Shouto Todoroki liked to think he knows everything about Midoriya who has been his boyfriend since the end of their first year at U.A. He knows every little signal that Izuku creates whether verbal or non-verbal along with his small tics and cues. He thought he knew it all up until he opened the door to their flat and walked into a cloud of steam that smells like pumpkin spice on the 25th of November.
"Izuku?" He calls trying uselessly to clear the sweet smelling clouds away with his arms as he walks getting hit by the faint scents of cinnamon and green tea as he feels along the wall for the hall window immediately opening it once his fingers hit the sill. The steam clears and he sees his boyfriend flitting around their now flour covered kitchen mixing something in a bowl. He also notices the immense amount of treats on the table in containers of all shapes and sizes while others are still cooling on racks.
"Izuku...babe what is all this...?" He asks confused about why his boyfriend would suddenly start baking the entire cookbook his mother gave them as a gift.
"Izuku?" He says after getting no response for several minutes. He walks over to Izuku after his inquiry is again ignored.
"Izuku!"
The other man jumps causing some of the batter to slosh from the bowl onto Shouto's face. The dichromatic man goes to lick it off only to be stopped by Izuku,
"Shou no don't lick that! It has raw eggs in it." Izuku says gently wiping his face with a warm rag. Shouto smiles at the gentle gesture looking up at his love.
"Babe what is this? Is there a charity bake sale?" Shouto asks.
Izuku shakes his head, "Erm..no...I tend to bake a little when I'm stressed.."
"A little?" Shouto snorts "This is the opposite of 'a little stress baking'."
Izuku's cheeks color and he huffs, "Whatever I didn't have to make those autumn bars you were eyeing from that market catalog."
Shouto sees the fall bars and grabs one, "Come on Izu you know I'm only teasing." He bites into the sweet cuddling up to his boyfriend.
Izuku sighs resting his head on top of Shouto's nuzzling back, "This case just has me all wound up…. it's so hard fumbling in the dark…"
Shouto nods turning to kiss his love on the lips, "I know babe but, until we know more about the crime ring we have to play it safe."
Izuku nods and leans into him needing comfort which Shouto gladly gives rubbing his love's back gently as he undoes the apron knot letting it slide away. Izuku snuggles into his neck sniffling. It's rare that his boyfriend breaks down from stress during a case as it is usually himself that does. Izuku shudders in his arms tears dripping onto his skin as he finally let's go.
"I've got you let it out Izu." Shouto whispers holding his boyfriend tighter as he sobs.
Izuku cries out all the emotions he's had to bottle up due to being the #1 hero. It's impossible to breathe in his position Shouto realizes. Never mind releasing the pent up emotions that come with each case.
Shouto holds him through the breakdown soothing him all the while but, it's not enough to tame the beast Izuku keeps hidden from him. Izuku is shooed to their bedroom by his boyfriend after he calmed down to rest and freshen up while Shouto cleans. Halfway to their room his anxiety catches up with him along with his repressed insecurities.
Some hero you are! What a waste of Shouto's time!He only dates you out of pity. You're not capable of saving kids then what kind of hero are you?! You can't even propose to him because you know he'll reject you! All Might made a mistake choosing you….
"...zuku! I...zu...k.u! Izuku!"
He jumps at the voice continuing to clutch his head mumbling horrible things about himself tears gushing down his cheeks.
Shouto is at a loss as he tries to snap his boyfriend out of it. His heart breaks hearing the horrible things Izuku is saying about himself and their relationship. He hears the pity part and grabs Izuku's chin forcing him to meet his eyes.
" I'm not dating you out of pity and I never would lead you on like that. I'm with you because I love you and nothing will ever change that."Shouto says before pressing their lips together. He feels Izuku respond weakly to the kiss and pulls away.
"... Shouto?" He mumbles tears beading in his eyes.
"I'm here." Shouto replies pulling him closer as the weak tremors shake his body. Izuku shudders and hiccups before settling into his arms. Shouto has never seen him like this until now; he lets out a shuddering breath as he strokes his boyfriend's hair.
"I haven't had an attack this bad in a while…" Izuku mumbles still out of it.
"This has happened before?!" Shouto says. "Why didn't you tell me you have anxiety attacks?" His heart breaks at the thought of Izuku going through one of these episodes alone.
"S'not just anxiety…" Izuku mumbles hiding his face in Shouto's shirt. He hoped to keep this side of him hidden to keep Shouto from worrying.
"I gathered that much." Shouto says. He feels Izuku tense in his lap and sighs knowing that his reply came out icy. He strokes Izuku's hair trying not to cry himself. "Why didn't you tell me Izu? And don't say it's because you didn't want me to worry." His boyfriend is silent for a while. "Izuku please talk to me." He whispers tears welling in his eyes.
"I didn't want to burden you…" Izuku mumbles into his shirt his voice muffled.
"What?" Shouto asks unable to understand what he just said.
Izuku shudders clearly on the verge of tears again, "I don't w-want to burden you…" He repeats a hiccup following after as he starts crying again hiding his face in Shouto's shirt.
Shouto gently pulls Izuku's face from his shirt rubbing the tears off his cheeks gently with his thumbs, "You've never been a burden for having emotions. Please don't think of yourself as one."
"I've always thought of myself as one...and I always will. I'm...hic...just a...hic..burden on others…." Izuku says through his sobs.
"Oh honey….have you been carrying this inside you alone the whole time?" Shouto says continuing to stroke his cheeks. Izuku nuzzles into his palm nodding as his tears drip through Shouto's fingers. "I don't want you to suffer through your anxiety and insecurities alone anymore okay?"
Izuku nods whispering a hoarse okay as he cries out the remainder of his anxiety attack while Shouto strokes his hair and cheeks. Once it passes he looks up at his boyfriend guiltily. Shouto shakes his head, "None of that." He kisses Izuku's nose making him smile.
Coward.
Izuku snuggles into his boyfriend's arms content with being a coward for a little while longer.
