Hey all, This is just a short fan fic I wanted to try out. I haven't written much, so it might not be great. It's also my first IS fan fic. it can get a little dramatic at times, which might not seem all that true to the characters, but I hope it's okay.

Please tell me what you think!

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Instant Star. I just like to play with the characters!

It's my poetry.

Please don't steal it.

Jack, Richy, and John are also mine

I'm also a Green Day fan, so other Green Day fans might enjoy a little surprise guest appearance.

It starts about 2 years after where Date with the Night left off, and it's in Jude's point of view. I started writing this a looong time ago, so there's obviously no season 3 background. I have a bad habit of not updating often so I decided to finish it before I posted any of it. I hope you enjoy anyway xo Frozenfireheart

Being a rock star has been something that comes naturally to me. For most people, even if they do have the talent for it, it's too much stress, and too unpredictable. But for me, it's a career I can handle. I can understand it and when I'm in the studio, I really feel comfortable. Like I belong. My music is my life and it will never hurt me. So why, if I can take on the life of a rock star, can't I take on the voice of Tom Quincy without shaking out of my mind?

When he left, my world came crashing down the second that death black car drove out of my sight and out of my life. All my inspiration was lost, and life didn't seem worth living anymore. But I was just a stupid little girl with a guitar back then. It took me a few weeks, but I soon realized what Tommy did to me and what I never did to him. I realized I needed to be independent. I couldn't need anyone. Especially Tom Quincy.

I've spent the last 2 years building a wall around my heart, built secure with the tears I wasted on thoughts of Tommy. I made sure that no one could come too close. Sure I casually dated to get my mind off of him in the beginning, but no one ever came closer than a kiss on the cheek. I think it was easier that way. I didn't have to worry about being hurt so badly again. I don't know exactly how far away Tommy went, but I do know that it was definitely far away enough to leave my heart in the past. I always kept that in mind when I ever got the crazy idea that Tommy still cared about me.

"He would have called." I often had to tell my self out loud those first couple days. "He would have let me know. He would have told me he'd come back for me. He at least would have responded to one of my millions of messages. If he could fathom never seeing me again, if he knew he could be fine with that, then he obviously didn't and doesn't care about me." I think it helped.

Sometimes I would plan out in my head what I would do if he ever came back. I decided I would just act like I didn't remember him. I'd tell Darius I'd insist he didn't have his old position as my producer, and that I'm perfectly fine with his replacement- Jack Romano, who I've been dating on and off for a little while. I would avoid him as much as possible, without being obvious. But when I was around him, I'd act like nothing ever happened. I'd act like he never crushed my heart. I would never let on how he used to send shivers down my spine every time he whispered in my ear. Or how his voice always made any bad day better. No, he would just be the man at work I never talk to.

I told myself I was strong enough to carry through with my plan every day. I had to make sure my emotions were solid.

"I'm nineteen. I'm not that little girl. I can handle it if I have to."

I'd almost chant it sometimes.

For about a year now, I've made sure I was in tip top emotional state. Some people like Sadie and Kwest have said I've changed. I don't think so, I'm just stronger. More rigid. Not such an emotional mess anymore. I don't live everyday like PMSing is going out of style. Nope. I'm the rock star.

And that's how it has been. Tommy leaving lowered me into a rut in my life, but I guess I've gotten used it . Kind of like I set up home in my little rut. Almost literally. I've stayed out of the sun. So of course I'm paler than ever. But I guess the fans like the contrast of the ruby red lipstick to my skin. My music has gotten rougher and more edgy.

The sales were at an all-time high, but now they seem to be slipping. I guess the public is started to get bored with it. Darius told me I have to find a new approach. What is that supposed to mean? My music is who I am and I'm not changing it. Well, he's just going to have to take what I give him. And that's that.

I just left work and I couldn't have waited a second longer. It's finally Friday and Darius has been shoving orders down my throat all week. I'm not sure how much more I can take from him…or this place. I used to love coming to G-Major. Now it seems like the life has faded in it. The only good personality in the building is Jack's. He's a 23 year old sweetheart and cutie. I love how his soft brown curls fall over his smiling brown eyes. He often likes to flex his Italian tanned biceps at me and impersonate The Terminator when I'm in a bad mood and need a laugh. He's a great friend, but he's also a great producer. Somehow he knows how to agitate me enough to get me really passionate when I'm recording. I don't know how he does it, but when he's in his producer mode he's gets this stubborn attitude and gets what he wants. Maybe it's the Italian in him, and maybe that's how he's gotten some dates out of me.

Jack is great, but like I said, G Major isn't what it used to be. I hardly ever even see Jamie anymore. He met some girl named Rita online and he always takes the weekends to drive three hours away to see her. Even without the glasses, he's still the geek I once loved. I'm considering taking maybe a year or two off after I finish my fourth album. I could use it.

As I was walking through the parking lot, my cell phone started ringing. I whipped out my cell expecting Sadie's call but the number that came up on the caller ID made me do a triple take. 715-544-0892. I had deleted the name for that number about 2 years ago but I definitely remember the number. It sent instant chills down my spine and I felt nausea swaying in my stomach. I think it was because I was swaying. I stumbled a bit, and found myself faced with a not-so-little decision.

First instincts: Ohhhhh Dear Lord!! What does he want? What does he have to say? Why is he calling now after 2 years???

Second instincts: Just breathe. I don't care. He's just a part of my past. I DON'T want to talk to him. I don't have to. I don't need him…

I took a few deep breaths and tried to decide on what to do. I could just chuck the phone… or pick it up. With my hands shaking, I looked at the small numbers in the window of my phone again. My cell phone ironically playing "White Lines" as I try to make up my mind on whether or not to answer the call…I forgot I defaulted the song for unknown callers…I didn't have many of them. I had set ring tones for all my friends, family, and co-workers. It didn't make my track of thinking go any smoother. When I focused my thoughts I realized my phone stopped ringing. I kind of sighed and sat down in my blue Ford Explorer. That was by far the weirdest conflict of emotions I'd had in a long time. I jumped when my phone rang once letting me know I had a new voice mail.

That's it guys! My first chapter! Tell me what you think. And don't worry, future chapters will be longer.