Round Five QLFC:
Holyhead Harpies, Chaser 3
Prompts: (word) demure, (style) Letter!fic, (colour) dusty pink, (scenario) Dolores Umbridge is appointed her position at Hogwarts by Cornelius Fudge
Word Count: 915 (according to Google Docs)
Thanks to my wonderful beta Ever!
Dolores Umbridge,
How has life been treating you recently? Before you ask, I am well, despite all of the nonsense that Dumbledore has been spewing. Can you believe him? How dare he try to tarnish my reputation like this!
That, however, is not what I wrote to tell you about. I also didn't write to tell you that you left your cardigan at mine last week—a very fetching dusty pink one, I might add!—but I felt that I should inform you of that piece of information because I have attached said cardigan. It has a simple Feather Charm on it, and should be fine once you take it out of the parcel it's in.
Instead, I wrote to tell you that I have a proposal for you.
Do you remember back in Fifth Year when you, a demure young lady, declared that you hated Defence Against the Dark Arts and claimed that you could do a much better job than Professor Hibbles? That was such a great year: Narcissa fell in the Black Lake, and those four troublesome first-years got into serious trouble for it.
I digress. Sentimental memories are not the reason I'm writing to you, however sweet they are. The Defence Against the Dark Arts position is open again, due to the last professor being an imposter. Can you believe Dumbledore just let a Death Eater in the school without consequence? And people thought he would be a better Minister than I would…
Would you like to be the new professor? I believe that you would be the best for the job. You could keep an eye on that Potter brat—make sure he's not acting up. You can control the school, and make sure it's up to the Ministry's standards. If you can, try to get rid of Dumbledore and take his place. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Merlin knows, I would…
Of course, if you don't accept, I can always ask someone else. I just thought you would be the best for the job: you're a sweet lady who knows how to get information from others—information that we need. I hope to hear from you shortly.
Your Minister,
Cornelius Fudge
Cornelius Fudge,
I am well, thank you for asking.
I have heard something about Potter using magic twice before; is that true? If so, why wasn't he charged? This whole thing could be sorted out already! No more Potter at Hogwarts, it would've been delightful.
I remember that day. I believe it was Narcissa's cousin who pushed her into the lake—Sirius Black.
Haven't you found him yet? Maybe send out more search missions so you can find that murderer. He's certainly not the type of person you'd like running around.
I accept your offer. I can't wait to influence those poor children with everything I know. Their Defence Against the Dark Arts schedule has been pretty hectic, but I'm hoping to change that. Dumbledore actually allowed a beast to teach them. How traumatising!
My lessons would be prim and proper, as they should be. No foolish wand-waving: when would they ever need their wands to defend themselves? Besides, if they know the spell, they might attack innocent people. Nobody would want to condone that sort of reckless behaviour; apart from Albus Dumbledore, of course, as he's always encouraging these ideas. Can you believe him?
Your undersecretary,
Dolores Umbridge
Dolores Umbridge,
Harry Potter has one case of underage magic on his record. He has one warning left.
With regards to the criminal, Black, there's no point in sending out more Aurors: they always come back empty-handed. I believe that someone out there must be helping him.
I still can't understand how people want Dumbledore to be Minister over me! It's not like he's ever shown interest in running the country. Also, he's obviously going senile in his old age. I don't think he should even be teaching a school in his state of mind.
You must change the school for the better, Dolores. Check the students. Watch over them. Guide them through life. Make sure that they do not just aimlessly follow Dumbledore.
As if You-Know-Who is back! It's just a fantasy Harry Potter made up to get attention. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has been dead for years now, everyone knows that. The dead can't just come back—that idea defies everything we have ever learnt!
But, of course, Dumbledore thinks he can do whatever he wants. Just because he was a bloody Gryffindor, he thinks he's so great! Well, I know the truth. He is a lying, cheating piece of scum.
Oh, but I shouldn't sound so bitter about the 'greatest wizard to ever live'. After all, it's not like he's ever been unbiased towards Slytherins, or anything!
Your Minister,
Cornelius Fudge
Dolores Umbridge,
I am inviting you to participate in a court case involving Harry Potter. We have evidence that he has been using underage magic. He cast a Patronus Charm in Little Whinging at six twenty-three yesterday evening. This court case will take place on the twelfth of August. I do hope that you can make it!
Your Minister,
Cornelius Fudge
Cornelius Fudge,
I most graciously accept. I wouldn't want to miss that for the world!
Why did Potter cast the Patronus Charm, though? I'm pretty sure there aren't any Dementors in the Muggle part of Britain. Unless the depraved boy was hallucinating. (And that wouldn't surprise me, considering he so idolises Albus Dumbledore).
Until I see you again,
Your undersecretary,
Dolores Umbridge
Eh.
~Buttercat
