Title: Harry Potter and the Obsessive Fans
Author: Quidditch
E-mail: Quidditch1009@aol.com
Rating: PG-13 for a FEW bad words...blame Ron.
Pairings: H/Hr
Spoilers: None
Summary: Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Draco are transported by a magical book to America the day before the 5th book is released. It's a humorfic, so humor me.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the HP characters, if I did I'd be making 6 times more than the queen of England, but no, they all belong to the amazing J.K. Rowling. The world is a much better place because of her.
A/N: This is my first Harry Potter fic (I used to write Dark Angel fanfiction under a different name) so PLEASE be nice to me. But, if you're just a cold heartless person that for some reason has a problem with my fic and wants to flame me, that's fine too, I don't really care what people like you think, anyway.
**************************************************************************** **********
Ron, Harry, and Hermione are walking around the grounds. Hermione spots a book on the grass.
HERMIONE ::points:: Hey, guys, what's that over there?
RON: Where?
HERMIONE: There! ::drags Harry and Ron over::
HARRY: Looks like a book.
RON: ::picks it up:: Oi, look Harry, it's about you!
HARRY: ::grabs book:: About me?
RON: Yeah, look, it says 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.'
HERMIONE: But it's a Muggle book. How'd they find out?
Draco comes up behind them and peers over their shoulders.
DRACO: What are you three doing?
RON: Why do you care?
DRACO: What's that? ::grabs book:: A book? About Potter? Who'd want to write about you?
HARRY: Give it here, Malfoy!
DRACO: I don't think so.
RON: Give it or I'll beat the crap out of you, you slimy git!
DRACO: ::ignoring Ron:: Why don't we see what it says? ::opens book::
Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Draco disappear with a blinding flash of light. They reappear in the children's section of the Chicago Public Library.
HERMIONE: OW!
RON: What?
HERMIONE: Draco's sitting on my foot.
DRACO: ::like a girl:: Ew! ::starts jumping up and down:: Eww! The Mudblood touched me! Ew! EWWWWWW!!!
HARRY: Shove it, Malfoy!
DRACO: Ew! Unclean!
Draco's screaming attracts the attention of a group of girls in the next aisle. They happen to be Draco's fan club, consisting of 11-13 year-olds. Their leader is a skinny blond (who looks A LOT like Malfoy) named Genelle. [A/N: Genelle is a real person and probably would really act like this if Malfoy materialized next to her]
GENELLE: Ooooooh! Look! ::points:: It's Draco Malfoy!
DFC (Draco's Fan Club): ::screams:: Draco Malfoy! Draco Malfoy!
DRACO: ARRRGGGHH!!!! ::to Harry:: Help me!
HARRY: Why? You're my archenemy!
DRACO: Good point. Weasley, Granger-
GENELLE: GET HIM!!!!!
DFC: DRACO! WE LOVE YOU, DRACO! ::drags Draco away::
DRACO: HELP!!
GENELLE: He's mine! ::grabs Draco and kisses him full on the lips:: You're mine! All mine!!
The girls drag Draco away ("Help! HEEEEELLPP!) While Ron, Harry, and Hermione roll around on the floor, laughing.
HERMIONE: ::out of breath:: Come on...let's go...in...there ::points to room labeled "Computers":: in...in case ::starts laughing again:: there are any...any more fan...clubs around.
RON: ::also out of breath:: yeah...ok...
They go into the computer room. Ron stares in amazement at the computers, most of which are turned off. He goes over to one that's on.
RON: Hey, what is this thing?
HERMIONE: It's a computer, Ron, honestly, don't you know anything?
RON: Honestly, Hermione, you know I wasn't raised around Muggle gadgets, so of course I wouldn't know what a computer is!
HERMIONE: ::glares at Ron::
RON: ::glares at Hermione::
HARRY: ::feels fight coming on:: Er..hey, look, this computer is signed on to the Internet! Let's have a look, then, shall we?
HERMIONE: Er...ok. ::sits down at the computer::
RON: What's the Internet?
HARRY: ::before Hermione can say anything:: It's...It's...kind of hard to explain.
RON: Uh-huh...
HERMIONE: ::staring at computer:: Wow...this is weird...ugh, that's disgusting...
HARRY: What is it?
HERMIONE: It's this website, fanfiction.net...they're writing stories...about us.
HARRY: ::reading:: 'Draco realizes there's more to Harry than he thought, DM/HP SLASH'...ew, that's sick! I'll never be able to look him in the eye again...
HERMIONE: 'Hermione has a late-night *study* session with Snape, HG/SS'...oh my God...that's...that's...horrible, ugh, me and Snape...
RON: Looks like they also got you with Malfoy, Lupin, Ginny, Pansy, Fred, George...
HARRY: Yeah, and they've got me with Snape, Lupin, Sirius, Ginny, you, and ::blushes:: Cho.
RON: Well, this one doesn't look so bad, look, it's you and Hermione.
HARRY&HERMIONE: ::faces go red::
HERMIONE: How come there's no embarrassing stories about you?
RON: Well, look, they've got me with Harry, Pansy, and...::gasps:: you! Ugh, no...
HERMIONE: ::glares:: What, is there something wrong with me?
RON: ::face goes red:: No, it's just...you're my best friend. It would just be too...too weird.
The door opens and slams shut. The three turn to see Draco, panting, hair disheveled, and the color gone from his face. Hysterical girls pound on the door.
HERMIONE: ::eyeing lipstick mark on Draco's cheek:: Having fun, Malfoy?
DRACO: ::looks at computer and Ron, Harry, and Hermione's red faces:: What are you lot doing? Let me see. ::peers at computer screen:: 'Hermione realizes she has feelings for a certain blond Slytherin HG/DM'. What the hell? Like I'd ever be seen with that filthy little Mudblood!
HARRY: ::through clenched teeth:: Malfoy, you say that word one more time, and I'll...I'll...
RON: I'll knock the shit out of you, that's what I'll do!
HERMIONE: RON!
DRACO: Mudblood.
HARRY: All right, that's it.
RON: You asked for it, dumbass.
HERMIONE: RON!!
Harry and Ron each grab one of Draco's arms and start marching him toward the door.
DRACO: Hey! What are you doing!
Harry and Ron just smile.
DRACO: Wait, you're not- ::Harry and Ron nod:: No, please, ANYTHING but that, come on, guys, don't put me back out there!
HARRY: ::opens door::
GENELLE: DRACO!!!
DRACO: NO, please, anything!
RON: ::shuts door:: See you later, Malfoy!
DRACO: ::fighting to get free from Genelle:: NO!!!!!!!!!
DFC: We love you, Draco! Come with us! ::carries Draco out of the library::
DRACO: HELP MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
*********************************
A/N: So? How was it? I'll write the second chapter, that is, if I get enough reviews...good ones, that is. Next chapter we meet: Harry's fan club! Oh boy!
Author: Quidditch
E-mail: Quidditch1009@aol.com
Rating: PG-13 for a FEW bad words...blame Ron.
Pairings: H/Hr
Spoilers: None
Summary: Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Draco are transported by a magical book to America the day before the 5th book is released. It's a humorfic, so humor me.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the HP characters, if I did I'd be making 6 times more than the queen of England, but no, they all belong to the amazing J.K. Rowling. The world is a much better place because of her.
A/N: This is my first Harry Potter fic (I used to write Dark Angel fanfiction under a different name) so PLEASE be nice to me. But, if you're just a cold heartless person that for some reason has a problem with my fic and wants to flame me, that's fine too, I don't really care what people like you think, anyway.
**************************************************************************** **********
Ron, Harry, and Hermione are walking around the grounds. Hermione spots a book on the grass.
HERMIONE ::points:: Hey, guys, what's that over there?
RON: Where?
HERMIONE: There! ::drags Harry and Ron over::
HARRY: Looks like a book.
RON: ::picks it up:: Oi, look Harry, it's about you!
HARRY: ::grabs book:: About me?
RON: Yeah, look, it says 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.'
HERMIONE: But it's a Muggle book. How'd they find out?
Draco comes up behind them and peers over their shoulders.
DRACO: What are you three doing?
RON: Why do you care?
DRACO: What's that? ::grabs book:: A book? About Potter? Who'd want to write about you?
HARRY: Give it here, Malfoy!
DRACO: I don't think so.
RON: Give it or I'll beat the crap out of you, you slimy git!
DRACO: ::ignoring Ron:: Why don't we see what it says? ::opens book::
Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Draco disappear with a blinding flash of light. They reappear in the children's section of the Chicago Public Library.
HERMIONE: OW!
RON: What?
HERMIONE: Draco's sitting on my foot.
DRACO: ::like a girl:: Ew! ::starts jumping up and down:: Eww! The Mudblood touched me! Ew! EWWWWWW!!!
HARRY: Shove it, Malfoy!
DRACO: Ew! Unclean!
Draco's screaming attracts the attention of a group of girls in the next aisle. They happen to be Draco's fan club, consisting of 11-13 year-olds. Their leader is a skinny blond (who looks A LOT like Malfoy) named Genelle. [A/N: Genelle is a real person and probably would really act like this if Malfoy materialized next to her]
GENELLE: Ooooooh! Look! ::points:: It's Draco Malfoy!
DFC (Draco's Fan Club): ::screams:: Draco Malfoy! Draco Malfoy!
DRACO: ARRRGGGHH!!!! ::to Harry:: Help me!
HARRY: Why? You're my archenemy!
DRACO: Good point. Weasley, Granger-
GENELLE: GET HIM!!!!!
DFC: DRACO! WE LOVE YOU, DRACO! ::drags Draco away::
DRACO: HELP!!
GENELLE: He's mine! ::grabs Draco and kisses him full on the lips:: You're mine! All mine!!
The girls drag Draco away ("Help! HEEEEELLPP!) While Ron, Harry, and Hermione roll around on the floor, laughing.
HERMIONE: ::out of breath:: Come on...let's go...in...there ::points to room labeled "Computers":: in...in case ::starts laughing again:: there are any...any more fan...clubs around.
RON: ::also out of breath:: yeah...ok...
They go into the computer room. Ron stares in amazement at the computers, most of which are turned off. He goes over to one that's on.
RON: Hey, what is this thing?
HERMIONE: It's a computer, Ron, honestly, don't you know anything?
RON: Honestly, Hermione, you know I wasn't raised around Muggle gadgets, so of course I wouldn't know what a computer is!
HERMIONE: ::glares at Ron::
RON: ::glares at Hermione::
HARRY: ::feels fight coming on:: Er..hey, look, this computer is signed on to the Internet! Let's have a look, then, shall we?
HERMIONE: Er...ok. ::sits down at the computer::
RON: What's the Internet?
HARRY: ::before Hermione can say anything:: It's...It's...kind of hard to explain.
RON: Uh-huh...
HERMIONE: ::staring at computer:: Wow...this is weird...ugh, that's disgusting...
HARRY: What is it?
HERMIONE: It's this website, fanfiction.net...they're writing stories...about us.
HARRY: ::reading:: 'Draco realizes there's more to Harry than he thought, DM/HP SLASH'...ew, that's sick! I'll never be able to look him in the eye again...
HERMIONE: 'Hermione has a late-night *study* session with Snape, HG/SS'...oh my God...that's...that's...horrible, ugh, me and Snape...
RON: Looks like they also got you with Malfoy, Lupin, Ginny, Pansy, Fred, George...
HARRY: Yeah, and they've got me with Snape, Lupin, Sirius, Ginny, you, and ::blushes:: Cho.
RON: Well, this one doesn't look so bad, look, it's you and Hermione.
HARRY&HERMIONE: ::faces go red::
HERMIONE: How come there's no embarrassing stories about you?
RON: Well, look, they've got me with Harry, Pansy, and...::gasps:: you! Ugh, no...
HERMIONE: ::glares:: What, is there something wrong with me?
RON: ::face goes red:: No, it's just...you're my best friend. It would just be too...too weird.
The door opens and slams shut. The three turn to see Draco, panting, hair disheveled, and the color gone from his face. Hysterical girls pound on the door.
HERMIONE: ::eyeing lipstick mark on Draco's cheek:: Having fun, Malfoy?
DRACO: ::looks at computer and Ron, Harry, and Hermione's red faces:: What are you lot doing? Let me see. ::peers at computer screen:: 'Hermione realizes she has feelings for a certain blond Slytherin HG/DM'. What the hell? Like I'd ever be seen with that filthy little Mudblood!
HARRY: ::through clenched teeth:: Malfoy, you say that word one more time, and I'll...I'll...
RON: I'll knock the shit out of you, that's what I'll do!
HERMIONE: RON!
DRACO: Mudblood.
HARRY: All right, that's it.
RON: You asked for it, dumbass.
HERMIONE: RON!!
Harry and Ron each grab one of Draco's arms and start marching him toward the door.
DRACO: Hey! What are you doing!
Harry and Ron just smile.
DRACO: Wait, you're not- ::Harry and Ron nod:: No, please, ANYTHING but that, come on, guys, don't put me back out there!
HARRY: ::opens door::
GENELLE: DRACO!!!
DRACO: NO, please, anything!
RON: ::shuts door:: See you later, Malfoy!
DRACO: ::fighting to get free from Genelle:: NO!!!!!!!!!
DFC: We love you, Draco! Come with us! ::carries Draco out of the library::
DRACO: HELP MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
*********************************
A/N: So? How was it? I'll write the second chapter, that is, if I get enough reviews...good ones, that is. Next chapter we meet: Harry's fan club! Oh boy!
