I sit in the darkness of my room, it's 2:07 AM, and I can't sleep. Too many thoughts from the night haunt me and keep me awake. I sit up and drag myself over to my desk and grab my ipod, then go back to bed. I scroll down to Escape The Fate and press play. The first song that plays is Not Good Enough For Truth In Cliché. I turn it all the way up to drown out the silence of the night. I lip sync the words until it reaches the chorus, then I just stop and listen to the words, and let my memories take over my mind.

Sitting in this room playing Russian Roulette

Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet

Out from the window see her back drops to the west

This blood on my hands is something I can not forget

I pause the song and sigh. I look into my hands and drop my face into them, and for the first time in a long time, I cried

No matter what I do I can't change the fact that he's dead, and that I killed him.

I close my eyes and fall into a deep sleep with his image forever burned into my memory.

My alarm goes off at 6:15 AM, the same as every morning, and every morning I drag myself out of bed to get dressed. Today I threw on some red skinny jeans and a black Brokencyde band tee, and slip my feet into my black high tops and run out the door to catch the bus.

As I walk into school I see Ricky's memorial banners, and candles spread all over the entrance to school. I close my eyes and walk by them as if nothing happened. I head for the girls bathroom, where everything happed, I walked in and locked the door.

You may be thinking that I'm a newbie to cutting and that I don't really know what I'm doing, but I do. I have been cutting for years now and it only gets worse as the stress I'm under gets worse. I grab the small blade from the secret compartment in my backpack, and roll up my sleeve admiring all my scars and scabs letting old memories fill my mind, until I reached my most recent one……from last night.