(Authors note: This is my first fanfic and I spent a long time trying to perfect it. If you find any mistakes in spelling or grammar please do not hesitate and let me know. Remember reviews are like oxygen to writers so please help me breathe.)

EPOV

It was another long weekend spent away from Bella on one of Emmett's hunting trips to northern Canada. Sometimes I think Emmett enjoys these hunting trips more than he enjoys spending time with rose. I don't think either Emmett or Jasper has any idea how much it pains me to be away from Bella. Well, I take that back Jasper knows, I can feel him willing me to enjoy this trip but with Emmett it's like trying to look at a picture through a brick wall; he is virtually blind when it comes to emotions. Maybe that's why Rose never fails to make her opinions blatantly known. Well, as long as I am out here I might as well enjoy the variety.

"Edward, if you don't get out of that funk of your's right now, it's on man." threatened Emmett.

I accepted his challenge and put on the most pitiful face I could muster. Emmett lunged at me, sending both of us flying into the tree behind us. It fell moments later. As Emmett and I wrestled on the forest floor, taking out many trees in the process, Jasper let out an exasperated hiss.

"You two imbeciles just scared away every animal within 100 yards of us, just when I thought I had that mountain lion. But, no Emmett and his "I am Tarzan hear me roar" tactics scared it away." Jasper said with an air of irritation to his voice.

Emmett chuckled, "Calm down bro, there's plenty more, now we just have to find them."

So we took off to the East in search of more prey. After about 6 miles I felt the distinctive vibe of my phone ringing in my pocket. I stopped mid-stride and wretched it out knowing who it was, "What happened Alice" I demanded.

"Edward its Bella, I just "saw" her and it's not good."

"What are you talking about, is she ok, is Bella hurt; I swear if its that dog I will rip him limb from limb"

"Calm down Edward, physically she is ok but all I can see is her curled up in the bed sobbing into her pillow. But I don't know why."

I started running, I had to get back to her. I needed to get back to her. I had to know what was wrong.

BPOV

Edward was gone, and for once Alice had not been assigned the task of babysitting me but I wished she had. I hated being alone when Edward went on trips with Emmett. It was only weeks before the w-e-d-d-I-n-g. That's really bad I can't even say it in my head. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get used to me being a wife. Not that I didn't want to marry Edward but married at eighteen was something I wouldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams. Immortal at eighteen yes but married no.

As I sat in my room, bored, I began to let my mind wander. My mind wandering was not a good thing, sometimes it wandered to far into the black abyss of emotions I never wanted to feel again. As my mind wandered I began to feel it. That ache that comes around whenever I am away from Edward for more than a few hours. It's sad really, when he is around he encompasses my being so wholly that I don't have time to let my mind wander to unpleasant things. But when he leaves the emotions appear reopening that hole of nothingness that appeared when… Whenever he leaves I try my hardest to stay busy but this weekend with no work and no Alice I am forced to deal with it.

Deep down in the pit of my stomach I can feel the despair that is waiting for the right moment to overtake me and my emotions. It is actually really frustrating to love someone with all you being but you don't trust them enough to go hunting and come back to you. I swear I will never let Edward know that. See, this is why I hate being alone. I wallow and now that hole is stretching bigger and bigger. It boggle's my mind when I think about how Edward left me. I know he did it for the right reasons, but was he really so stupid to think that I would just get over him. I mean really since the first day I met him I have thought about him constantly. This is one reason I hate being a mental mute, cause men are stupid and don't see things that are right in front of their faces.

Now I wish I had called Alice, I can feel the hole. It is getting worse. Mental Note: remind Edward to never leave me to my own thoughts again. The tears start welling in my eyes as I imagine what I would do if Edward never came home, never came back to me. I try to banish the thought but its too late. That gaping hole now encompasses my entire chest and the thought of Edward never returning fills the hole. It takes everything I have to crawl up the steps from the couch and onto my bed where I begin to sob violently. I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them in and attempt to hold my self together. It works but only barely as I imagine a life without Edward. An empty shell of the life I have now, no Edward, no Alice, no vampires. At least no vampires that want to see me alive. My cries are getting louder and I am glad Charlie is at work. I wouldn't want him to see me like this. He already doesn't like Edward that much and he doesn't need another reason. Just as the I begin to hear the rain patter on the roof, I felt a breeze of cool air waft through my room. I took me a moment to realize what had happened, but I was suddenly sitting in my rocking chair, with Edward's granite arms wrapped around my waist.

"It's okay baby, I'm here now. " he cooed softly into my ear.

He reached down and swept my legs into his lap as I curled into a ball atop him. He slowly started to rock back and forth as I struggled to regain any kind of coherent thought.

"What is wrong Bella, my love. Please don't cry. Tell me what it is, tell me what I can do." he pleaded, but I could not bring my self to tell him, I could not even look at him.

Edward delicately used two fingers to pull my chin up towards his face, but I pushed his hand away.

He groaned. I know he was wishing I would say something, I am wishing I could say something. I struggled to stop crying so I would at least be able to speak to him.

He began humming my lullaby in an attempt to calm me, and after a few moments I was able to stop crying. As I stifled my last sob I looked up at him. His topaz eyes were intense with the wanting to know what was wrong.

I began pulling his arms from my waist and said, "Human moment" really I just wanted an excuse to leave the room for a minute. He resisted but eventually let me go.

I walked swiftly almost frantically to the bathroom so I could try and look somewhat presentable. I walked in the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Like that would stop him. My eyes were all puffy and red and my nose was running. I blew my nose and splashed my face with cold water. My hair was a wreck so I just pulled it into a messy bun at the base of my neck. I unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out. I took a deep breath, preparing to answer his questions.

To my surprise Edward was sitting against the wall just outside the door, with his head in his hand and his knees pulled up to his chest. Without looking up, he patted the ground beside him. I sat down beside him, not speaking, barely breathing, afraid of what he might ask.

He looked up at me, clenched his fist so tight his knuckles turned white, and said through gritted teeth, "Please tell me what is wrong"

I couldn't bring my self to answer him, so I avoided the questions saying, "I am so glad your back, I missed you.

"I missed you too love, but please answer my question."

"I really don't want to talk about it right now Edward."

"Bella, it is killing me to not know what you are thinking, so will you please tell me before I go insane."

He was desperate now, almost growling at me to answer him. I felt bad bringing knowing how much pain was coming to him.

"Its nothing Edward I was just worried."

"It is one thing to worry, it is another to let worrying bring you to tears, now what were you worrying about."

I wanted to lie to him, I wanted to tell him it was nothing. Anything to spare him from the pain I know he will feel if I tell him the truth.

"Bella"

He said my name in attempt to rush my answer. I was trying to come up with a way to answer him nonchalantly. Like it was not a big deal. If I lied he would know. I hate not being able to lie.

"Edward, I was worried about the future."

"What about you becoming my wife, about being turned. Bella we can wait. We don't have to rush anything. I will call Alice right now and tell her to postpone the wedding."

It is true I do want to marry Edward, I'm just not looking forward to the actual wedding.

"No, don't call Alice, I want to marry you Edward"

"Are you worried about changing, you don't have to do it Bella."

Leave it to Edward to go for the one thing I do want. To be immortal. To be with him for the rest on eternity.

"No its not that either."

"Then what is it Bella, please tell me."

"Okay but you have to promise not to overreact."

"Bella, tell me"

"Promise first"

"Okay I promise to try to not overreact"

I had to accept that I knew I wasn't going to get much more out of him.

"I was worried that you might not come back to me."

Edward swept me up into our tightest embrace ever, and with a strained voice said, "Oh Bella, what have I done, I will never leave you. I Could not leave you, not now. Not ever."

As he said that he gazed into my eyes and I knew what he was saying to be true. He lightened his grip on me, sensing my discomfort. I felt hole shrink minutely as he told me that.

"I know that, but sometimes when you leave like that, my stupid brain gets the best of me."

"Don't worry Bella I will never leave you again. I'm sorry Bella how could I have been so stupid to think that my leaving you for even the shortest of periods would not remind you of…"

He couldn't finish his sentence but he didn't have to I knew what he meant. Edward went to set me back on the ground but I wrapped my legs around his waist not wanting him to let go yet. He sensed it and pulled me back up. Whispering in my ear, "Love, I will never leave you. I am yours. You have my heart and my mind. Without you I do not exist, without you my life has no meaning. Bella, I am utterly and irrevocably in love with you and nothing you do will ever change that."

I knew that and felt horrible for causing him pain.

"I'm sorry Edward"

"Shhh, don't you apologize for my mistake. I was stupid for leaving before and I was stupid for leaving yesterday. But Bella there is one thing I want to ask you. Why do you think that way, why do you think that I would leave you."

I was furious, what does he mean how could I think that. How could I not think that. He just left me there in the forest. My life, my reason for living had left. He broke me, there is still a hole in my chest where I hide all my darkest emotions, I mean do you even understand how empty I felt, how alone, how unwanted. I know you thought you were doing the best thing for me but you couldn't have been more wrong. I no longer exist alone, I exist in unison with you. And you left me alone, only half alive."

Somewhere in the midst of all my mental thoughts my words became a verbal ranting. Edward stood me up, got down on his knees and looked up at me.

"Bella from the bottom of my unbeating heart I am sorry. I swear to you, that I will never, never leave you again. I know I was stupid. I will do anything in my powers to make it up to you."

"I know." I couldn't stay mad at him, he had already apologized more times that I can count when it first happened.

I kissed him with the most passion I had ever done before, I was telling him everything without saying anything.

EPOV

She kissed me. She kissed me with more passion then ever before. This passion wasn't the lust driven by her teenage hormones, this passion was driven by her insatiable love and devotion for me. This kiss told me everything, that she was sorry for breaking down, that she loved me, that she wanted to marry me, and that she wanted to spend the rest of eternity with me.

I stood up, bring my hands slowly up her calves, skimming lightly over her thighs to rest right under the cleft of her bottom. Her breath hitched as I picked her up and walked down the hall to her bedroom.

I silently thanked Charlie for not being home.

Her warm tongue darter greedily out from her perfect mouth outlining my bottom lip. I parted my lips allowing her tongue to caress mine. I crawled in her bed and laid her down on her back as I hovered over her allowing just the right amount of pressure as not to make her uncomfortable. Her delicate hands slid through my hair fisting it, urging our kisses to deepen. I responded and lightly sucked at her bottom lip grazing it lightly with my teeth. She whimpered intensifying my want no my need for her. I ran my hands up from her waist, up her sides lightly grazing the side of each breast. She moaned turning into my hand allowing her breast to rest in my palm for the slightest moment.

She slid her hand down to the hem of my shirt tugging at it. I obligingly pulled it off and tossed to the floor. Her hand caressed the planes of my chest leaving a burning trail in their wake. I rolled to my side bringing Bella with me, running my hands up her shirt to feel the heat of her smooth stomach. I brought my hand back down and thumbed the hem in between my fingers looking at her asking for permission. She pulled her lip between her teeth and nodded. I slid left hand behind her back and tugged her up as I pulled her shirt off with my right. She laid back down her chocolate locks surrounding her perfect face. She tugged at my arm pulling me to her and released her bottom lip. Pulling me into an intense kiss. I used one hand to hold her face to mine as the other grazed tenderly over her black lace bra. Her nipples became taut under the coolness of my touch. Her back arched as my hands continued, massaging each breast. I needed to see them. I sat up pulling her into my lap, her legs around my waist. As I massaged up and down her back I stopped and toyed with the clasp of her bra.

Bella continued to kiss me but nodded her head in approval. I undid the clasp, slid both straps from her shoulders and pulled it from between.

"Unghh", I groaned as her bare breasts pressed into my chest. I laid her back down and began, kissing slowly down her body. Starting at her lips, kissing along her jaw line to the hollow behind her right ear, down her neck, to her collar bone, and finally to the space between her breasts. They were beautiful, full supple breasts that fit perfectly into my palm with a pink taut nipple in the center. I inhaled deeply her scent intoxicating me. I moved my lips kissing over her breast coming to rest on her nipple. I sucked the nub greedily into my mouth and began flicking it with my tongue.

"Edward" she moaned, as she ran her fingers through my hair. I released her nipple and swirled my tongue around it. I did the same to her other breast. Her breathing quickened in pace and became shallow. I smelled her arousal. It brought on the strongest desire, not for her blood but for her body.

"Bella. I. Need. You." I said between kisses as I worked my way down her stomach. She nodded in agreement. When I reached the top of her jeans, her hips bucked. I took that as the okay and swiftly unbuttoned, unzipped, and removed her jeans.

I moved to her face and began kissing her. Using my tongue to trace her lower lip. She pushed me away.

Surprised I sat up. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Edward its not fair."

"What's not fair love."

"You have on clothes and I don't."

I smiled, stood up and removed my jeans, kicking them to the side. I climbed back in bed and said "Better"

"Uh huh" was all she could get out as I kissed down her stomach. I stopped at the top of her panties. I slid one finger under each side of the hem and she lifted up allowing me to remove them.

Her slick folds glistened with her wanting. I was more then happy to oblige. She ran her fingers through my hair and tugged pulling me back up to her mouth. I kissed her greedily as I slid on finger between her deliciously wet folds. She whimpered into my mouth pushing her hips into my hand. I oulled back wanted to make this as pleasurable as possible. I slid my finger up and down her folds bringing her wetness up to her clit. I slowly circled her clit.

"Oh Edwa…" She began but I kissed through her moan. My arousal becoming painful, straining against the cotton of my boxer-briefs. I slid my index finger slowly inside of her heat as I used my thumb to continue to massage her clit. Her tightness instantly surrounds my finger holding it greedily as I slowly slide it in and out.

"More Edward, I want more," she begged. I slid a second finger as she whimpered constantly into my mouth. As I slid my fingers in her , I felt the barrier that confirmed that proved her virginity. My thumb still circled her clit. I did this until she moaned louder in my ear and the muscles in her stomach tightened.

"Bella, do you trust me." she nodded, "I am going to makes this as comfortable as possible for you but it still will hurt a little". She nodded again understanding what I meant.

I began to circle her clit faster as my two fingers pumped in and out of her tightness. I knew she was about to climax when her toes began to flex and her finger pulled at my hair. Her walls clamped down on my fingers.

"Oh uh Edward, yesssuhh" she said, as the pleasure pulsated through every fiber of her being. My fingers continued to pump and when her walls tightened even more with a second wave of pleasure I pushed my fingers further through her barrier. I felt her cringe but she relaxed after a moment as pleasure over took pain. As she rode her orgasm out, she sighed heavily into my mouth. Then I smelled it, it tempted me but the smell of her blood was swiftly overtaken by the smell of her arousal.

I looked into her chocolate eyes, and said "Bella I need you" It was true, I did need her in a way I never needed before.

"I need you too" and reached down to stroke my erection.

"Oh, Bella" I said and swiftly removed my boxers exposing myself fully to her. Her eyes widened and she blushed as she looked at me swaying between my thighs. She reached down and tugged my erection towards her center and said "Edward, I'm yours."

That was all the encouragement I needed and slowly positioned my head at her opening. She inhaled deeply and I pushed in, her heat surrounding. I slid in all the way to the hilt, waiting for her to adjust for my size. When she nodded I slowly began sliding in and out of her my hands gripping at her waist.

"God, Bella" I exclaimed and her wetness and warmth surrounded my member. Her hips pushed into mine meeting me stroke for stroke.

"Harder Edward" she moaned as she attempted to grind her hips into mine. I responded strengthening each thrust as I maintained my rhythm. I reached down and began circling her clit and I continued to stroke in and out of her.

Her walls tightened almost instantly. "Bella. You. Are. So. Tight." I whimpered between thrusts. She lifted one leg up and I grasped it laying it on my shoulder, and continued pumping even deeper into her.

She closed her eyes as the muscles in her stomach began to tighten telling me she was close. "Open you eyes love." She looked at me bewildered, "Bella don't hold back baby, come for me, come with me" She nodded. I felt her stomach muscles relax aver so slightly as the relaxed. Her walls clamped down as I continued to slide in and out of her. I was close to the edge.

"Edward..I'm ah almost uh there, don't stop, faster" I sped up and circled her clit with more pressure. "Ohh Edward" she screamed as she slipped over the edge her walls tightening around me pulling me into a climax of my own.

"God, Bella" I moaned as I continued pumping, her walls pulling every drop from my throbbing member.

She sighed, a sign of relief I was sure. I slid out of her and laid down. She curled up into my chest and pulled a blanket over her legs. I kissed the top of her forehead. Mumbling "I love you" into her skin.

"I love you too," she responded. She yawned.

I pulled her head to my chest pulled the blanket up the her shoulders. "Sleep my love, Charlie won't be home for a few hours. I will wake you before he gets here. She nodded sleepily and yawned again before drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

I laid there thinking of how easily I maintained my control. It was ironic how paranoid I had been about losing control only for it to come so easily to me. I decided to stop thinking and just lay there listening to the sound of her chest rise and fall. Somewhere in a state between the deepest sleep and the widest awake.