Before we get into the story, just want to let you know that this fic was
posted as a stand alone, but Tigerwolf figured it would also double as a
great Prologue to our story so I left all her original disclaimers and
stuff.
-MissKitieFantastico
NOW ON WITH THE SHOW!
================================================
Disclaimer:Nothing in here is mine. I wish, I wish they were, but nope.
Summary:My take on Angel's thought's in the hours following "Sleep Tight".
Spoilers: Anything between "Lullaby" and "Sleep Tight".
Author's Notes: I actually couldn't sleep last night thinking about poor Angel. I had to do something. I'm sure there will be alot of fanfics that try to bring Connor back, but this isn't one of them. Don't get me wrong, I miss the little guy too, I just think we should deal with our loss and attempt to move on.
Author's Notes 2: Just to get my thought's out there, I believe the prophesy "The Father Will Kill The Son" actually was fulfilled. When Angel told Holtz to take Connor, he was effectivly signing over his parental rights and making Holtz the father. So when Holtz jumped into the portal, the father did kill the son. Wesley jumped to the wrong conclusion.
Title: I Can't...
Author: Tigerwolf
I Can't...
by: Tigerwolf
"...connor..."
I'm lying where I fell two hours ago. I can't move. I just keep seeing his sweet little face. So innocent, so trusting, so loving. He can't be gone. I'm having a nightmare. If I stay here long enough, I'll wake up and he'll be back in his crib, next to my bed. I'll wake up. I will wake up. I can't. It's not a dream, it's real. He's gone. My son is gone before he even had a chance to live. I can't move. I can't.
I'm in the car. I don't know how Fred and Gunn found me, and I don't care. I can't. Every part of me that was still capable of love and caring is dead. I don't have to breathe. I can't. Can't breathe, can't think, can't stop crying. I'm howling now, shaking wildly. I can't stop. I can't. Gunn pulls the car over and Fred climbs into the back seat with me. She's rubbing my back, whispering that it will be okay, but she's wrong. Nothing will ever be okay again. It can't be. I can't breathe. I can't.
Hotel. Not home, not now. It's not home without Connor. I can't walk. Gunn and Fred half drag, half carry me inside. I make no move to help them. I can't. I see the crib, Connor's crib, in the foyer. The tears start anew. I am deposited on the couch and Fred sits next to me, she's still talking but I don't hear her. I can't. Gunn is in the office, talking to Lorne. I try to focus on what's being said. Something about Wesley and the hospital. I tune it out. I won't focus. I can't.
My bed. My new room. Fred left reluctantly when I was able to tell her that I wanted to be left alone. I have Connor's teddy bear clutched to my chest. It smells like him. It's all I have left. I try to sleep. I can't.
Still in the room, still on the bed, still crying. Fred came in a few minutes ago with a glass of blood. She tried to get me to drink, but I didn't. I can't. She left it on the nightstand, just in case. Can't eat. Maybe I'll just stop feeding completely. Starving to death can't be much worse than this living Hell that I'm in without Connor. Oh, Connor. I hope you went quickly. I hope you didn't suffer. I should have jumped in, not you. Never you. I want to change it. I can't.
Basement. Training room. Beating the shit out of a punching bag. Punch. That's for Holtz. Punch. That's for Wesley. Punch. That's for Darla. PUNCHKICKPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHKICKKICKKICK! SLAM! And that's for everything that's ever hurt me. I broke the chain holding the bag to the ceiling. My knuckles are bloody, my whole body is sore from that shock I got from the portal. I don't care. I can't.
Cordelia is coming home today. She doesn't know yet. So many things she doesn't know. So many things I'll never tell her. Not now, not ever. I can't.
====================================
Hi it's me MissKitie again,
Before I forget I just wanted to say… Feedback is always of the good. Don't hesitate to click on the little box that says 'Review' at the bottom of your screen. =) We appreciate it.
-MissKitieFantastico
NOW ON WITH THE SHOW!
================================================
Disclaimer:Nothing in here is mine. I wish, I wish they were, but nope.
Summary:My take on Angel's thought's in the hours following "Sleep Tight".
Spoilers: Anything between "Lullaby" and "Sleep Tight".
Author's Notes: I actually couldn't sleep last night thinking about poor Angel. I had to do something. I'm sure there will be alot of fanfics that try to bring Connor back, but this isn't one of them. Don't get me wrong, I miss the little guy too, I just think we should deal with our loss and attempt to move on.
Author's Notes 2: Just to get my thought's out there, I believe the prophesy "The Father Will Kill The Son" actually was fulfilled. When Angel told Holtz to take Connor, he was effectivly signing over his parental rights and making Holtz the father. So when Holtz jumped into the portal, the father did kill the son. Wesley jumped to the wrong conclusion.
Title: I Can't...
Author: Tigerwolf
I Can't...
by: Tigerwolf
"...connor..."
I'm lying where I fell two hours ago. I can't move. I just keep seeing his sweet little face. So innocent, so trusting, so loving. He can't be gone. I'm having a nightmare. If I stay here long enough, I'll wake up and he'll be back in his crib, next to my bed. I'll wake up. I will wake up. I can't. It's not a dream, it's real. He's gone. My son is gone before he even had a chance to live. I can't move. I can't.
I'm in the car. I don't know how Fred and Gunn found me, and I don't care. I can't. Every part of me that was still capable of love and caring is dead. I don't have to breathe. I can't. Can't breathe, can't think, can't stop crying. I'm howling now, shaking wildly. I can't stop. I can't. Gunn pulls the car over and Fred climbs into the back seat with me. She's rubbing my back, whispering that it will be okay, but she's wrong. Nothing will ever be okay again. It can't be. I can't breathe. I can't.
Hotel. Not home, not now. It's not home without Connor. I can't walk. Gunn and Fred half drag, half carry me inside. I make no move to help them. I can't. I see the crib, Connor's crib, in the foyer. The tears start anew. I am deposited on the couch and Fred sits next to me, she's still talking but I don't hear her. I can't. Gunn is in the office, talking to Lorne. I try to focus on what's being said. Something about Wesley and the hospital. I tune it out. I won't focus. I can't.
My bed. My new room. Fred left reluctantly when I was able to tell her that I wanted to be left alone. I have Connor's teddy bear clutched to my chest. It smells like him. It's all I have left. I try to sleep. I can't.
Still in the room, still on the bed, still crying. Fred came in a few minutes ago with a glass of blood. She tried to get me to drink, but I didn't. I can't. She left it on the nightstand, just in case. Can't eat. Maybe I'll just stop feeding completely. Starving to death can't be much worse than this living Hell that I'm in without Connor. Oh, Connor. I hope you went quickly. I hope you didn't suffer. I should have jumped in, not you. Never you. I want to change it. I can't.
Basement. Training room. Beating the shit out of a punching bag. Punch. That's for Holtz. Punch. That's for Wesley. Punch. That's for Darla. PUNCHKICKPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHKICKKICKKICK! SLAM! And that's for everything that's ever hurt me. I broke the chain holding the bag to the ceiling. My knuckles are bloody, my whole body is sore from that shock I got from the portal. I don't care. I can't.
Cordelia is coming home today. She doesn't know yet. So many things she doesn't know. So many things I'll never tell her. Not now, not ever. I can't.
====================================
Hi it's me MissKitie again,
Before I forget I just wanted to say… Feedback is always of the good. Don't hesitate to click on the little box that says 'Review' at the bottom of your screen. =) We appreciate it.
