. I know they both loved me and even now I'm loved by them both, even though our mother is no longer here. I know that wherever she is, she still loves me.
At first, before we knew about International Rescue, we had our own lives. We went to university, got jobs and some of us even got a place of our own. We never knew what we would become…none of us had a clue.
I was so happy the day I got moved into my own apartment. Don't get me wrong, I love the life I have now. It's just...
Alan doesn't even realize that his pushing me away from the family. I know he doesn't really like it up here but he's the one who agreed to swap every second month.
I know that I owe something to my family, they have helped me through my life and they're still doing it to this day. I know that I'm not making any sense right now; I don't even think I can understand myself at the moment. I just want Alan to understand that I'm here too. I want someone to think that I might need a hug or a pat on the back or even that I might appreciate the touch of the sun on my face. Maybe my family should remember that I like the freedom to go where I want, when I want and that even I need their help in order to stay strong.
Alan and I are hardly talking to each other. When we see each other now we just say a few words to and move off again. It wasn't like this when we were little. I know that this all began when I turned ten years old and since then my brother only comes to me when he's unsure of something, when he's scared or when he needs something from me. Once he's got what he wants he pushes me away and forgets about me until he has need of me again.
Maybe one day something will change. Maybe Alan will…or maybe I will but for now I'll stay up here in my quiet, lonely prison and maybe, just maybe, one day my family will realize that they've left someone behind up here.
