"My Immortal"
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Evanescence lyrics are now my inspiration. I hope you like this story; it's kind of strange and I just thought of it today :D
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Alastor and Lupin put Dumbledore's heavy and lifeless body in his bed. They were in his office and Albus' body was still warm, still felt alive. But it was not.
Both men turned to see the woman behind him, a tall lady with black hair, still wearing her torn and dirty clothes from the battle which had just taken place a few minutes ago in Hogwarts. A few gashes ran through her face.
"Do you need anything else, Headmistress?"
Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Moody for having said that word, that word that now seemed cold, unreal and bitter.
"Do not call me 'Headmistress' again, Alastor. Never do".
Lupin pinned his eyes on hers, looking her disappointed.
"You must accept what has just happened, Minerva" he said, sadly, "You must be strong and continue. You are not only Hogwarts' Headmistress, but also our leader. Dumbledore always said you would."
"No!" she shouted frantically, "I should be no Headmistress or leader of anything! He should be alive! It is so unfair! I… I…
Her voice trailed off. She could not continue. When Lupin approached her with the sole intention of comforting her, she stepped away.
"Out", she said, pointing the exit with a trembling finger, "It is an order, get out!"
"Minerva…"
"OUT!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, "If I am your bloody leader prove it and leave me alone. Leave alone so I can mourn the loss of a great man!"
Moody and Lupin looked very worried, but said nothing else and left her alone with the dead body. When no footsteps could be heard, she collapsed to her knees in front of him.
"Why, Albus?" she moaned, her voice growing hoarse, "Why even when you are dead I must keep pretending that I always lived just to be your right hand? Why weren't you brave enough to tell everyone who I really was?" she grabbed Albus by the collar of his robes and shook him uncontrollably, while she continued her lament, "You fool old man! I hate you for being dead, I… I'm so tired of being here…"
She let her hands slid off Dumbledore's neck and she fell to the floor on her back, on her bruised back, just part of her bruised body and her bruised soul. She could see the roof and could just think of watching the stars on the Astronomy Tower, just before coming back from Saint Mungo, that night when he had promised he would fight only to end Lord Voldemort's threat so he could rightfully marry her.
She could now see his charred hand hanging lifelessly from the bed and close her eyes again, imagining those nights where they had shared not only one bed, but their thoughts, bodies and souls. She could feel his hands running down her robes, undressing her. The touch on her bare skin always gave her goosebumps.
She fell asleep, dreaming of better times.
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The Astronomy Tower was deserted that night and a tabby cat sat on the edge of the wall, looking down with its piercing eyes. It seemed to be looking at the stars, wondering.
"Standing so close to the edge is quite dangerous, even for a cat, my dear."
The cat turned its gaze and moved its tail merrily to the tall and blue-eyed man in front of her. In a second it transformed, with a loud pop, into a tall woman with black hair. She stood just where the cat had, in the edge of the wall. Her equilibrium was astonishing.
"The senses of a cat, of course", said Dumbledore smiling, "However, I do fear your recent attack left you a little…" he didn't dare to say 'weak'. It seemed a rude word to say to a woman so strong, so he extended his arm and offered her his palm, "Please, do come down."
She didn't take his hand. Instead, she transformed into a cat and jumped, landing gingerly on the floor. After directing him a smug smile, the cat disappeared with a pop and there stood Minerva McGonagall again.
"Good night, Albus", she said in a sharp tone, "What brings you here?"
Dumbledore did not seem surprised by the hardness impressed in her words.
"My bed is very cold tonight, dear", he answered, approaching her and then he spoke in a very soft and low voice, "I was under the impression you were coming to me this night."
He brushed his lips against her neck, but she stepped back.
"I did not feel like it", she said, curtly.
Dumbledore felt a sharp pain in his chest. He could not stand to hear the tone of her voice, the irony of her words, and the fury in her eyes. He knew why she was talking like that, but he preferred to ask her.
"Is there something wrong, Minerva?"
She surveyed him with her cat-like eyes and crossed her arms. Her expression now was neutral.
"Nothing you should be concerned about, Albus."
He risked another attempt to approach her, but saw rejection in her face and desisted.
"If it is related to you then is my concern, darling. Never doubt that."
"Then do tell me why you only visited me once at Saint Mungo after you returned to Hogwarts. Was it just to follow a code of behavior? Of course, the Headmaster should go and visit his Deputy."
Straight to the point was always her style. Professor Dumbledore sighed. He knew. Her coldness and bitter attitude was because of that event that had taken place just weeks ago. He had been wondering when she was going to ask for an explanation.
"I must confess then", he said calmly, "I visited you at day just to fulfill the code, of course."
She was infuriated. He admitted it! He dared to admit it so lightly! As if she had no feelings at all!
"How dare you? You have just said everything that was related to me concerned you! My illness can be understood as related to me, in case you don't know! You promised you would never hurt me, Albus! I have been hurt so badly before! You are just like him!"
He decided it had been enough so, without her approval, he embraced her very tightly, not allowing her to move. She kept fighting, shouting at him, until she fell silent.
"I visited you at day just once to fulfill a code", he repeated softly, "but at night I visited you to fulfill my duties as your companion."
Minerva raised her head, unbelievingly. Words failed her.
"What?" she stammered, "I never… How could…?"
"I just sat there by your side, holding your hand and sleeping at times."
The woman felt a knot in her throat. She had been so unfair to him and he was looking her as though nothing had happened, as though she had never compared him to a very dreadful wizard.
"How many nights were you there?"
"From the first night Poppy informed me where you had been taken to the last night, which was yesterday. I must say I liked those slippers the Healer gave you. Quite comfortable"
She was now speechless, completely speechless, a fact that had happened just twice in her entire life.
"Oh, Merlin…"
"You can call me 'Albus', dear. I don't mind", he said smiling.
She ignored the joke. Under any other circumstance it would have been fun, but not in that particular moment.
"Why did you not tell me before?" she asked, resentfully, "Why you never woke me up one of those nights?"
"Because if anyone overheard you talking to the air then you would never had gotten out of that place", he answered, "I was invisible the whole time, my dear. Besides, people would have suspected of something more than friendship I the Healers saw me each night with you."
She tried so hard to remember, to remember his hold, even if it was an invisible hold, an invisible skin holding her limp hand. His expression suddenly sulked.
"I should have married you years ago, Minerva. I should tell everyone who you really are. Tell them I love you… but I am afraid. I have been since Voldemort appeared as such… not even when he was gone I dared to let my guard down because I knew his followers were active. I am, to the eyes of the world, a lonely man. And I must continue to be so just to protect you. They could try to reach me if they knew I would kill myself before losing you" he rubbed his hand against her cheek, "I will never forgive myself if any harm befalls you on my account."
She didn't answer. She turned and fixed her eyes on the starry sky. Dark but bright, just like her eyes. Dumbledore caressed her hair and kissed the back of her head. She desired now that a falling star crossed the sky so she could ask a wish. She would wish just one thing: to see Voldemort dead, killed by herself if possible.
He was now also seeing the stars.
"I may not be able to promise you marriage now, my dear, but I can promise you this: I will fight just for you. When all this evil threat ends, I swear I'll marry you and then we will hide no more. My life will be openly devoted to you."
She hugged him very tightly and he kissed her forehead very tenderly, while his right hand was sliding through her hair, intertwining his fingers on her soft dark hair.
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She then heard a voice, a strange voice she did not remember having heard back then. It was harsh but distant.
"We could do it without this woman, master. Any other witch will be just fine."
"No, Snape", said a very cold voice, "This will be my last tribute to Dumbledore. It must be her."
The voices felt closer now. Minerva opened her eyes and thought they were deceiving her, because she could not longer see Dumbledore's arm hanging. There was nothing. She tried to feel her wand inside her robes, but there was nothing.
"Look, Snape", said the cold voice, "Our sleeping hostess has awakened."
She saw a swish of black robes move around the bed and then, horrified, saw Lord Voldemort standing before her.
"It's you!" she shouted, without getting up, "You foul stinking coward! You could not kill him by yourself so you sent your puppet here to do it! You deserve death and I will give it to you!"
She forgot she had just returned from the world of dreams and was still dizzy, she forgot she did not have a wand but only her hands and she bolted upright and launched herself to him, transforming into a cat and aiming her fierce claws to his neck. She missed the jugular, but she scratched his filthy face with her nails and he caught her in midair.
"You forgot that, as the new Headmistress, you should have renewed the protecting spells that encircled this school. Those were made by Dumbledore, and now that the caster is dead, the spells are worthless."
She hissed and tried to scratch his arms.
"Such a nice cat but such bad manners," he said to her, not minding the stream of blood that was cascading down his cheek. Maybe I will show you some."
He held her by the skin on her neck and looked menacingly at Snape.
"Do it, Severus," he instructed, "The Cruciatus curse. That will show her not to attack her guests… wanted or unwanted."
Snape obliged and pointed the cat with his wand. "Crucio!"
Pain, there was searing pain all over her feline form and all over her human mind. She screamed, even thought she did not know if it was a human cry or a cat screech. However, when the pain stopped, she was still looking directly at his scarlet and pitiless eyes. Still suspended in the air.
Voldemort did not let go of her.
"Now, force her to become a human again. I cannot possibly do what I want to if she is a cat."
"My Lord, I believe you could use another woman. There is no need of this one."
Voldemort took his own wand and pointed at the cat.
"If you are too scared to see me harming your dear old professor I will force to transform myself, you coward."
A flash of soft white blue light erupted form his wand as the cat fought to release itself. Soon, arms began to sprout where the paws had been and Voldemort threw the cat to the bed, waiting for the transformation to finish, while holding his wand tightly. Soon, Minerva was lying on the bed, crumpled because of the pain she had endured.
"You coward," she hissed faintly. "YOU RUDDY COWARD!"
He slapped her furiously across the face.
"You preferred to share the bed with that old and useless man after having been my woman?"
Only then was Minerva aware that Dumbledore's corpse was still lying on the bed, on her side. She had been unable to see his charred hand hanging because Voldemort had put his both hands over his chest and flowers in between, surely just to emulate he was already in a coffin. He had been gloating. Only when he was dead did he dare to gloat over him.
He looked just asleep. Just quiet and calm.
"I suppose that now that you look at his dead body you don't see much of a difference in the way he surely behaved with you in this room."
She spat on his face.
"Just to the record, Tom, I only knew what bliss meant until I shared this room with him."
She thought he was going to slap her again, but then she heard a hard thump and then an explosion. Voldemort looked confused and held his wand tightly again. Suddenly, Mad-Eye Moody, Lupin and Tonks were in the room, pointing at Snape and Voldemort, whose wand was now against Minerva's throat.
"Make a move and she dies," he hissed, looking them menacingly, "I don't reckon you want to see your leader killed, do you? Wands down!"
They did not obey. Surely they did not believe he would hurt her, so he decided to prove it. He pointed his wand at her with the Cruciatus Curse. She screamed, now with human voice, piercing the souls of her three saviors. Tonks could not resist it any longer and pointed her wand not at Voldemort but to Snape.
"Expelliarmus!" she shouted, and Snape, taken by surprise, was thrown to the nearest wall.
"Avada kedavra!" hissed Voldemort, but Minerva launched herself at him, knocking him to he floor and the Killing Curse went astray.
She picked up his wand and got up, trembling. Her hand was quite steady when she was pointing at Voldemort's throat.
"Not only the manners of a cat, but the skills… quite fetching," he said, hissing.
Snape got to his feet and pointed his wand at Minerva.
"Sectumsempra!" he cried.
Minerva let out a scream when a deep gash cut through her skin. She collapsed to the floor, covered in blood. Voldemort used the diversion and picked up his wand and took Albus's hand.
"I´ll be seeing you soon, my dear. I will take this as a memory of you, I hope you don't mind."
Minerva lost consciousness, but If she hadn't, she would have seen Snape and Voldemort disappear. They had taken Dumbledore's body with them.
