Oh GOD, this is painful.
I clutch at the sheets of my bed, as if having a good grip on them would somehow ease this aching- soothe my tortured soul.
Fat chance. A snide little voice in my head sneers. You brought this on yourself, you know.
Shut Up! I tell it- but I know it's right. This, my current, almost unbearable situation- is all my fault.
It was the forbidden fruit principal, I swear! You see something that you can't have, and of course you want it desperately. And so, as simple as that, I kissed him.
Despite my better judgment, I gave into temptation and kissed the man of my dreams.
Who, if I have failed to mention already, is completely off limits.
Because he's my best friend. And he's seeing someone. And so am I.
But I love him.
Yes, you do. The voice snickers. But that still doesn't make it right.
Yes, O.K., I realize that. I think about it every time we touch, actually.
And that doesn't change the fact that it feels right. More so than anything I've ever felt in my life. Because when we're alone, when we've slipped away for a few, precious moments, I am complete.
He is my other half. He makes all my character flaws seem not-so-bad. I mean, it's like we're puzzle pieces who've finally figured out how to click.
Ha! Click doesn't even describe it- the feeling I get as his lips touch mine and my fingers tangle hopelessly in his hair.
I shift uncomfortably, body slick with sweat.
He told me he loved me today.
He pulled away from my embrace and looked at me. I mean, really looked at me. Like he was seeing me for the first time.
"God, you're so beautiful." He whispered, pushing a strand of crimson colored hair from my eyes.
I smiled sheepishly, not sure of what to say. I am not exactly what you'd call a boy magnet, and just the way he said it- I was dazed.
And then, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he said those three little words. "I love you."
I melted. I could have died happily, you know. Right there in that stairwell at school. Just having heard him say those three little words to me was enough love for a life time.
But- there were footsteps. People coming. And we were caught in this- this guilty embrace.
Because that's what we both felt. Overwhelming guilt for these 'flukes'. We were hurting them- even if they didn't know it. yet.
We pulled away- fumbling limbs, mumbled apologies. I wanted so badly just to be with him- and I could see it I his dark eyes that he felt the same.
It's just. it's never that simple.
So here I am, cuddling close to blankets and sheets, trying to block out these waves of pain that are crashing about my senses.
I feel horrible! I'm a bad person. I deserve nothing but bad things!
And I still can't help myself.
Because this pain I feel- it's not born of guilt. No- I ache because he's not touching me right this second. Because I can't feel his hands on me. Because I can't .
Because I love him, too. Enough to not do what's right.
I clutch at the sheets of my bed, as if having a good grip on them would somehow ease this aching- soothe my tortured soul.
Fat chance. A snide little voice in my head sneers. You brought this on yourself, you know.
Shut Up! I tell it- but I know it's right. This, my current, almost unbearable situation- is all my fault.
It was the forbidden fruit principal, I swear! You see something that you can't have, and of course you want it desperately. And so, as simple as that, I kissed him.
Despite my better judgment, I gave into temptation and kissed the man of my dreams.
Who, if I have failed to mention already, is completely off limits.
Because he's my best friend. And he's seeing someone. And so am I.
But I love him.
Yes, you do. The voice snickers. But that still doesn't make it right.
Yes, O.K., I realize that. I think about it every time we touch, actually.
And that doesn't change the fact that it feels right. More so than anything I've ever felt in my life. Because when we're alone, when we've slipped away for a few, precious moments, I am complete.
He is my other half. He makes all my character flaws seem not-so-bad. I mean, it's like we're puzzle pieces who've finally figured out how to click.
Ha! Click doesn't even describe it- the feeling I get as his lips touch mine and my fingers tangle hopelessly in his hair.
I shift uncomfortably, body slick with sweat.
He told me he loved me today.
He pulled away from my embrace and looked at me. I mean, really looked at me. Like he was seeing me for the first time.
"God, you're so beautiful." He whispered, pushing a strand of crimson colored hair from my eyes.
I smiled sheepishly, not sure of what to say. I am not exactly what you'd call a boy magnet, and just the way he said it- I was dazed.
And then, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he said those three little words. "I love you."
I melted. I could have died happily, you know. Right there in that stairwell at school. Just having heard him say those three little words to me was enough love for a life time.
But- there were footsteps. People coming. And we were caught in this- this guilty embrace.
Because that's what we both felt. Overwhelming guilt for these 'flukes'. We were hurting them- even if they didn't know it. yet.
We pulled away- fumbling limbs, mumbled apologies. I wanted so badly just to be with him- and I could see it I his dark eyes that he felt the same.
It's just. it's never that simple.
So here I am, cuddling close to blankets and sheets, trying to block out these waves of pain that are crashing about my senses.
I feel horrible! I'm a bad person. I deserve nothing but bad things!
And I still can't help myself.
Because this pain I feel- it's not born of guilt. No- I ache because he's not touching me right this second. Because I can't feel his hands on me. Because I can't .
Because I love him, too. Enough to not do what's right.
