Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Sasuke's Downfall

Chapter 1: Tomatoes

The day started out pretty normally for Sasuke Uchiha. Basically he got up, sat in bed a few minutes and pondered the meaning of life (more specifically, the meaning of his life) and finally decided to start the day. He glanced at the clock, which read 6:00 AM.

After taking a 2 minute navy shower and brushing his teeth and changing, he walked to the kitchen counter and made himself a breakfast of tomatoes and pre-made onigiri bought from the store (he was too lazy the day before to actually make his own onigiri.) He took approximately 2 hours. After this grueling ordeal, he took a short nap. At 11:00 AM he sat down and began to eat his tomatoes first. Finally, at 10:00 AM he finished up his last tomato and looked around. He had finished every single tomato in the Uchiha mansion, dug through every last tomato stash he had even the ones that he had locked when he was five years old. He strolled around the household, eyeing the secret shelves and drawers that he had busted into because he had forgotten the code to open the locks. This took approximately 5 hours because he 1,567,892 stashes, each consisting of around 50 tomatoes.

He pondered this predicament. Without anymore tomatoes, he would lack the nutrition he required to train that day. He sprinted to the bathroom. He would go to all the grocery stores in Konoha and relieve them of all their tomatoes, right after he stopped throwing up.

Sasuke wandered throughout Konoha. If only he could remember where the grocery stores were! It was now 12:45 PM, and a lot of people were outside, getting in his way. His vision was already blurry from lack of nutrition.

"Sasuke!"

He jolted, a massive strain on whatever energy he had left. Sakura was running at him and waving her arm like a madwoman. Naruto followed close behind, looking angry and waving both arms. "What…"

"You've been missing for four days! Where have you been!" Sakura said, rather loudly.

"Yeah! I considered breaking into your house and checking to see if you died!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Whatever…"

"Is something wrong, Sasuke?" Sakura asked anxiously.

"He's fine! He's fine!" Naruto interrupted.

"No he isn't! He didn't call you 'dobe', like always!"

"Maybe he finally understands that I'm better and is treating me with proper respect!"

"No, just look at him—" Sakura looked at where she was pointing. Sasuke was gone, disappeared into the crowd.

Sasuke sighed. He had finally been able to escape while his teammates were arguing. He was too weak to run. At last he spotted a grocery store, when it was just his luck that…

"SASUKE! JOIN US IN OUR YOUTHFULNESS!"

…the Green Beast and his sidekick look-alike were inside. He groaned.

"Why don't you preach to someone else? Did they mysteriously disappear only leaving me?"

"Oh, you misunderstand!" Lee jumped in front of him. "The others have joined us in our youthfulness many times in your absence! But because you were gone, you must make up for it! Come, join us while we run laps around Konoha!"

"OH, LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

Now, Sasuke was already grumpy and didn't need these two to help him. There was a vein that was growing larger and larger in his head, and he resisted the urge to throw kunai at them. Instead, he decided to try to make them leave him in peace.

"STOP! GO BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE!" it came out much louder than expected.

Instead of continuing to annoy him, which is what he expected, they burst into tears. "HOW COULD YOU!"

"GO AWAY! YOU DESERVED IT!" he yelled at the two who were sobbing uncontrollably.

"VERY WELL!" Gai jumped to his feet and performed one of his famous smiles. Sasuke wondered if he had a gold tooth inserted just for that purpose. "I will have to CURSE YOU!"

Suddenly, Sasuke was seen sprinting away. "AHA! Behold the fear, Lee!"

"GAI-SENSEI, YOU ARE THE GREATEST!"

In fact, Sasuke had been running to a public bathroom because he felt like throwing up again. He was surprised that he had enough energy to run, but then decided it almost drained him. After rubbing his hands thoroughly with hand sanitizer and even rubbing it under his nose to be rid of the horrible smell, he stepped out of the Honeybucket (Port-A-Potty.)

It was then Dorothy said, "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto."

Wait…I mean, Sasuke said, "I don't think we're in Konoha anymore, Toto."

Toto barked.