A/N: This is all based off of little quotes from One Tree Hill.
If anyone met Rachel Berry, one of the first things you would notice is her smile. She's always smiling. She dresses in bright colors, she's a dancer, and an amazing singer. Her music taste is Broadway, cheerful, up-beatsongs. So who wouldn't think of her of anything but happy. Everything about Rachel just screamshappy-go-lucky, bright, bubbly.
But maybe just maybe, looks can lie.
Would anyone ever think of, Rachel Berry as depressed? Numb? Maybe, her smiling face is lying. Her bright colors might just be a colorful wall, and the upbeat music? Maybe that's to help her feel just a bit better. Would the thought of negative thoughts or numb feelings ever cross your mind?
Because, all Rachel Berry feels is nothing, numb. She isn't bright as can be, her smile is a mask, the music is to help her. All Rachel feels is nothing, she gets negative thoughts a lot. Her brain follows and listens to the negative thoughts more than positive ones. Her heart has walls that hide her heart. Her walls of bright colors, fake smiles, and happy music are to help her from getting hurt again.
She wasn't always numb, no, she was happy at one point in her life. She was more then happy, really. But, somewhere between turning 11 and entering high school, the numbness started building up. At age 10, her fathers were always around, helping her with whatever she was doing and she had friends. Her cousins were around, and she was just happy, plain & simple.
Somehow, the minute she turned 11 everything changed for her. Her fathers work-'days' turned into work-'nights', her friends started to drift, and her family started moving away. And her smile started to fade, a little more every day.
At 13, fathers' week-days&nights became weekends, and she started to realize, she had only one friend left. Family wasn't even around anymore.
By the time she entered high school, she sees her fathers one day out of a whole week, sometimes a month. Her only friend moved to another state, and any family member that was around her age all moved away. She has a wall built now, and it's made of color and skirts. Her face has a mask, and the smile is only 50% real.
She's now 17, and her whole body is numb. She tried cutting, and she still felt nothing, she watched the blood fall from her wrist and nothing. She sat in her room for hours, staring at the wall and could hear her own breathing.
Her fathers are out of town once again, and it's the third week in a row. The glee club is hosting a party at her house, and she's 99% sure she isn't even invited. Everyone is sitting in her basement, having a great time while she's in her backyard laying underneath the tree, watching the clouds past by, used to the silence. Her thoughts sounding like every known person that hates her, and her just ignoring the tears wanting to fall from her eyes.
Soon enough, her silence and thoughts are interrupted.
She looks up at her backdoor being slammed closed by Mike. She noticed his face has a look of worry on it. She's asking herself why would he care?. He walks over towards her and sits down against the tree, while she stays laying down and looking up at the sky.,
"Why are you out here? Isn't this your house?"
He breaks the silence, and shockingly he sounds confused and worriedmixed into one.
"Honestly? I didn't feel welcomed, so I came out here to think. how long was I gone?"
"A while, Brittany was getting worried and it was between me and her into finding you, but Santana pulled Brittany into a kiss and yeah"
She let's out a humorless laugh, "So, what? you two are worried about me? This is gold, seeing as I was gone for so long and only two out of 13 people noticed. What a shocker, what? Was it tooquiet?"
"What? No, Brittany tried talking everyone into looking for you- they just, uh got caught up?"
She ignored him and looked up at the sky, hoping and praying he'll just go away.
"What's wrong Rachel?"
"Nothing, absolutely, nothing. Just leave me alone"
"Are you sure? You're so quiet, and you seem sofar away."
She looks away from the sky and at Mike, he's already looking at her and has a now, veryworried look written on his face:
"I'm just peachy, Why can't you just leaveme alone?"
"Because I'm worried."
"No you're not"
"Yes, I am."
"no"
"Rachel, unless you'd rather speak with Brittany. we're going to be here all night til you tell me what's wrong."
She didn't answer him, just looked up at the sky again. Completely ignoring the worried boy, and tears rolling off her cheek. Her mind getting the yet again hurtful voice named, Santana telling her he didn't and will notcare for her.
"Why won't you talk to me?"
"Maybe because we've never spoken to one another. Maybe it's because you honestly don't care about me. I don't need anyone, I'm perfectly fineby myself"
"Rach, I'm sorry we never really got to meet. But, I do care. I wouldn't be here if I didn't, I loved to get to know you. And no, everyone needs someone"
She scoffed looking away, "Liar"
"No you're the liar"
"I don't have to tell you anything"
"Well get cozy, we're staying here all night"
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
It's dark now, and she's still laying on her back staring at the now star filled sky, and ignoring the boy sitting next to her. She's still unsure why he's even up here, or why he would even care. He's with Tina, why should he care whether Rachel-Freak-Berry is okay or not? When he has Tina.
She's pretty sure everyone is either, asleep in her basement & guest room or they just left.
"Just talk, I don't care if its even about stupid- one tree hill. Talk to me, please?"
She looks up at him, before opening her mouth.
"I'm not a fan of One Tree Hill, I love Peyton's artwork though. Mostly her 'people always leave'one."
"Why?"
"Because they do, they'll always leave. I'm used to people leaving me, I'm used to being alone. I don't want to get close to anyone anymore, because they'll just.. Leave"
she sits up and moves away making sure to be facing away from him.
"What do you mean they'll just leave?"
"They do. Somehow, some way I drive people away"
"Let me help you, let me in. I won't go away, I promise"
"No"
She becomes quiet again, and he takes over. He gets up and walks around and forces her to look at him, he kneels in front of her.
"Don't do that, don't push me away. I want to help, I wantto be your friend. You can't push me away. Let me in"
She shakes her head.
"Explain to me then, why are you quiet? Why do you think people leave you? How come you can just sit here and let tears fall and not even sob?"
"Because, I'm numb, Mike. I'm numb, I feel nothing. I have to tell myself to be happy. I don't feel sad, mad. whatever, feeling you can name I can't feel. I tried cutting, did you know that?"
She moved her sleeve up and put her wrist into his face.
"I tried cutting to feel something, and guess what? I didn't feel anything. I tried changing, and it didn't work. Tried telling myself to be happy. I've been like this, for now, years. I'm just numb, I'm never going to feelanything."
He let go of her face and drops to sit in front of her.
"What do you mean you're numb? You have to feel somethings"
"I can't, I don't feel anything. I've been like this since I was eleven. Nothing affects me anymore, all of my family members moved away, my friends started to drift and my fathers started working late. now, I don't have any friends. My fathers only stop by a day out of the whole month. I'm usedto it. So what would be the point?"
"But Rach-"
"There's no point Michael, I'm stuck being numb. I doubt I can feel again, it's been seven years."
"Thats a lie, give me the time and I'll make you feel something. Rach, everyone needs to feel something. And you deserve it the most!"
A/N: I would've made it so it was Puck that'll help her, but i write a bit too much with puck.. so its a cherry one :D I love cherry as much as puckleberry. & plus Mike is one of the sweetest characters on glee, even if he just now barely getting a storyline...
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