Ephemeral
Author's Note: Hello all. It's been awhile, eh? Well, this is quite a leap from my usual work, and now, my dirty little secret is out. I am a huge nerd. Video Games, Anime, love it all. Actually, I'm really picky, but anyway. That said, as far as anime and games go, the angsty characters and any character voiced by Steve Blum (love that guy to bits) usually end up winning my favoritism. Vincent Valentine is both of these, and therefore, has a special place in my heart. I've been trying to write a story about him for ages. And I always seem to fail halfway through. He's very difficult for me to write about, despite how much I like him. I also have difficulty coming up with an OC for FF. There are just too many possibilities. Anyway, I like this one, and I feel like it's relatively plausible, without totally fucking over the real story, but, that's only what I think. It's a huge leap from what I usually try, FF or otherwise, so it's a bit experimental. Please be kind. :)
I. Ethereal
Vincent Valentine did not know when he had started answering the voice in his head. A feminine voice, a lovely one, he liked listening to her. At first, she had only been there when he was just about to fall asleep, or just waking up, and he had simply figured he had finally hit the point where he was no longer in touch with reality, that his nightmares were starting to infect the waking world. But he dismissed that theory quickly, she was never a part of the nightmares. She was...something else. And the longer she was there, the more he started to think that maybe it did not matter. Come to think of it, he was not even sure when he had started to believe the disembodied voice was something separate from his own mind, he even thought of her as a person. He just...felt like she was.
Tonight she was late. But it didn't really matter. He would stay awake and wait for her. He always did. Perhaps he should find it strange that the only one he really felt comfortable talking to, despite those he would call friends, was just voice. A voice that he would guess no one else could hear.
Hello Vincent.
"You're late."
Yes, I know. I'm sorry, were you worried?
"No. I thought...maybe I'd gone back to being sane for awhile is all."
But you're not insane.
"Oh really? Do you talk to anyone else then? Would anyone else hear you?"
I don't know. I don't think so. I've been trying to talk for a long time. But so far...you're the only person I've been able to reach, Vincent.
"Do you wonder why that is?"
Yes. But at the same time, I don't think it really matters. I like talking to you.
"Even though I don't have much to say?"
You don't have to. It's okay. I know you're there, that's all that matters. I don't feel lonely anymore.
"Why were you lonely before? Where are you?" A question he had asked many times before, in the hopes of determining just what she was, but one he never got an answer to.
I don't know. I don't know where I am, or how long I've been here. I just know that I'm alone. Except for you.
Vincent thought for a moment how depressing that must be. He was alone as well. But because he chose to be. She didn't have a choice, from the sound of things. Not to mention, he probably wasn't the best companion.
Can I ask you something, Vincent?
"Sure."
What do you look like? I keep trying to make a picture to go with your voice...but...it's a lot harder than I thought.
"I once had someone tell me I look like a vampire."
A vampire?
"Like Dracula. They drink people's blood and live forever."
I've never seen a vampire before. They sound like monsters though, you don't seem like a monster.
"You don't know that."
I suppose not. But I don't think you are. Now you'll probably look scary when I try to picture you.
"What about you? What do you look like?" He wondered if she could sense that he was prying. Searching for clues about her; whether she was only in his head.
I...I don't know. I've never seen what I look like. Is that strange? I've never thought about it before.
"Never?"
Never. I've never had a reason to be curious either. I don't think I would know how to go about describing it if I had.
"So then...what are you?"
You've been talking to me all this time and you're just now getting curious? Or are you just too polite to have asked me that before?
"A little bit of both I guess."
I see. I'm sorry but...I don't know the answer to that either.
"You don't know anything about yourself? Do you have a name?"
Maybe. But I've forgotten it. Sometimes, I have dreams about where I was before this. But...they're always blurry...like I'm watching from a million miles away...I don't even know if they're really about me. I don't know if I've ever had a name. Why don't you make one up for me?
"That's not as easy as it sounds." Vincent had never even had a pet to give a name to. It seemed like a heavy burden to bear, giving someone a name. Especially since she may very plausibly have one of her own that she had simply forgotten. "What kind of name do you want?"
One you like.
His first thought, in all honesty, was to name her Lucrecia. But, relatively quickly, he rejected the idea. Somehow it wouldn't feel right. It would only remind him of how desperately he was clinging to the past. And she...she was her own person. Or at least, her own personality. It would be cruel to name her after a ghost of the past. Vincent dwelt on it in silence for a long while, wondering how long it would take him to be struck by inspiration. Suddenly, he knew what he wanted to call her.
"Eureka."
Eureka?
"For your name. What do you think?"
Eureka...I like the way it sounds. Does it mean anything?
"It's what you're supposed to say when you find something you've been looking for. It suits you."
Oh, I get it! You found my name. You're right, it does suit me. I think it's perfect.
He could hear what he imagined to be a smile in her voice. Vincent felt the corner of his own mouth tugging as well. Not quite a smile, but a strange urge to do so.
"So, Eureka, how do you suppose we're doing this?"
Doing what?
"Talking."
Oh. That's a good question. How do you hear me?
"You're in my head. Or at least, that's what I think. I don't hear you, you're just there."
It's the same for me. I don't know how to explain, it's more like...your voice comes from inside. Does that make sense?
"Not really. And it doesn't explain a thing. We're talking to each other, and yet, we're no where near each other. It makes no sense."
Not much does.
"Can you tell me more about where you are? Any details?"
Why?
"I guess I'm just curious."
You still think you're talking to someone imaginary, don't you?
"I'm not sure."
I guess I shouldn't be offended. There's no way to prove to you that I'm not part of your imagination. I have no memories or stories or anything like that. I didn't even have a name until a couple of minutes ago. Would you still talk to me, even if I wasn't real?
"I don't know. If you were imaginary, I think you would be trying to convince me you weren't."
I wouldn't know.
"No. You wouldn't would you?"
You can be so cryptic Vincent. I don't know whether you believe me or not.
"I'll let you know when I know."
Fair enough.
The smile was back in her voice. He didn't think he really believed that she was only a figment of his own mind. Not anymore. She had been there too long, she exhibited emotions and thoughts all her own, she had a certain kind of complexity, she was completely unpredictable. How could he only be imagining her? But there were so many things that were contrary to the idea she was a magically telepathic person hidden away in some secret location. How could she not have a name or any idea where she was? How could she not know what she looked like? It made no sense.
He tried to think back to the first time he had heard her voice. It must have been almost a year now. He could vaguely remember hearing her, just little whispers at first, when he had been beneath the Shinra Mansion. At first, he had ignored her, and nothing had been all that clear in the first place. He had only started to be able to make out words, to answer her, fairly recently, since he had left the coffin and joined this fight. That still didn't offer a clue as to what had really changed though, what made them able to communicate.
Maybe he was just was just losing it. Of course...there were all those other...things living in him. Maybe this was their doing. Thinking of this, and the impending battle on the horizon, Vincent looked out from the deck of the Highwind, the others all asleep or planning for the daunting task ahead. Even if he had been inside to talk to her, it was doubtful anyone would have left their own troubled thoughts to notice he was talking to himself, or her, as the case may be. He was fairly certain Cloud and the others thought he was far from normal regardless of who he had conversations with.
"Eureka."
Yes?
"Do you know anything about what's been happening lately? Shinra and Sephiroth, Meteor in the sky?"
Meteor...?
Her tone had changed. He couldn't quite place it, but he knew it was not a positive emotion she uttered that name with. "Can you see it?"
No. I haven't seen the sky in...in ages. Why do you ask?
Her tone had changed back to her usual, but he didn't pry. It was likely she would have no more answers than usual for him. "It's going to change everything soon, no matter what happens, no matter what we do." He looked at the ground passing by below at rapid speeds. He knew that was true, no matter how stubbornly Cloud wanted to fight it, the fact of the matter was that they were human, and they had no power over the cosmos. Well...mostly human. Even if they stopped it, Vincent had little doubt that the world would enter a period of severe change. Everything would be uprooted. "And Sephiroth is the one that caused it."
What is Sephiroth?
"A mistake. One that should have been corrected long ago."
Is that what you're going to do?
"I'm going to try."
I see. It sounds dangerous.
"It's something I need to do."
Why?
"I owe it to someone. From long ago." She was quiet. He let the silence carry on for awhile. "Eureka?"
Vincent, are you going to die?
"I don't know. It all depends."
If you don't, will you still talk to me?
"Yes."
It makes me very happy to hear that. The smile was there again, soaking through her voice. There's one more thing I'd like to ask you.
"What's that?"
What does Meteor look like? I remember the sky, but I don't know how a meteor would look. Is it beautiful?
"Yes. And terrifying." He moved his eyes up to toward the impending doom hanging ominously in the sky. If Holy didn't work...everything was going to die. Everything but Sephiroth. The Nightmare. Still, Vincent left that detail out while he described it to her. He preferred her voice when he could hear her smile.
II. Echo
It was a strange thing, how empty Vincent felt when he hadn't heard her voice for several days. He'd never thought of himself as the sort that got lonely. After all, he'd spent a good portion of his time in a coffin with nothing but bad memories and nightmares for company.
But she had been gone for a long time now, and despite himself, he was worried. It wasn't as if he knew what sort of situation she was in, wherever she was, so he tried not to assume the worst. That said, he could neither assume the best. Two years had passed, and still, she had not been able to tell him anything about where she might be. He could no sooner go look for her than he could call out to her and expect her to answer.
Though she seemed to be getting...tangible. It was difficult to explain. He could feel her sometimes, when she her voice was particularly strong, like she was close enough to touch; though Eureka was still only actually a voice, she seemed more...earthly than she had before. Or maybe it was his own mind making her seem that way. Maybe he was giving her that presence, making her feel more human. Which made it all the more disturbing that he had not heard from her for as long as he had.
Vincent?
He tried to ignore the rush of relief into his system when her voice reached him. "I was getting worried this time," He said, staring up at the moon through the softly lit trees. It seemed like her voice was always clearer here, in the Forgotten City. He passed it off as his own imagination, but he still would linger here more often than necessary when he was hoping to talk to her.
I'm sorry. But...something strange is going on.
"What do you mean?"
I had a strange vision. Of a shadow wrapping around the world. I don't know if it was a memory or a dream...But I think it's happened once before. I think I've seen it before.
"From your past?"
I can't be sure. I just know things are changing. Things...feel different. Dangerous.
"Not much has changed on my end."
I suppose it could just be me. I think I've been changing.
"How do you mean?"
I just feel...different. And I think I've been remembering things. Only fragments, feelings really. I can remember feeling sad, angry, scared. But I don't know why. I can just remember what that feels like.
"In any case, what seems dangerous?" He persuaded gently. If something dangerous were out roaming the world, he'd certainly like to know about it ahead of time. He wasn't sure how Eureka would know about it, seeing as she seemed to be locked away somewhere far from the world, but if she could telepathically connect to him somehow, he would certainly take her word for it.
The shadow.
"What exactly is it?"
I think it's something old. Something not supposed to be here.
"Do you mean Jenova?" Vincent's mind suddenly went on the alert. He didn't know how she could pick up on that, or why, but he was taking no chances.
Jenova is...Jenova is the thing...it's bad...it spreads like a disease.
"Is that what the shadow is?" Silence. Painful silence. Like she had completely vanished. "Eureka?" Still nothing. Not even a whisper.
I don't know.
Her voice was small, nearly imperceptible, a breath from far away.
But I can feel it. Something. And I'm terrified. I must have seen it before, but I can't remember! I just know that it's evil... that it spreads.
"It's alright. If you don't remember, that can't be helped," Vincent said. Still, it couldn't hurt to take a little peek at what was going on up in the North Crater, where Jenova still rotted, as far as anyone knew anyway. He wasn't one to take anything lightly, no matter how slight the chance it may be, it would be better to go see for himself and make sure.
I'm sorry I'm no help.
"You've never given me a reason not to believe you. Imaginary or not, I'll trust your judgment."
I see...thank you. But...do you really still think I'm imaginary?
"I don't know what to think."
What a coincidence. I don't either. I don't know why I feel these things. Or how I'm even doing it in the first place, but they're there...haunting me.
He didn't know what to say. Sometimes he felt like he never did. There was silence again, but this time it seemed more companionable. He could still feel her there, in the back of his mind.
Vincent, will you tell me about Lucrecia?
"How do you-"
You used to talk to me in your sleep. Before you really knew I was here. You called me Lucrecia for a long time. I wanted to ask...but the way you said it...I knew I shouldn't.
"You remember how I said I owed it to someone to put an end to Sephiroth?"
Yes.
"It was her. I made the promise to her. Even though...she wasn't there to hear it."
She is...dead?
"Yes. And no. I think part of her is still here, but mostly...she didn't want to live anymore."
What was her reason for that?
"It was...I guess you could say she was Sephiroth's mother. She gave birth to him, but what he was...he wasn't human. And they intended that."
Who?
"Hojo and Lucrecia. Sephiroth was created to be a monster. And a monster's exactly what he was. She couldn't live with that, she couldn't...stand it. I could have stopped her but...I just...I followed orders instead. Until it was too late. And now she's gone."
And you feel guilty.
"Yes."
What could you have done to stop her?
"I could have-" He stopped. He realized suddenly that he had never thought of that. What would he have done differently? He would have tried harder, certainly, but would it have been enough?
She was a being of free will. You cannot make choices for others.
"Would you have been able to stand by while someone you loved committed an atrocity like that? And then payed for it with her life?" He could hear the harshness of his words, but he found it hard to restrain it, even slightly.
I don't know what it means to love someone...I don't remember what that's like.
"If you're human...if you're even close to human, then you wouldn't be able to. It can be completely futile, but you'll try anyway. Because that's the nature of the human heart."
I see. Is that what made Sephiroth a monster? Was his heart...not human?
"That, and a number of things done to him before he was born." Vincent sensed the bitterness in his own voice. It seemed like it was always there. Even when he was trying to sound...normal. Like he too could move forward. Then again maybe he couldn't. Maybe, even though he was up, moving, doing things, he was always going to be buried in that damn box.
Does that mean I'm not human? Am I like Sephiroth?
"No. Eureka, you're not. You said you don't remember. So you know how to love, it's just been a long time. He never even knew...anything about it."
Do you think if he had...do you think he wouldn't have been a monster?
"I suppose if you think about it that way, anything is possible," Vincent said, eyes finding the moon again. "But it's too late now."
Yes. It hurts knowing that you can't do anything. Even I know that. But...the past is always going to be the past, and the future will always be the future. The present is the only one we can ever do anything about. You just have to keep...going.
"No matter how painful it is." Vincent agreed. And it could be painful. It could be excruciating.
III. Evanescence
He didn't feel any pain. The first time he had died, it had been horrible. Of course, that time, he had died from a gunshot wound. Then, before he had been able to resign himself to the idea, he had been dragged right back. This time...this time he would just fade away. Like he should have at this age, if he were a normal human.
Vincent.
That voice...
Vincent. You're not supposed to be here.
"Eureka...?"
That's right. This place isn't for you. You've earned the right to live the life you lost, all those years ago, don't you think? Come with me.
Things moved across his vision, though he wasn't sure what they were. Illusory, spirit-like things; his body felt stationary. He felt as though someone had taken his hand.
"Eureka...what's...what's going on?" The environment changed, swirled around and around, before solidifying again. It was brighter, blinding. He was standing on something that felt solid, but he knew it couldn't be. A woman stood before him, hair so pale it was almost white, her eyes a brilliant green-blue. Beautiful. Like an angel. "Are you-"
Yes. This is what I look like.
"I've always wondered..." He wanted to touch her, see if she was real, but his limbs felt heavy, as though they were made of stone.
And I you. A smile flashed across her lips. She had a beautiful smile. He had always been able to hear it, but now he could see it. It surpassed his best expectations.
"Are you...an angel?" She smiled wider.
No. I suppose I'm what you would call an Ancient. A Cetra. Or really, I'm what's left of one.
"A Cetra? But they...where have you been all this time?"
Here. She waved a hand to indicate the space around them. Wherever it was; heaven, hell, who knew. And here. The same hand reached forward, touching his chest.
"The Proto-Materia?"
Yes. I guess we've never actually been that far away after all. I'll explain, but I'll be quick, you don't have much time. Ages ago, ancient times now, Jenova woke up the Chaos gene. It was meant to remain dormant until the time the planet died, but...Jenova convinced it otherwise. I was elected to keep Chaos back, while the others dealt with Jenova. As I'm sure your history tells you, they were unsuccessful. There were no others to return to, none to relieve me. So I continued my duty alone, until my body faded away. My body and my memories passed on, into the planet, the Promised Land, while my will and my consciousness stayed behind, keeping Chaos in check. Eventually it manifested, reorganized itself into what you call the Proto-Materia. I forgot everything about what I was before. I only knew what I was meant to do. And I continued to do it. Until your father and Lucrecia took Chaos away. I followed. And you've been carrying my spirit around with you, all this time.
"Your spirit, huh?" He touched the space next to her fingers lightly, his limbs suddenly functioning again. He had never noticed before he knew it was there, but now, he was completely aware of the Materia's absence. "I should thank you then. All those years...keeping me human."
I should say thank you, Vincent. You just saved the planet. And at no small cost to yourself either. And thanks to you, the part of me that has been with you has found the parts of me that passed on. I'm whole now.
"Does that mean you're going to leave?"
Yes. But it's alright. You don't need me anymore. I'm taking Chaos with me. I'm taking all of them with me. You won't need me after this.
"But, weren't they keeping me alive?"
This life will be yours alone. The one stolen from you. This life is for you, you can do whatever you wish with it, Vincent.
"I don't know if it will be so simple." How did one live when your sole purpose before had been atonement and revenge? What did he do now? What did he want to do?
No. I don't think it will either. I can't make decisions for you. Only you can choose what to do with the time you're given. But I...we would like to see you live for yourself.
"We?"
She asked me to pass on a message. There's nothing to atone for. She would like to see you able to smile again.
"Lucrecia would...ask something like that of me." He looked down at the imperceptible floor at his feet.
Come, everything will be alright. We have little time. She held a hand out to him, palm up, waiting for him. Hesitantly, Vincent reached to her, unsure of what to expect. He set his palm in hers, and her tiny, delicate fingers, ghostly fingers that he could not actually feel, only imagine, wrapped around his. The movement began again, though he still couldn't actually feel it. Eureka's image began to blur, fade into a foggy outline.
"Wait, Eureka-"
I must return to the others. They have been waiting for me for a long time. I may not have been whole...but...I liked...being with you.
"I-"
I will miss you, Vincent Valentine.
"You know...you never told me...what your real name is."
Her voice seemed far away when she answered, but he could hear the smile in it.
I like Eureka better.
The world jerked. No, not the world, Vincent did. Everything was foggy, blurry, disoriented, and then started to slowly shift into focus. His chest burned, it took him a moment to realize that he was breathing, after who knew how long of not doing so, his lungs were protesting the sudden expansion. There was an emptiness inside. A voice was calling his name.
Vincent's eyes tracked the sound without his asking them to. Cloud. Making staggering progress over the rubble to where Vincent lay. He realized the emptiness was because someone who had been with him all this time was gone.
"Vincent! Holy...I can't believe your alive!"
"Nice to see you too." He leaned his head back, resting. He was so tired. So, so tired.
"Hey, come on. Wake up, we have to get you to a hospital or something." Cloud shook his shoulder lightly.
"Yeah. I think a hospital...might not be a bad idea."
Cloud was making a frantic phone call. Vincent wanted to tell him there was no hurry. He was fairly certain he would live. But he was exhausted. He could only stare up at the sky, and wonder if she had made it safely to the Promised Land. He had not said goodbye. He had never been good at farewells, but he felt as though...he should have said good bye to her.
"Goodbye. I think I might miss you too, Eureka."
"What did you say?" Cloud interrupted his conversation to stare down at Vincent.
"Nothing. Just finding my peace of mind."
Cloud responded with a strange look, a raised eyebrow, but shrugged it off and returned to reporting to the WRO where they were, probably thinking Vincent had just taken a good knock to the head.
He had never felt better. Vincent smiled a tiny, nearly invisible smile, noticing for the first time in a long time how beautiful the sky was.
A few last bits: Well. There's my piece. Please note that this was not meant to be a romance. Vincent was not supposed to sound like he was in love with Eureka. I apologize if he did, but I have a hard time seeing him as the type to fall in love again. But, as you may have noticed, Eureka may have had feelings for him. I leave the details to the readers though. Uhm...As to why it was divided into three parts, if you couldn't tell, it was FF VII, Advent Children (Or, right before it I guess), and Dirge of Cerberus. And the recurring 'E' theme. Yeah. I also didn't go into any great detail with the background story, because that shit is time consuming, and I figure if you're reading this, you know what's going on. Anyway, I've said my two cents. More like twenty cents really, with how much chit-chat I put at the end of these things, but whatever. If you review, please don't burn me at the stake. I have delicate self-esteem. Ciao.
