Unwelcome, Unethical and Dangerously Perceptive

by Katharine (kaffeineaddict@hotmail.com)

Summary: An old... friend arrives in LA after being snubbed in Sunnydale (guess who?), and ends up being far too insightful for the liking of the members of Angel Investigations - it's Cordelia/Angel again, I'm afraid :-)...

Rating: It won't end up anything more than R; at the moment, I'm not sure.

Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine. Neither the cast of Angel or of Buffy. Please contact me if any jobs on the staff of either show become available. However, I'm ashamed to say that I probably do own the empty bottle of Absolut Vodka. Explains the delusions.

Spoilers: Up to Crush on Buffy, and a bit past present on Angel - ie, they've had some time to make up after Angel went a bit schizo. Imagine, if you will, that a certain un-person wasn't in I Was Made To Love You, that he just sulked for a couple of weeks, then went to LA. Hmmm, the timelines are a bit screwed, but never mind.

Notes: So, it's the multi-chapter extravaganza! C'mon, it was inevitable. And, I'm proud to announce, there IS a curse (not such a good thing), which means I'm living in the realms of relative reality for the minute... I'll get around it though, you just wait... [evil laughter]. This is more my original angsty yet a little fluffy approach.

Distribution: If you like it, take it... just let me know where it's gone.

If you send me feedback, I'll keep writing... I know how annoying it is to start reading a story that never gets finished.


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She yawned, stretched her arms, opened her eyes, and looked around. Cordelia's apartment was a mess. She groaned. There were books set randomly about the living room, various dangerous looking weapons just looking like an accident about to happen, plates were stacked in the sink, and half-full mugs of strong black coffee placed where someone was eventually bound to knock them all over her cream carpet. Angel Investigations had moved in. Again.

She supposed it was her fault. She had been getting at Angel for months to have the Hyperion renovated and properly decorated, and David Nabbit, after stopping by the other day, had suddenly decided that 'a group of heroes against darkness need a proper lair from which to operate'. Please don't let it be a batcave, she thought for the millionth time. What she hadn't realised, after being in full support of Nabbit's support, was that Wesley's 'flat' wasn't hardly big enough to swing a cat in, and smelt like a few dozen had died there. So there had never been any choice, really. Straight back to her small, but previously beautiful apartment. And, even worse, it wasn't just the three of them, nooo, there was Gunn, and sometimes even Kate stopped by to have a bitch and a moan.

God, she hated that woman. Kate claimed that she never wanted anything to do with any of them ever again, that they had ruined her perfect LAPD lifestyle, but still managed to drop by to make their lives hell every so often. Unfortunately, with her intricate knowledge of police business, and, well, passwords, she could be helpful. The LA police were about as bright as Sunnydale's finest - they had fired Kate, taken her badge and her gun, yet hadn't quite remembered to delete her from the computer network. Idiots.

Well, at least the more personal side of the business had almost gotten back to normal now - Wesley's bullet hole was healing up nicely, she and Angel were back on friendly terms, Angel had got through his psychotic chase-after-blonde-bitch phase (the Queen C left in Cordy said 'well, it's not like that hasn't been going on for a good couple of years anyway'), Dru and Darla had seemingly fallen off the planet ('v. good thing'), and Kate had stopped attempting suicide ('damn'). Fine, she didn't hate Kate that much. It was just that her constant 'oh, woe is me, I have nothing left that is worth living for' was starting to grate on her nerves. Cordelia had had it a lot worse than poor little Katie could ever imagine. Let's recap, shall we? And these were the worst bits.

#1 - nearly get staked through the heart by crazy Buffy Summers. #2 - find out about all things supernatural after boyfriend killed horribly and messily. #3 - get locked in a broom closet with Willow Rosenberg while being terrorised by Spike. #3 - end up dating that loser Xander Harris. #4 - entire time period involving Angelus, big, bad, very very dangerous. #5 - Summers runs off, leaving me as bait. Skip through a bit. #6 - Get impaled after seeing Rosenberg and Harris necking after another Spike trauma. #7 - lose all friends. #8 - lose all money. That was the worst. Ugh. Giant snake, disown parents, move to LA in strange fit of independence, after spending the only money she had on a really nasty apartment. So, in fact, her life actually had changed for the better when she found Angel in LA. Funny, if anyone had ever said to her a couple of years ago that she would think that losing another best friend, being impregnated with demons and receiving skull splitting migraines periodically was a change for the better, she would have laughed before criticising their fashion sense. Times change, huh?

Right, that was enough emotional battering she could take for the day. Sprawled across her sofa, she stretched out her fingers, reaching for the remote control. As always, it was just out of reach. She looked over at the armchair, in which Wesley was fast asleep. There was an electric light gleaming from underneath the door of a small, windowless side room, where Angel had a bed and what seemed like his entire collection of novels. He went there during the day, to avoid becoming roast vampire, because of the huge windows in her apartment...

Day. Day? Cordy, suddenly very much awake, jumped up. She had the most major, national commercial audition - she looked at the clock - four hours ago. Shit. She would cry, if she had the energy, or the belief in herself that she might have got it. But, it was one o'clock in the afternoon, a bit late really. Or early, depending if she was on creature-of-the-night hours. Angel. Why the hell didn't he wake her up. The bastard!

"Angel!!" she yelled, banging on his door. Behind her, Wesley jolted into the land of the in some way living, saying:

"I'm awake, I'm awake."

"Angel, I'm coming in!". Cordy swung open the door, to find Angel lying on the bed, reading some old, dusty novel.

"Cordelia, afternoon. Did you sleep..." he took in her pale face, her smudged makeup, and, oh yeah, the murderous expression on her face. "...well?"

"Oh yes, I had the most fantastic sleep, so wonderful, in fact, that I slept all through something quite important, you know, that thing I told you about...the audition!! Hello, it was for the new face of Maybelline, and I could so have got it, but it's so hard to be punctual while sleeping." Angel inwardly groaned. He had known there was something he was something he was supposed to wake her for, but couldn't bring himself to disturb her when she looked so peaceful. She was gorgeous when she was asleep.

"I'm sorry, I forgot, Cor. You and Wes both fell asleep while working last night, and I thought you'd both earned some uninterrupted rest. We've been up for days researching this case." He studied her expression carefully. For a minute, she looked as if she was about ready to use the holy water that he knew she kept in the cabinet next to her bed, just in case there was an unwelcome evil visitor in the shape of her best friend. Then her expression softened.

"'S not like I'd have got it looking like this anyway. I'm a wreck." She looked so miserable, Angel had to say something. He just prayed he wouldn't say something wrong.

"Cordelia, you always look lovely. I'm sure there'll be another opportunity like that one, or something better in the future..."

"But Angel, I need it now. Have you any idea how much it costs to keep looking this good? Actually, now isn't a good time to draw attention to my appearance, but clothes, shoes, hair, make-up, manicures, yada yada yada... but like I said, that thing obviously wasn't meant to be." Angel was out of ideas. Flattery related to how good she looked would remind her of the commercial spot she wouldn't be on, and saying that there'll be another chance threw her into financial depression. Well, he had to try.

Standing up, he looked down into her eyes. "You are one of the prettiest girls I know. And, although you don't really need all the make-up, and manicures, and other little things that you think make you look the way you do, I could always lend you some money every now and then..." Cordelia smiled.

"Awww. You're such a sweet, adorable little vampire! But, as we both know, I'm not the only one with cash flow problems, so, unless you start robbing demon corpses, or I manage to will myself into seducing David Nabbit...and it's getting close, let me tell you... I think I may have to cut back. But, thank you for trying to make me feel better, and you're a bastard for letting me miss that audition. I'm not that mad, though, because I'd never have got it looking like this." He opened his mouth to argue, but she silenced him. "Oh, puh-lease, I'm a complete wreck. Don't even try to argue." She reached up, and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Now, not much of the conversation we just had made a lot of sense to me; I'm very very tired, but thank you for not making me feel any worse." With that, she turned around and breezed out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Angel stood still, trying to work out what the outcome of the conversation was, and whether or not she hated him. Also, his cheek was tingling from her kiss. He stood still for a couple more minutes, before deciding that sleep would probably clear his very confused head.

* * *

When she had left Angel's... cupboard, really, Cordy walked straight past Wesley as he was about to talk to her.

"Wesley, really tired and emotionally drained now. I'm going to catch up on some sleep, seeing as we seem to be on vampire hours."

"But, what about the researching? I think I've uncovered some quite remarkable..."

"Save it. I'm half asleep, and there's no point. Wake me up when Angel wakes up, will you? And try to get some sleep yourself. You look dreadful." With that, she walked into her bedroom, carefully stepping over the scattered books and mugs, switched off the light and slammed the door.

Wesley sank back into his chair, with the book on his lap. He would research, really. When he found that wiping his glasses repeatedly wasn't helping him focus, he shut the book. Well, maybe a few minutes rest wouldn't harm anyone...

* * *

Cordy blinked. Yawning, she slowly woke up, hearing a knocking on her door.

"Cordy? Wesley said to wake you..." It was Angel. Rolling over, she peered at the clock. Six o'clock in the evening. She felt refreshed, and ready for another long night's work. Looking down at her rumpled skirt, she frowned.

"I'm up... just let me change."

A couple of minutes later, Cordy was sitting on the sofa again, with a huge book on her lap. She thought that it would probably make her sink right through the cushions after a while.

"So, where are our other little helpers?" she asked, bored of reading grizzly tales of evisceration, possession and bizarre celebrity fashion statements. Oh wait, that was the magazine she had slipped in for when the research got really tedious.

"Well, Kate is at a job interview...."

"Lucky for some," Cordelia interjected, then realised her mistake as Angel looked as if he was about to launch into a speech about how guilty he felt, how awful it was, etc. "Continue."

"Uh, Kate's at a job interview with another firm of private investigators, the more conventional kind, who apparently were trying to hire her even before she was fired from the force..."

"Well, it's their slow, excruciatingly painful deaths..." Cordelia saw Wesley grinning out of the corner of her eye, and she could've sworn Angel had a twinkle in his eyes... see, that was how annoying Kate was. She'd even managed to irritate one of the most tolerant men on the planet. When he was mainly sane.

"And Gunn is out of town dealing with his own demony crisis, but he insisted that he could handle it by himself."

"Thanks a lot, Gunn! Leave us here with the musty old books." Everything went silent again.

About a half hour later, Cordy thought she might pass out through boredom. Sometimes she didn't mind researching, but at the moment, she wished Wesley would just do it himself. He was the expert. It was what he was paid to do, for chrissakes! Angel could at least let her use the computer, but, no, apparently they both remembered there being something crucial in one of these books. Neither of them, however, had the neurons to put a post-it in. Just as she was about to flip over to her magazine, there was a slow knock at the door.

They all looked up.

"Are you.... expecting anyone, Cordelia?" Wesley asked.

"No... either of you?" They shook their heads. As Cordy moved to get the door, Angel jumped up behind her, just in case it was something nasty.

She reached the door, and made sure the chain was fixed in place. She couldn't see anyone through the peep-hole, then remembered that she'd had a little accident with that when touching up the paintwork. Gingerly, she pulled open the door a crack. Angel stood just behind her, tensed up.

"Hello...? Is anyone there?" Listening carefully, she could have sworn she heard someone hiccup. She was just about close the door again, when a strange sounding voice called out:

"Peaches? Are you...you there?" Cordelia tried to place the voice. No. No, it couldn't be. "Come say, h-hello to your, your favourite..." And there was silence. She turned round to look at Angel's face. His expression of horror and extreme aggravation only confirmed her worst suspicions. Without a word, she undid the chain, and swung open the door.

And there, in a heap on her doorstep for all to see, clutching an empty bottle of Absolut, was a very drunk, very pathetic looking, and very blond vampire. Cordelia wondered if she was actually asleep, having a nightmare; was it too much to ask that she might wake up to find that she didn't have a drink-sodden Spike on her doorstep?

To be continued...
(if feedback is good, that is... and I promise, it will turn Cordy/Angel shippy...just give me time)