A/N: My first attempt at both GOT and Fanfiction, not betad so if anyone is interested in helping out please feel free to send a PM! 100% sansan, AU universe with lots of book references and quotes, some details stolen from the show and characters sometimes might stray from canon but have done my best not to. I have used the ages from the books so if you are not ok with that fact this might not be your type of story although it's not referenced a great deal so you can probably work past the fact. also have tried to keep to the original timeline. i own nothing all GRRM. hope you enjoy!
Chapter 1
For the first time in her life she wished she was her sister. Sansa almost scoffed at the idea remembering Arya running around Winterfell mud covering her dresses. When others wouldn't or couldn't Arya would stand up and fight. Sansa thought with envy. She could still seeing the Hounds face that morning as he looked at her with pity and guilt while all she could do was thank the king for his kindness.
Arya had her bravery, the Hound his strength, Baelish his schemes, Joffrey had power but all she had were lies and she hatted herself for it, she had never been that girl before leaving Winterfell, she had been kind and courteous, if that had meant keeping the truth to herself as to not offend others so be it but never had she lied just for her own benefit. Now everyday she lied to save herself and those lies had been killing her soul bit by bit. Every time she called her family traitorous it pushed her further from them, tarnishing the memory of her beloved father, a man that had died fighting for the truth, a man that had loved her and all she had offered him in return had been betrayal. She lied about her happiness in Kings Landing, lied about her hate of the north and about the love she felt for her betrothed.
At night Sansa cried herself to sleep, images of Winterfell and the north filling her mind, the smell of the wet soil, the feeling of cold snow flakes falling on her face, her fathers strong warm hands helping her up after falling or lifting her of her horse, her mothers kindness and how she would brush her hair every night before bed singing songs of brave knights and fair maids, she remembered every single detail and how she had taken it all for granted.
There where nights she wouldn't dream of the beatings or humiliation nor would she dream about seeing her fathers severed head looking down at her, blaming her for what she had done, instead she would dream of waking to find her sweet and beautiful Direwolf, Lady, sleeping soundly, her soft silky fur tickling her feet as she stretched, she could hear her brothers running around the halls arguing about something making her groan at the sound of there yelling always to end with her mothers scolding them about how little lords shouldn't act in such a petty way, she would then find herself in the stables brushing one of the horses, something that had always calmed her, images of her family filling her dream only to be woken in her prison enemies around her and dreading that her maids would pushing and shoving her to get up and dress quickly because her king wished to see her. Those dreams had been worse than any nightmare, because they had been real.
Running to her room, pushing anyone that stood in her way, all she wanted to do scream at them all for not understanding her pain, the tears where making it hard to see but Sansa wiled herself to not let them fall in front of these people.
How had she been so stupid as to believe that they would be safe, that just because they had stayed at Winterfell nothing bad would happen to them. Joffrey's words where ringing over and over in her ears, still hoping that it was all part of another one of his cruel joke just so he could see how much suffering she was willing to take. But the Hounds face kept appearing, reminding her of the truth.
Finally in her room Sansa yelled at her maids to leave, all she wanted was to be alone, to cry freely without the fear of anyone judging her, as soon as the left Sansa tore off the necklace Joffrey had given her throwing it to the floor satisfied if only for a second once it was no longer touching her skin, every time she had to wear it she felt violated. why them and not me? It was all my fault to begin with Sansa fell to the ground in crying why not me?
