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Chapter 1

Dr. Keller sat in the mess hall off in a quiet corner sipping on a cup of tea. It was late in Atlantis as she sat inhaling the quiet comfort of home. Jennifer had convinced the Daedalus crew to let her beam into the city before the others who would arrive in the morning. She just wished to slip in without all the fanfare and "welcome home" greetings from her colleagues. She didn't want their sympathy or questions. She just needed a fresh start.

It seemed so long ago when the Ancients expelled them from their city. Without even a "good job" or "thank you" they'd been sent back to Earth to start their lives all over again. After being on Atlantis a new life had been hard to imagine not to mention the gap in one's resume. Jennifer had been fortunate to land a job back at the SGC, which afforded her the opportunity to keep in touch with many from the expedition.

Dr. Lam had been wonderful to work with welcoming her into the infirmary with open arms. Jen was able to re-connect with her dad even squeezing in several visits in the short time she'd been back. She'd begun to think her decision to stay on Earth when everyone returned to Atlantis had been a good thing for her until that fateful night. One small error in judgment and her whole world had fallen apart. Jennifer stared out over the city as the memories came flooding back.

She'd just returned from Wisconsin arriving at the Mountain in the middle of the night.

Jen took a few minutes to visit with the guard at the entrance to the base as she checked in and showed her identification.

"Dr. Keller, if you'll wait a few minutes I'll call for an escort," the guard said picking up the phone.

"You know Sergeant, don't bother anyone, it's late and I'm sure I'll be just fine. After all, I'm on the base so there shouldn't be a problem," Jennifer reasoned. "Besides, the parking area is pretty well lit and patrolled so I'm not worried."

He raised the gate bar allowing her to drive through to the parking area then radioed the security team of her arrival. Jennifer diligently looked for a space close to the entrance but it was a Sunday night and everyone was back from the weekend making for a pretty full lot. Finally she spotted an empty space in the far back row grumbling to herself at how far she'd have to carry her bags.

She pulled her suitcases out of the back seat of her car and began stuffing her car keys and purse into her carry-on bag hooking it over the handle of her suitcase. With one last look, she hit the auto locks on the car and shut the door turning toward the far entrance to the base.

As she cleared the front bumper of the car her attacker grabbed her from behind encircling her with one arm pinning her arms and holding a knife to her throat with the other hand. He made the usual threats, don't move, don't scream, I'm not afraid to kill you. Jennifer froze willing her mind to come up with some plan of escape.

Off in the distance she could see the security patrol making their rounds. If she could just fend him off until they got closer she'd do something to get their attention. The attacker was reading her mind, moving the knife to her face he began to whisper demands in her ear. The whole time he was growling out orders to her he was carving a path in her head from the right side of her forehead to the top of her ear. She knew the cut wasn't life threatening but it had the effect he was going for … fear. She knew he'd do whatever it took to get what he wanted.

The man began to drag her backwards further into the darker realms of the parking area. Jennifer decided to fight him off regardless of the consequences. Thankful she had on her dress boots with the spiked heels, she stomped on his foot with as much force as possible. As the man dropped his arms in pain Jennifer spun around and kneed him in the groin while pushing him backwards as hard as she could. By the time her attacker pulled himself off the ground, Jennifer was running toward the guards making all the noise she could. The man, having analyzed the situation, turned and ran toward the far corner of the lot away from the guards toward safety.

With Dr. Lam's prodding, Jennifer had packed her bags and returned to her beloved Atlantis on the next Daedalus trip to the Pegasus. There were just too many bad memories occupying her mind, killing that youthful innocence she'd always seemed to exude before the Ancients returned. "Forever the optimist," Rodney used to say. All that was gone now replaced with an underlying fear she worked hard to keep at bay. But Jen had great hopes for this new start. If anything could restore her faith in humanity it was Atlantis and the wonderful people that called this place home.

Jennifer reached up tracing the length of her scar as she thought of those days working at the SGC. Dr. Lam had still been on duty when they'd brought her into the infirmary. She'd stayed with Jennifer through the night patching her up and sitting by her bed with comforting words until she'd finally fallen asleep. Jen found out later that when her attacker fell backwards from her push he'd left deep slashes across her arm and side. Again, nothing life threatening but she'd carry the scars as reminders for a long time.

Finishing her tea she sighed deeply as exhaustion began to claim her body. Hearing voices enter the room she tried to make herself as small as possible hoping not to gain anyone's attention. Hopefully it wouldn't be anyone she knew.

SGA-1 and SGA-2 had just returned from a mission and entered the mess hall praying the cooks had put something aside for them before closing the kitchen for the night. Major Lorne had just set his tray down on the table the teams were gathering around when he noticed the lone figure sitting on the other side of the room with her back to the group. Lorne slowly walked over hoping he was right.

"Doc, is that you?" Lorne called as he approached.

Jennifer slowly stood up turning around and was immediately swallowed in his embrace. "Well I hope you don't greet new recruits like this," she chuckled softly.

"You're a sight for sore eyes," he beamed holding her at arm's length. "I'm so glad you decided to come back."

"Is that Dr. Keller?" Teyla asked as everyone at the table turned to watch the reunion.

"I've missed you, Doc," Evan whispered as he kissed her forehead. "I heard rumors …"

"Not now," she cut him off as tears threatened to ruin the moment. "Let's talk later," she suggested.

"Well, come sit with us then," he urged. "You may as well get all the sappy stuff over with all at once," he grinned knowing everyone would want to welcome her home. Evan couldn't help but notice the fresh scar running down the side of her face. Yes, we will talk later, he thought to himself as he struggled to hold in his anger, seeing for himself that the rumors were true.

Jennifer enjoyed her time with all her friends sitting around the mess hall table. It'd been great catching up with everyone hearing tales of missions gone wrong and ghosts wandering the halls. She especially enjoyed hearing how Rodney had almost ascended after touching an Ancient device they'd found in the outer parts of Atlantis. They had her laughing so hard the tears were rolling as they described some of his heightened senses and abilities but she could tell underneath all their teasing they'd been worried about losing their friend and were glad to have him back.

Jennifer saw a couple sideways glances from several around the table but thankfully no one was brave enough to ask about her scar. There was plenty of time to deal with it after she'd settled into a routine and she hoped she wouldn't have to answer any questions for a while. Jen just wanted to embrace her new life and leave the past back on Earth. Maybe she'd think about it again when she turned 50, plenty of time to deal with it then.


Dr. Beckett had set aside a small space for Jennifer to use for research and even had it completely equipped by the time she got to Atlantis. Carson wanted her to eventually resume all her duties but felt she might need to ease into those parts of the job that dealt with people. Dr. Lam had given him the Cliff Notes on her situation, with Jennifer's permission, and together they'd worked out a plan of action for the young doctor.

Jennifer knew she wasn't on the work schedule for another two days but wandered into the infirmary anyway to volunteer her services with the new recruit physicals.

"Good morning Dr. Beckett, looks busy in here today. I'd be glad to help if you'd like to put me to work," Jen offered smiling.

"Well, lass, if you feel up to it I could sure use you for a few hours," Beckett replied relieved.

"Where would you like me to start?" she asked.

"Why don't I turn you over to Marie, you know she's actually the one in charge," he chuckled.

Marie and Jennifer spent a few minutes getting reacquainted after a welcome back hug. Jennifer had always enjoyed Marie's company and considered her a close friend.

"Did I say I'm glad you're back?" Marie giggled having stated the obvious several times in the last ten minutes.

"I think I remember hearing you say that a couple of times," Jen said grinning. "Now where do you want me?"

"It looks like we are a little backed up over there by Dr. Cole. Would you mind helping with the physicals for the scientists?" Marie asked. Dr. Beckett had instructed Marie not to have Jen work on the military for a while and she wondered what was behind the restriction. She'd learned long ago not to question orders knowing that eventually she'd discover more if she waited patiently. And Marie, if nothing else, was a patient woman.


The dining hall was beginning to fill up with new faces making it difficult to find an empty table. Ronon sat off to one side of the mess hall digging into his dinner with his usual abandon. Even sitting down the man was a commanding presence in the room.

"How are the demonstrations going?" Sheppard asked as he pulled out a chair across from Ronon. He'd just finished giving the "Welcome" speech to a group of new recruits and was grabbing a quick dinner before the last group was scheduled to beam into the city.

"Okay, there're a few hot heads in this batch," Ronon grumbled between bites.

"You'll have 'em whipped into shape in no time. Anyone I should know about?" Sheppard asked.

"No, just the usual," he smirked.

Ronon looked up from his tray as two brash women sat down at the table. From the uniforms they were wearing he could tell they were civilian personnel.

"Good evening, ladies, welcome to Atlantis," Sheppard grinned.

"Hello, I hope you don't mind us joining you. The dinning hall is pretty full tonight," the chipper blonde announced. "My name is Ginny and this is my friend Rose."

"Hi," Rose smiled nodding at both men.

"I'm Colonel Sheppard and this is Ronon," John greeted them, leaning back in his chair.

"We were just admiring how beautiful and huge the city is, do you ever give guided tours?" Ginny asked smiling sweetly at Ronon.

"No," Ronon growled as he devoured his food not bothering to look up.

Rodney arrived taking a seat next to Ronon at the table. "What're they doing here?" he asked looking at the strange women.

"Don't be rude, Rodney, these are two of our new recruits and we were all just getting acquainted," Sheppard said frowning at his friend.

"We usually don't have strangers at our table is all," he stated defending his rudeness.

Radek and Teyla approached the table and settled into the empty seats. Sheppard once again introduced the women to the newcomers and Teyla struck up a conversation with Rose but Ginny continued to try and draw Ronon into some kind of dialogue.


Jennifer sat in the mess hall by herself enjoying a quiet meal wondering how she got so lucky to have the table all to herself when an unfamiliar voice brought her out of her pondering.

"Excuse me, do you mind if I join you?" the Airman asked looking down at her.

"Um sure … have a seat," she stuttered tensely. "I'm afraid you caught me daydreaming."

"You must not be new here if you can do that surrounded by all this noise," he laughed. "By the way, I'm Sergeant Rivers," he said extending his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Sergeant, I'm Jennifer," she said as she shook his hand. Jennifer did her best to cover her nervousness. She still felt unsure of herself around strangers especially Military personnel. Although she couldn't be sure, she was pretty certain that her attacker had been stationed at Cheyenne Mountain causing her to have trust issues outside her immediate circle of friends.

"So … Jennifer, how long have you been a part of the expedition?" Rivers asked cracking the seal on his water.

"Going on two years now but I took a little break and just arrived back in the city myself." Jen explained awkwardly. "How long have you been in the Air Force?"

"I went to the Academy right out of high school and worked my way up. Saw a lot of the world but never thought I'd be lucky enough to land this assignment," Rivers said grinning.

Major Lorne loaded up his tray heading for Sheppard's table when he caught sight of Jennifer sitting by herself with a new recruit. Lorne knew Jennifer well enough to realize she wasn't comfortable sitting with the Sergeant based on her body language.

"Hey, Doc, how was your first day back?" Evan asked leaning down to kiss her cheek as he pulled the chair out. He hoped his familiarity would dissuade the man from hitting on Jennifer his first day on base.

Sergeant Rivers immediately stood in the presence of his superior officer but Lorne quickly motioned for him to relax and take his seat.

"Feels good to be home and back to work," Jen smiled thanking Evan for the rescue with a slight nod. "Sergeant Rivers was keeping me company."


Ginny continued to work her wiles on Ronon hoping to spark a little interest from the man. She had admired him from the moment they'd beamed into the city and couldn't take her eyes off him during the sparring demonstrations. She'd give a month's pay for a date with the hunky man.

"So Ronon, I love your dreadlocks, are they hard to maintain? I had my hair braided once on a vacation in Jamaica and absolutely loved it," she rambled.

"Huh?" Ronon grunted. He wasn't sure what she was talking about but figured it must be Earth related. He just wanted to eat his meal in peace but knew she wasn't giving up and he really couldn't ignore her since she was sitting cattycorner to him at the table.

"Have you ever been to Jamaica?" Ginny asked batting her eyelashes.

"Never been to Earth," he growled scowling at Sheppard for some kind of help.

"Chewy doesn't stray too far from home but I've spent many a spring break enjoying the warm Caribbean breezes," Sheppard said jumping into the conversation.

"Oh … so you're not from Earth?" Ginny said all flirty. Now the bronze warrior was even more desirable and she tried even harder to engage him in some kind of conversation.

"Later," Ronon grumbled looking over at Sheppard and rolling his eyes.

"I'll meet you in the gym after the last group beams in," Sheppard said before turning back to finish chatting with the girls.

Ronon picked up his tray and moved over to sit at Lorne's table where he could finish his meal in peace.

"Hey Doc," Ronon greeted as he took a seat beside her. "You working tonight?"

"Just finished. Do you have demos?" Jennifer asked knowing he might need her services.

"In a couple hours but we might take some challenges later if there's time," he grinned raising an eyebrow. Ronon preferred to have Jennifer take care of his medical needs and tended to be unmerciful to the rest of the staff with Carson Beckett being the exception. It wasn't so much that he didn't trust the rest of the staff it's just that Beckett and Jennifer were the only ones who weren't intimidated by him and Ronon had no patience for strangers touching him. He was extremely thankful the young doctor had changed her mind and returned to Atlantis.

"I'll leave word to page me if you end up in the infirmary," she chuckled. "But try to play nice with the new recruits," she playfully scolded.

"Ronon, this is Sergeant Rivers," Lorne said introducing the unfamiliar person at the table. "Sergeant … Ronon, he'll most likely be one of your training instructors," Lorne explained as the two men nodded at each other.

"So Jennifer, have you seen much off world action? I noticed some possible battle scarring," Rivers asked eager to hear of past missions and heroic skirmishes.

Ronon and Evan both noticed the tension that engulfed Jennifer as she tried to remain calm. Both men had spent months and in Evan's case, years as her self imposed protectors. The men knew something traumatic had happened to Jennifer but they also knew she wasn't ready to talk about it.

"Relax Sergeant, once you're trained you'll have lots of adventures to talk about and yes, I've been on off world missions but I'm afraid I acquired this ice skating with my dad on a frozen lake in Wisconsin," Jennifer said smiling as she ran her fingers over her scar.

Ronon turned slightly sideways watching her as she touched the scar on her face. Looking down he caught the small tremor in her hand that was sitting on the table and he slowly covered it to hide her discomfort.

"Well, I need to talk with Sheppard so I'll leave you in Ronon's capable hands," Evan announced smiling at Jennifer as he and Ronon exchanged an understanding look.

Jennifer was wise to their unspoken language knowing that Ronon was just given the job of making sure she wasn't left alone with the Sergeant. Rather than be mad for their over protectiveness, she was grateful that she didn't have to figure it all out by herself.

"Say Jennifer, I heard there's a movie tonight in the Rec Room and was wondering if you'd like to go with me?" Rivers asked as he finished up his pudding cup.

"She's busy," Ronon answered with no further discussion. "Are you done?" he asked putting her empty tray on top of his own and standing up.

"It was good to meet you, Sergeant. I'm sure I'll see more of you in the weeks ahead, enjoy your movie," Jen smiled as she stood with Ronon and left the dining room.

Sergeant Rivers watched the two walk away and wondered if Jennifer was involved with the instructor or with the Major for that matter, they were both very familiar with the woman. "Oh well, doesn't hurt to ask," he thought deciding to try again later for a date.

"Thanks," Jennifer said as she and Ronon walked toward the transporter. "Did you get a chance to practice much while I was gone?"

"Practice what?" Ronon asked with a puzzled frown.

"Rescuing the damsel in distress," she smirked as they walked toward her room.

"He's not your type and you're too polite," he explained.

"I missed you," she smiled jabbing him in his arm with her shoulder.

Ronon threw his arm around her and mussed her hair. "Ice skating?"

"What, didn't I sound convincing?" she asked worriedly.

"I've scene enough knife wounds to know one when I see it," he grumbled. "But I'm sure Rivers believed you."

Jennifer was thankful they'd arrived at her door as she pointed it out to Ronon. Unfortunately her old room was already occupied when she'd returned but her new quarters were just down the hall from Marie and Teyla so she was happy.

"Thanks for not asking," she said as she opened her door.

"When you're ready," he answered. "Get some sleep, Doc," he added waiting till she closed her door.

Jennifer secured her door moving further into the room as she took off her shoes and changed into lounge clothes. Sighing contentedly she thought about the good friends she had in Atlantis and wondered why she'd ever considered not returning.