Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade in any way, shape or form.
A/N: These might be a little choppy and hard to follow from over-editing so let me know if there are any kinks I still need to work out. I tried to fit in a lot of information so I wouldn't have to do it progressively. Anyways, enjoy!
Prologue
"Does anyone ever think it's weird that people dress up like us to be cool?"
"What are you talking about?" Tyson stops eating long enough to study me for signs of being serious.
We had all been seated around a table at Kai's graduation ceremony waiting for the new graduate to make his appearance. Tyson had already raided the buffet table three times and was anticipating tackling the dessert buffet when he was done his current plate. He had asked us to hold him a place in line but Hilary went off looking for the bathroom, and Kenny had found some super genius classmates of Kai's to talk technical mumbo jumbo with, while me and Max had been left to protect those who didn't know Tyson from any attacks he might make.
Max had taken this task quite seriously by parking his chair conveniently behind Tyson's so if Tyson made any moves, Max was the first thing he would run into. While I…had decided to wander a few paces away, nervously trying to cover up any overly personal feelings I might end up displaying if Kai ever did show up. I was still within a range of keeping verbal contact but was far enough away that I could pretend I didn't know Tyson if he happened to get past Max and do something stupid.
While on this journey of convenient separation, I had stumbled upon an old school newspaper article that was framed in a glass case along the wall. In it were several pictures of random kids that we had no real connection with, sporting clothes and hairstyles resembling our own (although rather poorly if you ask me) with a caption that read 'School Festival Fun: Dress Like Your Favorite Local Celebrity. Prizes given!'
I had not been made aware of when I had become a 'local' celebrity, since well…I wasn't exactly local…but seeing the picture of these complete strangers smiling and dressing like me had struck me as a little disturbing. I suppose that's the risk anyone takes when making an attempt at greatness, but well, still disturbing.
Maybe I am just being overly critical…
"Sometimes…" Max responds, more of a mind to actually follow the conversation.
At least I'm not the only one.
I sigh and move on to eyeing over a few weird looking art projects and the baseball that 'Broke the School Record' before going back to scanning the room for any signs of Kai. We had been here for a few hours and I was beginning to wonder if he had ditched us. To be completely honest I was a little surprised we had been invited at all. One, because Tyson isn't the best person to associate yourself with at a formal event (as I have mentioned before). And two, Kai didn't really do formal events, much less invite witnesses to them. But here we were! My how times have changed over the past few years.
And months.
Not catching any glimpses of the illusive phoenix, I sit back down in my seat and take to fidgeting with the table cloth.
"Are you okay, Ray? If I didn't know any better I would think you were the one in the spotlight today!" Tyson laughs, finally through his most recent plate and in limbo of waiting to get another one. The girls who were bussing the tables seemed to have gotten smarter about him though and had become scarce, taking what little food Tyson hadn't already nabbed with them. That and he had finally realized how difficult it would be to get up with Max so close to him. Good job Max!
"Yeah, this suit is just a little uncomfortable," I lie, pulling at the collar slightly.
The truth was that my relationship with Kai had become rather…complicated. Much like I had feared, when we had returned from camp last summer, things had been…intense, and then tapered off to be sort of…awkward.
For the first few weeks we had been inseparable, taking every moment free that we had to sneak away and get in our close personal time together. And it wasn't always sexual. We shared something with each other that only happened between us. We learned each other's weaknesses and boundaries and quirks and all the little things that we hadn't taken notice of when we were just 'friends'. But then things started to get weird as our excuses to be excused got less believable or practical. Tyson had started wanting to come with us. Hilary had noted Kai's willingness to stick around during events he would normally have no interest in. And Kenny…Kenny had inquired about an odd improvement in both of our moods which ultimately resulted in a strange twist of our abilities.
I put Tyson to shame.
This development eventually sent Tyson into a panic of rage and Kenny had been determined to figure out what it was that I was doing to improve and how he could use it to help the others. Neither of us were willing to let me be his experiment. So, when Kenny had assumed that all our time spent away together meant that Kai had been giving me private lessons and should share with the rest of the class, Kai had made an excuse that he needed to 'focus on his future plans' and had somewhat disappeared. My blading took a turn for the worse and it all got chalked up to some short lived bout of luck. Tyson was happy. Kenny was temporarily appeased, although still somewhat baffled. And I…I was left in a constant state of 'what the heck just happened?' confusion.
I wondered whether Kai's disappearance would be permanent or if he was just sorting some things out. I wondered how long that would take, how long I should wait, what I should do WHILE I wait, IF I should wait, if I should stay or go home or…whatever! And the longer he stayed away, the more I started to think he wasn't coming back.
And then we got the invitation.
Even sitting here now I am still unsure what he might be thinking. He didn't exactly say anything to me about any of these mysterious 'future plans' nor anything involving our distorted and disheveled relationship. I was starting to wonder if we even still had one. When the invitation came, it surprised us all and stirred up another series of 'what the heck just happened?' questions in me. It was beginning to become quite a taxing situation and I wasn't sure how much longer I could handle not knowing anything.
"I hope Kai shows up soon. I want to go change too," Tyson shifts uncomfortably in an attempt to make my annotations about the suit more true. I couldn't tell if it was really the clothes bothering him or the fact that he was boxed in but I was thankful that I wasn't sitting here alone feeling out of place. It would have been nice if I could get some answers but it was soothing knowing I had distractions if things really did just turn out uncomfortable instead.
"It's about time!" I hear Hilary shout and turn to acknowledge the new presence approaching our table. She has returned from the bathroom and is standing a few feet away with her hands on her hips in an accusing gesture. Next to her now is Kai, sans his graduation robes from the earlier ceremony. His hands are shoved in his pants pockets the way a child would on their first visit to a church service, but he doesn't look at all like a child. It's only been a few weeks but somehow it seems like he has turned into an adult during his absence. He had always held a presence that was much older and mature than we were but now it was much more than just an aura. He managed to make that pose absolutely captivating and I find myself staring a little too long.
He glances over (probably sensing my intense staring) as Hilary goes on with her lecture of how rude it was to make us all wait so long. I do what comes naturally when faced with such strong emotions and immediately look away, a rock hitting the pit of my stomach and making me wonder why I had decided it was okay to subject myself to this torture without any sort of protection prepared. I had really wanted to see Kai and to sort all these things out but now wasn't exactly the time or place to do so and seeing him in the flesh and not just in a 'what if' scenario brought about a lot more mixed feelings than I had realized were still there. I had thought that I had mentally prepared myself for this moment, constantly talking myself up and going over exactly what I would say. I anticipated his reactions and how he would act and had made notes of what I should do to keep myself from getting sucked in without getting to the bottom of the issue.
The logical way to remedy the whole problem should have been obvious from the beginning. All we would have had to do was tell everyone what was going on. Somewhere along the way we had missed that opportunity. Whether it had been the thrill of keeping it a secret or how easily time had gone by, I couldn't tell. All I knew was that the window of reasonably explaining had slowly drifted out of reach.
It was probably time.
If we had said something when it first happened, there would have been a short period of shock and a shorter period of getting accustomed to it. Now it would be a much larger issue since it had been constantly covered up by lies and alternate explanations. Not only would there be a shock and adaptation period, but also a regaining of trust period between us all. With how our lives were changing with graduations and growing up, that could result in our friendships slowly falling apart. Something which I had never even considered as a possibility before.
That made me question whether or not it had been worth it in the first place.
Being faced with him now and feeling everything come rushing back to mind was nothing that I could have prepared myself for. And even thinking such negative thoughts, the first thing on my mind wasn't how I could work things out so that my other friends wouldn't be upset, it was whether or not Kai still smelled the same and if he would mind if I tried to find out.
My playing with the table cloth does nothing to quiet my nerves and I take to fiddling with a fork instead. Which ultimately just ends up on the floor. I throw my hands back into my lap and try to cover up any obvious signs that I had been involved in the clatter as it slides across the floor out of reach.
"Kai! Great! Listen, we totally gotta do something about this atmosphere. These people are killing me!" Tyson's outburst manages to catch a few cross glances but Kai ignores it (and Hilary) as he nods his greetings to the rest of us. Max jumps up and offers his hand, almost knocking over his chair with the hurried movement.
"Congratulations!" he beams. He's quickly pushed aside as Tyson jumps up as well, finally free of his barricade.
"Great job! And congrats on the job too! I'm surprised Hiro didn't say anything last time I talked to him. He's usually pretty happy about the new recruits!"
"It was a last minute decision," Kai replies without much interest invested. It's nice to see that some things haven't changed.
The job Tyson is referring to is an intermediate level job at the BBA headquarters. Somewhere in his travels of 'future plans' Kai had decided to give up coaching and moved onto event and tournament planning. From my perspective it almost seemed like a step down, but the pay was good and so were the benefits. Not that someone in Kai's position and status needed either but for some reason he had accepted the offer anyway. Hilary had actually been the one to tell us, coming across the news in a newspaper article.
"Still! It's pretty amazing! Even without a degree you still got a great job!" Hilary pipes in again. "Which is more than these two would ever do…" The three of them go on about life changing experiences and making a name for themselves and a bunch of other things that I decide not to pay attention to.
It was true that Kai was a step ahead but it wasn't really reasonable for Hilary to say the others couldn't do the same. Tyson and Max (as well as Kenny and Hilary) still had a full year of school left while Kai didn't. Sure, that didn't really stop Hilary from already starting her plan of joining the working class as well but I still thought it was unfair of her to think Max and Tyson would take the same initiative and think that far ahead. Tyson and Max did nothing but play around with Kenny scolding them and trying to get them to be more serious. It wasn't that they didn't think about it, it was more like they didn't think it was so close in the future for it to matter. And who REALLY knew what kind of thoughts swirled around in their heads. I wouldn't be completely surprised if they had SOME kind of plan brewing. Kenny had been in the process of getting an internship in a research center but was still dabbling in keeping Tyson and Max focused. With all the support they probably wouldn't be as bad off as Hilary always made them sound.
I am REALLY glad she didn't lump me in the same boat. I had received my certificate of graduation without attending school from home studying but was still deciding on where to go next. The tournaments would start soon and the rest of my life seemed to be in chaos. I had been un-concentrated on pursuing anything of value but it wasn't like I hadn't been thinking about it at all. Part of me wanted to find a new challenge and part of me wanted to find a quieter place to settle down. I had yet to find what I had to offer.
I can feel Kai's eyes on me as he easily tunes the rest of the group around him out when they start fighting. This gesture only makes me more nervous than I already had been and fidgeting is no longer enough of a distraction.
"I'll be right back," I push back from the table to stand up.
Avoiding making clear eye contact, I depart, finding my way to an outside deck where a few people have gathered to catch a cigarette break. I take a deep breath, not that this is the healthiest choice at this moment but even amongst the smokers, it makes me relax a bit.
"Hey," a voice nearby catches my attention and I look over to find a man standing next to me. He holds out his cigarette and without thinking I take it. "You look like you might need it more than I do," he replies before leaving to go back inside. I stare blankly for a moment, unsure of what had just happened or why I am still holding the cigarette (and why I had even taken it to begin with) but not really knowing what to do with it, I just shrug and lean on the small railing, turning my back to everyone else. I try to focus myself on keeping my head cleared.
It wasn't that bad. Sure it felt like last summer all over again when I was just figuring out my feelings and what to do with them. But he wasn't outwardly ignoring me. I could easily say he was doing the opposite. Even out here I could still feel those strong eyes studying me. If only there was a way I could…
"You know those are bad for you." The voice not only halts my thoughts but my heartbeat as well. I shift a small glance back just in time to watch the last two smokers put out their cigarettes and vacate past Kai as he crosses over to me. I look down at the cigarette and panic.
"This isn't… I wasn't… This just… That is that I…" I struggle to find an explanation or a way to dispose of the cigarette without looking more suspicious than I already do but I don't find anything helpful anywhere close. He isn't fazed at all as he takes it from me casually, halting my panic, and puts it out in a cup on a table nearby, making sure to send me a disapproving yet amused look while he's doing it.
"I'm glad you came," he changes the subject before I can become too much more embarrassed than I already am. I forget about the whole incident and smile a little.
"Where else would I be?" I laugh nervously, hoping he can't tell how much I am forcing myself or how hard a task that breathing suddenly became. If he notices, he doesn't act like it.
"Well I could think of a few places I'd rather be," he snorts. He passes behind me and takes a spot in the corner of the railing to lean.
"But it's your moment, you have be proud of it." I let out a breath and smile for real, letting the calm of the night air float around us as he just shakes his head at the thought. "How'd you escape the hounds so quickly anyway?" I chide. He doesn't provide any real answer except to roll his eyes.
I wouldn't be surprised if he had just walked away without even trying to hide his departure and still got away without so much as a glance. When the three of them were fighting it was quite easy to slip out under the radar.
The initial tension between us seems to have dissipated somewhat but I still can't take the silence that wants to settle in. I spout out the first thing that pops into my head. Anything to fill the empty space between us and those tantalizing questions that all want to be let out at once.
"I'm happy that you've been doing so well. Won't be long before you're at the top of the world again," I say distantly. It wasn't a lie. But it wasn't the whole truth either. I WAS happy for him. I was happy that while he was gone he had tackled a few hurdles and managed to make everyone else look so far behind. It wasn't that I didn't want him to succeed. Quite the contrary actually. I only wanted the best for him. But I also missed him and had hoped that he had missed me too. Even just a little. In the time that he had been away my thoughts had gone in 50 different directions. Even if I had wanted to plan a life that existed without him, I hadn't been ready to try. He had come back to show me that he had not felt the same way. He had moved forward anyway. What had I been doing?
It made me feel a little silly. Considering everything that had happened, our positions and progress weren't so strange. This was Kai after all… I should had expected it to end up like this. He was always better off on his own. He probably…
"Move in with me."
My head snaps out of the clouds and I turn towards him.
"What?" The air around me seems to get sucked away as I go on trying to comprehend THAT little shock. My mind had been processing everything pretty well and it didn't seem too hard to understand but it was the last thing I had expected. I had been waiting for an 'hn' or an 'of course', anything that would indicate that I had been stupid to think any other scenario would have been possible.
He meets my startled look with his own serious one but doesn't make any indication that he is going to explain or repeat himself. For a moment I wonder if I had just imagined it. For the next moment I convince myself that I had as he steps away from the railing and starts walking back towards the dining room. He pauses when he's about to pass by me and smirks.
"You could have at least left me some credibility," he replies before going back inside. I instantly feel terrible. He had known the whole time that all I had done in his absence was doubt. Not just myself but also him and his intentions. I wasn't about to leave it that way after being so close to fixing the mess that I clearly had made on my own.
"Wait! Kai!" I go after him, catching him just inside the door. He turns around and I approach him. "I have to tell you something first." Our eyes meet and I know I have his full attention. Great. Now I have him here and I don't know where to start. I laugh to myself and shake my head. "You'd think I'd be better at this by now…" My confidence withdrawals.
He doesn't say anything but he makes a sudden shift and I am caught off guard when he grabs my arm. He hesitates as if considering my feelings (or maybe everyone else's), but it's only for a second before he's leaning over to kiss me. He gives me the time I need to accept it and kiss him back, craving the contact from him, before he pulls away. My eyes close when his hand brushes my hair away from my face and I anticipate his next move, wanting it to happen. Every touch is so familiar and I invite it easily as if I had never been without it at all. All my talks and scenarios had not incorporated this feeling or this type of action and a part of me was disappointed at my resolve. I was meant to take on the problem head first, but my heart was once again the winner and my head was rendered useless by just one delicate touch.
"Just say yes," his words are low but urgent, as if any other answer would mean the end.
My hand wraps around his wrist gently but I linger in my response, taking a moment to savor the feeling of just having him so close again.
"Y…"
"I knew it!" The voice startles both of us and we separate, both taking a step back as Hilary rushes over loudly. "You weren't fooling anyone you know." She laughs and steps between us, facing Kai. "And YOU can't run away from this." She points a finger right in Kai's face then grabs him by the hand and starts tugging him back towards the dining room. She turns back to me and narrows her eyes. "I'm not done with you yet either. You have a lot of explaining to do when this is over, Ray."
"Hilary, hold on," I try to stop her but they are gone before I can get another word out. I was beginning to feel like I would always be one step behind and catching up with the world around me was something I would always fall short of. But just when that doubt starts to appear and wants to settle, he's there. He walks back out and changes everything, the same way he always has.
"Come on, let's just get out of here before they notice again." He ushers me towards the door in one quick motion.
"How did…nevermind." I was okay with that change. When he was standing there, leading me, it was like nothing else mattered. I decide not to hesitate again and let him take me away. I knew there would probably be a lot more to explain to everyone than just what Hilary had seen or thought but I no longer cared. What I wanted, the whirlwind that Kai stirred within me, was at my fingertips and this time I was just going to grab it and run.
