a/n: hello! new fic. yes, it's been done a billion times before but... i have an opinion, no? i think i'll start with harry.


Dear Fanfiction Authors,

Hello. My name is Harry Potter. I am a boy. I have no siblings as my parents were dead. Even Muggles should know that ghosts cannot procreate. Granted, a sibling would have saved me the eternal shame of having only Dudley as a cousin, but it can't be helped.

I am engaged to Ginny Weasley who I love and will not be leaving for anyone else. Not Cho Chang (honestly, we were fifteen and sixteen. give me a break!), not Hermione (she's my best friend) and not, Merlin forbid, Draco Malfoy. Not Voldemort either. I am perfectly straight, thank you very much, and the latter killed my parents and tried to kill me. Repeatedly. Not even I can forgive that.

Is there anything else? Hmm... what about: no slash, no alternate universes (although the kids from Twilight made me laugh like a maniac), no murdering, no incest, and no time travel romance.

That is connected to a) incest and b) slash. Me and Snape? That is a mental image that would drive Voldemort to suicide. It would be really embarrassing to fall for my dead mum!

Alright?

Yours sincerely,

Harry James Potter.