CHAPTER ONE
He arrived in District 2 in late March with a chip on his shoulder. He'd sent his family ahead without him as he made his way back to 12. He had childishly hoped—though he'd never admit this aloud—that Katniss would have joined him back to 2. How could he be so dumb into thinking he'd get to 12 and sweep her off of her feet?
She'd found the one she couldn't survive without.
On some level he was aware that the woman he was in love with no longer existed. It had never crossed his mind, not once, that he could/would lose her to the Boy with the Bread. Not until he'd told the world that he'd had a crush on her during the Interviews. In that moment, for the first time ever, Gale Hawthorne was worried about losing Katniss Everdeen. It had been his worst fear, especially when she'd kissed Peeta in the cave. She hadn't been his since the day they'd called her name in the Reaping.
Still, she had came back to 12, trying to convince him—and he was too blind to see it, but trying to convince herself as well—that it was all fake.
Peeta had always been a better man than he. Even now Gale could remember the way Peeta swallowed his pride and stayed silent as he watched Katniss run back to him. Peeta was a better man because he had stayed in 12. He was a Victor. He could have pulled some strings. He could have left. But he dealt with the pain of losing Katniss every day. Gale wasn't that strong. He left. He couldn't bare the thought of seeing her and Peeta day in and day out, for the rest of his life.
They'd offered him in a job in 2 about a month ago. He told them he'd think about it. He was hoping that he'd have unfinished business with Katniss but… she could barely look at him, let alone be around him.
Still, when he heard that Peeta was staying in the Capitol for further treatment, on impulse he had decided to make one last trip to 12. She had told him that she didn't blame him, but that she'd needed to be with Peeta.
"I don't fully blame you, Gale," Katniss had told him softly. "I mean it still hurts. I miss her. Every second of every day I miss her…." Katniss' eyes had filled with tears but she refused to let them fall. "I get that there was a bigger picture. I get why you had to kill Prim—"
"I didn't—" he had tried to explain to her, but she cut him off.
"You wouldn't call it killing," said Katniss, cutting him off. "Some people live, some people die. I get it. I just… I just can't think like that."
"Can't or won't?"
Katniss paused. "Won't, then. I refuse. If I thought like that… where would it stop? I'm the girl on fire…. That's what they call me. And that same fire burns within you. Us together…." Katniss shook her head. "We'd burn."
Gale paused and turned away from her. Hating himself for asking, he braced himself. "And this has nothing to do with Peeta?"
Katniss didn't blink, though for the first time since their conversation he noted her eyes showed signs of life at Peeta's name. "It has everything to do with Peeta." Gale gritted his teeth. "He gives me hope, Gale. He makes me—"
"Spare me. He's not even here," argued Gale.
He had lied to her. By the time he'd arrived to District 2 from 12 he realized he had killed Prim. It was his plan, wasn't it? He'd never meant for her to die, but he'd meant for others to die.
He was just so angry all the time. They were always starving in 12. Always working but never making enough to make ends meet. And there was always death.
Death. It was ironic that the one thing that bought them together also tore them apart. Would they have met if their fathers hadn't died in the mining accident? A few years ago he'd had said yes. A few years ago he'd have said yes, beyond a shadow of a doubt. She was his destiny. They were meant to be together.
And then the Reaping came and changed all that.
So when the chance came to fight he chose to fight, because it was their fault that him and Katniss weren't living happily ever after. It was their fault that the first time he kissed Katniss he realized she didn't kiss him with same fever she had kissed Peeta with inside that cave during the Games.
So yes, he arrived in 2 with a chip on his shoulder. Nothing, aside from the fall of the Panem, had gone his way. He'd won the war, but he'd lost everything else.
He supposed he should make the best of this new opportunity. For the first time he was able to provide for his family—really provide for his family. He had been given a house, a house paid for by the Capitol, but he had no plans of staying there long. He would give the house to his mother and move out as soon as he had saved enough money.
It wasn't hard. He was Commander now. He had a two hundred-man team under him, his own office, two personal secretaries, and an immense amount of respect that in his heart he wasn't sure he deserved.
They worshipped the ground he walked on. He was a celebrity to these people. Wherever he went people were whispering, girls were flipping their hair, men stood a little straighter. He hardly had to pay for anything anymore.
And he resented it all. This wasn't what he wanted. This isn't what he had pictured. He didn't think he could be so alone. Sure, he had his family, but… he thought he'd have Katniss.
But she didn't need him. Had she ever needed him? She'd wanted him once, but not as much as she wanted Peeta. She had fooled herself—fooled him, fooled all of them, really—into thinking that she didn't want Peeta. But she had wanted him.
And truth was, she deserved him, just as much as he deserved him.
For the first few months all Gale could think about was Katniss. He knew that she was alone right now because Peeta was still back in the Capitol. All she had was Haymitch as Mrs. Everdeen had moved to 4.
If anything she should have had Madge. But Madge was dead.
Dead.
Just like Prim.
And Prim was how he got into this mess.
He had nightmares. He felt like he deserved them. Every time he saw Prim in his dreams he felt like that's what he deserved. Every day for the rest of his life he deserved this. He deserved to see Prim in every single little girl he saw playing.
And he deserved to feel a slice in his heart every single time he saw a young woman wearing a Dutch-style braid.
He wasn't sure exactly how he got by. He kept himself busy, and occasionally took away the pain with a few drinks. It would have become a habit until he thought of Haymitch, which in turn made him think of Katniss. If she wasn't finding comfort in the bottle after all she'd been through, then why should he? Though he did tend to remind himself on those nights he got drunk beyond speech that Katniss had her weak moment with her near addiction to morphling.
Still, she winged herself off, hadn't she? That was his Katniss.
He? Perhaps he wasn't as strong as she.
Because some nights he lied awake until the sun rose wondering how she was doing, all by herself, in 12, Prim's death fresh on her mind, without Peeta.
And on his worst days, he wondered if she'd even be safe with him.
Last time he'd seen Peeta the man couldn't even remember Katniss' favorite color.
And it had crushed her.
On really, really bad nights, he bitterly wondered how Katniss Everdeen, Darling of the Capitol, the Mockingjay, dealt with Peeta's rejection. Because in truth wasn't she always the one doing the rejecting? Wasn't she just a little bit selfish, the way she strung them along?
Then again… they were children, were they not? Fucking children who were forced to grow up faster than they should because of these Games. Katniss was already more mature than most because of her father's death, and having to take care of the family.
He battled with the anger, the hurt, the confusion every single day. He couldn't decide if he was angrier at Kantiss or the Capitol. Or maybe he was angry at Peeta.
Peeta Mallark. The Golden Boy, with his blond hair and bright blue eyes. Blue eyes that adored Katniss. Blue eyes that still adored Katniss, even after the name-calling, the mutt allegations, the distance between the two; somehow through all that he still looked at her with love and adoration.
Gale understood how Peeta deserved the girl.
He just didn't get how Peeta got the girl.
Guys like him weren't supposed to get Katniss Everdeen's. Didn't Peeta's father prove that?
And no matter how much Gale wanted Katniss to be happy, he just couldn't escape the bitter thoughts running through his head.
That still didn't stop him from realizing he didn't deserve Katniss, either. Not after everything he had done. No, he deserved a life of loneliness, of regret. Because he regretted most of it.
Regret and Prim became synonyms somewhere along the way.
After six months in District 2, Gale was greeted with an unexpected surprise. He was heading home to his new apartment after a long day at work. Right now his team was overseeing the reconstruction of Districts 3 and 4, while also overseeing the building of their new hospital here. He walked into his apartment complex and made his way to the fifth floor, taking the stairs, because he was a soldier, and soldiers weren't lazy.
His door was at the end of the hallway, facing the stairs. That way he could always see who was coming. On the last step he halted as he stared ahead. Somebody was already at his door.
Somebody with an axe in her hand.
When she saw him at the stairs she called out, "Hello, Gorgeous."
Gale didn't respond. He just walked up to her. As he got closer he noticed the small bag on the ground next to her. She looked better than the last time he saw her. Her hair had grown back, though it was still short. She looked like she'd eaten, though her eyes—big, brown eyes—were guarded.
"Johanna," said Gale when he reached her. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"What, no 'hi' or 'hello?'" She was just as snide and sarcastic as he remembered. "They told me I could find you here."
"They who?"
Johanna shrugged. "Everybody. I'm a former Victor. They know who I am. They know we fought in the Rebellion together. You're not the only celebrity in this District. I had no problem tracking you down. Though I didn't think you got off so late," she added as an afterthought.
"I worked late. Major projects," mumbled Gale. He stood there for a few moments before saying, "Are you gonna move so we can go in, or do you wanna hang out here?"
She smiled—or grimaced, depending on how you looked at it— slyly at him and stepped aside. He unlocked his door and walked inside, grabbing her bag along the way. He closed and locked the door behind her after she entered.
