Story is set after the guys meet up with Kryten but before Rimmer gets hard-light. So no KK and are all still aboard Red Dwarf.

Hope you like, please review with your comments, it helps me sleep at night. Enjoy Men and Mice...


[Junction 34, Floor 2145 - Overnight camp with Rimmer and Lister only, on Cargo field trip. Time early hours of the morning]

Lister sat bolt upright in bed, not a lot could wake him from his curry and beer induced slumber but this night something had. He reached out to the cold floor next to him and switched on his camping torch. Shining the shaft of light in Rimmers direction showed him stretched out still fast asleep.

"THWACK!" went the noise again.

Lister lifted his blanket and stretched out a leg into the coldness to kick Rimmer. "Rimmer wake up man, wake up!" he called.

The lump that was Rimmer didn't stir. Then Lister realised he was in one of those switch me off modes that he sometimes asked Holly when he knew he wasn't going to get any natural sleep.

"Holly… Holly.." called Lister into the darkness.

A nearby screen suddenly illuminated with the familiar features of Holly that faded into view. "Oy, what time do you call this? It's half past three in the morning, I was having a lovely dream about a pair of Spectrum's, until you woke me up."

"Holly man, wake Rimmer up there is something strange going down." Said Lister shinning his torch at the grey corridors around him nervously.

"Are you sure, I mean it's not often we get peace and quite from him is it."

"Holly, I'm serious." Pressed Lister.

Rimmer suddenly squirmed, muttering something about his mother and cucumbers and then sat up while rubbing his eyes.

"What time is it?" asked Rimmer sleepily.

"Half past three." Replied Holly.

Rimmer looked annoyed. "Why then you stupid excuse for a calculator am I awake?"

Lister who was already starting to put his camping gear away answered. "Because I asked him too Rimmer."

Rimmer turned his scorn at Lister. "Lister, have you gone insane, has one too many curries finally done some permanent damage to your frontal lobes? Why on earth do you want to be awake at this un-holy hour?"

As if to answer Rimmer the noise made its self known once again.

"THWACK!"

"What the blazes was that? Cried Rimmer in alarm.

"I don't know but we're going to find out, come on pack your things up and let's go." Said Lister stuffing his blanket into a compression bag.

Rimmer didn't move. "Lister, one, its 3:30am in the morning and, two that is a strange sound that we have never heard before, don't you think we should wait until morning."

Lister shook his head.

Rimmer turned his attention to Holly. "Holly, tell this deranged idiot that it's just some space ship normal sound, something that is echoing around the ship. Please so we can all go back to sleep."

"I can't do that Arnold, the sound does not register on any of my known ship sounds, no wait tell a lie if I cross reference it with my medieval sound database it might be a metal spiked club hitting a wall." Offered Holly.

Rimmer rolled his eyes. "Great Holly, now you have me picturing a half crazed loon dashing about the walls of Red Dwarf with a metal mace. How the smeg am I going to sleep now?"

"See Holly doesn't know what it is either, so I say we go find out." Said Lister slinging his sack unto his shoulder. "Are you coming or staying Rimmer?"

Rimmer looked around into the cold gloom of corridor 2145 and decided he could use an early morning stroll after all.


The pair walked slowly down towards the far end of the corridor only stopping to listen to which way the sound was coming from.

"THWACK"

"That way." Pointed Lister.

"You know Lister, this is all your fault, if you get eaten by some horrible space monster don't come complaining to me, me ladeo. No it was your idea to come on this little outing to the lower cargo decks. You said we might find hidden supplies."

Lister didn't stop and continued down the corridor. "Rimmer, how the smeg was I meant to know this was going to happen. Anyway you volunteered quickly enough when I told you about the back catalogue of Miss Universe that was on the ships manifest."

Rimmer scowled at Lister. "Well all I can say is they better have Miss May 2025, " Rimmer grinned. "What a cover."

"THWACK"

"How far Holly?" asked Lister shining his touch down the corridor.

"About 200 yards."

The pair stopped 200 yards down the corridor. The ships lighting running on minimum didn't offer them much relief from the gloom. "I don't see anything Holly?" stated Rimmer nervously.

"THWACK" went the sound even louder than before. The pair jumped back and Lister swung his touch round to the direction of the sound. They saw no two headed mace wielding monster, but instead the light rested on the grated grill of an air vent.

"It must be reverberating from in there." Suggested Lister.

"Well that clears that up." Said Rimmer turning to walk back the way they had just come.

"Rimmer where the smeg are you going." Glared Lister.

Rimmer pointed at the grill. "Lister there is no way in hell you are making me get into that."

"Holly, where does that go?" asked Lister heading over to inspect the grill plate.

"According to the ships logs, it should lead directly down to the basement cargo deck."

"Red Dwarf has a Basement?" asked Rimmer sounding surprised at such a notion.

"Of course, standard practice is your basic bottom of the ship cargo basement. Where else you going to keep all your crap."

"So what's down there Hol?" asked Lister testing the strength of the grill and finding it sound.

"Not sure Dave, been sealed since the accident."

Rimmer tapped his lips with his finger. "Hang on a second, I thought you said you unsealed all the cargo decks when Lister came out?"

"Well when I said all, I meant all the essential ones, this one just didn't seem essential enough."

Rimmer was suddenly alarmed and began to walk around in a series of small circles muttering something about hidden surprises."

"Hol can you open it now?" asked Lister.

Rimmer stopped circling. "NO HOLLY, don't be stupid Lister, whatever's in there is big enough to make that noise, do you really want to say Hello?"

"OK Rimmer, what do you suggest we do?"

"I say we head back up top and let whatever it is work off steam, hopefully it will die a nice lonely death."

"Rimmer, what if it's another sentient life?"

Rimmer folded his arms and looked concerned "Lister, most of the sentient life we have come across as either tried to kill us or eat us, do you really think this time will be any different?"

"I'm serious man, we might be able to help it. Holly, how do we get to the basement deck?"

Holly thought for a second, it being along time since anyone had asked directions to that particular location. He settled on it being a lift, yes he was sure it was a lift but which one he wasn't totally certain on. So he lied. "You need to take the lift at the end of the corridor."

"Cheers man." And with that Lister headed off leaving Rimmer still routed to the spot.

"THWACK." Went the sound from the grill again, causing Rimmer to physically jump two whole feet. He rapidly decided alone was not the best of options and ran after Lister.


As it turned out Holly had been right, and the pair exited the lift into another dimly lit corridor.

"Where now Holly?" asked Lister peering out into the gloom.

"Door should be 100meters down on your left. Big black thing with Basement in 10foot high letters written all over it."

Rimmer made one last bid to get Lister to see things his way. "Lister, what say we send this thing an email, it is decides to reply, maybe we can arrange a nice little afternoon tea. In the mean time, we can go home and you can get on with some serious slobbing."

Lister ignored him and set off down the corridor.

100 meters or so down the pair found the door. Lister traced his touch over it and it suddenly became very obvious that something was indeed trying to break out.

"What the smeg is that? Rimmer can you see that bulge up there, its got to be at least 10 feet across and 6 feet tall."

Rimmer stood transfixed by the hideous bulge that stuck out awkwardly into the corridor. "Err Holly, how thick is this door?" asked Rimmer nervously.

"About 4ft, plate metal Arnold." Replied Holly helpfully.

"TWACKKKKkk!" went the door, causing it to physically shake.

The pair slapped their hands over ears in response to the deafening noise.

Lister suddenly had an idea. "Holly any cameras in there?"

Holly nodded and disappeared to assess the datafeeds. "Right, got some good and bad news."

"What's the bad news Holly?" asked Rimmer.

"The cameras are all offline. Somethings broken them."

Rimmer looked shocked. "Or mashed them to bits with its massive 6tf tall head."

"What's the good news Hol?" asked Lister.

"Well at least you can't see whatever hideous monster is trying to break out." Replied Holly looking sympathetic.


Next time: The door gives way and the guys meet who is inside.