This is a Urahara x Ichigo fic! This is my first one doing this couple. And I hope I do well! This is my favorite couple from bleach but I also like Renji x Ichigo. And occasionally I read me some kenichi. Well I hope you enjoy this! Please review.


"Urahara… stop."

"But Ichigo…"

"Urahara… stop!"

"But Ichigo… I don't wanna!"

"Urahara!" Ichigo turned around and pushed the perverted man back.

"Dammit Urahara! I said stop touching my ass!"

"But Ichigo! You're like a strawberry! I can't help myself…" Urahara said in an innocent boy voice with the face to match.

"Urahara, just because I'm injured doesn't mean you can try to take advantage of me!" the outraged orange-haired kid yelled as he crawled across the floor with his ass in the air, trying to get away from the perverted hat wearing shop owner.

"Ichigo I can't help myself when your ass is up in the air in plain sight like that. Your just asking me to molest it!" Urahara said in an accusing voice.

"That's it Urahara! Leave the poor strawberry alone! If anyone is going to touching his perfect little soul reaper ass then it's me!" yoruichi yelled as she wrapped her hands around the boy and unintentionally shoved his face in her boobs, protectively.

"Mermurmermamamur!" Ichigo was trying to talk but all the sound wouldn't go past the cat woman's boobs.

"Hey, yoruichi! Stop violating yourself with my strawberry boys head! I need him on the gay side with me so when I take him it will be consensual! You know how much I'm against rape! while chuckling "yeah right" in his mind" Urahara said with anime tears in his eyes.

"Urahara, how about this, if you can get him in six months or less then you can have him to yourself with all your kinky sex. But if you don't then he is obviously straight and I will take him. But either way this strawberry is getting squeezed. " the cat lady said trying to make a deal.

"Okay! Bring it on Yoruichi! I'm a sex god; he won't be able to resist me for very long! We all know that Renji couldn't, and even Rukias older brother got a taste of this sweet lollypop! I would say more but I would just be bragging. Hehehe!" Urahara's ego was growing bigger. If possible.

Ichigo finally escaped the wrath of yoruichis suffocating boobs and yelled, "don't I get a say In this situation?!"

Both of the strawberry loving creeps turned their heads to face the so called strawberry with looks on their face like Ichigo just asked the most stupid question ever and said, "UHH, no!"

Ichigo was about to protest when the caretaker man came in and put his hand up to Ichigos face and said "don't bother, there not going to stop."

Ichigo fell to the ground in defeat while holding his ribs in pain. "Well I could try to take advantage of this situation in some way…" he would have to find Rukia later and come up with a devious plan, if possible.


Ichigo had finally made his escape when apple bottom Renji, fun size captain Hitsugaya and his big bobbed princess Matsumoto arrived and helped him escape the wrath of his strawberry loving stalkers.

Ichigo was now lying in his bed and staring at Renji who was glaring back at him.

The apple bottom finally said "what the hell are you looking at!" as he glared even harder into the strawberry boys smexy scull.

"It's just that, I had no Idea you had slept with Urahara! You should have told me!" the strawberry said as he jumped up to his feet and walked over to matsumoto to gain protection with her massive boobs as a shield.

"What!? How did you find- ahh, never mind… he probably told you." Renji said as he planted his luscious chin in the palm of his hand as it sat up on his knee.

Everyone gasped; all eyes were now starring at Renji as apple red was now covering his whole face, neck and ears. He slept with Urahara, he willingly slept with him. Then the big bobbed princess yelled with excitement, "I want details! Let me guess, you were the uke huh? You were weren't you!"

The fun sized captain sighed and thought in his perfect, innocent, {you wish} tongue twirling,{imagine everything he can do with that pink thing!} bobbing,{up and down, up and down} head. "My vice-captain is sadly a yaio pervert… I wonder if she could hook me up."

Renji looked over to the princess with disbelief that she would ask that and actually expect an answer, but not totally surprised. " Ugh Matsumoto! You pervert, I am not giving you details!" Renji got a smirk on his face and said "but I'm sure you would love to give us all details on how you slept with soifon, and couldn't stop talking about how flexible she was when you were wasted about, two weeks ago was it?!."

"Ahh! Renji, how could you! My captain wasn't supposed to know about that! But you shouldn't be worrying about my sexual interest, we should be checking out which field this strawberry over here plays on." Matsumoto said as she was trying to change the angle of the topic away from her, avoiding the wrath of her fun sized captain for the time being.

Ichigo went wide eyed and slightly blushed; he had never really thought about it that much. He had made out with some girls before and gave kenpachi a blow job, but that's some on both sides. "Ahh, I really don't know. I've never had sex before. And I have never really thought about it before…"

Matsumoto suddenly jumped up with excitement. "I know how we can figure it out! I will make out with you, and if you don't get some feeling up in your lady, opp's, I mean manhood parts then your sooo gay! It's a full proof plan!"

"How exactly would you know it's a full proof plan?" Renji said as he stood up to sit by the fun sized captain.

Matsumoto looked like she had her leg chopped off, "excuse me! But I'm freakin hot! Ask anyone! I'm not a slut but I get around!"

Hitsugaya sighed in disbelief at how conceded his subordinate was, "Ohh my god, unbelievable…"

Renji decided that he should speak up, "I think he should make-out with matsumoto and Hitsugaya, and see which one causes the most commotion in his pants if either one."

The three of them got into a big argument, and the same as Ichigos stalkers did, they weren't letting him have a say in this one either. Then kon walked in. Or at least hopped out of the closet.

"Ey! Ichigo, what is going on here! I want to sleep but your yelling is keeping me up from my beauty sleep! If I'm going to be dressed like a freakin fairy tale princess by your adoring sisters then I'm going to sleep like one!" the talking, stuffed animal yelled.

Ichigo looked helpless and displeased. "They are trying to decide on a way to figure out if I'm a fan of the stick or melons."

Kon looked very uninterested and walked out of the room to snuggle up with one of Ichigos little sisters without saying a word.

All of a sudden Hitsugaya yelled in aggravation, "okay! I will do this! Just don't ever tell anyone of this or I will cut your bodies up into so many pieces that it would look like a jigsaw puzzle." The threatening aurar around him would make the great Grimmjaw Jaggerjack cower into a corner.

Ichigo moaned, "Ohh god… what's going on now?"

Matsumoto bounced around with joy as her supper huge cannonballs jumped around with her. "Okay! You're going to kiss me a feel up my boobs then you're going to make-out with captain Hitsugaya and then decide which one makes you the hottest in your no- no- town!"

Ichigo stood up with defeat and said, "Okay, let's do this."

Ichigo got back off his bed and walked over to matsumoto, he stopped in front of her. He took a deep breath and looked into her blue eyes and leaned in. He took his hand and slightly lifted her chin to him and kissed her. When their lips meet it looked like there were fireworks but Ichigo wasn't feeling it. There was no dancing in his pants at all, nothing, not even a twitch. Then he pulled back. He looked her in the eyes again and said "come here captain, let's see if I really do like it shoved up where the light doesn't shine." Hitsugayas eye twitched, and couldn't believe he let them talk him into doing this with Ichigo, the famous strawberry.

Ichigo walked toward his bed where the little fun sized captain sat and leaned in while looking into his adorable, crystal blue eyes. Ichigo felt, something, it was so different. He leaned over and grabbed each side of the little man's face gently and swept him into a deep fascinating kiss. After a few seconds he didn't want to stop, and then he felt a small hand slide into the orange hair and play with it, slightly massaging his head. It made a moan come from the deep end of his throat. Then the strawberry swiftly maneuvered his tongue to the smaller ones lips daring him to part. He took the dare, and opened his mouth just enough for Ichigos swirly thing to slide in. Then all of a sudden they were pulled apart by enormous strength and Ichigo fell onto his bed while the captain fell face first into the whopper boobs.

The girl yelled "Seriously? He could cause fireworks to explode in your forbidden land but I couldn't?" she sounded slightly offended.

"I guess he plays for the balls and stick team, huh." apple bottum said with a smirk running across his face.

The fun sized captain crawled from the unbelievable depths of her boobs and sat there, unable to do anything else. If Ichigo didn't get off on that kiss then he certainly got off enough for both of them. And he wanted more. But he knew it was better to keep up appearances then to maul the boy where he sat.

"Wait! I know why it didn't work with me, you forgot to play with my boobies!" the long blond haired girl pounced Ichigo with her boobs. She threw them in his face almost breaking his scull open, and took his hands and pressed his fingers into the squishiness of them. He had to admit they were soft and maybe fun to play with if he was bored, but no sex appeal at all.

Ichigo managed to somehow push the woman off of him and hide behind Renji, in case of another surprise attack and said, "No, nothing happened, I'm definitely gay. Well I should tell Urahara. But not yet, I'm going to play with him a little bit."

"Well you guys, I'm injured, Horney, and very tired from lack of sleep because every time I fell asleep at that hat wearing perverts house, I woke being violated in some way. I swear that guy has sexually harassed me every way possible. "Ichigo said in the process of yawning.

The little fun sized captain looked around and stood up. "Ichigo, can I sleep in the bed with you tonight? I'm really tired as well, looking after this sex craved, big breasted girl and this apple bottom boy who is still deeply confused inside, is a very hard full time job."

Ichigo was surprised by this question; usually the little blue haired man doesn't bother with anyone, but know he wants to sleep in his bed? Slightly suspicious, Ichigo said yes. "At least you won't take up too much room."

Hitsugaya walked over to the queen sized mattress and crawled in. He got under the covers and laid a little too close to Ichigo and slightly snuggled up to him. But oddly enough, Ichigo didn't mind this very dangerous, but very little man -who he would call ice princess in private discussions between them for now on because he knew how pissed the little man would get-, didn't really bother him.

Ichigo got a little closer and closed his eyes.

Then an obnoxious girl voice started complaining, "Hey?... what about me! I'm a lady so can I join?"

Ichigo and Hitsugaya both opened their eyes and looked at the boob glopping woman and said no with a glare.

"Uh? But why? I won't be a bother!" Matsumoto said pleadingly.

Ichigo looked to her again and said, "Because, neither one of us are part of the vagining squad, and we don't do girl talk because were men, we may be gay men but we are powerful, and take it up the ass like men. Now leave so we can sleep... like men."

Renji got up from his comfortable place on the floor and said "come on matsumoto, let's go to Orihimes house, you can do the whole sleep over thing and I would gladly take baths with you two if you like because you know, I go both ways."

Renji forced the boob princess out of the kurosaki residence and to inoues place. After they left the two boys fell right to sleep or at least, Ichigo did.


Renji arrived at Orihimes door step with a very sad pervert hanging around his neck. But the only reason she was sad is because she was suspicious some action might go on while she wasn't there, and dammit she wanted to see it. They knocked on the door and waited for the orange haired girl to answer it.

When she did, Renji was not prepared for the sight he had gotten. She was wearing no bra, a tank top that was too small for her and a mini skirt and from where he was standing she was either wearing a thong or no panties at all.

The skimpy girl jumped up and down from excitement and almost gave Renji a nose bleed in the process. Her boobs bounced in every direction and her mini skirt revealed that she was indeed wearing a red and blue skull thong.

Inoue invited them in and sat the tea and cookies out. Along with it she put some melted chocolate and marshmallow mixture to dip the cookies in. Renji sat matsumoto down and took a seat himself, right next to the skimpy girl.

"Aww, matsu! Are you okay? You look so sad." inoue said with an innocent voice that made her slightly sound like and innocent, naughty, school girl.

Matsumoto looked at the cookies and chocolate dip and went for a cookie while saying, "Just a little depressed is all."

Inoue got all worked up and looked like she was about to cry. She pounced across the table revealing everything she had to show, and hugged matsumoto while her face landed in her giant boobs. And Renji loved every moment of it.

When inoue pulled back, she realized that she had chocolate all over herself and her precious matsu-chan.

"Ohh noooo! I'm so sorry! And Renji you too! I will clean it up right away!" inoue ran off to find some paper towels.

Renji looked down to notice that some chocolate had gotten on his no-no- land area. When he looked at matsumoto, she had some chocolate dripping down her cleavage, some on her face and clothes.

When inoue came back she said "Sorry guys, I'm out of paper towels then she walked over to matsumoto and started wipping it away with her already to small and stained tank top. Then went down and licked the choclate that was going down her cleavage. Renji was getting extreamly turned on by this.

Inoue finished matsu-chan and went over to Renji an said "here let me help you with that" she then took her hand and pressed down on his forbidden place to wipe the chocolate off. Then licked her fingers clean and said " every one, lets just go take a bath together!"

Renji went, "Ohh god yes! Dreams do come true!" and huddled off into the bathroom right behind them.


Hitsugaya was lying in the bed next to the smexy strawberry. He was just lying there and not sure on what to do, but the one thing he did know was that he was so hard right now. He couldn't help it, the kiss and watching the one who gave him his man hood devouring kiss, sleep. And he was soo sexy when he slept like that, Curled up on the bed next to him, just asking him to molest the crap out of him.

But the need was just to strong, the want to touch himself like this has never been greater. Before he knew it, his hand was slowly sliding to his happy area and he just wasn't strong enough to stop it this time. This time he let it go and do what it wanted to do.

His hands undid his reaper outfit, and slid into his pants and past his boxers. His hand danced down his member and grabbed it whole. He started pumping up and down, Up and down. He watched the strawberry sleep as he continued to pleasure himself. It wasn't long until he started whimpering Ichigos name and came into the welcoming hold of sweet serenity.


authors note-

yay! dont you just love urahara! i promise in the very near future i will have some urahara x ichigo action i just have to get there first. And for the ones of you who are reading my light... i will have some updates soon but i wont be able to for a couple days sorry i got caught up in this yesterday and finished its first chapter today and i will also be finishing the other one im working on in the next chapter or two of it! hope you enjoyed this ! please review!