Chapter One – Follow Me
The bell rings signalling the end of the school day. The whole day I have been on edge, snapping at anyone who got too close. Beck and Tori are going on a camping trip to celebrate their six-month anniversary, which wouldn't be so terrible if Tori hadn't waffled on about it all day long.
"So, Jade… do you have any plans for the weekend?" Cat asks, slightly puffed after catching up to me and skipping beside me as I walk out to my car.
"No, I'm not going on a romantic camping trip for one." I reply in a harsher tone than I meant. A slightly shocked expression flashes by Cat's face but turns soft as I realise I look angrier than I am and give her a small smile.
"Would you like to come to the beach with me tomorrow? I have a beach umbrella so you don't have to be in the sun." Cat offers with her naturally sweet voice and soft expression. I can't help but smile bigger as I realise that she is trying to make me feel better about the whole Beck and Tori thing… and the beach umbrella, she knows me so well.
"I think that would be really nice Cat." I reply looking down into her big brown eyes.
"Yay! We're Going to have so much fun!" Cat squeals as her arms whip me into a tight hug. "I'll text you in the morning." She adds as she releases me from her embrace and skips off to her car.
My phone wakes me the next morning as it buzzes against my bedside table, flashing Cat's name on the screen.
"Hey Cat."
"Hi! I'll pick you up in five minutes."
"Okay… what time is it?" I ask, rubbing my eyes.
"It's 6.00am, gotta go, see you in five."
Before I can protest going to the beach at this unholy hour of the morning Cat is already on her way. I scramble out of bed and shove a black bikini on from my drawer filled with various styles of black and grey swimwear. I rush around grabbing the things I need, just as I pop the sunscreen in my bag the doorbell rings. As I open the door Cat flings her arms around me causing me to stumble back a few steps and laugh.
"Good morning Jadey!" Cat squeaks
"Why are we going so early?" I ask as she steps back from hugging me.
"Because it's so peaceful in the morning." Cat explains while she grabs my hand and leads me to her car. "And I brought you some coffee." She adds as she opens the door and points to a tall cup in the centre cup holder. My eyes finally open for the first time this morning at the sight of it.
"Black?"
"Yes."
"Honey instead of sugar?"
"Yes."
"Double shot?"
"Yes!" Cat laughs.
"Mmm… You are an angel." I say as I take a sip.
Ten minutes later we are on the sand, lying on our towels underneath Cat's spotty, bright pink beach umbrella. Cat has also packed sandwiches, juice and her polaroid camera. She is so cute and thoughtful, how have I been so lucky to have her as my best friend for all of these years?
I look over at Cat lying peacefully, humming to herself, her beauty is truly astounding. The smooth curves of her body, all in the right places. Her innocent dimples and rosy cheeks. Her bright, long flowing hair. She is one of a kind, I've always admired her for everything she is. But now I am beginning to wonder if there's something more to the feelings I have for my close friend.
"Let's go in the water." Cat pipes up cheerily, tugging on my sunblock-drenched hand. I let out a small groan as I stand up and let her lead me to the shore.
"Cat…what are you doing!?" I ask holding in my laughter at Cat's attempts to jump over the breaks in the waves.
"It's fun Jade, come on." Cat giggles as she grabs my hand and pulls it above her head with each jump.
"No." I bluntly say, although I found myself smiling at how something so simple could bring her so much joy. Oh, what the heck I think and join in with Cat's uncoordinated jumping. Suddenly a big wave comes with a strong force and as we both jump we are swept off our feet and tumble head-over-heels back to the shore. Cat ends up lying on top of me, both of us have been laughing hysterically from the moment the wave hit. My laughter slows as I look up at Cat, her eyes filled with so much joy and her dimples caused by her grin. Cat's laughter calms as she looks into my eyes and smiles softly. Something inside me sparks and I find myself unable to tear my eyes away from Cat's.
"Oh, sorry Jade, I'm crushing you." Cat says as she rolls off of me and sits in the damp sand.
"You could never crush me Cat, you're tiny!" I laugh.
"I told you it would be fun." Cat says, looking to me for confirmation.
I nod and smile back at her. "Yeah, I have to admit, it was pretty fun."
Cat grins again. I think about returning the favour to Cat. "Do you want to go on an adventure?"
Cat's eyes widen as she nods her head.
"Okay, let's go then." I stand and hold my hand out for her.
"I want to bring my camera, hang on." Cat says as she runs off to fetch her polaroid camera. "Can we skip on the way?" Cat asks.
"I don't skip." I reply, walking along the shore. Cat shrugs and skips off ahead of me. I smile wondering how she can be so energetic and joyful all of the time. I run up behind her and pinch her sides playfully before running ahead of her.
"Ahh, you surprise tickled me!" Cat cries as she tries to catch up to me and do the same, we both can't stop laughing. Slightly puffed we slow down as we reach a rock cliff with narrow stairs winding their way up to the top. "Ooh I've never been here before Jadey!" Cat announces, eyes glistening.
"Well that makes it all the more exciting." I reply. "Come on, follow me." I say as I grab her hand and lead her up the stairs. It doesn't take long for us to reach the top. "Turn around." I say, pointing to a breath-taking view of the beach.
"I never knew the ocean had so many different blues." Cat gasps as she looks out over the depths.
I smile at Cat's statement, while she keeps admiring the view I can't tear my eyes away from her, intrigued by how much beauty she finds in everything. I have always held a soft spot for Cat, she is so innocent, passionate and joyful. She always shrugs off my outbursts of anger and my negative moods diminish when she's around me. I'm snapped out of my trance when I notice Cat's arms embrace me into a soft hug.
"Thank you for this Jadey." She says smiling up at me. I hug her back without tearing my eyes away from hers.
"No, thank you for brightening my day that I thought was going to be below average before you invited me here." She nestles her head into my shoulder.
"Any time Jadey."
"Come on there's one more thing I want to show you." I say as I pull away and grab Cat's hand.
"Oh today is just the best." Cat squeals in excitement. I lead Cat across the top of the cliff, through some trees to a small rock structured cave.
"This is where I come sometimes to think or when I need ideas for a song." I say as we sit down side by side in the snug interior of the cave.
"Let's take a picture!" Cat squeals excitedly as she pulls me closer and holds out the camera in front of our faces. "We have to put it in a dark place before we can look at it." Cat explains as she tucks it into her camera case. "Let's take another one so we can both keep one." After tucking the second photograph into the case we just sit for a few moments in comfortable silence.
"I love it, it's very peaceful." Cat pipes up.
"I'm glad you like it so much." I reply.
I raise an eyebrow thinking if Cat would ever seek such solace. Her eyes are wondering over the walls as her hands feel the smooth versus rough. She's even in awe of rocks. She turns her head to me and notices me staring. She smiles slowly, after a second she leans in without hesitation and softly presses her lips to mine. I freeze but press mine back into hers. We slowly break apart and consider one another's eyes. Her hand reaches out and gently cups my cheek.
"I love you Jade." Cat whispers. Surprise overtakes my thoughts as I just stare back at her, dumbfounded. My heart melts at her words but my head is disconnected. I want to say it back, I want to kiss those soft lips again, to spend every moment with her pure spirit. But I can't, what would my mother say, how would she react? She would be so against it all. I don't want to hurt Cat but I don't know what I'm supposed to do right now.
"Cat… you know I can't…" I begin, but Cat doesn't let me continue as she takes her hand away from my cheek.
"I know." She says in a barely audible voice, looking down at the hands in her lap.
"I'm sorry Cat." I feel so conflicted as these words escape my mouth, but there is nothing I can do. I do reciprocate Cat's feelings. I do love her. But it just can't be.
"It's okay Jadey." Cat says as she looks back at me with a small smile. I smile back, glad she isn't devastated. I hope.
I spend the rest of the weekend doing homework and chores around the house. I find myself thinking about Cat, unable to think of much else. I wish I could be with her, but there is no way of knowing what my Mother would do to me. Once when I was five she slapped me across the face and sent me to bed without dinner all because I asked if a girl could be in love with another girl. Since then her temper has worsened, as my father was killed in a car accident and she turned to alcohol. I wouldn't want Cat to be caught up in any of this either.
On Monday morning, I walk into school looking for Cat so we can have our morning hug. She is standing with the rest of the gang telling some sort of story as everyone is listening intently.
"Hey guys, what are you talking about Cat?" I ask as everyone acknowledges my arrival.
"Cat's got a boyfriend!" Tori says in a teasing tone.
"What!?" I half scream and realise a little late the harshness of my tone as everyone jumps and looks at me.
"Yeah, his name is Chad, we met at the ice-cream parlour." Cat explains in an un-phased bubbly tone.
Andre asks another question as I zone out of the conversation, totally confused. What about the cave? The kiss? She told me she loved me. I frown at the ground until the bell rings for class. For the rest of the day I am in one of my typical Don't touch me, don't talk to me snappy moods. As the bell rings to go home I approach Cat as she is grabbing her books from her locker and stuffing them into her bag.
"Hey Cat can we go get ice-cream and talk or something?" I ask in a nicer voice than the one I've used all day since discovering Cat's news.
"I gotta go, sorry Jadey. I already made plans with Chad." Cat says not looking up from her bag.
"Oh, yeah… ofcourse." I reply trying not to sound hurt.
"Maybe some other time." She says, looking up at me with a small smile for a split second before turning and skipping out of the school doors.
