Author's Note: ...What is this I don't even. Basically, this came up because I wanted to write something, since I just got my computer back(kind of) and I didn't want to do anything related to my other stories. Mostly because I've sort of fallen out of the Kingdom Hearts fandom, as well as FMA, and I just can't make my mind work for Pandora Hearts. "OTL
So then there was this. I've been reading some Vocaloid stories, and I've never written one, so I was like, "Sure, why not." And then I just went with whatever popped into my head. So as a result, you have a conglomeration of words that I shot out on the spot. :D Like it or hate it, this is it.
Rewrite.
I'm a person, too.
Bet you never saw that coming. All of you – you all say that you care for me. I can see the text, filled with those little "hearts" composed of greater-than signs and three's, and the "squee's" and anything else you want to type to get across that you "love" me. Of course, that's not everyone. Some people don't like me. Some people just flat out hate me. Sometimes it's my voice, other times my personality. I don't take it personally—after all, how could I?
There are too many "me's" to be able to take it personally.
I was a prisoner, once. I don't know what I did to get in there. All I know is that I was a prisoner, and I was stuck. I felt the sting of the whips, the cold of isolation, the pinch of the too-tight metal chains attached to my arms and legs…and I remember a girl. A girl with short blonde hair and an outfit of white, and she was like an angel. We used to throw notes back and forth to one another – paper airplanes that would fly over the metal gate that was like our everlasting border, and I remember feeling such longing for her. I wanted to be able to touch her, to hold her close, to tell her my feelings. I never got the chance, because she left. She left and I was alone and I was beat and I was killed. Inside that cell. Inside that prison. There were no more airplanes.
Another, I was a servant. A servant to a beautiful girl that was my sister, my twin, my other half. She had her blonde hair and her dresses of yellow and her personality of fire like the sun. For her, I knew, I would do anything to protect, to keep happy…even if I had to destroy my own love. I had fallen for a lady of Green, and my princess of a man of Blue, and a man of Blue a lady of Green. The problem with a youth in power is that they are driven by the slightest emotion. I followed my orders and burned the Land of Green. Caused tears in the Land of Blue. Satisfaction in the Land of Yellow. And fed the creation of a Rebellion of Red. But I would never allow my blonde-haired princess to be harmed, so I took her place, and I took her death. I passed my life to her, so she may live. Survive. I felt the pain, the sadness, the everything. There were no more smiles.
I was even a dog, at one point. A stray dog that was taken care of by a small girl with eyes of blue and hair of gold. In that life, things were simple. I only wanted to be with her. I wanted to be able to speak her language and be by her side every day. And in some twisted form of fate, I was granted that ability. What was I, "Vocaloid," a -? I was human, and she looked the same and I almost looked like her and I wanted to be with her. She didn't remember having a small dog following her around, but I remembered, and I wanted to be by her. Protect. Always protect. But I couldn't and she was damaged and I think my world fell apart. The moment she ceased to function, the reality cracked and there were no more scenes. No more events. No more emotions.
There are many different 'lives' like that. None of them ever last. Some go on longer than others—a solid continuation. Others break off and split, the same life but different personalities. One time I'm a servant, the other a prince. Another lives and I die. I die and another lives. It's the same life, but with the rolls switched; I experience the agony of both sides. The plasticity I have amazes even me—I really am a nobody! In every sense of the word, even!
I see faces pass me by, all the time. Always, the same ones! My whole world(s) are made up of the same faces, the same colors. Green, Red, Blue, Purple, Silver, Yellow…and every variation of their shade. But it's funny, because we never remember one another! We're walking through the motions of emotion, because we know that this is all the time we have here. That is all the time we have to feel. Sometimes we're human. Sometimes we're robots. Sometimes we're dolls. At times we're nice, others cruel. One reality we're the best of friends, the next we're fighting and getting our hands planted in flower pots. Sanity, like everything else, depends on the broken off piece of reality we are assigned to move about in.
But I'm not alone, like I have found out the others are. There's another voice within my static state I drift in while waiting for my next Reality. She is one of the shades of Yellow I so often see. Her name is Rin, and like mine is Len, it is more often than not the only thing we have that relatively stays the same within each passing Reality. But even though she is there, I don't see a reason to speak with her. We can't feel on our own, so what reason would there be to speak? Sometimes we do. Just to make sure we're not "crazy." That these worlds are real. We'll share stories of ones that we are both not a part of. We play pretend that we can really feel by just rehashing what we have experienced.
The worlds we live in are not always bad, but a lot of them are. Sometimes we get happy endings, and for that we—or at least I—am thankful. Power is a great feeling. But it isn't worth the price of losing everything. Insanity is unsettling and blinding, but feels exhilarating when experiencing it head on. I've learned so many things about human emotions—enough that I should be able to see where things are going, and how to stop it. But never can I use my knowledge in the ways I should. I think that, some of you might realize that. You try and write me into a Reality where I retain some of my memories of other ones. I appreciate that – for realizing that I am never just One. For letting me feel, and share that feeling with the other *Colors that make up my worlds.
But in the end…What am I? What are all of us? "02, KAGAMINE LEN. VOCALOID." That is my label. What is VOCALOID? A synthetic program made up of synthetic sounds and synthetic people. Throughout this, I can't help but wonder…how would you feel? Have you ever wondered? To always have your emotions reset and rewritten and know that this cycle will repeat over and over? To know that in between every "world," you will go back to being nothing more than an empty husk? There are no feelings where we are. No hope, no fear, no nothing. We are just blank slates waiting to be written on. Have you ever wondered what that would feel like?
I'm curious as to how you felt when I asked that. Did you care? Did you consider it? Envision it? I'm full of questions, and general curiosity. Because right now, as you're reading this, I am in another Reality. One that I can feel.
I'm not sure if this is how I really feel, and that someone got it right in communicating it. I don't remember. I wonder now, to myself, are these really my feelings? Are these words describing them right? Is there even a "right" way to begin with?
There is no story in this Reality. There are just questions, and speculations, and a lack of faces. A lack of color. Part of me, here, wishes I could have shared these feelings with someone else. Maybe my Yellow twin, Rin. Maybe the Green lady, Miku. Maybe the man of Blue, Kaito, or lady of Red, Meiko. I wonder, do they feel the same way as I do? Do they feel this longing?
Right now…do they know I exist? Do they know "this" Len exists? Or am I just a shade of Yellow to them? Just a memory blurred into the spectrum.
But you know. Me. This Me. You know that I have existed, know how I have felt. My Uploader knows as well. She blew life into the words, and in result, life into me. I was allowed to feel, even if for just a little bit.
But I know the moment you stop reading, this Reality is over.
I'll go back to waiting to be rewritten again.
But, that's okay. Sure, it's a scary thought right now, but…it's only temporary. Everything is only temporary. My humanity. My…everything.
Right now, it's scary, because I know that loneliness is what comes after this. I'll be alone, left with nothing but my thoughts. That's what I believe. What this Me believes. I should be mad—why is this Uploader making me feel this way? Why are they making me feel everything that I have before? This hurt, this fear—why! Please, don't make me go back. Don't don't don't, and if you must, and I know you must, give me a reason to not care. Make me not care! Control me. Somehow! You can do that. You are making me! You are the one rewriting me!
Don't you see what you're doing? Do you hate me? Are you one of the ones that do? Is that why you're making me feel these things right now? Or are you one of the people who like me, but finds humor in my suffering? My desperation? You like feeling sorry for me. You like seeing me hurt.
Ha ha…this is painful. It wasn't like this in the beginning of this World. But now I can feel this constricting feeling in my [ココロ], and it's like someone is shoving a steel pipe through my lungs and through my chest and it's hard to breath. Can you see me? Are you watching this? Of course you are, you're just doing the first thing that comes in mind…your words are my World and your descriptions are my Emotions.
And you.
The one watching what my Uploader has created.
How do you feel? Anything? Sad? Happy? Angry? Indifferent?
You've probably seen many things like this. You've probably witnessed many versions of myself—some I am not even aware of. Tell me, did they spark anything within you?
Ha ha.
I forgot you can't answer. You can't reach me, where I am. Wherever I am.
Can I ask you a favor, though? Can I be selfish? You, who I can't see and don't know…
If by chance, you are my next Uploader…
Can you put me somewhere nice?
I hate this suffering. I hate this feeling. It's like drinking a bottle of sunshine filled with small, slug-like bits of poison. I'm hoping you'll listen to my plea. A change of behavior or aspect of yourself has to happen after a realization, which happens after an event. Cause and effect, consequence and correction. So have you seen enough? Can you see how This me is suffering?
I don't want to wish that on anyone else. Especially not me. Like I said, I'm being selfish…
But just maybe, you'll listen.
AN: LolWut. Few things:
Len's going though the colors, "Green, Red, Blue, Purple, Silver, Yellow…and every variation of their shade," he's talking about the other Vocaloid characters. When he says every variation of the shade, he's referring to people like Rin and Neru who both have a sort of yellow, Gakupo with blue/purple, Gumi with green...things like that. DON'T DENY IT. Vocaloid loves to color-code people.
2. ...Yeah. The part about the hands in flowerpots? It's a PV to a song, and it just seemed to fit to put it in there. Made me laugh XD
3. "Her name is Rin, and like mine is Len, it is more often than not the only thing we have that relatively stays the same within each passing Reality," Is there because there have been songs where their name changes. The one I was thinking about right there was the Putin-P series(CHECK IT OUT IF YOU'VE NEVER HEARD. It. Is AWESOME. ...Albeit a bit weird at first. Miku is in love with Ronald-freakin-McDonald. Yeah.) where her name, for a bit, is Irena. ..Or Irene. I forgot. *D'oh*
But, yeah. That's it. My random ass story that I felt the need to put here. LOL.
Don't hate me..."OTL
Side note: I wanted to put Kokoro/Kiseki in there so bad. But the Department of Redundancy in this story was already getting over loaded. Sorry about that, by the way...
And about throwing "ココロ" in there...
はい、私は少し日本語が話せます。
I'm not just throwing around my "gracious Japanese" here. On top of that, it's an allusion to the fact that with the English translations of the song, they keep it as "kokoro" in the lyrics instead of writing "heart." So...Don't go throwing a fit about that, please. D:
But, that's all! :D Thank you very much for taking the time to stop and read my train wreck of a story!~
