Hi guys !

I posted this a few months ago on another website and just recently realized I had never posted it here. Since I finally decided to write a sequel (and actually finished writing half of it), I thought I could post it now ! The second (and last) chapter will be hopefully posted within the next fews days !

Sorry about any mistakes or awkward use of the past tense. Even if I now live in an english-speaking country, I can't seem to wrap my head around that ^^

Enjoy :)


PART I

He wasn't okay.

Truth is, he hadn't been okay for a while. Maybe ever.

It was hard to remember a time when he had been happy. Especially since it seemed like what he remembered from his childhood wasn't true. Since his mom came back to life, he had realized the pretty, soft blonde who wore floral dresses and spent her days baking apple pies and singing lullabies probably never existed. Since she came back, he realized he didn't know her at all. After all, he was four years old when she died. As the time had passed, his scattered memories of her had mostly disappeared, replaced by memories he wished were true.

Sure, he was glad she was back. He was so lucky to get a second chance to get to know her he hated himself for feeling disappointed. And he wasn't disappointed in her, not really. The problem was their relationship that was so different from what he had hoped it would be.

When his father was alive, it seemed like things were easier. John had raised him, and even if he was hard on him most of the time, there was no doubt that he had loved him. The man had been driven by his desire of revenge. Heartbroken since the love of his life had died so horribly. Numb after seeing and killing so many monsters. But he had loved his sons, had done everything to protect them even if raising them like little soldiers had been his way of showing them.

At the time, Sam had been the rebellious one. Always looking for more. While Dean had been following his father blindly, it seemed like Sam had always been looking for conflict.

Many years later, it was strange to see how much the tables had turned.

Mary was back and Dean almost never agreed with her, always looking for more. Sam was taking her side and it hurt like hell. He finally understood how his brother must have felt when he left for Stanford. When John had told him to not bother coming back. When Dean had watched him go and said nothing.

And he also felt stupid, because it wasn't as if they were kicking him out of the bunker. Mary wasn't even living with them. She never really did. She was their blood, but she never really acted like family, no matter how hard she tried. She had to love them because they were her sons, but she had a hard time getting to know them. Still, she wanted to protect them. Maternal instincts or not, she had chosen to work with the British Men of Letters. The people who had helped them, but also tortured Sam. People they weren't sure they could trust. To Dean, it felt like she'd rather trust strangers than her own family. That's what hurt the most. They had nevertheless defeated so many monsters, so much evil. Yellow-Eyed Demon, Lucifer, the Leviathans… wasn't that enough for her?

And then Sam sided with her. Worse, he sided with them as well, after everything he and Dean had been through. Even if he thought they were wrong, truth is, Dean didn't know if they had a point or not. Working with the British Men of Letters seemed like the worst idea ever, for so many reasons. He tried to understand but he couldn't see how things could end in a good way with them. No matter how hard he had tried, despite what Sam and Mary thought. After all the time they kept secrets and worked being each other's backs and had to deal with the terrible outcome. How was it going to end this time?

When Sam had confessed that he had agreed to work with them as well, Dean hadn't been as surprised as he probably should have. And he had tried to remain calm, he really had. But the only thing he had been able to do was muttering an "awesome" without looking at his brother, taking his keys and slamming the bunker door.

Now he was driving, without really knowing where to. It had been a couple of hours since he had left the bunker and he still didn't know what to do or where to go.

He was on his own and he wasn't okay.

He didn't even know for how long it had been driving when his phone started ringing again. The first hour, Sam had tried to call him at least a dozen times. Then, Mary had tried to call. But he didn't want to speak to them. Didn't want them to know how much it hurt that he couldn't agree with them.

But this time, he hesitated when he saw the name on the screen. He had wanted to call him since the moment he started the car. But he had been scared. What if he started working with Crowley again? What if he tried to convince him that working with the British wasn't such a bad idea? What if he agreed with them, and not with him? Could he handle losing him as well?

Before having time to process what he was doing, he answered the phone.

- "Hello Dean." Said the voice at the other end of the line.

- "Cas." was all Dean could mutter.

- "Where are you?"

- "Did Sam call you?" Dean asked, suspicious.

- "Yes." Cas admitted. "He told me what happened. He told me you left and he thought you would have called me. But I haven't heard from you for days." Dean couldn't ignore the disappointment in the angel's voice.

- "I wanted to, buddy. I just… I don't know. I'm lost. I…" It was only then that Dean realized that he had been holding back tears since he left the bunker. And right now, he was so close to break.

- "It's okay Dean… I'm worried about you. Just tell me where you are." said the angel in a soft voice.

- "I'm fine Cas."

- "Dean! Sorry for not believing you right now. Tell me where you are!" Insisted Cas, growling.

- "I don't know man, I've been driving for hours and I don't even know where I'm going" Dean sighed, exasperated. "Seems like I am not far from Omaha." He added after passing a sign.

- "Can we meet in Des Moines? I was on my way back to the bunker from Chicago. I should be there in a couple of hours, approximately the same time as you."

- "Cas, if you want to go back to the bunker, it's fine." Dean replied, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

- "You are the most infuriating person I have ever met, you know that?" interrupted Cas, clearly annoyed. "We need to talk Dean, let's meet. Please." He added in a softer voice.

- "Ok. First one there chooses and motel and text the address to the other." Dean mumbled.

- "Good. See you later." Cas said in a soothing voice.

Dean hung up, without answering. He felt like he didn't have the strength anymore. He felt exhausted, empty. And at the same time, he felt so relieved because he had a destination. Because Cas was waiting for him and he wasn't going to be alone anymore.