Heya to everyone that started reading this... I went over it and nearly died...I do apoligise for having to repost but this new format should would out better.. and I've actually slept this time so things might make a lot more sence. I tend to be rather vague when I'm tired.

So let me try again...

Welcome one and all to some Chal Angst YAY..!... well.. ok.. im excited... this is a little fic that is set between the few chapters of ShinigamiPhoenixes "Dark Roses" Fic. Which by the way is BRILLIANT and if you haven't read it then you are missing out on some amazing writing. She is FANTASTIC!

The fic itself is Chals thoughts since the end of "Dark Roses" chapter 19. The final thoughts come into play before The Roses take out the agency stronghold. Its was a little long to be posted as one fic so its been broken down into managable pieces.

I hope you enjoy

Angyl/Devyl (i am the same person its a mood thing)

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Her Hands

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She hates me,

That's all I can come up with,

Rogue hates me,

And I understand why.

I used her,

Like everyone around me used me when I was younger.

I give her everything she needs to compensate her,

Anything she asks for is hers

Weapons,

Computers,

Houses,

Cars,

Anything.

Money is no object for me.

Any price, anything.

She hates me.

She hates me for something that I made her,

She hates me because I did what had to be done,

Charles and I called all the shots at the start of the second battle,

Spent long hours talking,

She hates me for doing what any other leader would have done.

Rogue was always a force to be reckoned with,

Maybe that's why I rang him...

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"Rogues reaction was to be expected." the calm voice of Charles Xavier cut through Chals Office. She had called him after Rogue and the Roses made it clear she wasn't needed. She didn't know who else to call, Xavier's reaction had been harsh, he hadn't wanted Rogue to know.

"She had been kept in the dark for years, it's understandable that she's pissed off'. But I never thought that that kind of blinding rage flowed through her system. She is so caught up in her own inner battle; she can't see she's beginning to fight the people who are on her side. I am on her side. Can't she see that? Does she even know what her side is any more. So caught in her little battle, her vengeance..."

"I was never one to support vengeance." She was cut off by his voice coming from the speaker again. Calm but with an edge of something she couldn't identify.

"Well that's what she wants. Rogue wants vengeance against the agency. Vengeance against those that killed mutants and vengeance against me. What I did, I did for mutants and humanity as a whole. I still work for people that need help, bridging the gap..." Again Xavier cut her off. He sounded angry. Something Cathryn had never heard in his voice. He always sounded disappointed. But this time it was definite anger in his voice. It scared Cathryn.

"Shhhhh Cathryn. No more speeches. All you are is the money. Your opinions, though noted, should be kept in your head. No one else needs to understand what you're doing or why you're doing it. Just shut up and give them the money they need. You're not a fighter or a leader; you just hand over the cash when it's called for, and stand back if anything else happens. Keep your head down and the cash flow up." the voice coming through the speaker was harsh and not as the voice of the man she had once known. Xavier had become twisted since Scott was executed and Jean had been found. He had pushed everyone to their limits. Chalice was more than ready to snap.

"That's all I have become? The funding for her war? Not that Rogue started it. But it seems to revolve around her. Her and the Roses, The followers of a great general. Xavier, Rogue is cracking under the pressure. I can't pretend I know what she feels, or what she's going through, I can't because I'm not in her position, I'm Not making the decisions, we're not calling the shots any more. I'm just the bankroll for the entire operation." she hung her head realising that this was exactly what Xavier had intended from the start.

"Now you're getting the idea."

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Admittedly it's my fault that Rogues in this position,

Charles and I hand picked her from everyone else,

Then it was up to me to make sure she became what she now is.

Ironically one little incident decided her fate.

Pushing Mystique off a cliff,

No remorse.

Charles said it showed that she had the moral fibre of a killer,

That she could be honed into the perfect leader for his resistance.

Something that was needed,

When we knew that Mitchell wouldn't stop.

I went to Charles,

We spent many hours milling it over,

Looking at everyone,

Rogue just kept popping up,

I think maybe Charles had already decided,

He just wanted some one to bounce the idea off of.

I agreed with him,

There was no other way to do it.

After the decision was made,

It was up to me to do what Charles needed done.

He was calling the shots for Logan and Scott,

Calling more and more mutants to him everyday.

When the agency finally attacked the institute,

There were over sixty mutants under his guard.

Rogue alone got out.

I still cry when I think about it.

Sebastian always said that crying was a weakness.

Aren't I allowed to cry for those, for who no tears have been shed?

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"CATHRYN...?" The young girl looked up from the microscope at the man who walked into her lab. He wore only black and stood with his head held high. She sighed.

"Yes Sebastian. What can I do for you?" He looked at her in worry; the war had taken a toll on even him. All the money in the world didn't stop the FoH and the agency from breaking into the Halls of fire and killing every mutant there. Seeing the worry in his eyes Cathryn allowed her heart to soften to him, he had obviously just heard something terrible and was seeking reassurance. "What happened?" Sebastian allowed a solitary tear to roll from his left eye, "Xavier is waiting on the phone for you. His institute was attacked last night. All dead. He said that the Rogue was on its way." she stood stunned, letting her brain absorb his words.

"What?" As Cathryn ran to the phone for confirmation she turned back to her uncle, the very image of defeat, he realised they were coming for him soon. On his knees with his head bent he allowed long pent up sobs to wrack his body. Cathryn allowed the door of the lab to close, she had always liked being alone when she cried.

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