The ORIGINAL Legendary Bloopers!
One: The Legend of Nelba
NOWHERE AT ALL
(happy legend music playing in background)
Random Narrator: doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doooo… oh! Sorry. Couldn't help but sing along… Yes. Once upon a time, there was a legend. A great legend of a boy with a pony and a musical instrument who saved Hyrule! He was known as Zelda, the Hero of…
Some Japanese guy who created Zelda games: Link! His name was Link, the Hero of Time! Just because its Legend of Zelda doesn't mean Link's name is Zelda! HIS NAME IS LINK, DAMMIT!
Random Narrator: …Time. He rode a pony and traveled through time using a sword and an instrument. Wait, I already said that. Oh well. He saved us from that freaky dude named Ganon.
(Picture of Link creaming Ganondorf)
Random Narrator: Oh, oops, sorry. Wrong one.
(Picture of Link begging for mercy at Ganondorf's feet)
Random Narrator: Hmm. Anyway, The Hero of Time is a great legend and that's about it. He saved princess Link. I mean, Zelda. The end. Okay, now onto the story! Wait… I almost forgot, he wore green. Okay, here we go.
HYRULE FIELD
(music changes to Hyrule-Field-at-sundown-music)
(Link rides off clumsily into the sunset on Epona, drops his sword, and gets off to pick it up again. He tries to get back on Epona, but he can't and she won't stay still)
Link: Damn! Hurry, Epona, stop fidgeting! The opening is almost over!
Epona: neigh. neigh.
Link: (hears ending of music) Never mind! (runs alongside her and they head off into the distance, Link calling after Epona) Wait up, you crappy heck of a horse! Wait!!!!
(The sun sets and they disappear into the distance)
Link: (muttering) this is BS, Epona! Get back here!
music slowly begins to fade and play Ocarina of Time Theme song
(words appear: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)
(Epona runs by the letters, knocks the 'Z' over, flips the 'd' around, and crashes into the colon, making it explode. Link catches up, panting)
Link: (reading the words) The Legend of Nelba Ocarina of Time. Wait, that's not right! (sees Epona) Damn you, you friggin horse! You messed up my title! Dammit!
(words appear: Press Start)
Link: Must I do this every time? (presses start)
doo doo doo do do do da dooo!
(Words fade and leave Epona and Link standing there)
Link: What the hell?!
START SCREEN
(Fairy Fountain music)
(The words read: Select Your Game Slot)
Slot 1: asjflkdsmb
Slot 2: LINK
Slot 3: Stupid
Link: (clicks on Slot 2)
Slot 2: Erase. Start. Copy.
Link: Erase…
Slot 2: Are you sure you want to delete LINK?
Link: Yes.. no.. wait!
Slot 2: DELETED
Link: Damn. (Clicks Slot 3)
doo doo doo do do do da dooo!
BLACKED-OUT SCREEN
(sad music playing)
Deku Tree: I am the friggin guardian of this damn forest and all its little annoying-as-hell Kokiri children. Yup, I'm the crappy old Great Deku Tree. Just for fun, I am going to give that stupid idiot without a fairy Mido's fairy! That'll be great! HAHAHAHA
(shows picture of Link snoring uproariously on his king-sized bed, a bottle of beer is smashed on the floor)
(fades)
Deku Tree: HAHAHAHAHAHA I can't wait… HAHAHEHEHEHA
HYRULE CASTLE
(ohhh I'm so scared of this music! It's SO scary!)
Link: Waah? A castle? Why am I dreaming about a CASTLE?!
Impa's Horse: NEIGH!!!!!
(Impa and Zelda come riding out of the castle in a hurry and run Link over)
Link: (gets up off the ground, rubbing his butt) Ooohh, my butt! Ouch!
Zelda: (waving merrily to Link) Hi, you're cute!
Link: (blushes) Hey, why are you riding out of the castle in a hurry?
Zelda: I dunno. (shrugs) Hey look, a freaky gay guy with issues! (points to Ganondorf, who has just come riding out of the castle)
Ganondorf: Which way did they go? Little boy, did you see them? Ah, screw you! (attempts to hit Link over the head with his sword)
Zelda: Bye! (she and Impa ride off into the night)
Link: Uh. Sure. Can I wake up now?
AT THE GREAT DEKU TREE
(sad music playing)
Random Narrator: Once upon a time there was a tree. He was big and old and weary. He needed to get someone to save the princess and Hyrule, so he read a legend called 'Legend of Nelba Ocarina of Time' and got an idea. He called one of the Kokiri to him.
music stops in the middle of a note
Deku Tree: Get the hell over here, Mido!
Mido: What the crap do you want, you damn piece of wood?!
Deku Tree: Tell your fairy to get her crappy butt down here. I need to ask her a favor. Come hither, Navi! Oh, there you are. Took you long enough.
Navi: I'm here, dammit! I was ALWAYS here!
Deku Tree: Good. Go find the loser without a fairy.
Navi: and…?
Deku Tree: Well, be his fairy. And tell him to get the hell over here.
Mido and Navi: &$!!!!!
Deku Tree: Must I repeat myself. The fate of this WHOLE ENTIRE FRIGGIN FOREST- nay, THE FATE OF THIS WHOLE ENTIRE FRIGGIN WORLD DEPENDS ON YOU!!!! (sigh) Not really, but it sounds crappy and convincing as hell if you ask me.
Navi: Whatever. (flies off)
Mido: #!$!!!!!
Deku Tree: Oh, Mido. If the loser kid tries to come to my clearing, tell him he can't pass unless he gets a sword and shield.
Mido: Ok.
