A/N: I've decided that since it is Christmas and whatnot, that I'd write a Christmas oneshot. I've been working on this for a couple of weeks, and honestly, I was ready to give up on it this weekend haha. Props to DM for forcing me to get through it and putting up with my wanting to just kill all the characters off.
Anyways, I hope you all have a nice Christmas/ whatever holiday it is that you celebrate, and here's my new oneshot! Oh, and don't forget to review, because…well it makes me happy.
A few things you need to know about this: It is set to the song Last Christmas, originally by Wham!.Tommy is 29, Jude is 22, and they dated since she was 18
Bold text are lyrics
Italics are flashbacks
Regular text is the present
I had a plan. I was going to make an appearance, say hello to a few people, and then get the hell out of that place as fast as I could. There wasn't going to be any eggnog, no Christmas cookies, and there sure as hell was not going to be any socializing. I was going to go in, get out, and then I wouldn't have to see these people again for a long time.
Okay Tom. You can do this. Really, it's not a big deal. Your hair looks great and you've got a gorgeous girl on your arm right now that would make any ex girlfriend of yours jealous, I told myself, trying to find the courage to go in there.
With one last deep breath I put my hand on the cold, metal door handle and pulled the massive door open, revealing the annual G Major Christmas party. I looked down at the blonde on my arm and my hand made its way to the small of her back, leading her into the immaculately decorated G Major lobby. There were probably hundreds of people in there, and I didn't recognize most of them. I guess a lot can change in a year.
"T. man!" I heard Darius' voice from behind me and I quickly turned to meet my former boss. "Darius" I said, putting on a smile for the man. "How've you been?" I asked him politely. Darius smiled and eyed the model on my arm…if only I could remember her name. I think it was something with a B, or maybe an N.
"I've been good T. Business is good, but it would be better if we had our number one producer back" he said suggestively and I just laughed. "Yeah, well, I'm not really into the whole producing thing these days. I'm more of the silent investor type now" I explained and he laughed lightly. "Alright, alright, well it's good seeing you T. Enjoy yourself" he told me before he walked away, probably to talk to someone who was more important or could actually make him money.
For the first time since I walked in, I really took the chance to look around the place. The décor hadn't changed much. It was still just as over the top as it always was, but I knew that it always would be with Darius running it. I smiled sadly as I remembered the last time I was here.
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
I closed my eyes for a moment and I could see her smiling down at me before she pulled me up and kissed me as passionately as she possibly could. I could hear her shakey voice say 'yes' and I had to open my eyes before I saw anything else, not sure if I could handle it. My date looked slightly concerned and I cleared my throat before giving her a small smile. "Let's get a drink" I said before I led her over to the bar.
The very next day, you gave it away
As we made our way to the bar, I couldn't stop thinking about everything I'd been through here, especially a year ago. I glanced over to my left and saw the entrance to Studio A and I felt this ache my heart like I'd just lost the love of my life yesterday.
This year to save me from tears I'll give it to someone special
"This party is so chic Tom" I heard my date say from next to me and I snapped out of my bittersweet memories to look down at her. "Oh..uh yeah. Darius is pretty much the king of throwing big parties" I said, not really interested in the topic. There were other things on my mind.
Once bitten and twice shy
When we finally arrived at the bar, I wasted no time in ordering a shot of vodka and whatever my date wanted. I wasn't really paying attention to her. She was only there so that I wouldn't look like a complete loser. I brought the glass to my lips and quickly downed it, closing my eyes as the alcohol burned its way down my throat. I looked up at the bar tender and signaled for another drink before I turned and looked down at my date.
"Are you having a good time?" I asked and she smiled up at me and nodded. "Yeah, this place is really great" she said before she turned her attention away from me and surveyed the room. "Oh my god!" she suddenly exclaimed. "Is that Jude Harrison?" she asked me, pointing across the room and I looked up, and sure enough, Jude was standing in a group of people looking just as beautiful as ever.
I keep my distance
With a sigh I peeled my eyes away from her and turned back to my drink. "Yeah, that's Jude" I replied as I brought the glass to my lips and downed my second drink. "I love her" my date shrieked and I laughed inwardly. I guess that makes two of us. "Do you mind if I go say hi?" she asked as she put a hand on my arm. I looked up at her and forced a smile. "No, go ahead. I'll be here" I assured her and she smiled before she removed her hand and walked away.
But you still catch my eye
I glanced over my shoulder and looked at Jude again before I turned back to the bar and let out a heavy sigh. After all that time, she was still so breathtakingly beautiful that she could hold my attention in a crowed room. I hated it. I glanced over my shoulder again, but quickly turned away when I saw her looking in my direction.
Tell me baby, do you recognize me?
I turned again and she was staring at me. As much as I wanted to just look away, I couldn't. I got lost in her eyes and it was like the party around us faded away and it was just us. As I gazed into those big, blue eyes of hers I almost felt like the last year hadn't happened that we were happy together. Hell, we might have even been married by now, or at least planning our wedding. After a few moments, she turned her gaze away from mine and went back to talking as if seeing me hadn't even phased her. With a heavy sigh, I turned around and rested my elbows on the bar in front of me and all of the memories that I'd been pushing away for the past year suddenly came flooding back.
Well, it's been a year it doesn't surprise me
"Tommy, hurry up with that Christmas tree!" she yelled from inside our apartment and I just rolled my eyes as I carried the poor, dead tree over my shoulder. "I'd like to see you try and carry this tree all the way from the car, up four flights of stairs, and down the hall" I told her as I set the tree down and stopped to catch my breath for a minute.
She smiled at me as she made her way over to where I was standing, and she had that twinkle in her eyes that made me go weak in the knees. She stopped in front of me and gently laid her hand on my chest. "What would I do without you?" she said, looking up at me and I rolled my eyes and smiled down at her. "You'd be in less tabloids" I offered and now it was her turn to roll her eyes. "Shut up and kiss me Quincy" she said and I obeyed.
I wrapped it up and sent it
"Quincy, will you hurry up and pick one out already. I don't have all day to stand around with you" Sadie said impatiently as she tapped her foot on the tiled floor of the jewelry store. I looked back at her and then back at the case of rings in front of me. "I can't just pick one and leave Sadie. It has to be perfect, because she's perfect"
"Aww" I heard Sadie say from behind me and she stepped up to stand next to me. "My sister is a lucky girl" she said and I looked down to see that she was smiling up at me with teary eyes. I returned her smile and shook my head. "No, I'm lucky to have her" I said seriously before I turned and looked back down at the rings. "She's the most incredible person I've met in my whole life, and I'd be lost without her" I added as I spotted a ring in the back corner of the display case.
"Can I see that one?" I asked the person working there and she quickly nodded before pulling it out and handing it to me. I took the ring in my fingers and examined it before smiling. "I think this is the one" I said as I looked down at Sadie for approval. I did bring her for a reason. She takes the ring from me and inspects it. "Damn, and I thought the rock Kwest got me was huge" she laughed lightly as she handed it back to me. "I'll take that as yes" I laugh and hand the ring back to the jeweler. "I'll take it".
With a note saying "I love you"
The living room of Jude's childhood home was covered in various wrapping paper and we sat on the couch next to each other with her father, sister, and Kwest seated in various places around us. Putting my hand on her knee I looked up at her and smiled. "I have one more present for you" I said, trying to hide the fact that I was more nervous than I'd ever been in my entire life. Her eyes lit up and a smile spread across her face. "Really?" she asked excitedly and I nodded my head and pulled the box from behind my back and handed it to her. She smiled at me one last time before she fixed her attention on the box and ripped the wrapping paper off f it it. Her eyes widened when she saw the little velvet box and she looked up at me in complete shock. I took a deep breath before taking the box from her hands, opening it, and getting down on one knee in front of her.
I meant it
"My life changed for the better that day you walked into the studio all those years ago" I started and I could see the tears building up in her eyes. "You've always supported and believed in me, and because of you, I've become the man I always knew I should be" I paused and took a deep breath. "I love you more than anything in this world, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So Jude Harrison, will you marry me?" I asked eagerly as I looked up into her teary, blue eyes.
As soon as my words registered in mind, her eyes widened and the tears flew freely from her eyes. It seemed like I was waiting an eternity when she finally smiled widely and breathed out a shakey "yes". My smile mirrored hers and I felt her small hands latch on to my forearms and pull me up. "Yes" she whispered again before she plunged her lips into mine and kissed me like she'd never kissed me before.
Now I know what a fool I've been
I jumped slightly when I felt a hand on my back and looked over to my side. I quickly put a smile on when I saw my date next to me again. "Hey. Did you get to meet her?" I asked and she smiled and nodded her head. "Yeah, she's really nice. You used to date her, right??" she asked and I clenched my jaw slightly. "Yeah" I said softly before standing up. "I need to go uh find someone" I told her. "Well do you want me to come with you?" she asked as her small hand clamped onto my arm. I glanced down at her hand before looking up at her. "No. I need to go alone" I said, not really bothering to be nice to her and she looked shocked as I walked away.
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again
As I made my way away from the bar I glanced over to where Jude was and saw her laughing at something that her date had whispered in her ear. I closed my eyes and quickly turned away. After a year and everything she'd done to me, it still drove me crazy to see her with another guy. I hated how much power she had over me, and after everything she'd done to me a year ago, I know that if she just looked at me the way she used to that I'd probably fall right back into it all again.
A crowded room
Friends with tired eyes
I soon found myself engulfed in the sea of people. Every single one of them seemed to have a smile on their face and something to be happy. It was almost sickening. Every way I turned, there seemed to be a happy couple standing there, completely in love with each other. It was like a slap in the face, and I couldn't take it anymore. I suddenly found myself at the door of the all too familiar Studio 1 and I looked around quickly to make sure that no one would notice before I put my hand on the door knob and opened it.
I'm hiding from you
I quietly closed the door behind me and flipped on the light switch. Minus the addition of some new equipment, the room still looked the same as it always did. The sound board where I spent most of my life was still in the same place. The same rolling chair that I used to sit in with Jude on my lap and listen to her songs was still there. That godawful red couch was still against the wall; the couch where I saw my fiancé getting ready to fuck some random intern not even 24 hours after I'd proposed to her.
And your soul of ice
I walked into and empty G Major with a smile on my face. Nothing could possibly bring me down after the day I had yesterday. I was officially going to spend the rest of my life with the most beautiful, amazing girl in the entire world. I quickly made my way to Studio 1 to grab the CD I'd left there before Christmas. I opened the door and was suddenly angered at the site of some stupid intern getting ready to fuck some blonde whore on the couch. I can't believe he actually had the nerve to even consider it.
"Can you not use my studio as your own personal fuck house?" I said angrily from the door way and the couple quickly jumped away from each other. My eyes widened and my heart sunk when I saw who that blonde skank was. "Jude!?" I yelled incredulously as she scrambled to gather her clothing. "T-Tommy. I-I can explain" she said, glancing nervously at the intern who was already fully clothed and completely terrified. I shook my head and just stared at her. It was like she'd taken a sledge hammer and crushed everything inside of me into a million tiny pieces. I wanted to cry, scream, and punch something, specifically that bastard who was touching my fiancé, but I just turned around. As soon as my back was turned, hot, angry tears ran down my face and I quickly made my way out of that building. I was never going back, not after that.
My god I thought you were someone to rely on
I clenched my jaw and quickly wiped away the few tears that fell at the memory. Taking a deep breath I calmed myself down and turned to go back to the party when the door opened and the last person I wanted to talk to tonight walked in. We just stared at each other until one of use decided to speak up.
"Hey, Tommy" she said softly, giving me a small smile.
I forced myself to look away from her hypnotic blue eyes and cleared my throat. "Hello" I responded in the same soft tone.
She played with the hem of her shirt like she always does when she's nervous and I could tell by the way she was chewing on her bottom lip that she was trying to find something to say to me. It's funny how I could still read her like a book.
"How've you been?" her voice came out soft and unsure and I just shrugged slightly, still not looking directly at her.
Should I be honest with her and tell her how miserable I've been since that day, or should I just tell her I've been fine and walk out of here right now so that I don't have to deal with this?
"It hasn't exactly been my best year" I finally responded, unable to hide the bitterness in my voice.
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
She let out a defeated sigh and nodded her head and I could see the tears building up in her eyes. "Well I guess I'll leave you alone" she said softly as she turned and put her hand on the doorknob.
I sighed and reached out, touching her arm lightly. "No, don't go" I said, looking up into her teary eyes, and it broke my heart to know that I was the reason for those tears.
She looked down at my hand and them up at me, completely shocked and I quickly removed my hand from her arm, knowing that if I touched her for too long, it could be deadly, and I'd be sucked back into everything with her.
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
I cleared my throat and stepped back slightly, not breaking our eye contact. "Why?" I asked in a whisper and she looked at me, completely confused. To took a deep breath and just looked at her for a second before I went on. "Why did you do it?" I asked, a little louder and she looked down as if she was ashamed.
She was silent for a long time, and I'd begun to think that she wasn't going to give me an answer until she looked up at me with teary blue eyes and softly spoke. "I was scared" she admitted in a whisper and it was my turn to be confused.
A man under cover but you tore me apart
"You were…scared?" I asked her, unconvinced and she sniffed and quickly wiped away a tear.
"I um…everything was happening so fast" she started and I just stood there and listened to her explanation, unlike a year ago when I slammed a door in her face and refused to listen to her.
"We'd been living together for a couple of months and then all of a sudden we were engaged. It was like the world was spinning and I couldn't make it stop and the thing with Brandon. I-I didn't mean for it to happen" she explained as tears poured freely from her eyes.
As much as I wanted to take her in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be alright, I couldn't.
Now I've found a real love and you'll never fool me again
"So I rushed you into everything" I said sadly as I looked away from her.
She reached out and touched my arm, causing me to look up at her. "No, you didn't rush me Tommy" she assured me with a small smile. "I was so happy with you" she added and then immediately took her hand away and looked away from me like she regretted saying it.
"But you were…scared" I said blankly and she looked back up at me.
"You have to understand Tommy. I was confused and it just kind of happened. I would never hurt you on purpose" she said and I could tell by the way she was looking at me that she meant it.
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
"I always thought that maybe you had a thing with him" I confessed and she shook her head.
"I would never do that to you, Tommy" she assured me and I nodded my head and shifted my weight between my feet uncomfortably.
"I should…get going" I said tentatively and she looked disappointed. "It was good seeing you Jude" I said before I moved to walk out the door.
"Tommy" she called my name and I closed my eyes before I turned around and looked at her. She looked nervous.
"Do you think that we could maybe give it another try?" she asked, looking up at me with hopeful eyes.
A man under cover but you tore him apart
I gave her a small, sad smile and shook my head slightly. "I don't think so" I said softly and I could see the tears building up in her eyes again.
"But Tommy…I still love you" she said desperately as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"I still love you too, but it destroyed me when I found you with that guy. I can't go through that again" I said honestly. It broke my heart to do this to her, but it had to be done.
Maybe next year I'll give it to someone
"So this is it? It's really over?" she asked as she wiped away her tears.
I nodded and fought back my own tears. "It has to be" I said, and as soon as I got the words out it was like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I was finally getting the closure I'd been looking for.
I'll give it to someone special
I stepped forward and brought my hand to her cheek before I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. I let my lips linger there longer than I should have, taking in everything about the moment because it would be the last time.
I pulled back and dropped my hand to my side, looking down in to her sad eyes and I almost wanted to grab her face in my hands and kiss her, but I couldn't. If we got back into it, the cycle of hurting each other would never end, and I couldn't live like that.
I took a step back and put my hand on the door knob, not taking my eyes off of her. "Goodbye, Jude" I said softly before I opened the door and walked out. It was time for me to move on and find someone special who wouldn't hurt me.
