DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, and it's not a surprise I'm not allowed to have them, considering what they get up to in this story…

A/N: Um, I was bored ok! My bored mind produces strange things! This one is dedicated to Krystal, who really, really wanted me to write a Huang/Casey story…. Ok, she didn't, but I just wanted to blame someone else for the epic strangeness below! In case there is any doubt, the below is a total joke


"Come on, it's one date, don't make me subpoena you!" Casey said, in a tone which suggested the fire-haired lawyer would not accept refusal.

He had no reason not to believe she would utilize her legal powers illegitimately to secure a romantic interlude with him. He thought back to the time Novak had subpoenaed the producers of the popular series "Lost" just to make them explain what the hell was going on. Not that she'd shared the plot secrets with the rest of the squad. The bitch.

"But Casey, you're not my type," Huang said, nervously, beads of sweat forming on his brow, wondering how he would escape the clutches of the tenacious lawyer.

"Well, it beats the hell out of dating someone old enough to be my fathers father," Casey frowned, thinking about all the annoying blind dates everyone kept setting her up on with John Munch, and wondering why she kept falling for it. The last time, she'd barely avoided a goodnight kiss laced with Dentafix. She shuddered at the thought. Nobody knew she'd killed him. Likely, no one would ever notice, nobody seemed to find it strange when he mysteriously disappeared for days at a time, and only Olivia and Elliot were anywhere to be found in the Precinct. All she needed was a tape recorder set to play quotes she'd recorded from the X-files about alien conspiracies at irregular interludes, and she'd get away scot-free.

Speaking of Olivia and Elliot…

"Where are the Detectives, I need to… profile something for them," Huang said, backing against his bookcase, hoping to excuse himself.

Casey rolled her eyes, "what do you think they're doing?"

"Investigating sex crimes?" Huang suggesting logically.

"Fuck no, when the hell do they ever do that?" Casey said, giving a chuckle, "they're having wild, unprotected sex behind your desk."

Huang peeked behind his desk sceptically, only to have his mind irrevocably scarred with the image of two of New York's finest engaging in an act which, considering its location, probably constituted a sex crime.

"It burns!" Huang cried, his optical receptors physically hurting from the vision he had forced upon them.

"Do you mind, Elliot and I are attempting to climax simultaneously and repeatedly, whilst professing our undying love for one another breathlessly!" Olivia said, somewhat peeved by Huang's interruption.

"Too much information!" Huang screamed in anguish. His office door swung open without warning.

"Did someone call for too much information?" Melinda Warner said, beaming brightly about the room.

"Um, no," Casey said, annoyed by the disturbance in her attempts to score with the diminutive Psychologist.

"But I can say vagina, and a whole host of other anatomical parts without giggling or blushing! There's an entire course for it in medical school!" Melinda said, upset at Casey's quick dismissal.

"I don't think we'll be needing your services today," Huang said, hoping to rid his office of the bizarrely behaving ME. The situation was strange enough as it was.

"Well I could certainly use your services," Donald Cragen called suggestively from the doorway, raising an eyebrow with undeniable lust which was visible even from the very slight upward motion of a single facial muscle. Melinda smiled following the Captain out the door.

"Don't wait up for me!" Melinda called back to Casey. Huang looked back to Casey, confused not only by the statement, but by the fact that Casey's hair had spontaneously turned a vibrant shade of platinum blonde.

"We're sleeping together," Casey shrugged, as though it was common knowledge, when Huang looked shocked, she added, "what? Who here can say they aren't bisexual?"

"Certainly not me!" Alex Cabot announced from the doorway. Huang's mouth hung open as the former ADA appeared from seemingly thin air, "I totally tapped that," Alex said, nodding back in the direction that Doctor Warner had come form, giving Casey a celebratory hi-five.

"Is anyone not sleeping with everyone around here?" Huang asked, mouth agape at the promiscuity which had been hiding behind the opaque façade of professionalism in the Special Victims Unit.

"I'm not sleeping with Elliot," Alex chipped in. Just then, the blue eyed Detective popped up from behind the desk.

"That can soon be remedied," He said, tone needlessly salacious considering the situation, Olivia popped up too,

"Yeah Alex, I think it's time to resolve that longstanding sexual tension, get on in here!"

"Wait, you can't have a threesome in my office! I'll call McCoy!" Huang threatened, scared that his office was about to play host to an explicit event of epic proportions.

"Good luck," Alex grinned, "last I saw, Fin was giving him some of 'the good loving' in the backrooms of the courthouse."

Huang felt dizzy and wondered if there was any place he could purchase mind bleach, to purge the last few minutes from his swiftly melting mind.

"Cowabunga!" Alex yelled, and jumped behind the desk.

"I guess dinner with me doesn't seem such a bad idea now," Casey said.

"When do we leave," Huang whispered, picking up his coat and trying to ignore the sounds coming from behind the desk.

THE END