FANFIC:

I could not speak. I could not move. The hands that had once held her now hung limp at my sides. I looked at them now: snow white, covered in blood. Her blood. I had watched her as she grimaced in agony, then how her features glowed when she looked at the child in her arms. She had looked over at me, smiling, her lips pursing slightly to form words. And I had stared in utter horror as her head lolled back, her body twitched one last time and then lay limp. Her dark eyes captured forever in that dream-like state.

I then had taken her face gently in my hands, then moved them to her throat. No pulse. I moved my hands to her chest, and had tried vainly to pump her dead heart. My hands had reached out to my daughter who was perched on her flat stomach, looking confused. I had wondered if I could hate the child for stealing her life, but when my eyes moved to hers, I saw deep, insightful, beautiful chocolate brown eyes. Her eyes. And I knew I never could.

Now, as I look at my hands, I realize that the only one I can blame for her death is myself. White, cold, unyielding to nature. My hands, in the end, are what killed her. I always knew I would.

I know that I can never love anyone else like I had loved her. Not my family. Not my daughter. No one. I can only hate myself. I will hate myself with a bitter hatred for as long as I live. Forever the eternally damned. Jacob. I will love him like a brother. For her, I will love him. As I hear him downstairs, I know he is changing. Not to a different form of himself, rather a change in gravity. A change in heart.

I look down at the dead girl before me. Looking at her, even mangled and broken as she is, the sight of her still pulls at my heart. She's so beautiful. The agony sears me to the very bone. No amount of pain could trump this. I scoop her up in my arms, burying my face in her hair. Her smell still hits my like the most powerful substance on earth, but I will remember it, cherish it forever. In a broken whisper, I speak the most simple of phrases. Though the sound of it sets my soul aflame: "Bella."