Meeting
I walked into the squad room. I was so nervous, starting my first job as a Detective. I'd been a Beat Cop for three years, before I could get the promotion. As I stopped outside the doors of the Special Victims Unit, I wondered if I had made the right choice. I had come here to make a difference, to put paedophiles, rapists and abusers in jail. To give justice to the victims in the only way I ever could. I briefly wondered if I could be sympathetic enough with the victims and hard enough with the perpetrators. I had no idea that this place would be my home for the next decade. Didn't know that my new partner would be my best friend. I didn't know that this unit was like a family, and I didn't know that they all supported each other. I didn't know that we had psych evaluations regularly. The only thing I knew what that this was going to be different from any other job that I had ever had, and that I would ever have.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the door to the squad room, and stopped to take a good look around. A bald man stepped forward and addressed me.
"Excuse me, are you looking for someone?" he asked gently. I looked at him strangely; he most likely thought that I was there to report a rape.
"I'm Olivia Benson. I'm looking for Captain Cragen," I said, looking around once more.
"Oh," he said, extending his hand, "I'm Don Cragen. It's a pleasure to meet you, follow me." He walked off in the direction I now knew to be his office, not looking back to see if I was keeping up.
As soon as the door closed, the interrogation of my motives, past and abilities began with vigour.
"Captain," I interrupted, after the first few questions had been fired off, "I'm Olivia Benson. My mother was a rape victim, and my father a rapist. Because of this, I have a very strained relationship with my mother," he looked at me, as though awaiting more information and I continued, "She accused me of being the source of her problems, and being a continual reminder of the worst day of her life. She's an alcoholic, and she is abusive."
Don didn't say anything after my revelation, and I didn't elaborate. Finally, he asked, "How do you know that you can maintain a professional relationship with your past?"
"I don't," I said simply," All I can do is my best, and then try to do more. I know the relationship that you have to have with an abuse or rape victim in order to get them to trust you. I only hope that, among my other skills, will move towards you accepting me in your squad."
"What do you mean, you know?"
"When I was seventeen, I was raped by my boyfriend, and three weeks after that molested by my Mother's drunken partner. I think that gives me cause to say that I understand and know what trauma these people encounter, and I think it gives me a better understanding on how to make sure that they understand that it is important to move on with your life."
"How do you know that you won't be too violent with the perps after what you have been through?"
"Look, Captain, I know that I can do this, and I want to do this. I want to put these predators in jail and I have every intention of doing so. Regardless of whether or not I stay here, I WILL work in SVU and I WILL help these people."
Don looked impressed by what I had just said, and how I seemed to have controlled the interview to some extent. I don't think he was used to being treated in such a manner, although his respect for me increased.
"First," he began, looking at me intently, "Most people under my command call me Don. Second, your partner is interviewing a victim and I shall introduce you when he arrives back. Third, your partner will need to know about your past so that he can keep an eye on you, though you do not have to inform the rest of the squad."
I nodded, "What about his past?"
"That is Elliot's business."
"Captain, that is a double standard. I am female and therefore need a male to keep an eye on me. I need to know about my partner, so I can do the same."
I glared strongly at him, and he could see that I wasn't going to let the matter rest.
"He was emotionally and psychically abused by his father."
"His mother?"
"She died at the hands of his father, when he was twelve."
I nodded, "Thank you," I said quietly.
Don didn't reply for a few minutes and when he finally said something, it had nothing to do with anyone's past, "Your partner's back."
I turned to look through the blinds at the person who I had not seen before. Granted, I couldn't see much, as his back was turned toward me, as he hung his coat on the rack.
"Elliot," Don called, poking his head out of his office, "Your new partner's here."
As Elliot turned around, I had difficulty suppressing a gasp. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen. His eyes were a dark blue, yet they shimmered with light, his body fit and trim from work-outs and regretfully I noticed a ring on his left hand. Of course, I realised, someone as good looking as him would be married, probably to some sort of trophy wife.
He entered the office, and looked me over, "Elliot Stabler," he introduced, extending his hand, which I noticed was shaking slightly.
With a soft smile, I replied, "Olivia Benson." I grasped his warm hand, and was shocked at my body's reaction to it. Quickly, I masked the emotion, but I had the distinct feeling that Elliot had somehow detected it.
"Now that you are introduced, Elliot, what did the victim say?"
"Nothing," he sighed heavily, 'All he did was shudder whenever I spoke."
"I could try," I offered, "I've always been good with children."
"I don't think so," Elliot responded, his eyes turned darker which reflected his outrage, "You need to learn the ropes first, before you interview anyone."
Before I could respond to this offensive remark, the Captain interrupted us.
"I think you should let Olivia interview him," seeing Elliot about to protest, he added quickly, "You might want to learn something more about your partner, before you dismiss her."
"Fine," he turned to me, "Benson, let's go." He threw my coat to me and shrugged his on. Surprised, I caught it, and hurried after him.
"You driving?" I asked, as we walked to the car.
"Nope, I'll drive back from the hospital."
I nodded, and we bucked into the car. The ride to the hospital was filled with silence, that was unexpectedly comfortable. Although, I knew about his past, he knew nothing of mine, and I wanted to keep it that way as long as possible. For some unknown reason, however, every instinct was telling me that he should know, and that he would never hurt me. I didn't know much about him, but I knew that if he was near me, I would be safe.
As we arrived at the hospital, I motioned for Elliot to stay outside the room, while I talked to the young boy.
"Hi," I said softly, "My name's Olivia. What's yours?"
He didn't reply, so I asked another question, "How old are you?"
He quickly held up six fingers, before the hands went back under the covers.
"You sure you don't want to tell me your name?" I asked, with a smile. To my intense surprise, he smiled and said, "Mike."
"Mike, can you tell me what happened?"
"Don't want to."
"Mike," I prodded gently, though I could almost feel Elliot glaring through the curtain, "Who hurt you?"
"H-he did."
"Who did, honey?" I asked.
"My dad. He said that I was a bad boy, and I needed to be punished."
"What did you do?" I asked, careful to keep any accusation out of my voice.
"I didn't mean to, I swear I didn't," he said terrified.
"Honey," I reassured softly, "It wasn't your fault. It's never your fault."
"I dropped the bottle," he said shakily, "It had the yellow stuff in it. I swear I didn't mean to."
"It's okay. What did he do to you?"
"He," Mike paused, as if trying to gain confidence, "He hit me with the bottle, and then said I shouldn't have cried because big boys don't cry. Then he picked up a bat, and hit me. I don't remember anything after that," he looked down into his lap, obviously ashamed.
"You have nothing to be ashamed of," I said gently, but firm, "What he did was wrong, and there is nothing wrong with crying."
He nodded, and whispered a small 'Thanks' before I stepped outside.
As I met Elliot outside the room, he immediately asked, "How'd you do that?"
I shrugged, "Kids trust me."
He looked closely at me, almost as if he could read my mind, and see the part of me that I tried so hard to hide.
"What happened?" he asked.
"What happened?" I repeated, trying to play dumb.
"What happened to you," he clarified, before continuing, "Everyone has their own reason for joining SVU, so what's yours?"
"The Captain said you would have to know. I'd rather he told you."
Elliot nodded, though he didn't look pleased that I didn't trust him. After what I'd been through in my life, I didn't trust many people, and those I did, it took a while for me to do so. As we drove back to the station, the conversation was a little stilted, but not overly so. It seemed that he had taken my lack of trust in him personally.
Hoping to clarify before we got back to the station, I said, "Look, I don't trust people. It's not that it's you or anything, I just don't do trust."
He nodded, and the conversation became a little more comfortable.
"What've we got?" Don asked as soon as we arrived.
"Mike was abused by his father, Damian Ross," Elliot said as he took of his coat and grabbed mine to hang up.
"He opened up to Olivia?"
I nodded, and he looked at me with a respect I didn't deserve, "Yes, sir. He said that his father beat him and he lost consciousness."
"Pick up the Father."
We both nodded, and left. After about an hour of badgering this man, he confessed that his son had dropped a bottle of Brandy on the floor and he had flown into a rage and beaten his son. As we finished our paperwork on my first case, Elliot offered me dinner, at his place in Queens. Curious, about his family and wanted to know more I agreed. However, before we could leave, Don called Elliot into his office. Knowing that I was the topic of conversation between the two men, made me feel very uncomfortable, so I continued to tidy and try to take my mind of what was going on inside the office.
When Elliot came out, he looked at me with eyes full of pity. Quickly I said, "I don't want your pity, so if you can't look at me as you did before, then piss off."
"Okay," he said, a little startled by my outburst, "I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. Are you still coming for dinner?"
I blinked a few times, confused by the subject change, "Yes," I said after a few seconds. On the way to his place, I learnt that he married his high school sweetheart, and had four kids. Maureen, the oldest, was fourteen, Kathleen was eleven, and Lizzie and Dickie, a set of twins, were seven.
As curious as I was about his family, I felt a certain amount of jealousy. This man was good, and he had a life to show for it. He had a family, and people who loved and depended on him. I had no-one, but I quickly threw the thought from my mind as we pulled up.
A blonde woman stepped out the doorway as we pulled up. I knew automatically that this was Elliot's wife. She was the exact sort that he should have, a trophy wife. As he walked up to her, with me following behind, not quite sure what to do, four kids quickly piled around the woman and raced to their father, before turning curiously to me.
"Hi, I'm Olivia. I work with your father," I introduced. Kathy looked at me with a looked of intense distaste on her face, but her children were a different matter. Each of them eagerly walked up to me and hugged me tightly. I didn't know anything about this woman, but she seemed furious that her children had accepted me when I hadn't.
"Kath," Elliot said, one arm wrapped tightly around her waist, "Liv's staying for diner, alright?"
Although it was clear that it wasn't, Kathy didn't voice her objection. Dickie grabbed my hand and enthusiastically dragged me into the house, and into a room that he shared with his twin.
"Come look at my cars," he said excitedly, while his twin grabbed my other hand and said equally excited, "Look at my dolls, Livvy."
Looking at the two seven year olds, I laughed, "How about I sit here, and play with both of you?" They both nodded and joined me on the floor with their toys. Kathleen joined us about ten minutes later, with a magazine puzzle that she required help with. Though the magazine was soon forgotten and the four of us were engaged in some games. Maureen, I suspected, was either helping her parents with dinner or doing homework. A sudden voice floated up the stairs, calling the children to dinner. The three kids hurried down the stairs, and I looked around at the mess left in the room.
As quickly as I could, I put the toys away in their appropriate places, having learnt that parents rarely like messes. As I was about to leave the room, Elliot looked at me, amusement evident in his face.
"What?" I asked, defensive, "I just packed up some stuff."
"You're strange," he laughed, "come down to dinner."
Throughout the meal, I learnt many things about the children and Kathy. Though Kathy remained relatively quiet throughout the meal and did not volunteer any information, a fact that did not go unnoticed by either Elliot or me. After dinner, I offered to help clean up, which Kathy reluctantly accepted, after a not-so-subtle indication from Elliot. We were washing the dishes in complete deafening silence, when she suddenly asked, "Do you like my husband?" There was a note of jealous possession in her voice.
Startled, I replied, "Of course I like him, Kathy, he's a nice man. But I don't like him as more than a friend."
"Oh," she replied, though she clearly did not trust the answer.
I left shortly after, promising the twins who had taken an extreme liking to me that if it was okay with their parents I'd take them to the mall one weekend.
I was interviewing a victim, having no idea that this would be the day my marriage started to break. I had no idea that I would have a partner who had been through so much, but was so compassionate; I had no idea that she would be the one to test my marriage vows and I had no idea that my kids would love her like a mother. Interviewing a victim was nothing new to me, that's part of what I've been doing for the past few years. This little boy though, he wouldn't open up to me, he just say in hi bed, and shuddered every time he heard my voice. Resigned to the fact that I would not be getting a statement out of him, I headed back to the station.
I walked in, and just as I had taken my coat off, a call from Cragen's office announced he needed my presence.
When I first saw my new partner, I could barely contain my gasp. She was absolutely gorgeous. She had large brown eyes that were filled with a hidden emotion, and her body had curves that were to die for. She was obviously toned, and my eyes immediately flickered to her left hand, which was surprisingly bare. I would have thought that such a fine creature was married to a tall handsome guy. I quickly regained my thoughts, and extended my hand for her to shake, and I noticed that it was shaking slightly.
She smiled gently, at me and I felt a strange sensation come over me, "Olivia Benson," she said, and I noticed her voice was a seductive mix. When she shook my hand, I noticed that she had some sort of reaction, which she quickly masked. I sensed that she did this as habit, and that she would not trust easily.
"Now that you are introduced, Elliot, what did the victim say?"
"Nothing," I sighed, remembering the boy's reaction to me, "All he did was shudder when I spoke to him."
"I could try," my new partner offered, "I've always been good with children."
For some reason, this comment caused me to be outraged. How could she think that she would be better than me, when she didn't know anything about being an SVU Detective?
"I don't think so," and her eyes flashed at me, "You need to learn the ropes first, before you interview anyone."
She opened her mouth to respond, but Don cut in, "I think that you should let Olivia interview him," I opened my mouth to protest, "You might want to learn something more about your partner, before you dismiss her."
"Fine," I stated, and turned to Olivia, "Benson, let's go." I threw her coat to her, and shrugged mine on. I was quite surprised when she caught it, without fumbling.
"You driving?" she asked, as we walked out to the car.
"Nope, I'll drive back from the hospital."
She nodded, and we buckled into the car. The ride to the hospital was filled with silence, that was surprisingly comfortable. I knew nothing about her, but for some strange reason had the distinct idea, that she knew all about my past. While I was sitting with her, I felt that I was safe, and that the troubles of my past, and the predicaments or trials that would come with the job would all seem to be something meaningless, when she was there.
As we arrived at the hospital, she motioned for me to remain out of the room. For some reason, this didn't bother me. As I heard the conversation on the other side of the curtain, I felt a deep respect for my partner.
When she arrived on the other side of the curtain, I asked, "How'd you do that?"
She shrugged and looked genuinely confused, "Kids trust me."
I looked closely at her, trying to figure out her secret. It was almost as though she had a million things under the surface and would be a never ending enigma.
"What happened?" I asked.
"What happened?" she parroted, trying to play dumb.
"What happened to you? Everyone has their own reason for joining SVU, so what's yours?"
She looked slightly apprehensive, and said quickly, "The Captain said that you would have to know. I'd rather he told you."
I nodded, but was slightly hurt by the fact that she didn't seem to trust me. It was strange, I found myself thinking, that I was hurt by the lack of trust that this woman had shown in me, regardless of that I had only known her for about an hour. I think she sensed that I was hurt to some degree and spoke in order to clarify the issue.
"Look, I don't trust people," she said, "It's not that it's you or anything, I just don't do trust."
I nodded and the conversation became more comfortable.
"What've we got?" Don asked, as soon as we arrived.
"Mike was abused by his father, Damian Ross," I said as I took off my coat and grabbed Olivia's.
As we talked about the case, my respect for my new partner increased. Therefore, as we finished up the paperwork on her first case here, I asked her if she wanted to have dinner with my family. Just as she agreed, Don called me into his office, and judging by the look on my partner's face, it was about her motivations for joining the unit.
As Don told me about her past, I felt a deep sympathy arise, and a further respect and admiration. She was absolutely amazing. When I came out, she must have seen something different in my expression toward her, as she quickly said, "I don't want your pity, so if you can't look at me as you did before, then piss off."
I was a little startled by her outburst, and said, "Okay. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. Are you still coming for dinner?"
She blinked, almost confused and replied in the affirmative. As I drove her to Queens, I told her about my family, and she seemed genuinely interested and partially saddened. I once again, felt a deep sympathy for her. While Kathy and my marriage was no bed of roses, I still had someone that loved me, and who I loved. I wasn't alone except for an abusive mother.
When we pulled up, my wife stepped out the door, closely followed by my children. As my partner followed me and introduced herself. The kids eagerly walked up to her and embraced her warmly. I felt my wife stiffen beside me and knew that she didn't approve of Olivia.
"Kath, Liv's staying for dinner, alright?" I asked, though from my tone it was obvious that she couldn't argue.
When my kids grabbed her arms and dragged her into the house, I laughed. They seemed to have formed a bond after only about two minutes, which I felt quite happy about but also a little scared. Kathleen gave us another hug, and then followed Dickie, Lizzie and Liv up into the house. Maureen, however, stay with us and asked Kathy a question.
"Why don't you like her?"
"I just don't."
"Why not?" I asked, she had liked my previous partner.
"I just think that she's had a horrible life, and she's just pretending to be nice but she has an ulterior motive." Although I believed her, I felt that there was more to her dislike, and I wished I knew what it was.
Thirty minutes later, Kathy called the kids down to dinner, and when the three trooped down, without Liv, I went up to investigate. I saw Olivia cleaning up the room, and I stood back and watched in amusement.
"What?" she said when she spotted me, "I just packed up some stuff."
"You're strange," I responded, laughing, "come down to dinner."
Throughout the meal, I'm sure Olivia learnt many things, and some that I would rather remain private, but she seemed to be a part of the family, more than my wife. Kathy remained quiet and when Olivia offered to help her clear, after a not-so-subtle hint by me, which I'm sure Olivia noticed, Kathy accepted. Later, the kids went to their respective rooms to do homework, and I eavesdropped on the conversation between my wife and my partner.
My wife asked my partner if she liked me, and Olivia had responded affirmatively, and I thought that her response would have sated my wife, but obviously she didn't trust that the answer was truthful.
Olivia left shortly after, promising to take the twins out for a weekend if it was alright with both Kathy and I. After she left, and the children were in bed, Kathy and I had one of the many arguments that were to come about Olivia.
