All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi, I just wrote the story. Hope you enjoy, and reviews are greatly accepted.
It's suffocating, being here. It feels like I'm being ambushed; like the walls are closing in on itself and entrapping me in the darkness. It's haunting, crippling, yet painless at the same time. All I hear are the noises, echoing around me, taunting me. I try to ignore but alas I cannot; the razor sitting mere inches from my hand is calling out to me, whispering at me to use it, slice wherever need be. I shake my head, knowing that if I listen, it'll be my own demise, at my own hands. I submit.
One cut.
The days pass and being here only furthers to eradicate my mind. I try to leave, this place called home. My mother won't allow me, saying if I leave the house that has protected me all these years I will be brainwashed and tortured. She has not realized yet that she, in fact, is the one brainwashing and torturing me. Her and her husband. Her own methods are not horrible, one would say, but to me they are. Years of enduring this will have an effect such as thus, the mental and physical scarring maiming me as if I were a doll.
I escape her to cope with the only thing that has kept me sane throughout the years I've stayed alive, miraculously. My violin. Mother was nicer to me back when I was small, a wee 5 year old. She herself played to keep me from crying in the middle of the night, knowing it would calm me down even from the littlest of terrors. I rejoice in the memories of what we once were. A family. A family of two, living peacefully in the suburbs, not a single act of violence came to be. Until my step dad arrived, when I was 6, and ruined everything. But I will save that for another day.
I've played almost nonstop ever since I was taught, so I'm counting 15 years, up until this point. I played when my step dad abused me, I played when mother yelled and cursed at me for hours on end. I played when the kids at school bullied me and said I was a freak for liking archery and the violin. I played when I had thoughts of hurting myself. I played instead of crying myself to sleep since I knew it would be fruitless.
They don't know. They will never know how or why the violin means so much to me. It represents what I used to have, what I still want, and what I yearn for. My teachers all said I would go far when I played for them, said that a career as a musician was calling my name. I had actually smiled at that, my first real smile since I was 6. I know, it's hard to imagine, but it's true. And they told me that at my middle school graduation ceremony. It meant so much to me, and thinking back to how I was going to quit, I'm proud of myself for not going through with that.
Now, I'm in college. A sophomore, to be exact. A big surprise, right? Everyone here seems nice, but I've only spoke to about maybe, 10 people in all that I've been here? They call me shy and an introvert, but I call them mindless and half witted. They do not know me, and will never know me. I keep to myself.
There has been one person that has tried to inch himself into my little bubble, but I have refused him many times. He's brash, empty headed at times, and stubborn, but I've come to think that he acts like that because he is lonely, just as I. He sits with me at lunch almost every day, calls to me to say hello each time he passes me in the hall or when we are going home, yet I choose to ignore him. Maybe one day I'll acknowledge him. Maybe one day I'll step outside of myself to see the world for what it truly is, but today is not that day.
The one pestering question he continues to ask me, relentlessly, is about my violin that I keep with me almost everywhere that I go. I mentally berate myself for even contemplating on answering him, but succumb and do so anyways. He looked at me with this look of admiration, and it startled me. To think someone was interested in what I had to say, and not bash on my every thought, is something in of itself. I gave in slightly, and soon began to talk to him for the first time, for the whole lunch period until the chirping of the bell sounded, signaling for us to head to class. I finally give him my name, to which he replies,
"It's nice to finally hear your name. It's really nice. Mine is Inuyasha. Let's meet here again tomorrow."
A new day passes, and another, and soon Inuyasha begs for me to play the violin for him after we get done studying for our midterms. I casually roll my eyes at his puppy dog look and the batting of his eyelashes and proceed to take out my violin from its case. I settle down in the chair opposite from him and begin to play. A soothing melody, a song I learned just recently, a violin solo from Schindler's List. Quite beautiful, I just do not think I have it all down just yet, but to play it for Inuyasha means to practice more, which I like.
I end the song and place the violin in my lap, awaiting his answer as the clock behind me ticks away. He just stares at me with this apprehensive look adorning his face and I get a bit anxious. He snaps out of it quickly and gave me the warmest smile one could ever give to someone. He tells me he really felt something from that song, from how I played it, and that really struck me deep. I chewed on the corner of my lip in fear of it wobbling as I feel the tears in my eyes threatening to escape. I haven't felt this way since my teachers when I graduated middle school. I pull him forward and give him a bone-crushing hug, one he didn't even protest about, and accepted the embrace with open arms.
After that day, I think back to where I am now. Inuyasha and I are the best of friends, him being my first ever friend, which I cherish. We have become fastened at the hip, going nowhere without the other. Except, this semester, we have not one class together. Which has put my mood down considerably, knowing that I'll only see him during lunch and after school. Today is a new day, and I grip the handle to my violin case as I enter my English classroom. An aroma, not one that I've smelled before, instantly smacks my face, blinding me when I walked past the teacher's desk towards an empty desk in the far left of the classroom.
I could feel the teacher's gaze on me when I sat down, when I began pulling my things from my bag to situate my desk. It annoyed me beyond belief, and I wanted to and was about to tell him off when he stood up and cleared his throat.
"Students, welcome. I am Professor Naraku, and I will be your English teacher this semester." I tuned him out as he began to drone on and on about what was to come and everything about the class.
Soon enough, the class ended and I was blinking my way out of my stupor. I quickly pack my belongings and hoist my violin case up onto my desk, snapping the teacher out of his daze from staring at the paper he held in his hand.
"You play?"
I lifted my head towards the voice and raised an eyebrow, narrowing my eyes slightly.
"Yes, I do." I said abruptly, slinging my bag over my shoulder and headed to the door.
"You're the only one in this school that plays, you know."
That stopped me. I put a hand up to the door to push it open and wet my lips, shrugging a shoulder. I wonder why that statement bothered me enough to make me stop. "I do not care. I will see you tomorrow, professor."
I headed out into the hallway to meet with Inuyasha and I saw another person with him. She was fairly attractive, if one could find the overly happy and extremely bubbly type to be attractive. I do not. Her type gives me headaches to the extreme.
"Hey, Kikyo," Inuyasha greeted me, pulling me into a side hug that we've accustomed to doing each day since we met. "This is Kagome, she's in my Engineering class. I thought it'd be nice for her to hang out with us since it's her first day here. She transferred."
The girl waved at me, trying to mask her enthusiasm behind a simple, shy smile. It was not working for me, and I just gave a curt nod of my head.
"It's nice to meet you. Inuyasha, let's head to the lunch area, shall we?" I left them quickly, knowing they, or rather Inuyasha, would catch up quickly. Why he decided to bring her along was beyond my control, but it bothered me nonetheless. I clasped a hand around my left wrist, the once I cut so long ago. It ached and I grimaced, gritting my teeth as I turned around to face the others following my trail.
"Inuyasha, I must excuse myself. I forgot I had other things to do during lunch."
"Don't worry about it. We'll see each other tomorrow."
I don't know which one hurt me the most; the way he abruptly ended the conversation, or the way he turned back around with that woman, Kagome was her name?, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder like it was no big deal. I clenched my hands into fists and stomped out of the building, hailing a cab and going straight to my house to cool my thoughts.
Once inside, I dropped back onto my bed and rubbed my hands over my face. The way Inuyasha acted today was strange, and it hurt, too much in fact. He never acted that way, yet now that he met that woman, it's as if he's not Inuyasha anymore, and that's what upsets me. I lifted myself from my bed and went for the bathroom where I kept my razors but stopped myself. I pinched the bridge of my nose and let a heavy breath escape my lips. Calm… Calm…
I subconsciously grabbed for my violin and lifted the bow to the strings when my thoughts went back to what my teacher said earlier.
"You're the only one in this school that plays, you know."
It was strange, to be quite honest, and I just now realize why that had made me stop when he told me that. I've researched into this school long enough to know that violins aren't allowed here. At all. Which astonishes me since I was accepted here without a second thought.
Though, the way he said that got me thinking more as I absentmindedly began to play a song at random. He sounded bewildered, and a hint of anger played in his voice. The look of betrayal also crossed his expression that I caught and that was another thing that surprised me. Why did he change so? What caused it? Surely it wasn't me since I hardly knew him, and that was my first day in the class.
All this thinking has made me utterly upset and exhausted. I think I'll sleep off my thoughts and maybe talk to Inuyasha tomorrow about what happened earlier, and maybe find out why the professor acted in such a way.
Two cuts.
