Fixed it up a very little...
She plucks away at the shamisen, wishing she knew a more appropriate melody. The village is gone. The one place she wanted to consider home. It is in a way. It's where she found herself, where she found the life she always dreamt of. She longingly imagined a place like Konoha when she wondered what a perfect village would be like. Mothers and fathers, children, friends, all together in this familiar place that had grown up around their forefathers. She wishes she knew one of those airy children's songs she heard in the waterfall village. She wants to append some joy into this place that had been. It's his village. And now that it has been reduced to the dirt it was built upon, she needs to know he's alive.
"People of Konoha!" she exclaims to the crowd that has gathered, "I am here to offer you a moment of respite with my song and dance!"
She smiles as wide as her painted lips would allow, somehow it ebbs the sting of what she is terrified to find out. What she thinks has happened. Being cheerful while her heart is being ripped to shreds over and over is a simpler task for her than most others. She was a ninja after all. It doesn't ease the excruciating pain and turmoil inside her, but that doesn't matter, does it? She seems like a spirited travelling performer on the surface, without a care in the world, the exception being the level of money slowly accumulating at her feet. The surface is what everyone sees, what most everyone cares about.
Maybe the song is fitting after all.
A melancholy tale of the two tallest trees on the opposite ends of a forest; deeply in love for centuries but no matter how much they tried, they were never able to touch each other. Until one night, a scorching fire broke out and they burned. The trees burned and turned to ash and in the swirling air currents, were finally brought together above the ignited vegetation. The girl tree asked the boy tree if he was sad, and he said no, they were finally able to be together. The girl tree then realised that after all those years they had added to the woods now below them. The wind had carried seeds and pollen and brought them together at the centre of the forest and made new plants. She replied that she was happy too.
The next song is about the love a father has for his son.
Her audience is now mainly made up of construction workers, if they detect the hitch in her voice, her eyes shining with moisture, or the one tiny tear that escaped the wide rim of her eyelashes; they only assume that she must be a first class performer, being able to evoke so much emotion on cue. They could not have possibly followed her gaze up to the projection of rock behind them. Or see the masked ninja with the silvery hair, blending in with the bushes. They could not begin to imagine the rush of thoughts hammering through her mind, the pulses of electricity settling in her stomach, her knees trembling and going weak beneath her. The relief.
She hears him before she sees him. That one whisper leaving his clothed lips and floating down to reach her ears.
"...Hanare..."
He stays long enough to allow a moment for their eyes to meet. Then he is gone. Hanare finishes her song. Her voice shaky, but happy. Very, very happy. With a promise to return the next day, Hanare collects her meagre earnings and bids farewell to her listeners. She's not sure what is making her shudder, the relief or joy.
Kakashi finds her at last. Her small tent, not unlike the ones the residents of Konoha had been using for the last week, set up near the outer east wall of the village. He strolls right up to the entrance, not sure of why he is there. He just knows it's what he felt he should be doing and kakashi isn't one who generally second guessed those kinds of feelings. Through the narrow slit of the opening, he sees her sitting crossed legged against her large pack, a bowl of orange cherries balanced on her lap. Orange cherries? Those were not native to the fire country. He wonders where exactly she has been in the last four years since their last meeting.
She notices him immediately. She is a ninja after all. An apprehensive smile touches her lips as a blue bird sings in the canopy above. The last time they met Kakashi was the supposed enemy after all. He smiles back in response; he means no harm, the gesture crinkling his only visible eye. Silently, she offers him the bowl of succulent fruit. He turnes to the side, burying his fists into his pockets before slowly turning again and walking back to the village gates.
Hanare selects a particularly delicious looking cherry by its stem and pops it into her mouth. Her body is ravenous, not having the stomach to eat for the last three days since she heard the news about the Leaf being destroyed. She rises and follows the man who stopped a few feet away to wait for her. They walk in companionable silence until the main gate is visible and Kakashi speaks.
"Your hair is different." He stated simply.
Hanare wasn't sure why, but it made her blush. She tucked back the strands of brown hair that fell over the left side of her face and tried to swallow back her sudden anxiety.
"I dyed it." She managed to say.
"Hmm." Kakashi's gaze lingered on her for a second more before he directed it to the guards at the gate, giving them a curt nod, "The green hair suited you better."
She locked her eyes on the path before her, chewing her lip, "It was too easy to spot. The Key sent shinobi to retrieve my body after you told them I jumped off that cliff." Hanare explained, "When they came back with nothing they either thought Konoha got to me first or I was alive."
Kakashi made no visible reaction to this piece of information; he kept his fleeting attention ahead of them and coolly walked along. The last time they walked through Konoha together, Kakashi lead and Hanare followed. Granted the last time there were streets, now only dirt paths existed and the foundations of buildings being reconstructed on either side. The landscape, among other things, had since changed. They walk side by side now, observing the new buildings, the workers carrying materials to and fro, ninja scaling scaffolding, lending a hand where possible.
"Did you get the letter?" she asked shyly, slightly pink.
"Yes." Kakashi responded.
"A year after you let me go, I went back to the bridge, they rebuilt it." She started, "I needed to write to you. I know I said not to write back, but I always secretly hoped you would have."
"It seems all the important moments in my life involves bridges." He said nonchalantly and studied her face.
Hanare took a few hurried steps away from the intensity of his stare, "The last time we did this, your students were following us." A ghost of a smile flashed in her eyes. "They gave me flowers."
Even though the village was levelled it had a surprising amount of people milling around. She had to remember to ask kakashi about that later.
"Alot has changed." Kakashi looked knowingly towards the Hokage monument as if he was seeing something completely different.
"Tell me."
Kakashi cocked his head to the side and regarded her again with that intense gaze before softening it. He wasn't going to talk, she realised.
"I used to be an espionage specialist you know," Hanare told him with gentle conviction, "One of the best you could say. I know you always want to say something but don't. You're very measured and precise and never let your true emotions get in the way of what you think is best. I know what you're thinking; you don't have to say it. I'm good at seeing beneath the underneath and you're not as unshakable as you make people think. Those unreadable eyes you have there are an open book for me."
When Kakashi just looked at her expectantly, she sighed and continued.
"I'm not a kunoichi anymore; I don't have allegiances to any nation. I travelled all over the world, spent time everywhere. I even have a cottage in the flower country-but I haven't been there in a few months. I ask you because I know under all of...that, you are very frustrated, and in more pain than you want to admit. I just want to be someone neutral for you to unburden your heart to."
He paced a distance further to a secluded elevation and crouched down. Hanare took her place hesitantly beside him on the grassy bank and wrapped her arms around her legs. Evening was setting in and the temperature was dropping, though, it would be hours till the sun set at this time of the year. She glanced up, taking in the sight of Konoha's beautiful sky. Her imagination was always satisfied by looking at the clouds, it seemed to be even more so with the person who had gotten her looking up there in the first place quietly brooding next to her. As concerned as she was for Kakashi, she had to admit that spending this time with him made her more contented than she ever remembered being. The mere fact that he was alive was all that she had hoped for, but for him to seek her out and pay her this much attention was unimaginable.
"I think this used to be part of the Uchiha compound." Kakashi spoke up suddenly. His voice tinged with regret as he took in their surroundings. Hanare's face swivelled to his direction.
Kakashi took a laboured breath and matched Hanare's eyes "Let's start with Sasuke then."
Hanare carefully listened and hung onto each word he uttered. She didn't allow a sound to pass her lips, not even at the more shocking revelations. Somehow it was easier to believe that the loudmouthed, impulsive and incredibly sweet Naruto had grown so much that he was being credited for single handily saving the village, than it was to believe that the little Uchiha was now an S-class missing nin. Kakashi didn't elaborately spell out each and every detail but Hanare pieced everything together. There was even a bitter-sweet pride in his voice when the small part about Sakura came up.
Kakashi mentioned a few other things before he stopped talking entirely. Hanare knew there was more but didn't want to push him too far. For safe measure, she let the silence draw out for a moment, giving him an opportunity to continue if he so desired.
She felt his eye on her in the one instance hers weren't trained on him. He always did that, whether consciously or not, his body language spoke the volumes he didn't.
"I'm not that surprised at how strong they've gotten." Hanare told him lightly, ensuring that she didn't specify which members of his team she was referring to, because that whole Sasuke situation seemed out of bounds for the time being. "You of all people were their sensei."
Kakashi continued to burn a questioning hole into her head without actually asking anything. Atleast, Hanare was getting used to it by this point in the evening. His little cues were easy to pick up on once you bothered to spend more than ten minutes with him.
"Sharingan no Kakashi, The Famed Copy ninja, Wielder of over 1000 jutsu, The man who could cut a lightning bolt in half... the list goes on," Hanare's tone betraying her overly impressed thoughts. "You are in every country's bingo book, actually... I think you were in Konohagakure's books for a few weeks, what was that about?"
The warm smile that touched his face made Hanare's heart rate pick up. She remembered the little boy who had helped her all those years ago.
"Ah well, that was a bit of an overreaction on the Hokage's part," He guiltily rubbed the back of his silvery head. "It was just a little prank I helped Sakura-chan pull off with her friends."
Hanare shot him a wicked smile and perked an eyebrow, "Oh?" she urged.
"Uh, you see, when they passed the Chunin exams, they roped me into helping them into stealing all the sake from the Hokage's office, only she didn't find it all that funny."
"She marked you as an enemy of the village because you took her alcohol?" Hanare was amused.
"She takes her alcohol very seriously," Kakashi kept that blissful smile on his face so long that it had penetrated his voice, "And to be fair, I did take a two week mission without telling her after that night."
"Yah, I could see where signals may have been crossed there." Hanare rolled her eyes at him earning herself the pleasure of hearing that wonderful voice laugh.
"That. And the brats pinned it all on me once they realised I wasn't around to defend myself." He fell backwards and stretched out after his tension relieving bout of laughter.
Hanare's eyes fluttered down at the sight of him and she found herself grinning broadly. "And that is why they all made Chunin. Pretty good ninja skills in covering their tracks if you ask me."
"Ah yes, they will surely go far." Kakashi commented in mock haughtiness.
She continued to gently smile down at him with a loose fist over her mouth, until Kakashi's stony gaze slid onto her. Hanare barely held in the "eep!" and turned her scarlet face to the sky.
Their cloud watching lasted longer than Kakashi had expected. The sun was sinking behind them, the voluminous clouds that held their attention half shrouded in the placid dusk, giving their surroundings a mystical glow. To their front the first shadows of night were forming and behind them the world was aglow with fluorescent tangerine and gold.
"If I remember correctly, you were a great deal more talkative last time." Kakashi established after a minute or two.
"Oh..." Hanare's face flushed deeper, "Last time. That was the first time I saw you since we were children. I realised it may have very well been the last too. I'm naturally a bit...shy, you could say. But from the moment I saw you by those gates, I knew it was my only chance to tell you how I, how I felt." She finished in a rush.
"When I saw the village...and you, I couldn't go through with the mission. I figured the Key or Konoha would find me and kill me for what I planned to do. I had to tell you everything."
Hanare was always a good judge of character, so when she classified herself into the group of people that are labelled shy, she was spot on. Kakashi preferred to listen instead of speak, read instead of write. Hanare was like that to; only around kakashi she couldn't hold her lips together. It was like being home for the first time in years. She just wanted to talk and tell every tale she had. The way in which he said 'you were more talkative last time' was like an invitation for her to spill her heart to him, just as he had to her. Like he specifically wanted to hear her voice, hear about her life.
She spoke till the moon and stars illuminated the sky and the distant flood lights that supplied the populated part of the village were sending blinding beams outwards. At some point in the chilly temperature, they had moved considerably closer together. The material of their clothes slightly brushing as they shared body heat.
"I found a platoon from key a few years back." She stared a particular story that weighed on her. "I used that jutsu and I saw my village for the first time. I got some info too. My father is alive. But I dont think I want to meet him. He put me into that training facility after my mother died. I was a burden at 18 months you see." The irritation was clear in her usually gentle voice. "He didn't see anything wrong with his only child becoming nothing more than a mindless weapon. That entire village is full of idiots. They outright believe that ninja are disposable, that's probably why the village is so small. No one lives to reproduce."
Hanare covered her troubled eyes with her palms. "I was always a bit different. I never wanted that, but you made me see that there was good in the world, kindness, love, loyalty. If it wasn't for that meeting then I would have become just like the rest of them. Or they would have beaten the soul right out of me."
"You would have seen that without me, you were a smart kid." Kakashi sounded completely invested into what he was saying for a change.
Hanare contemplated that for a brief moment before she leaned into kakashi's strong shoulder, "We can't assume that for sure, I've changed alot since the last time I was here, but it doesn't mean it wasn't a challenge."
"Hmm" kakashi went conversationally, "How you felt, how you have changed... does that mean everything you said before has changed to?"
Hanare's lips parted slightly, her mind went blank. Was he really asking that? Was he asking if she was still in love with him? Not even her intensive training on perceiving peoples inner thoughts and intentions could help her at that moment. After a small eternity, she did have enough mental function to decide not to think. She opened her mouth and let her emotions guide her because really? What else could she have done.
She took a determined breath and resigned herself, "I missed you." She wistfully shrugged. "I have been beaten bloody, stripped of everything I held dear to me, I didn't have much but I always kept that memory of you, it hurt more than anything I ever went through, through all of that, to know after all those years, we found each other and then I had to leave, nothing ever hurt that much."
Hanare had built up enough courage to look up at him in one long sideways glance. He was watching her with unguarded fascination. That and a tangled web of heart wrenching emotions, Hanare would take weeks to sort out. She soldiered on regardless.
"The only reason I'm here right now was to make sure you were alive." Hanare hoped she wasn't as red as she felt she was, or as breathless as she thought she sounded, she knew she was both. "Now that I'm here, I well, I want to stay, if it's possible, I want to move here as a civilian. I don't know if as more yet, but I came to terms with being a shinobi, I would fight again if it meant protecting the one important to me."
Kakashi didn't respond.
He sat there, leaning a bit away from Hanare's side. Not saying or doing anything. It all spelt out rejection. Hanare felt the prickles of goose bumps spread out over her skin. Her heart was sinking into brutal disillusionment. She told herself she shouldn't feel that way. From the start she never really had much hope. She knew she didn't have much prospect to be with this renowned ninja and wonderful man.
Hanare unintentionally let out a mournful sigh and felt the sad smile creep onto her face.
"Thank you for the kisses last time, I enjoyed our parting one the best of all." She had said it in an odd mix of her farewell speech and a last ditch effort to reach him. "But I understand" Bitter tears were pricking the back of her chocolate eyes. "I'm really thankful for today; I didn't expect this level of happiness. I feel that I could survive the rest of my life on the memory of today keeping me happy alone. Please just know that I truly lo- "
Kakashi gave one strangled cough and slid his eye closed, "The first time I met you, a war had just ended, this time I meet you a war is about to start. It must be some sort of twisted fate."
"If you really want to become part of Konoha, I can pull some strings." The copy ninja angled his head towards her, "I know the Fifth Hokage very closely, she's alot more lenient than the third was about things like this, and in any case, if my intuition is right and you have to deal with the new Sixth Hokage, you won't have a problem with him. Also, you haven't been a proper ninja for 4 years so I won't list you as a shinobi, oh I'm a commander in the Allied Shinobi Forces, you should probably know that. I might not live that long because of the war. I could die the very first day of battle, though I have no intentions to die until I bring everyone back alive."
Hanare blinked furiously, trying to register what he was saying and more importantly, in what context he was saying it in.
Kakashi's face was placid, his voice contemplative. "Maa, you should also know I have... alot of ghosts, and issues about certain things. I'm exceptionally difficult to be around sometimes and I'm not looking for a fling. If we do this then it has to be long-term to forever and I'm not even sure if I love you. I think I'm in love with the idea of being in love with you. Or maybe-I read my books one too many times. Anyhow, Hanare, you are the person I think I would fit best with, but we can't be certain until we give this a try. You can read me well, so you know I dont jump into anything. But, after having my turn in the end, at passing on, the amount of things I regret is larger than I expected. There must be a great deal of things I'm still meant to do, this being one of them."
A small smile played on Hanare's mouth, her eyes glistened with emotion as she melted into his words.
"Then you should know I'm not an angel either. I have as much blood on my hands as you do." She shook her head slightly from side to side as she spoke. "I'm not...innocent as I want to be. I can be arrogant and blind sometimes and I don't know what it's like to be someone's important person. I'll always be an outsider here and people won't readily accept me. I think I'm selfish and I know I'll make mistakes."
Their conversation hung in the air between them, reverberating through their entire beings.
"Well then," Kakashi suddenly stood up, "I suppose you'll need a place to stay." He offered her his gloved hand, "I'll have Yamato put in an extra bedroom in my apartment when he rebuilds it."
Hanare stood shocked-still then finally beamed up at him. This was true happiness. It reached every corner of her body and lifted her soul. Hanare closed her eyes, blinking away the joy filled tears. She accepted his hand and with an animated smile pulled herself up.
"Don't bother."
I wanted to write this version because in my other Kakashi/Hanare fic I pretty much twisted up the story and personalities until it was completely well...warped.
But I really like this play on "what happened after they found each other" and I hope you all do to. I'm pretty surprised that I think this is the first Kakashi/Hanare story like this. So, again I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Please comment and tell me !
