A/N: Story is up to date with the show. My little twist of how Olivia should react to Elliot and his whole Kathy and baby thing.
Summary: Olivia is fed up with Elliot and his mood swings. She decides to move on. She has dreamed of doing undercover work and now she has the opportunity with the FBI. Guess the pairing. Sorry if you don't like OD, but Elliot is being retarded. Oh and its permanent OD. Don't let that persuade you. Semi-song fic.
A means to an end, and a beginning
SVU Precinct
8:35 AM Tuesday
Everyone is coming into the office. Figured I would get here early and do some of my paperwork. Ever since the accident, I haven't seem to be able to concentrate on anything. It has made me more selfish seemingly...or if not selfish, just actually start to care about me. Has turned my life around and as strange as it sounds, that car accident was a blessing. Made me see more clearly than ever before. My job, my life, what was once the most important thing in my life, my partnership, have been viewed upon in such a new perspective. It's as if awakening from a deep coma.
"Hey 'Livia. Your here early." Elliot half-heartedly comments to me. He never did see if I was alright. I mean I was, but still. Wouldn't hurt to check. Sure, I got a hug from him...but that was for saving his wife and kid. And I refuse to get all worked up over that. Once lived a time, where I actually loved him or thought I did. Those feelings were received unrequited. Now things are different though. That was a year and a half ago. I have moved on. I have. Right?
"Oh, hi Elliot. How's Kathy and the kids?" I force a concern out. It's pretty convincing. Even if it wasn't. Why would it matter if he knew how often he hurts me. He wouldn't do anything differently. Only concerned with his well-being. So be it.
Looking down at his desk he noticed files piled up. He had taken a few days off for paternal leave and previously asked me for some help with finishing them up. Of course I agreed. That's just the person I am. Even though I only had a day off, and was the actual person in an accident. It wasn't my job to do his. And like he noted months ago, I'm tired of having to look over my shoulder and see if he needs help.
"You didn't finish these files? I asked you too." with the beginning of a scowl on his face he spat at me. What is up with that? Already being the raging Stabler.
"I was tired and had some of my own to do. Didn't get around to it, I was in an accident too ya know?" I chuckle as an attempt to be light-hearted and friendly. All my response was, was a hardened glare that could have had a perp shaking in his knees. Not me though. "You only asked me and I did say I would try. Not that I would most definitely do it. So just get it done yourself, no big deal."
"Whatever, it wasn't like you had anything better to do. Not like you had a newborn to take care of, or some to love...unlike me...but whatever. I understand." By this time everyone who was going to show up to work was there and heard the brutal comment. Elliot received similar glares which he ignored.
I can't believe he is being such an ass, trying to start a fight. Well I'm not catching.
Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete
9:45
An hour had passed, and tension was prevalent in the room. "Oh my gosh! Why don't you two just say whatever it is and get done with it!" Munch pleaded from Elliot and I. Then Fin stood up and sat on the edge of Munch's desk.
"Man, it ain't Olivia's fault that Elliot is being a complete ass."
As if on que, Cragen came out barking orders on a new case. "You and Elliot are catching. Victim's name is Eliza Parshew, she's down at St. Mary's." I glanced over at Elliot and we gathered our coats and walked out in step. Well at least that didn't change. Its sad that the only thing we can count on not changing is our walk.
11:00 AM St. Mary's Hospital and the Car Ride
The car ride offers little relief. Awkward silence fills the air and not Elliot, nor I dare to break it. What is the point anymore? We arrive at the hospital, talk to the girl and leave, only to find it was a false alarm. For once, I am glad someone does not need me. It was good to get out of the office, even if it was with Elliot.
12:30 SVU Precinct
Walking back into the precinct, I spot Dean Porter. It's been a couple of months since I've seen him and am really glad to see him again. Praying he has a case for me, we briefly hug. He was such a breath of fresh air. A genuine friend who didn't force me to second guess everything I do. I know Elliot is boring his eyes into the back of my head, but let him.
"So it has been awhile. You look good Liv, real good." Dean commented with a smile. Maybe I was blind before. Not to notice his charm and handsome features.
"Yeah it has, too long. And thanks, of course you look good too." Of Course? Where did that come. I'm openly flirting with him at work. In front of Ell...er..Cragen. Gotta make a save with this. "So what do you got for us? A case? Undercover I hope. Those are exciting."
Listen to the sound from deep within
Its only beginning to find release
"Liv, you just came back a couple of months ago. Let someone else do it." Elliot inputs. Is he seriously trying to control what I'm going to do? I'm not going to let that happen. "And her name is Olivia, or better yet, Benson for you Porter."
My eyes shoot open. I'm no property and definitely not Elliot's. "I think she is old enough to decide what she is ready for, and last time I checked, she was okay with me calling her Liv." Dean shot back smugly. This cause Elliot to turn his full attention on me. Looking as if he is going to have a heart attack any moment, I barely refrain from laughing.
"Liv, tell him, he can't call you that. I just got you back I don't wanna lose you again."
"Elliot, I have been back for months and you haven't seem to give a rats ass. I like doing undercover work, and I am going to do it. And he can call me whatever he wants." Cragen choosing this point to interrupt. Which is probably the wisest action to do.
"Okay, hold on. Dean isn't finish with his propositions. There is more to the story that just undercover work."
"Well Olivia, I remembered you said you looked forward to doing more intensive undercover work and and temporary position has just opened up. Now it could be a couple of months sting, or even one to two years at the most. I would be your only source of contact with the outside world. If you choose to do this, I'll give you so much more detail that your head will have the potential to explode." Dean finished with a boyish laugh.
Ohh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen
I can't believe this. The opportunity of a lifetime. This would be the step I desperately needed in my career. Being an undercover detective for a living was only a distant dream for me. And now, I can see the light at the end of a tunnel. But what about Elliot? He'd probably hate me quite possibly forever. Its not like I haven't felt his wrath and its exhausting. I don't know how much longer I could stand him. I allowed him to stand in my way long enough. It is time to forget those year old memories of foolish love. There, I said it. I loved Elliot Stabler. But he didn't see it. Or he just didn't care. Now is the perfect time to close this chapter of my life and start a more enjoyable, happier one. Bring on the adventure.
1:00 PM
"Okay, Dean. I'll do it. When do we start?" I reply. Almost giddy with anticipation.
Everyone stares at me with disbelief. Elliot the most. His face is almost inscrutable to others, but I know the many faces of Elliot Stabler. And this one is one of hurt, anger and confusion.
"Your sure, I mean at least take a day or two to think it over. I don't want you to regret anything." Dean offers. He is so considerate and understanding it's unbelievable. Just the way Elliot used to be, but that was years before. And one should not dwell on the past.
"Never been more sure in my life. This may be just the push I need in a better direction." I answer.
Elliot is so perplexed. Now his anger is about to erupt. Now he is about to show me the reason why I made the right choice, show me that I don't need anymore pain in my life. Especially from him. "Fine. Leave Olivia. It is what your good at. See if Dean has the patience to put up with you. Cause you drove me to drink. You know that? There were times where I would rush home and throw back so many Jack Daniels, I lost count. All because of your stupid mouth, stupid beliefs. You almost ruined Kathy and I, now your done, so your going to move on to the next victim?" He paused a moment to comment to Porter.
"Watch out Porter, this one will take out your heart."
"I have an idea, your undercover name could be Destroyer of Lives. Because you know what? That is what you are. No wonder your mother hated you. And to think I was soo in love with you. Of all people it was you. Well that's over with now. Have fun playing Nancy Drew and good riddence!"
[chorus
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened
How could he have the heart to say that to me. How dare he. And he claims he loved me. I'm sure in some twisted way he did or at least thought he did.
"Just cause you can't handle the fact that Liv can't stand to be around you, doesn't me you get the chance to make her feel like shit. She deserves more than that. Soo much more. And especially from you. The whole time in Philadelphia, I tried to tell Olivia how I felt. How I believed, and still do, that she was the most captivating women I have ever set eyes on. She steals the breath from me even when she is across the room. She's smart, she's beautiful, funny and caring, and so much more. And the whole time, all she spoke of was how close of a partnership you two had. How good friends you guys were. She never admitted it, but she loved you Stabler. And your an ass to not realize that. You just lost the most amazing woman that either of us will ever know. "
Elliot just stood there. Dumbstruck as was I. Dean Porter loved me. Was in love with me. And for once that's all that clouds my mind and nothing else matters. Not Elliot's hatred, not even the fact that I'm acting so out of character. I think...I may actually love him back. Actually be in love with him too.
"Liv...I'm so sorry. I never knew. Never thought you would love me. I know what I said hurt you...please forgive me. Please." Elliot begged. Constantly.
There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed Aside or turned
Into your own
All 'cause you won't listen
"No. I don't believe you. You aren't sorry. Your just sorry that you found out that I loved you. Sorry that I'm leaving, forcing you to train a new partner. Sorry that you won't have anyone to talk to or drink with after one of your infamous fights with Kathy. Your sorry, cause now your losing your personal beating bag. Your sorry because you never had me, and you never will. Your sorry that I have given my heart to someone else. Sorry you lost control. That's all your sorry for." I reply. Wow. Talk about a load off. I say good bye to all my coworkers and boss before clearing my desk and leaving with Dean Porter to start my own life.
I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't
Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start, but I will complete
"You gave your heart to someone else?" Dean asks dejectedly. Picking up on his distressed tone, I offer condolence.
"Yeah, just look in the mirror if you want to know who." I wink at him, before climbing into the car.
Now I am done believing you
You don't know not what I am feeling
I'm more than what you've made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I got to find my own - my own
A/N: More to come, Depends on reviews. This is just a starter chapter. And Elliot may rear his ugly head. But it does make a good one shot. Let me know what you think. Haven't written in over a year. Wow!.
You know what to do...review!
Song is "Listen" by Beyonce
