Hello everyone and welcome to this week's entertainment, The Adventures of a Drunk Host Club! This story is meant to be stupidly hilariously retarded, so no flaming unless it's something interesting. Now, if you like serious stories, then you won't like this. That's fine. I don't give a fuck about you anyways. LOL JK! If you're more of a funny story person and/or could use a laugh, I highly suggest you keep reading. You will be surprised at what you find! Rated T for language and possibly some actions..? IDK yet.
The Adventures of Tamaki Suoh, Son of a Chairman
Exhibit A: The bottle.
Tamaki gazed mindlessly at the wall. He'd been facing it for the past hour now. The other hosts congregated around him, drinks in hands. They couldn't help but feel bad for giving Tamaki such an alcohol filled drink, even if it was just a joke. There was a bottle in his hand that contained something other than alcohol. "Did he piss in the bottle..?" Haruhi asked Kyoya, who was standing next to her.
"I believe he did," Kyoya replied, pushing his glasses up his nose and taking a sip of his water.
Exhibit B: Um, Tamaki, where're your pants?
It had been about a half hour since Tamaki had been in the bathroom. The rest of the hosts were off enjoying the party while Haruhi waited outside the bathroom door, wondering how Tamaki was doing. Finally she gave up and pounded on the door. "Tamaki! Open the door!"
"Haruhi," Tamaki giggled. "It's unlocked, silly."
Haruhi jiggled the knob. "It is NOT! Unlock the door!"
"Oops! Silly me! Ha!" Tamaki's feet shuffled on the tile floor and Haruhi heard a thump on the door. Soon the door was unlocked and she opened it up.
The scene was certainly a sight. Tamaki had vomited in the one sink; in the other, he'd done his business. He was holding a glass inside one of the stalls, chugging some sort of dirty water. "This toilet sure has good beer," Tamaki chuckled. He began walking out of the stall, then tripped. Haruhi looked down at the dipshit.
"Tamaki, where are your pants?"
"Jamaica," Tamaki replied, giggling out of control.
"Tamaki..." Haruhi warned.
"I took 'em off. They were too tight," Tamaki giggled as he began shaking his bottom. "You like?"
Haruhi turned on her heel and walked straight out the door.
Exhibit C: Tamaki playing matchmaker..?
Haruhi had gone back to hang out with the others who were playing spin the bottle. She sat down and played with them. She looked over the heads of the other hosts and saw Tamaki wobbling out of the bathroom, his pants back on...backwards. There was a wet spot on his front. Tamaki made his way over to the couch and sat down next to Haruhi. "Um, Tamaki?"
"Yesssss?" he snake-hissed.
"First, you're not a snake. And second, did you seriously piss yourself?"
Tamaki looked down and giggled. "I couldn't find the zipper! And it felt so good..." Tamaki placed his hand on the wet spot on his jeans. Haruhi sat in awe.
"So this is how Tamaki gets when he's drunk?" Haruhi asked Hunny, who was sitting next to her.
"Yeah, actually Tama-chan hasn't been having that much alcohol lately," Hunny replied. "But when he gets like this, we take pictures for his 'Dirty Drunk' album. We all have one. Even you, Haruhi!"
Kyoya snapped a picture of Tamaki attempting to lick the wet spot on his jeans. Haruhi cringed at the thought. "You have an album of pictures of me being drunk?"
"Yeah," Kyoya replied for Hunny. "You're a real sexy woman when you're drunk, you are!" Kyoya patted Haruhi on the head. She took the drink out of his hand and dumped it on the floor.
"Hey Haruhi," Tamaki looked straight at the girl. "You and Kyoya look hot together. I'll take a picture, you make out with him. Ready, go!" Tamaki took the camera and seemed to be confused on which way to hold it; he flashed the camera in his face. Kyoya shrugged and grabbed Haruhi by the collar of her shirt, pulling her in for a deep kiss. She could taste the alcohol from him and was wondering how much he'd drank that night. Tamaki, being the idiot he was, snapped a picture. However, it was out of focus and of his face. He blinked furiously, then had a giggle attack because Kyoya had fallen off the couch, leaving Haruhi to sit there, stunned by Kyoya's attitude. Was she really sexy when she was drunk?
