What REALLY happened to Rachel and Harvey in the Dark Knight

I don't own Batman, it belongs to Warner Bros and DC Comics

"listen… somewhere" Rachel said, when instead of being blown to Valhalla in a deafening explosion, the oil cans squirted out Hawaiian Punch. Rachel half laughed and half gagged as fruit juice drenched her face and her shirt

"what…what the?" Rachel sputtered, looking at the note on the clock. On it were the words "thanks for participating in our movie- C. Nolan" written on a white index card. Rachel then discovered the ropes binding her were actually Nerd Rope, her favorite candy. Now that she thought of it, Rachel was kind of hungry so she nibbled her way free and placed some in her purse for later and safely made her way out

Batman couldn't take Harvey's screaming any longer. He wished to the guys upstairs that Harvey's mouth was sewn shut a'la X-Men Origins Wolverine. Suddenly fireworks burst out of the warehouse, then Harvey's face caught fire and fell flat on the floor. Batman turned it over to reveal…

TOMMY LEE JONES AS TWO FACE

"Hahahahahaha! Finally, we meet again! Finally we get the chance to serve some true justice!" Two-Face monologued hammily before realizing he actually was talking to the wrong Batman

"wait a second… aren't you Doc Holliday?" Two-Face asked, confused

"No, but some time ago, I did work with Mel Gibson in some movie owned by a talking mouse" Batman quipped in a deadpan reply

"so… no boom?" Gordon asked

"no Boom today, boom tomorrow" his assistant Lieutenant Sandra Genova replied, Gordon giving her a look like she was crazy when Rachel knocked on the window

"Wha… what happened to YOU?" Gordon asked, as Rachel was dripping fruit punch

"don't ask. Some guy named C. Nolan rigged the explosives to send out fruit punch" Rachel explained as she suddenly grabbed Batman's cape and washed herself off with it

"gee, thanks very much" Batman said sarcastically before glaring at a sniggering Joker

"what are YOU laughing about, clown boy? Your little plan failed, and Rachel's alive and Harvey is…" Batman said, losing what to describe the other movie canon Two-Face

"you know, I've been dead before. It's very liberating, you oughta think of it, as uh… therapy" Joker said, sounding like a certain actor who has had a history playing people who are slightly insane

"Jack Nicholson?" Grissom asked, now played by Terence Stamp

"what just happened? I thought this was a movie, not some kinda weird parody" Batman said, everyone facing the camera to see Deadpool grinning lewdly at the writer

"aint I a stinker?" Deadpool snickered