"Will you marry me?"
Looking back on it, I really could have planned the moment out better. Asking your boyfriend of a handful of weeks to marry you on the day his father was killed, when you're seventeen and he's nineteen... I realized it was more of a spur of the moment question that anything.
But once the words were out of my mouth I didn't want to take them back.
Aaron looks at me like I've just announced I want to run naked through the remnants of Sector 45.
My face flushes and I open my mouth to say something but my words have deserted me.
I sit down on our bed and hide my face in my hands.
oooOOOooo
The day had started out promising.
By promising of course I meant it had started out completely terrifying. We'd been planning to take over Sector 45 and to do that we had to kill Anderson. Supreme Commander of the North American Sector of the Reestablishment. Overall tyrant. My boyfriend's father.
I know it sounds bad. Really bad. But if you've read the rest of my story... you'll understand. At least, I hope you will.
Anyway. Back to this morning.
Using our 'gifts' we were able to overpower Anderson and his army. Before the morning was out we had won and Aaron and I had found one another after the battle on the rooftop of Sector 45's Base Headquarters. Our home for the past few months.
"You know the whole world will be coming for us now." He whispers in my ear once we'd realized fully what had happened.
We'd won.
Both of us were alive.
Together.
I lean back and look him in the eye. "I can't wait to watch them try."
He just smiles, takes my hand and raises my knuckles to his lips.
oooOOOooo
Adam and James are playing a game of cards when Warner and I finally make it down to the Base's basement, where my friends had been staying for the past few weeks.
"So," I clear my throat when all of them turn to me. Kenjii is practically laying across Sonya and Sara's laps in an effort to heal faster and he looks over at me and wags his eyebrows, to which I roll my eyes. You'd think nearly dying might take away some of his energy, even for a couple of hours.
Nope. Not with Kenji.
Castle has broken off quietly talking to Brendan and Winston. Alia is sitting near them, sketching in her book and Lilly is with Ian beside her.
I am so full of love for these people.
"We won." I say, and I feel Warner laughing behind me. I elbow him.
"Hell yeah we did." Kenjii says, and his smile is contagious. Everyone is looking around the room and smiling at one another and for a second I let myself relax. "Now what, J?"
"Now," I take a deep breath and squeeze Warner's hand. "We get ready to fight the rest of the world. Because they'll be coming."
Kenjii's smile wavers before returning full force. "Piece of cake." He proclaims. "And after we win?"
"Are you planning on rebuilding the Council of Supreme Commanders, Juliette?" Castle asks me seriously. "And putting yourself in charge of them? What is your goal here?"
I swallow, shaking my head at Castle's questions. "Right now we need to overthrow the Reestablishment." I tell them. "And after that, I want to make each continent responsible for itself once again. Six or seven people shouldn't be allowed to rule the world. After we win, every country will be independent once more."
Adam catches my eye. "And you plan on running this one."
I nod. "If it's what people want. If they accept me."
"And if they don't?" His eyes are piercing. "If they won't accept you?"
"Then I'll let them choose somebody else," I say. "Somebody capable. And fair."
Adam nods and looks down at James, who's glancing between everybody in the room, trying to keep track of the conversation. "As long as it's someone who knows what they're doing." He says, and the unspoken words of, 'unlike last time,' remain unaddressed.
"It will be." I reassure him. "I don't think the people will be likely to elect another tyrant, do you?"
His mouth thins. "I've learned not to put too much faith in the general wisdom of our population."
"We'll figure it out." I say, and now I'm looking around at the rest of the room. "The thing to remember is that all of us made it through today. We're safe, and we're together."
Alia smiles at me and I smile back at her. Lily rolls her eyes but grins when my eyes land on her as Ian just rolls his eyes.
"Now that my father is no longer around to find and throw you out," Warner steps up beside me. "You are all welcome to use rooms upstairs. With personal bathrooms and showers." He clears his throat. "And beds with mattresses."
James shoots to his feet. "Yes!" He looks down at Adam. "I told you he would let us!"
Adam shoots Warner a pained look.
Warner hides his smile almost as fast as it comes. "I'll leave you all to sort out the arrangements, but there's more than enough rooms for you each to have your own." He glances at Lily and Ian, at Brendan and Winston, and then between Alia and Adam. "Or enough bed space to share, if you wish."
Many faces turn red at the implication behind his words and now it's my turn to hide my laughter.
"Come on, Adam!" James is already pulling on his brother's hand. "We have to get the best one!" Nobody else is moving, but James seems to think it's a mad race for the most wanted room- despite the fact that I'm sure most are exactly the same. "Hurry, or Kenjii will take it."
"Yeah kid," Kenjii hasn't moved an inch from his spot on the twin's laps and doesn't look like he will anytime soon. "Better hurry. I'm gonna get there before you."
Adam shoots him a look but gets up, probably to prevent James from pulling his arm out of it's socket. "Alright, okay." He's laughing though, at the eager look on his brother's face. "Come on then."
They make their way towards the elevator and before I can blink everybody else is getting up to join them. Brendan and Winston are studiously avoiding each other's eyes, Lily is dragging a protesting Ian behind her, Castle is walking with Kenjii, both of them talking happily while the sisters follow.
Before I know it the elevator is going up and Warner and I are alone.
He clears his throat again. "You know, you are welcome to a room of your own as well. Of course. Since there's no risk of Father finding you now. If that's what you'd prefer." He snaps his mouth shut to stop himself from rambling further and I grin at him.
"Would you like me to move back to my old room?" I ask, teasing. "And give your bed back to you. I know how much room I take up."
"I want you to do whatever you wish." He breathes a little unevenly. "In time, I hope you might start to think of this place as..."
I lift an eyebrow when he trails off. "As what?"
"A home." He rushes on. "Of sorts, of course. It's primarily a Base, and I know it's not somewhere you would- would live and raise a family, for example, but perhaps for now? Temporarily. And if you need your own quarters to feel that way then-"
I'm laughing when I kiss him, but that doesn't stop either of us. When I pull away he smiles a bit sheepishly. "How are you always able to steal all of the words from the room?"
I shrug. "It's a gift," I say, not telling him that he seems to always do the same to me. "And don't be silly. I'll stay with you in your room, since I'd be spending all of my nights there anyway." I look up at him. "Right?"
"God yes," he crushes his mouth to mine again, and this time I feel that familiar tightening in my stomach, the fire running through my veins. He let's out a groan when I pull him closer so that our hips meet.
"You know what this means," I whisper in his ear.
"What?" The letters are a pant against my neck and I arch it to give him more access.
"You'll have to share your closet space," I murmur and he laughs.
"I think I can make the sacrifice," he replies, and then my lips are too busy to form a reply.
oooOOOooo
Warner and I are out talking to the civilians before the others are finished picking out their rooms. We'd grabbed a quick lunch- sandwiches and soup- and then I'd told him I was planning on trying to help rebuild any homes that may have been destroyed this morning.
Aaron had looked at me and nodded.
The two of us had gotten separated almost instantly but I didn't mind. I could see his head a short distance away from where I was helping move the ruins with my powers and I knew he could feel me, if he tried.
I'm using my gift to lift the metal sidings that used to be these homes' walls.
I want real houses again, I think to myself as I move the materials where a man named Kellan is directing me to. Not these shipping containers made into spaces that are semi-livable. Houses with walls and roofs and windows.
And grass, I look at the dirt beneath these people's feet and feel a tightening in my stomach. I can barely remember grass like it it in books, lush and green and all you can see for miles. Our grass is brown and dying wheree there is any. Our trees are old and withering, none taller than the Base.
There used to be tree 80 feet tall, I think. And green fields. Crops lush with life and colour, animals living everywhere. Bugs flying, birds in the sky, fish in the oceans...
I drop another pile of rubble to be sorted. I can't fix the damage done by us to the Earth, but I think, if we win this war and come out on top, we can certainly try to rectify it at least a little.
"Excuse me?" A voice behind me makes me turn and find myself staring at a blonde woman. She's wearing an old brown shawl of some kind and her skin is dirty and pale, with her long hair hanging in a braid over one shoulder. She has brown eyes and blonde hair and a sharp, angular face. "Are you Juliette Ferrars?"
I nod at her. "I- yes, I am."
She doesn't look dangerous, just tired, but I tense just in case. I have learned not to trust appearances.
The woman's eyes fill with tears. "Oh, thank you!" She says, moving towards me to clutch my hands, so fast I barely have time to shut off the power thrumming through my veins so I don't hurt her. "My little brother Ajay, he was sick and starving, we were both starving, since the Supreme Commander killed our parents. My fiancee Jake's been doing the best he can, he was a doctor before you see, but now they're saying Ajay will be able to get the medicine he needs, that there's plenty in the Commander's private stores and they're releasing it to the public. They say you said to."
I'm completely caught off guard at her words and look around to find people watching us. Flushing I turn back to her. "Of course, it wasn't a problem, there's plenty to go around-"
"Thank you." She repeats fervently, eyes serious. "My brother was dying. We haven't been able to afford medicine in months. The only reason he's still alive is because of Jake."
"You should have been able to get it long before now," I say to her. "And I'm sorry you didn't." I pause. "Your fiancee is a doctor, you say?"
She nods.
"A good one?"
"He'd only just graduated medical school before the Country Reform," she tells me. "But he was good enough to keep my brother alive when everybody else we spoke to gave up."
"Will you tell him to get in touch with me eventually?" I ask her. "I would like to set up a hospital and I've been needing doctors to work there."
"Oh!" Her hands fly to cover her mouth, eyes shining once more. "Of course, thank you so much! He's busy helping with people's injuries from today but I'm sure he would love to."
I nod at her. "Thank you."
"No, no." She's shaking her head. "I came here to thank you. You'll never know, I'm sure, what you saved us from. Living like slaves, poor districts and crime because everybody was so miserable. You're fixing it all."
I take a breath and force a smile. "I'm doing the best I can."
She nods. "I need to get back to Ajay, but I saw you and I just had to let you know."
"Before you go," I stop her. "May I ask your name?"
"Oh!" She exclaims. "Of course, how silly of me! I'm Maria. Maria Toohey."
I nod at her. "I hope your brother gets better."
She smiles at me. "Thank you very much."
And as she turns to go I see the people watching us, waiting to see what I'll do next.
I nod at them and get back to work.
oooOOOooo
Eventually I end up working alongside a woman named Kaya. She's tan, very tan, and gorgeous. Her hair is dark and cut close to her head, her laugh rich and her eyes dark and warm.
We are helping sort of medical supplies. Grouping different things together to hand out to families who need it.
She's telling me about her partner Emma.
"We'd never talked about marriage or anything like that before," Kaya tells me. "I mean we've only been dating for what? Six months I think. Anyway, but she went out to fight today with your lot, and I was left behind to help the wounded because I'd been learning a few things from our neighbour, a nurse, and I realized while she was gone, that I didn't know what I'd do if she didn't come back. Because she'd become such a huge part of my life, you know, and I couldn't imagine living without her now that I'd known what it was like to have her."
I think of Warner and the desperation I'd felt when I hadn't seen him at the end of the battle. The way his arms wrapped around me and his lips brushed my temple. The warmth I felt around him.
"I know what you mean," I murmur.
She nods. "And I was thinking, you know, that there's not a chance anybody else was who I wanted. So why were we waiting? Why wait a year or two to propose and be together in the eye of the law and all that? Because we weren't sure? I am sure. Because people would judge? Let them. In 20 years when we're still together they'll have forgotten all about it. What was the hold up? She loved me, I love her. Why were we waiting?"
I stop my movements and look at her in surprise. "But you're so young."
She must only be 19, I think looking at her. 19 and head over heels in love.
Warner's 19, I think, and then flush.
She shrugs. "Maybe. But I know what I want. I know who I want. And it's Emma."
I nod and start reading pill bottle labels again. "So you want to ask her to marry you?"
I look up when she doesn't answer to see the widest smile on her face. "No need." She tells me. "She's already asked."
I frown. "I'm confused."
"After it was announced that you defeated the Supreme Commander she found me." Kaya's eyes were distant, remembering to a few hours ago. "She ran right at me, ignoring everybody else, and kissed me in full view. We were surrounded by people working, people hurting, and maybe it was selfish of me to kiss her back when I could have been helping, but I needed it, needed her, you know? I'd had no idea she was alive and suddenly she was there in front of me... there wasn't a chance in Hell I'd push her away."
She clears her throat and looks back down at the medicine. "Anyway. Almost as soon as she pulled away she was holding my face, you know, the same as I was, because she was there and I needed to make sure." She shakes her head. "It sounds stupid, I know-"
"No," I'm looking down purposefully, certain I know exactly what she means. "Not at all."
"Right." She continues after a moment. "Well anyway. She asked me right there and then. She told me she wanted to marry me and would I become her wife?" Kaya laughed quietly. "I said yes."
I smile at her, genuinely touched by the story, though I can't help but picture it as me and Warner. "That's beautiful," I tell her. "I'm very happy for you."
She grins widely. "I know couples like us used to be- that before we weren't allowed to be together." She tells me, "under The Reestablishment's reign. But I was hoping maybe now- maybe it will be different." She looks at me hopefully. "That even if we have to wait for the laws to be changed, for us to- to be together legally, before everybody, I don't care. I was just hoping it might be possible for Emma and I now."
She's biting her lip, looking at me warily, and it takes me a second to realize what she's saying.
Oh.
Oh.
I'm the one with the power to change those laws. I'm the person who needs to say yes, yes, good.
I now have the power to make hundreds if not thousands of people happy. To bring unspeakable joy to their lives.
"Of course." I tell her, moving forward to clasp her hand in mind. "God, yes, of course. You can marry Emma as soon as you like, I'm sure both of you deserve to be happy." I squeeze her hand as tears fill her eyes before she blinks. "I would never- of course you can be together. Love is love, after all."
"Thank you." She whispers before pulling her hand away and wiping at her eyes and turning back to work. I return to mine as well. "So much."
I shift. It appears I will have to get used to people thanking me. "Don't mention it. You should have been allowed to long ago. There's nothing wrong with loving who you want."
She nods but I notice her hand is trembling. "Emma will be so happy."
I smile at her. "Good. And if you need somewhere spacious- well it's not exactly the most romantic of places, but if we decorate it a little, the Base I'm sure is the biggest avenue we could get you."
"Oh!" She looks up. "Oh no, thanks. I'd like it to be very small. Private. If that's okay."
I smile again, softer now. "Not a problem." I tell her. "It's your wedding."
We go back to sorting the bottles, now with her chattering on about how happy her family will be, how Emma will want to meet me, and I listen, but halfheartedly now. Her story struck something in me, and idea, one I never knew I wanted until now.
I've never thought of marriage before, not seriously. I never thought I would find someone who would ever want to be with me, never mind marry me, and then once I had there was a war to fight.
But a war shouldn't stop me from being happy, from being with the person I want.
And, like Kaya, I know exactly who that person is.
oooOOOooo
I ask him that night.
Everyone had retired to their rooms- only Lily and Ian had shared, but I caught Winston's eye after he'd exchanged a look with Brendan, and Adam had been watching Alia all evening, so it was really only a matter of time- and Aaron and I were getting ready for bed when it started.
"Do you think we can do it?" I ask him, slipping on a nightgown he'd bought for me before I'd ever stepped foot in Sector 45. Both of us were just getting out of the bath to ease our aching muscles- we'd each worked at least 8 hours today. "Beat them all?"
"Do you?" He returned, coming up behind me and placing his hands on my hips.
I leaned back against him. "I think so. With all of us together- if we look for other people with Gift's and ask them to help... I think we could."
He kisses my neck. "I agree."
Turning I put my arms around his neck. "Really?"
"I've never doubted it," he says quietly, eyes burning into mine. "Since you first came up with your plan. You are so much stronger than you believe, love, and I think you could take over the world if you wanted to." He cocks his head. "It's the fact that you're not even tempted, that fills me with disbelief. Anybody else would be."
I bite my lip. "I don't want to rule the world." I say, my palm on his cheek. "It would never give me time for anything else."
Time for you, I want to say, but the words stay trapped on my tongue.
He smiles and turns to kiss my wrist. "And that's what makes you so amazing."
Words are lodged in my throat and my stomach is a mess of nerves. "Will you stay with me?" I ask him. "Through it all? No matter what happens?"
Kaya's story is once again going through my mind, and while this isn't exactly the question I'd been wanting to ask, it was close enough for the moment.
It might be selfish of me , but I need to know that Aaron will be by my side. That I won't be alone and at night I'll have him to confide in. I don't think I could do this without him.
"Of course." He answers me. "Juliette I will always be here, whenever you want me."
"I will always want you," I reply, and I mean the words. I mean them with my entire being. "Forever."
His arms move to pull me to his chest and tighten around me. "Then I'll be here." He answers. "With you. Forever."
The words slip out now without me thinking about it. "Will you marry me?"
Looking back on it, I really could have planned the moment out better. Asking your boyfriend of a handful of weeks to marry you on the day his father was killed, when you're seventeen and he's nineteen... I realized it was more of a spur of the moment question that anything.
But once the words were out of my mouth I didn't want to take them back.
Aaron pulls away and looks at me like I've just announced I want to run naked through the remnants of Sector 45.
I am so embarrassed as I meet his eyes, my throat gone dry and stomach tense from nerves.
"No."
My face flushes and I open my mouth to say something but my words have deserted me.
I sit down on our bed and hide my face in my hands.
"Juliette-"
"It's alright." My words are muffled against my hands but I don't move them, even when he sits beside me. "I don't know why- it just slipped out-"
"Love," his hands close around my wrists gently. "Look at me."
"That's okay." I say, still speaking to my hands. "I think I might just stay like this forever."
My face is hot, too hot. It feels like it's on fire.
"Sweetheart," he says, and I shiver at the word from his mouth. "Please. Look at me."
I slowly pull my hands away and meet his eyes.
He looks like he's in pain and it makes me want to hide all over again.
"Don't say anything." I tell him. "Please. I just- we're going to be together anyway. I guess I just wanted you to know that- it's how I feel right now and-"
"Juliette." His voice is soft. "I can't marry you. Not now."
And even though I hadn't wanted to hear an answer, even though I wasn't fully sure if I was prepared for one even if it had been yes, it hurts anyway.
"Right." I look down at my hands. Examining the lines and the nails and oh, look, my love line. "I understand. It was stupid- I don't even know why I said it."
"No," Warner rakes his hands through his hair. "No, you're misunderstanding." He looks disheveled. "Juliette, every bit of my being wants to say yes to you right now."
I meet his eyes. "Then why-?"
He laughs. "We fought a battle today, love. None of us really thought we'd win. You're seventeen years old, Juliette. And yes, I love you. I'm in love with you, and I have been for so long now, and no part of me can imagine not being in love with you, not in five years or eighty, but I won't let you do this to yourself."
"Aaron," I am so confused. "What are you talking about?"
"You don't feel that way." He tells me. "And I don't expect you to. Just because we won today... it doesn't mean we have to change anything. We're still us, the same us we were yesterday, and our relationship doesn't have to change just because we both survived. You want to do something because we won." His eyes are boring into me, and the strangest look is on his face. "You want something- something permanent, or to celebrate, but this isn't it. Because if you asked me, and I said yes, but then years later you decided it wasn't what you wanted..." He takes in a deep breath and stops talking.
I want to tell him about Kaya and her story, the way I felt at hearing it, but instead what comes out of my mouth is, "you think I'm not sure?"
"How can you be?" He asked. "There are hundreds of men out there that you haven't even seen. You've spent your life locked away, the only men in your life are the ones under this roof right now. How can you know who you want right now?"
I flinch, because his words hit close to home. "I want you." I say anyway, desperate for him to understand what I'm saying. What I'm feeling.
He shakes his head, frustrated at me. "I can't marry you, Juliette. Not now, at least. Right now we're about to fight a war, and you think you're sure, but you're not."
"I know how I feel," I tell him, angry at his presumptions. "I know I love you-"
"Love fades." He says, and he's trying to smile but it looks like it's taking every force within him to do it. "I've seen it happen. And I won't be the reason you're miserable in ten years. I want anything, anything, except that."
"You could never make me miserable." I say, catching on to what he's trying to say. "Aaron, you're wrong. In ten years I'll be happier than ever, as long as I'm with you."
He smiles sadly. "Nobody can know that." He says. "Juliette, you thought you would never spend a day with people when you were locked away. As soon as Adam was there you latched on to him because he was the first person to be nice to you. And now you're latching onto us, your friends and me, because you think that's all you have. But the entire world knows your name now. There are thousands of people out there who will want to meet you, and know you. I wouldn't be surprised if you could have your pick of them."
I shake my head, smiling. "You're underestimating me. And you're doubting yourself. Aaron, I grew up surrounded by people, including boys. I know what's out there, what people are like. I know who I want."
He kisses my hand. "Do you want to go out there and announce to everyone that we're engaged?"
I pause.
What would Kenjii say, I think? And Adam? Even Castle, I can imagine his raised eyebrow, skeptical at how fast things between Aaron and I were moving.
"Exactly." Warner says when I don't reply. "It's too soon Juliette. For you, for them."
"What about for you?" I ask him.
"That doesn't matter if it's too fast for you," he says, "which I know it is."
I bite my lip. "I do want to marry you." I tell him. "Not now- fine. Okay. I won't force you to say yes. But I do. And someday you'll believe me."
He just smiles, and some of the tension leaves him. "Come to bed, love. We'll talk about it again in a few years."
I grumble but don't argue.
Because I know how I feel. And even if it isn't right right now, it is right, what Aaron and I have.
I just have to prove it.
