It was here, at last. After fighting his father tooth and nail, he finally had the game he had been waiting all weekend for. SBURB. This young seventeen-year-old boy couldn't be happier about it. Jumping to his computer, he pulled up his Persterchum, nabbing the attention of his friends by shoving them all into a group chat.
-ectoBiologitst [EB] created a group chat-
-ectoBiologist [EB] added turntechGodhead [TG] to the group chat-
-ectoBiologist [EB] added tentacleTherapist [TT] to the group chat-
-ectoBiologist [EB] added gardenGnostic [GG] to the group chat-
EB: hey guys, guess what?
TG: did you get the fucking game yet
GG: Ooh! Did you?! Please say yes, it sounds like so much fun!
TG: hey TT why arent you getting all up on his dick
TG: werent you jonsing to play this game
TT: Yes; however, I see no point in getting needlessly eager if this is not the case.
TT: Honestly, I wondering what terrible Nicolas Cage movie EB is about to ramble at length to us about this time.
EB: guys, guys, I did get the game!
TG: isnt it like
TG: a couple of days to your birthday
TG: thats some awesome shit right there
TG: hey TT i guess this is cause for you to get all up on egbrett dick
GG: Dave, be nice!
TG: im sorry but i do not understand the command be nice
TG: i can only respond to command that begin with mock _ endlessly or flirt with _ incessantly
TG: speaking of the latter
TT: Will you two stop flirting long enough for John to finish fangasming over his newest acquisition?
TG: im just waiting for you to get all up on his dick like we all know you want to
TG: besides hes probably too busy blushing furiously at the shit going down in this chatroom
TG: strider infinity eggbret zero
TT: -sigh- Remind me why I tolerate you, Dave?
TG: i seem to remember three days ago you were getting all up on my dick because i got a copy of this game
TG: so basically
TG: strider gets all the bitches and ogbert gets one
GG: I think Strider stole this chatroom from poor, defenseless John…
GG: I'm sorry.
TG: yeah i hacked into his computer and everything
TT: John, are you still breathing?
TT: Do we need to call for the paramedics?
EB: no, I'm okay
TG: ok good
TG: ugbutts still alive
EB: Dave stop doing that to my name!
TG: im sorry john i cant do that
TT: Regardless. John, you had an avid interest in playing this game?
TG: oh no rose this has been derailed
TG: we are not getting back on track if i have anything to say about it
EB: Yes, Rose, I was interested in playing this game
TT: I would be more than happy to connect with you.
GG: Looks like you've lost this round, Dave.
TG: meh
TG: i never really cared honestly
TG: i just like fucking with those two
TG: and john dont you dare take that as a clustered statement
EB: uh, Dave?
EB: I am not a homosexual
TG: wow john
TG: way to make it creepy
EB: YOU'RE the one who started hitting on everyone
EB: Except me…
EB: I think….
TT: David's homosexual tendencies aside, I believe this game would be much more enjoyable should there be more than just the two players.
TG: hey now
TG: its not homosexual if theres girls too
GG: I wouldn't mind playing
TT: Thank you, Jade.
TG: besides how can i be a homosexual when i am all about that harley ass
TG: aw yeah girl shake it bake it bootie quake it
GG: DAVE!
GG: /
TG: roll it around
-ectoBiologist [EB] has removed turntechGodhead [TG] from the chat room-
GG: /
TT: I think he broke Jade.
EB: uh, are you alright?
GG: I'm fine
GG: Just….
TT: Strider?
GG: Strider
EB: you know i love it when you say my name
EB: WHAT THE FLYING FUCK
-ectoBiologist [EB] added turntechGodhead [TG] to the group chat-
TG: anyway im back
EB: HOW DID YOU FUCKING DO THAT?!
TG: eggbot there is literally no way to be worse at computers than you
TG: unless i guess youre some kind of gray alien who never saw a computer in his whole life
TG: but what is the likelihood of that i mean really
EB: DAVE!
TG: john
EB: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!
TG: joooooooooooooooohn
TT: Boys, please.
GG: Yeah!
GG: Shut the hell up, both of you!
TG: only if i get to hear more of you
GG: Not if you keep this up.
GG: I will make you sleep on the couch, mister.
EB: uh, I have two questions
GG: Shoot.
EB: first, since when were you two living together?
GG: We're not.
EB: second, since when were you two dating?
TG: oh lets see
GG: Dave, don't go there.
TG: carry the one
GG: Dave, no.
TG: to the power of itself
GG: Dave Strider, you shut your mouth.
TG: make me
GG: I would but you're in the middle of nowhere Texas.
TG: im not in the middle of nowhere texas
TG: i live in houston
GG: You forget I don't know where that is.
TG: you have google
GG: And?
GG: What, am I supposed to input your address into google maps and spy on you and your Bro?
TT: Dave, don't answer that.
TG: aw but i was going to make a witty retort about strapping young men with rippling muscles and galloping abs
TT: Which is why I told you not to say anything.
TG: honestly i wouldnt put it past anyone
TG: i mean honestly
TG: who wouldnt want the strider dick
TG: the answer
TG: john
TG: because he is not a homosexual
EB: Dave
TG: yes john
EB: Stop
TG: i would say make me
TG: but you cant
EB: Jade, remind me why you like this insufferable prick?
GG: I dunno…
GG: It might be because he's just so cool.
TG: jade we might as well tell them now
GG: :?
TG: the real reason
GG: …
EB: Dave
TG: im actually secretly incredibly emotionally unstable
TG: every night i cry on her shoulder until we fall asleep
TG: its quite sad really
EB: Dave
TG: yes john
EB: Shut up
TG: never
GG: ….
TG: oh wait you were waiting for me to make a comment about you wanting the strider dick
GG: No.
TG: but that really goes without saying
TG: i mean honestly
TG: weve been over this
GG: Dave
TG: strapping young men
GG: Shut it
TG: galloping abs
TG: of course theres nothing more sad than sobbing quietly while receiving a blowjob
GG: DAVE!
GG: Stop!
GG: /!
TG: aw youre so cute when you blush like that
GG: Rose, are you okay over there?
EB: yeah, you've been awfully quiet
TT: Oh, I am fine.
TT: I am just in the process of psychoanalyzing every word that Mr. Strider types into this chatroom.
TG: heres something for you to psychoanalyze
TG: suck my distri
TT: Really?
TG: you have to remember there are layers upon layers of irony
TT: Yes, I am more than well aware of this fact.
GG: ANYWAY
GG: Dave, will you play this game with us?
TG: maybe if someones life depended on it i guess
TG: otherwise im not that interested
TT: That's good enough for now.
GG: Yeah, we'll convince him later.
TG: oh yay jade gets to convince me
TG: i know what that means
GG: Dave.
GG: Mind
GG: out of
GG: the Gutter.
TG: imagine i wrote that in a singsong voice
EB: alright, we're done for now.
EB: BYE everyone.
-ectoBiologist [EB] removed himself from the chatroom-
Now that this particular headache was over, he and Rose could get down to business. After a series of rather unfortunate events, he found himself in an entirely different city from the sleepy suburbs he had been in only minutes prior. These events would be strikingly similar for all who play the game, across worlds, timelines, and even universes. Contacting Rose again, John quickly learned that the frightening meteor occurrence was not simply confined to his area. She was also under attack, and trying to get Dave to help her, to very little success. After being assured that she would be alright, he left her to her devices and set out to explore this strange city he found himself in.
It was huge, with tall, light-blocking skyscrapers. He could see for miles, given that his house had landed right on top of the tallest one around. Looking around for a moment, he found a door leading inside. Moving down the stairs, he began to see people. Real, living people. Was this just a city he hadn't seen before on Earth? No, it couldn't be. According to Rose, the entire planet was being besieged by meteors at the moment. This place was free of any kind of world-ending panic and turmoil.
Besides, upon closer inspection, these people didn't quite look right. They were all increasingly pale, like none of them had ever seen the light of day in their lives. Their hair was either bleach white, or black as the shadows that surrounded them. Their eyes were milky, like they hadn't ever been used. It kind of unnerved John to look at them too closely, so he moved on, deciding to just head down to the bottom of the skyscraper to see what was really going on. Below, he found out just why everyone was so pale. The buildings, tall as they were, completely overshadowed the narrow streets, making it seem almost night time. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, and then he set off exploring.
While he looked around, Rose managed to make her way into the game and convince Dave to let Jade help him enter as well. The city she found herself in was far different than she had expected, though to think she would end up in the same area as John was a ridiculous thing to think anyway. Her city rose up out of the water, with various tunnels and pathways connecting towers together. Cautiously making her way inside the structure she found herself atop, she inquired around at her own variants of humans. Though hers were more familiar, there were striking differences that stood out. They were taller, slimmer, but powerful. Just in the way they carried themselves, she could see the muscles flex and bend. These people spent quite a long time in the water on a daily basis, of this there was little doubt. Setting out to explore her own city, she regretfully left Dave in the only slightly capable hands of Jade.
The latter of which only barely managed to keep Dave from dying by meteor strike before he could even get in the game. His Bro proved to be rather instrumental in saving him. Having calmed down enough to think rationally again, Dave left his apartment to traverse his own city, meeting his own people. The buildings were set farther apart than either John's or Rose's, with long walkways over the lava ocean they were built above. The people all had sooty, leathery skin, dark, small, sunken in eyes and very little in terms of hair, and covered from head-to- toe in linin robes and the like.
This left Jade, alone, and with a large meteor aimed right for her island. Running out of ideas, she raced back to her computer and tried desperately to get in touch with any of her friends. Finally, she managed to grab hold of John.
-gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 18:34-
GG: John?
GG: John please answer me.
GG: John I'm in serious trouble here!
GG: Where the hell are you, Egbert?! I'm gonna die!
EB: Oh shit, sorry!
EB: I've been up to my neck in weird puzzle shit.
GG: Well get your ass back to your computer and come be my server player!
GG: There's a huge meteor aimed straight for my island!
EB: Oh shit!
GG: YA THINK?!
EB: I'm sorry, Jade!
EB: I'll get there as soon as I can.
-ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 18:59-
After a few more perilous minutes, Jade too found herself in a new city. It was snowing, and the buildings were made entirely of wood, some of which were even built into the sides and boughs of huge trees. As she stepped out of her house, she was greeted by people with a strange pallor about them. Many were almost tinted blue, as if caught with a constant case of frostbite. Others were deathly white, covered by a few flecks of ice. More still had a bit more color to them, with brightly colored noses and cheeks. It was a little unnerving for the girl to see them like this.
Returning home after a few minutes of exploring, she nabbed her laptop again and tried to get in touch with Rose, who told her that there should be some quest for her to complete in this strange new city. Remembering one of the more sturdy edifices she had seen, Jade agreed and left once again. Returning to that spot, she found that this was the only building made out of stone. She remembered getting a strange key from one of the peoples she spoke to, and they had aid it was the way to the Forge, whatever that meant. Fishing it from her sylladex, Jade searched the entrance for somewhere to put it. There! A small hole in the center of the door. Using the key, the door groaned and slowly slid open, blasting her with a huge gust of odd-smelling wind.
Shrugging off the strangeness, she stepped into the building and began to explore. Little did she know that by opening that Crypt, she triggered something far more dangerous than anything she would find below ground.
