It has to do with biology… or not

I. DEPARTURE (SPOCK'S POV)

Jim finally realized he was going to win for the second time in a row. He sighed, shaking his head; but his eyes were warm as they met Spock's.

"You know, you don't have to go soft on me because I'm in a hospital bed."

Spock raised an eyebrow to manifest his candor. It was undeniable that when they had started to play Spock had always won; but Jim by then had just come back to consciousness, and he had proved to be a more than worthy opponent as he had got better. So, even if they were at the moment both not at the best of their abilities (even if Jim didn't know about his own current condition), Jim had won fairly.

Jim didn't seem to believe him though : "Let's just stop before this undeserved victory becomes official; it's nearly time for you to leave anyway. But I expect you to kick my ass tomorrow, all right?"

Spock was by now good enough in Jim's idioms to let this one slip without even raising his eyebrow. But he noticed that the visit hours were coming to an end, indeed. He started to put the chess board and pieces in his bag, and was surprised by the force of his reluctance at leaving.

Spock knew he had to leave - and not only for the night. He had already delayed his departure long enough. His Plak Tow could begin in about 46 Terran hours. He would need at least a third of those hours to reach his secured location, and he had to keep a necessary margin, for delay in his journey or in case The Fever hit him sooner than expected. Indulging once again in a few hours more at Jim's side would therefore not only be most unwise, but even possibly criminal – and the prospect of damaging anyone, and in particular Jim, was not an option Spock wished to see turn into reality.

He had been surprised when the first symptoms had manifested themselves, three Terran days and sixteen Terran hours ago, as he had felt an irrational urge to nerve pinch Doctor Mc Coy while he was simply about to inject a pain-soothing hypo into Jim's shoulder; but as they had kept increasing, Spock had had to admit that he was indeed going through his first Time.

Spock had used to doubt whether his particular genetics would ever be burdened by the Vulcan Time; but knowing his physiology was for the most parts Vulcan, he had nonetheless cautiously and carefully prepared for the occasion - about a year ago, when the Vulcan survivors had realized that Pon Farr could appear before the traditional milestone of 28 years and didn't seem to follow its seven years cycle anymore - and he was ready to face the ordeal on his own terms.

The common belief was that Nature in its wisdom was trying to compensate diminished numbers by augmenting frequency, but Spock, with the new insight of his own experience, had briefly wondered if his Time might be due to the whiplash of emotions he had been through lately - from the dismay at Admiral Marcus's treachery; to the stress of battle; to those horrifying seconds of helplessness by the door of the anti-radiation door - the unmatched and surprisingly even physical pain at Jim's imminent loss and the sudden and undeniable realization of exactly what his Captain had come to mean to him; to the most consuming and shameful rage he had ever felt; to the unexpected yet tangible hope but unyielding worry about 1) if and 2) how the secret serum (even Spock had agreed on the necessity to tamper with reports this time; officially, Jim hadn't died but went into coma – and Spock was confident that none of the few actual witnesses would ever want to reveal the truth) would affect Jim; to his guilt towards Nyota; to the intense relief and utter joy when Jim had not only awoken, but had still been Jim… Spock had never experienced such opposite extremes in such a short time. Even the destruction of Vulcan and the loss of his mother weren't comparative factors: it had been (and still was) devastating, and had thrown him through various stages of grief, guilt, and anger at getting praised while he had in truth failed - but all those feelings had belonged only to the negative side of the spectrum.

It didn't matter though that his Pon Farr (alongside those of his contemporary Vulcans?) might have been triggered by emotional unbalance: what was was, and he would have to deal with it. On his own, for everyone's safety.

Spock was sorry to have to disappear without a warning, but he couldn't tell Jim of his plans without lying - and Spock didn't want to lie to Jim, ever; even if for Jim's sake. An omission though, he could live with; so he neglected to answer a question which he knew didn't specifically need one anyway in Jim's point of view and gave Jim the usual short salute he always made before leaving.

"Have a nice evening", Jim simply answered, yawning and stretching some, thankfully unaware of Spock's uneasiness; and the simple goodbye, instead of the litany of thanks or apologies there had used to be only two Terran weeks ago, warmed Spock once more - even through the multiple layers of cold dread and reluctance.

/ / /

"Thank you for coming by", Jim had said the first time. "I really appreciate it. Bones is taking though way too much advantage of Uhura visiting her family. I'll tell him that he doesn't have to make you babysit for me to behave – I can't move a damn muscle yet anyway." (Jim had been chemically restrained shortly after awaking to give a bit more time to his body to recuperate before Jim could try to push it over its limits right away as was his known habit.)

"Captain, I assure you-"

"Whatever. Thank you anyway."

()

"You know, we're off duty right now. You don't have to be a supportive First Officer making sure his Captain doesn't lose it from boredom while stuck in a biobed…"

"Captain, my presence here is not-"

"All right. I just wanted you to be aware of it."

()

"He, I finally made it to the toilets five steps away from that damn bed on my own. So, I told Bones that I should then get out of IC as he had promised, and I told him I wanted a roommate, so, you know, you shouldn't feel obligated anymore to entertain me in your free time." (Spock, when it had become certain that Jim would be out of danger and as Doctor Mc Coy had hinted that Jim would never get any rest if Spock stayed constantly at his side, had agreed to help again at the Academy – there were no classes yet due to the rebuilding but he was giving the last corrections to two new manuals before they went to printing.)

"My free time, as you say, is mine to use as I wish, and I do not consider keeping you company a waste of it; unless you do not appreciate my being here, of course."

The shock on Jim's suddenly pale face had been heartwarming: "What? Please tell me this was just a rhetorical question, because if I gave you the wrong impression-"

Spock allowed himself to give Jim a half smile: "It was." Then, straightening up to finally leave: "Do you happen to play chess?"

"Actually, I do. It's been years though since I last played 3D. So be warned: I will make a poor opponent." There had definitely been challenge in the glint of his eyes nevertheless.

()

It had been the last time Jim had thanked him for coming over or apologizing for his current state; not only finally trusting fully Spock's sincerity, but even more, simply expecting his return the following day as something as predictable as the rise of the sun in the morning. Somehow, it had felt very satisfactory.

The roommate had been sent home 3 Terran days later, and most of the injured having by now left the hospital, no replacement had come.

And then, four Terran days later, his Pon Farr had begun...

/ / /

The thought that no matter his thorough preparations it might well be the last time he would see Jim suddenly sliced through Spock, and he couldn't help but turn back and raise his hands in the Ta'al as he reached the door.

"Live long and prosper, Captain."

Jim eyed him in mid-stretch, obviously surprised by the solemnity of the gesture and/or the greeting, and Spock feared he might have given too much away. Then Jim apparently decided that there was nothing that much out of place with his always solemn Vulcan First Officer being solemn anyway and simply smiled at him, raising his hand in a mirroring gesture : "You too, Spock."

Spock finally left the room, still feeling guilty, but grateful to have been graced with a true blinding warm smile as possible last memory of his Captain.

He fetched the two bags he had left by the depository and caught the first shuttle available to leave the city. Once seated, he took out his padd and set the settings for the automatic sending of the three messages he had prepared: one to the Academy, with the last and final corrections for the manuals and the notice that he would be unavailable, at best, for the coming period of eight Terran days due to Vulcan related necessities; one to Jim, programmed to be sent the next day, five Terran minutes before the start of the visiting hours; and another to Jim, programmed to be sent over seven Terran days (if he was not able to delete it before) containing his location, for retrieval.

There was no notification for his Father. Spock was for now still able (thanks to the great distance between planets) to control the degree of what went through the parental bond, but he did not expect his control to last while under Plak Tow. His Father would know soon enough of his condition, and of his success or failing at going through it. Kaiidth.

Spock put his padd back into the bag and went through his plans one last time, ensuring he had not forgotten anything.