Tears Have No Name
Author's Note: I know this has probably been done so many times. But there was this plot bunny that I could not get rid of and I had to write this. I've been heavily inspired by Within Temptation and the music from Pan's Labyrinth. This is only two chapters. This is also unbetaed. I hope you enjoy.
Summary: The defeat of Voldemort is nigh. The Battle of Hogwarts begins and Tonks is with her son, worrying about Remus. The untold story of what happened to Tonks and Remus on the night that no survivor would forget. Tonk's point of view.
Rating: T for language and violence.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Chapter 1: There's No Turning Back
The music box was playing by the crib.
Nymphadora Tonks was fighting an internal battle.
She was twirling in Teddy's room holding him tightly in her arms, humming to him. A lullaby that her father sang to her when she was a child. The same lullaby that his nana from Spain sang to him at night when he was little. He always spoke very highly of her, a woman in the Spanish resistance against Franco. During a time, when there was very little hope. It seemed like one of those times right now.
Now her father was gone. When the terrible news came, she remembered that her mother did not talk to anyone for days. She locked herself up in her room, crying and mourning alone. It hurt that they didn't mourn together. She dearly missed him, and sometimes, she half expected him to walk through the front door any minute.
She often felt so selfish for wanting a bit of normalcy for herself. After all, why should she want something that no one else seemed to have? Her mother made her feel as if the only person she thought about was herself. That's why, in the beginning, she could never tell her about Remus. But maybe her mother was right. Here, she was with her son. Shouldn't she stay behind and make certain that her son had at least one parent to grow up with?
But she was so tired of staying behind and being left alone all the time. She had already done that. Two years of it to be exact. It was so hard to get across to Remus sometimes, but she never gave up. In the end, he came back to her, didn't he? He came back only to leave again. She thought of their last kiss and embrace nearly an hour ago, and she desperately longed for his touch.
She considered the odds; perhaps Remus might survive the battle. Then, she recalled the time she was talking to Moody. He was showing her the photograph of the original Order of the Phoenix. More than half the members were dead by now. The more she thought about it the more she knew that there was a strong possibility that Remus might not make it. She held back a sob, Alastor was gone too.
It wasn't fair. Her child deserved to grow up with two parents. Even one parent was better than none. But could she live with herself? She was an Auror. She was trained to fight evil. She wanted the suffering to stop, to put those responsible for heinous crimes away in Azkaban. She thought of Harry who grew up with no parents. He had lost almost everyone who was any sort of parental figure for him. How horrible did that feel? She could only imagine. Then, she thought of what Teddy would think later on when he were older. You left Dad to die all alone. No, but she was staying because she loved him. You left him all alone. Or perhaps, Teddy would be angry that they left him all alone. She bit her lip. No, he will understand. He will grow up in a place where he doesn't have to worry about his grandmother and friends being killed.
Long ago you all made a pact. Do whatever it takes to make sure we stop Voldemort. You were part of that pact. She could not stay.
She mulled over the argument she just had with her mother minutes after Remus left for Hogwarts after hearing Fred's patronus.
"This doesn't feel right, Mum! I'm going after him. I have to know that he's okay."
"Absolutely not. He told you to stay here and look after Teddy. What kind of mother are you, Dora? Are you trying to make Teddy an orphan?"
"Mother, a long time, you gave up everything so that you could be with my father."
Mother was a word reserved for heated arguments as was full names.
"Nymphadora, this is different!"
"You don't understand. You never accepted my marriage to Remus. But I finally found someone that completes me. I love him mother and nothing is going to change that."
"He left you! He abandoned you when you were carrying his child! He left you when you needed him the most!"
"But he came back, didn't he? He came back to me because he loves me!"
"What does that have to do with your son? Dora, he needs you. He needs someone to stay behind and protect him."
"I am trying to protect him!"
"How? By going to get yourself killed?!"
"A long time ago, mother, I promised I would protect the ones I love from evil. You-Know-Who is back and the world isn't safe anymore. We are all part of this world too, mother, whether you accept that or not. I made my choice as an Auror and as a member of the Order."
"How? In protecting a seventeen year old boy that may not even defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? You're going to throw your life away for some boy?!"
"Faith, mother, faith! He's not just some boy! He's destined to kill You-Know-Who!"
"That's your husband talking."
"Mother, he saved us before, he will do it again."
"You're being selfish! You're leaving your son as an orphan because you can't bear to live without your husband! You're a coward!"
The rage built up inside of her and reached a breaking point. She flung something at the wall. It shattered like her fragile heart.
"No, Andromeda! You're the coward! Afraid of death."
"And you're afraid of being alone! So you leave your child to the same fate because you cannot deal with what must happen."
Andromeda took out her wand and pointed it at her daughter.
"What are you doing?"
"Remus told me you would try to leave. He told me to do everything in my power to stop you. That's what I'm doing."
That sly bastard.
"Stop that, Mother. You're being ridiculous!"
"Am I? I'm not the one who threw a figurine at the wall. I'm not the one who wants to run off and leave her son an orphan. I'm not the one being rash here. I just lost my husband, I'm not about to lose my daughter."
Tonks reached for her wand stuck in her back pocket, briefly thinking of Moody. Andromeda didn't notice.
"I'm sorry, Mother," she said as she whipped out her wand. "Stupefy!"
There was shock on her face, but she was too slow in blocking the spell. The jet of red light hit Andromeda in the chest, and she gave a cry as she fell back. Teddy started crying, and Tonks ran upstairs to comfort him.
Her mother was still stunned, lying on the couch downstairs. She stopped twirling, the music had stopped.
Still humming, she looked down at the ring on her finger. Holding Teddy carefully in her left arm, she took out her wand and whispered, "Geminio." Another ring exactly as the first appeared on her ring finger. She took off the real ring and placed it into the music box that had stopped playing. The ring would be something tangible her son could remember her by. Then maybe one day when he was in love with a girl, that ring would be hers. Whoever she may be. A tear fell down her face.
She set Teddy down carefully between the covers, making sure he wrapped up tightly. The blue locks were poking out from the cap Andromeda made him. He was so beautiful. She reached over with her wand and enchanted the music box, so that it would keep playing music until someone closed the box.
Letting go was harder than she thought. A lump formed in her throat when the reality of it all sank in. She knew deep down inside that she would never see him again. She leaned over and gave Teddy a kiss on the cheek. He was sound asleep, unaware that when he woke his mother would never come back. Another tear fell down her cheek. "I love you, Teddy."
She knew there was no turning back.
