I don't own any of the characters in this story, as they belong to square enix. The plot however, is mine.

Eventual yaoi will ensue (SeiferxSquall), hence the M rating. So if you're not keen about malexmale content, consider yourself warned.

Please review! This is my first story ever.



Chapter One ~ The End of the Beginning



Squall was so very weary. During the war he never had had the time to stop for a minute's rest, operating solely on adrenaline and willing his weaknesses away. Now, when he finally had the time to sleep and even doctor Kadowaki's advice to do so more often, he couldn't. His sleep was restless to say the least. In fact he felt more tired with every passing day. He dreaded falling asleep, not because he suffered of nightmares. If he had any at all, he didn't remember them. He dreaded falling asleep, because afterwards you have to wake up again. The entire process of having to face reality anew repeated over and over again, every single morning. It was during these first waking moments after sleep that his fears and regrets came crashing down on him in full force, taking advantage of his temporary state of confusion and weakness. Squall desperately wanted to just lie in bed all day long to avoid the mess his life had become. But pale morning light shone through his half closed blinds, denying him any further rest. He hoisted himself in an upright position and rubbed his brow profusely in an attempt to clear his foggy mind. Unsuccessfully.

For days Squall had hoped it had all been nothing but a nightmare. Just another one of Ultimecia's tricks. That somehow he was still trapped in Time Compression and that this ... all of this ... was just an illusion. That things hadn't ended up the way they did. For any of them. Hyne. Today wasn't going to be a good day.

"Ok. Just stop thinking. Get a grip. Get up. Get ready. Go see Kadowaki. Reassure everyone so they'll get of your case. Easy, right?"

Right. He got up and shuffled his way towards his bathroom. Hopefully he would be able to get some running water today. He could feel Shiva in the back of his mind, little laughs resounding within his skull like crystal bells. Their mocking tone didn't escape him, but he could tell she felt lazy and relatively accommodating for now. She wouldn't freeze up the water pipes this time. Quickly he stepped under the shower head, not bothering to wait for the water to heat up thus letting unmercifully cold water cascade down his back. He had gotten numb to the icy cold a long time ago, not caring much for heat anymore anyway. That scared him. At first he had desperately tried to stay warm, cowering from Shiva's overwhelming presence in his mind. He had protested her sudden and violent invasion. But as time progressed he had gotten used to the cold, it became a part of him. His pale skin was freezing to the touch and his lips had changed from soft pink to an unhealthy looking shade of blue. Eyes clouded over by stormy ice stared out into the world, apathy molded in with the shifting hues of blue and cool silver .

The cold did not only alienate him from his own body, but also from other people, providing him with thick icy armor he could only have dreamt of in his years prior to the war. Shutting out others was becoming an increasingly easy feat. To Squall it was ironic, a little funny even, how true his former nickname 'Ice Prince' turned out to be. He chuckled bitterly to himself but stopped abruptly as he noticed the first droplets of water rolling down his body freezing over and accumulating at his feet. Quickly he hurried out from under the shower before his feet got frozen stuck to the basin. As he toweled himself down, preventing ice from clinging to his skin and hair, he quietly cursed under his breath. He could hear her amused laughter ringing in his ears, reveling in his displeasure.

"Soon Kadowaki will find out what the hell is wrong with me. Then I'll kick you out of my head myself. And quit taunting me."

~Why so annoyed, Little Lion? Don't you like me anymore now that I have a will of my own?~

Suddenly her playful tone turned vicious, a promise of vengeance chilling her every word.

~You should have learned by now to take me a little bit more seriously. Taunts? Consider them threats. You feel how I grow stronger. Poor Little Lion. You were foolish enough to enslave me in the past and use me for your own self-righteous ends. Now I shall enslave you. I have enough patience to weather a thousand ice ages. But you, a mere mortal, are running out of time. You know I can't be held off much longer.~

"So you have been saying for months. I'm not intimidated by you."

He fought of the unease Shiva's words had brought about and decided that maybe paying Kadowaki a visit wasn't such a bad idea after all. Squall had avoided her, afraid of what she might have to tell him, but now he needed answers. He needed to know Shiva was just throwing him empty threats out of resentment. Never had he realized what vengeful creatures guardian forces could be. The fact that they sustained themselves by consuming their memories was something Squall had been able to accept. But this... He had thought that Shiva and him were compatible, good in battle together. Had she always felt this way? Had Ultimecia poisoned and twisted her into hating him? He quickly shook his head to chase away any thoughts concerning Ultimecia. Even though she was gone now, in her last moments she had made sure that all who had faced her would face anguish.

Everything was so fucked up. Squall's mind betrayed him as it wandered back to that day. Slowly he squatted down awkwardly in his sofa, towel still draped around his waist, and he let himself relive all the events he so desperately wanted to change - like rubbing salt into his wounds.


*** flashback ***

He had done it. He was a hero! He had defeated Ultimecia. He had saved the world. And this was his reward. A party to celebrate their victory, a beautiful date to accompany him there and a bright future as her Knight. An unnatural smile was etched into his features as hazy eyes settled on the pretty raven haired girl standing beside him. She beckoned him with a seductive smile and one slender pale finger raised in the air, requesting a dance. She was gorgeous. Squall felt his feet carry him to her, like being pulled along by a thread, but he ignored the odd sensation, all the while beaming at his girl. His Sorceress. He collected her in his arms and placed a warm kiss on her rosy little mouth. Letting a soft sigh escape she huddled closer into the hug, forgetting all about the dance. He was so happy. Am I? Yes!

Rinoa's silken hair tickled his nose as she raised her head and gave him a radiant smile. "Isn't this a lovely party? Everybody's being so goofy, but I guess that's normal. Venting all their piled up stress and everything." Squall nodded. It was a lovely party... I hate parties.

"Don't be silly! You don't hate parties. Look at how much fun you're having." Rinoa cocked her head to one side, looking up at him with big doe like eyes , urging him to agree. Had he said that aloud? He wasn't even aware he was the one thinking it. This is confusing. Yes it was...

"Come on. Enough loitering about, we can't stay on this balcony all night long. You need to be a little bit more sociable, mister!" Rinoa prodded him in the chest, a mock stern expression quickly giving way to another smile. She was all giggles and smiles tonight. He loved that about her. Squall involuntarily blinked at this thought. I love her?

"Awww! I love you too, sweety. But you can't keep me all to yourself tonight. It's a party! Let's go say hello to Cid and Edea." Eagerly she pulled her boyfriend over to the party to 'mingle' with the people present. Squall felt happy to oblige, but suddenly - as he was dragged across the dance floor - he was starting to get a little fuzzy around the edges and the music started blaring unpleasantly in his ears. He figured he probably just had a little too much to drink, although he couldn't quite remember just when he had done this supposed drinking. The music became unbearably loud and distorted. How didn't anyone notice this racket?

"What does that DJ think he's doing? He's giving me a headache."

"What darling? You don't like this song?" She cast him a curious look. Squall had his head clutched in his hands and a frown adorning his brow, feeling increasingly nauseous. As the room started to close in on him, threatening to bring him to his knees, Rinoa threw his right arm over her shoulder and guided him to the side of the ballroom.

"Are you feeling alright? Is it the crowd that's getting to you? Maybe you should go sit down for a while. I'll go get you some water." She sounded panicked and all color had left her doll like face.

"Yeah, probably just tired and a bit claustrophobic." She nodded, taking his reassurance as her cue to go fetch him something to drink. He watched her disappear in the direction of the bar and slumped back against the wall. What on earth was going on? He had never been claustrophobic before. Why now? He tried to focus on the ongoing party to distract himself from his discomfort, but something wasn't quite right.

Zell was scarfing down hot dogs, which he had been doing so for the past two hours. Even for Zell, that was a bit much. The blonde seemed transfixed, his eyes only seeing the food in front of him.

"Hey! Zell! Easy with the ..." Zell's head shot up in surprise, as he looked in the direction Squall's yell had come from. His baby blue eyes seemed off, not really seeing Squall. And wasn't his tattoo supposed to be on the other side of his face? Squall was about to shrug it away, as suddenly an image of blood and burnt flesh overlapped Zell's features. But it disappeared just as soon as he had blinked. Zell had gone back to stuffing himself, unaware of Squall's sudden distress.

Shaking his head, he felt like he was forgetting something. Something important. He let his eyes trail over the crowd in search of any other unusual sign. Quistis was still talking to Cid and Edea. All three of them had an eerie air about them. Too much smiles. Were they shaking hands again? How long had they been standing there? Irvine kept pulling the same redhead into his lap, smiling his lazy grin and tipping his hat back. But his eyes were empty as he flirted shamelessly with the giggling girl.

Selphie came up to him, disrupting his line of sight and asking if he wanted to join the Festival Committee. The second time this night. Now he was sure something was wrong. He was very very sure Selphie would not forget such a hesitantly granted promise so quickly. She would much rather rub it in and exploit it to her best sadistic party planning abilities.

"You already asked this. An hour ago, remember? I told you that any plans would have to be postponed due to budgetary problems, now that NORG is gone, but that I would do my best to..." Selphie looked at him, not understanding.

"So that means you'll join, right?

"No, Selphie, there won't be a festival just yet. What is going on with you? Something here is really..." He stopped midsentence as he saw Rinoa making her way back with a glass of water in her hands. At the lack of any further response, Selphie just shrugged and skipped towards the dance floor. Rinoa now stalked up to him a little faster. She seemed ... upset. Had she noticed as well?

"Rinoa. Thank Hyne you're here. Everybody's acting strangely and the atmosphere is ... wrong... Like I can't breathe. The air is so thick. It ... well, it feels like sorcery." Rinoa was not happy to hear this. Her face clouded over and she suddenly sounded hoarse and angered, very unlike her usual melodious voice.

"What exactly are you accusing me of?" she bit out tersely.

"What? No! I just... Don't you think everyone is being weird?" Squalls head was throbbing with pain now. It felt almost like a menacing presence was looming over him, strangling him, pushing and pulling him.

"Just because you are incapable of relaxing and having fun, doesn't mean others can't! They're not the ones being weird. You are! Why are you blaming me?! Just because I am a sorceress, I'm supposedly evil?!!" She was screaming now, her eyes taking on a dangerous glint and the air shifting about her. Squall heard alarm bells ringing in his head and he instantly knew he had to calm her down. She couldn't go rogue. He would lose her if she did. He loved her! No, you don't! This is wrong! But he had to get her to relax!

"Rinoa, just calm down! That's not what I meant at all. Just ... just calm down. I ... I love you, so... just listen to me..."

"Shut up! You don't love me! She ... She was right, you know. Even here in this place, where everything is perfect, where we are perfect, you rebel! You fight me and my magic. Is being with me so bad? Why can't I be with you?! I... I'm not evil. I'm not. I just wanted to be with you..." She sagged down to the floor, her words trailing off.

"Oh Squall ... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

Nothing made sense anymore. He wasn't willing to accept the meaning of her words, but as he felt the pull of invisible strings that had tugged at his every move and thought dissolve, he understood. The fanatic affection he had cherished for Rinoa seconds ago had disappeared, his unquestioning devotion gone. The ballroom disintegrated around them and the party guests along with it, leaving only him and Rinoa out in the grey wasteland of Time Compression. He felt dread creeping up on him.

"You didn't ..."

Rinoa didn't look at him, head cast downwards, shoulders shaking with sobs.

"Oh, my dear SeeD! She did! It was not very diffikult to konvince her, I must say. For I am her and she is me..."

Squall spinned around as fast as possible and rested his eyes on the Sorceress before him. He couldn't believe his eyes. They had defeated her! They had gotten home and days had passed since then. And he and Rinoa... They... Hyne...

"I killed you." Ultimecia merely threw her head back and laughed.

"You only thought you did, Kursed SeeD. I must admit you kaught me by surprise at first, leaving me wounded and at the end of my breath. But just an illusion and a fragile girl are enough to kloud your mind, buying me time to heal. Pathetik." She set her eyes on Rinoa and a cruel smile found its way onto thin, red lips.

"Kome here, child. Let me konsole you. You see that what I told you is true. I never lie. He does not love you. He loves another. I gave you your chance. You failed. You kannot keep him! He must die! Wouldn't you agree?" Rinoa shook her head vehemently, shivering. All the while Squall tried to move, tried to speak, tried to do something, but he found himself petrified and tied to the floor by tendrils of magic emanating from the dirt beneath him. Ultimecia continued smiling. He wanted to reach out for Rinoa, tell her that things would be ok, that he understood. I don't understand! Not any of it. RINOA!

"No! He might not love me, but I love him! You can't hurt him! I won't let you!"

"Foolish child. You have hurt him already. And you will do so even more in the future. You are a Sorceress. He is a SeeD. It is set in stone. This misplaced affektion of yours kannot be. I know it kannot. I have tried. I loved him once too. But love is a kruel and wasted emotion. You are weak! I was weak! My past is different from you future, bekause I have disrupted the flow of time. But we are still one and the same, Rinoa! I am your future, have seen your future. Believe me when I say that he will betray you. He already has in my memories. He threw me away!... for ... for that ..."

Ultimecia seemed to be losing her composure, insanity raising with the second. Her eyes glowed in a dangerous golden color, glancing past but refusing to fixate on Squall. He was now not even trying to budge anymore, too perplexed by what he was witnessing and hearing. It just couldn't be. He could not see Rinoa, but he heard she had stopped crying. He desperately hoped it meant she had gotten her right mind back. Don't listen to her! You are Rinoa. Not her. It's not too late yet...

"He'll throw me away? For someone else?" She sounded scared and small, her voice trembling.

"Yes. But don't worry, my child. I have already broken and killed this love. And together we can exakt our revenge. The world will hate you, Rinoa, for you are a Sorceress. Hate it bak. Kill your attachment to this world! Kill your feelings for this man, as have I. Let us bekome one again and reign the realms of Time Kompression." A long silence stretched on, when suddenly Rinoa spoke up.

"Yes..."

Squall wanted to scream when he saw her walking past him. He tried catching her attention, but couldn't do a thing because of Ultimecia's magic suffocating him. Never in his life had he ever felt so utterly helpless. He felt tears burning in his eyes.

Rinoa now stood in front of the insane Sorceress, arms stretched out towards her. Ultimecia laughed victoriously and closed her arms around the quivering girl, stroking her ebony hair.

"Any last words for this ... man?" Rinoa slowly turned to look at him, a sad expression marring her beautiful face.

"Squall. I... I'm sorry. But... I can't go on like this. She's right. I am who I am. I am ...Ultimecia. Or at least I will be. I don't understand this, but it's all I can do. I never belonged, you know. My father despised me. None of your friends liked me, since I wasn't a part of your little orphanage gang. All of you thought the Forest Owls were nothing but a joke. Even you... Everybody was fighting and running ahead. I was always lagging behind. And you. You never stuck up for me. Only when I became a Sorceress did I become important to you. Something to protect. Something to protect the world from. A pet project. But never someone you loved. Squall. I... I hate you!"

"And so do I. Now kome to me. Do not be afraid. I will merge your consciousness with mine and we shall be reborn. You will know everything I know, remember everything I remember. And I will be komplete again, all my powers intakt, stronger than ever. We will never be alone again! Not looked down upon nor shunned! Rinoa. My other me. Let us begin."

Rinoa nodded hesitantly and placed her small hands in Ultimecia's. Squall could see her frail figure shiver slightly, but he couldn't see her face. His mind had gone numb with shock. His entire being was crying out for Rinoa, but in vain. She had made her decision. And Squall would have to make his. Tears were now streaming freely down his cheeks. The two women in front of him seemed to emit a golden light, their hair floating aloft in the gravity defying atmosphere around them, which was crackling with energy. Winds started to rage about them, blowing up the dust at their feet, forming big clouds that enshrouded them and hid them from Squalls view. Every now and then a golden beam of light violently broke through the dust cloud, but Squall couldn't see anything nor could he hear anything over the howling wind that was tearing at his clothes.

It felt like it would never stop. The heavy air laden with magical energy weighed down on him and sweat formed on his brow. It was getting very hot because of the searing golden light, which grew in brightness by the minute. Soon Squall had to close his eyes, cowering away from the light that seemed to pierce into his very core. But he felt the magic tendrils keeping him in place weakening. He could move his arms a little and the power of the magic detaining him was declining still. It meant Ultimecia was exhausting herself and didn't have much energy to spare. It gave him hope.

Until the dust cloud settled down and the bright light died away, revealing a frail, yet regal woman. Raven black hair like Rinoa's floated in the air behind the woman as she walked towards him. Big almond shaped eyes flickered between hazel and gold. The strange tattoo's that had been littered across Ultimecia's skin now gleamed slightly altered on the skin of this strange woman. She was younger than Ultimecia had been, but older than Rinoa. That rosy little mouth now carried a cruel Sorceress' smile. She looked so much like Rinoa, Squall felt sick to his stomach. He would never be able to kill her. She walked up to him, swaying her hips as if seducing the restrained man in front of her.

"Rinoa?"

"We are Ultimecia. And you are nothing but an unsightly worm. We will kill you in due time, but first We will have our fun. As with those other worms." She made a swift little movement with her left hand and Squall felt he could move again from the neck up. He stared up into the woman's eyes intensely, trying to find a trace of Rinoa in there. But all that stared back at him was hate and insanity. Hearing what she had just said, realization dawned on him. His friends.

Oh Hyne. No... No! "What did you do to them! Where are they? I will kill you!!!" She only chuckled at his outburst.

"Aren't you the slow one? Only now you think of your komrades? What a lousy friend you are. Not to worry. They still live. Barely. Shall We take you to see them? We will even give you some privacy to ... katch up."

The world shifted around him, disorientating his senses and nauseating him, when suddenly he smacked down on the ground, able to move again. His muscles ached tremendously and his legs almost buckled as he tried to stand up. Ultimecia's laughter still rang in his ears. When he looked up he saw the place looked exactly like the desolate realm he had just been transported away from. There was no way to orientate within Time Compression. Ultimecia was toying with him.

"Squall?" A worried voice. Quistis' voice. "Squall. Is that you?"

She sounded uncertain and so afraid. Squall spotted her away in the distance, even though her voice had sounded so nearby. He hurried over to where she and the others were slouched down on the dusty, rock littered floor and opened his mouth to speak, but felt dread at what he witnessed. Selphie was sitting down, knees pulled up against her chest and arms wrapped around them. Vicious cuts and bruises covered her frail body, but they didn't seem life threatening. It was her empty gaze that worried Squall. She sat perfectly still, didn't move as much as an inch nor did she utter a word at Squall's arrival. What had caused her to be like this? His eyes trailed further to a worried cowboy huddled beside Selphie. Irvine looked up at Squall only to quickly cast his eyes back down. The man didn't seem hurt, but Squall could tell he was sick with worry over the girl beside him, who should be bubbling with energy.

It is when he saw Quistis cradling Zell in her arms, that his heart came to a stop. Teary tracks tracing her dirt covered face bore witness to her distress. Blood pooled beneath her shapely legs. Not her own blood. The entire left side of Zell's face and torso was severely burned, blackened flesh oozing blood with every pulse of his heartbeat. The tribal tattoo Zell had loved to boast about was now charred and rendered unrecognizable, his left eye bulging and horrid looking. The contrast of the burns with the smooth healthy skin on Zell's right side was vast and only intensified the grueling effect of his wounds. He was missing his left arm from the elbow down. When Quistis' saw Squall's horror stricken expression, she softly explained what had happened.

"Ultimecia... she did something to Rinoa. And Rinoa... she ripped our GF's out of our minds. Killed them. One after the other. We weren't strong enough to stop her. Selphie, she couldn't handle it. Carbuncle and Leviathan, you know. She collapsed. We think Rinoa ripped away more than just her GF's, accidentally or not. Zell got furious, attacked Rinoa. But she ... she did this. And left us here. All the time you just stood there, like under some kind of spell. She said she was taking you away from us. I ... I was so afraid, Squall. I couldn't do anything. All our guardian forces are gone, we don't have any magic or junctions. There's nothing we could do for Zell. Please tell me you can help him?" She looked at him with pleading eyes.

"I still have my GF's and some healing magic, but nothing potent enough to undo all of this ... damage. I'll try."

Quistis nodded and moved aside, giving Squall some room to work with. The strongest healing spell he had left was Cura, five of them, and some weak healing items. He guided all of it into Zell's struggling body. The many bleeding and oozing wounds on his left side closed up and healed over sloppily, leaving behind raw, light pink scar tissue. He had stopped the bleeding and was happy to discover there weren't any broken bones or internal ruptures. But Squall could do nothing for the lost left eye and arm. In any case, Zell would live, if they could get out of here quickly enough. He urgently needed to have medication and a blood transfusion administered to him. He had lost too much blood and was too weakened to last out here for long. Squall sat back after he finished the patch up works on his friend. Quistis looked at him questioningly.

"He's stable for now. I got him to stop bleeding. But he needs help and fast."

She didn't bother asking him about the arm and eye. Quistis knew a lost cause when she saw one and felt grateful enough Zell now had a chance to make it out of this alive.

"Thanks Squall. Let's find a way out of this place."

"Yes, let's try."

But this was easier said than done. Ultimecia had purposely brought him here. He sighed and shook his head, as the painful memory of the events which had happened only moments before passed through his mind. He felt a sickly ache pitting in his stomach again. Despair. She wouldn't just let them go. This was her maze and they were the rats running around in it aimlessly.

"What? What happened?" Quistis suddenly sounded a little panicked. Squall didn't realize how his own facial features had contorted in sorrow.

"Did you ... find him?" This confused him and disrupted his stupor.

"What? Find who?"

"Seifer." She paused and gazed at him uncertainly. "I take it you didn't then. Maybe that's for the best."

"What happened? I taught we defeated him at Lunatic Pandora. He shouldn't be here..."

Irvine turned away from Selphie just enough to join the conversation. "He was 'ere. Ultimecia dragged 'm 'ere. After Rinoa slaughtered our guardians, did this to Selphie 'n Zell and took off with your unconscious ass. That Ultimecia witch went on screaming about how you had betrayed her and how Seifer was this unworthy dog that had bitten it's master. He certainly didn't seem very knightly, lashing out at her and cussin' like mad. Suddenly he just went berserk at one of the things she was screechin' at 'm and I mean really of his rockers, man. He up 'n jumped at the bitch with Hyperion and everything. But he... well... "

Squall released the breath he had been holding. His heart was thumping like mad in his chest. He couldn't take much more of this.

"Well, what? Where is he?"

"He's dead, man. Ultimecia did quite the number on him. Electrocuted the life out of 'm with this real vicious Thundaga spell. Said it was to remind 'm of his own sins. After that, she just kinda flung 'm into this weird ass void, to some other realm in Time Compression. To be rid of 'm I guess."

Squall felt something break inside of him. He also felt a sting of anger at Irvine's harsh and careless account of the matter. Seifer.

"Seifer..."

"Yes. We must say it was kuite fun. That dog deserved to be put down. A useless puppet he was, but he served his part well enough. We guess you of all people aren't too heartbroken over his tragik fate, are you now, Skuall? We disposed of your rival for you. Your oh so beloved rival. Now, let us play!"

And with these words she rapidly descended down from a rupture in the air above them. Immediately after Ultimecia had spoken, she lashed out at Squall, her hands glowing in a dark cyan green and flickering in the air, energy amassing around them. He was too slow to dodge her attack and felt her ghost like claws sink into his skull, deeper down into his mind. There she pulled and yanked at every loose thread and lost thought she could find, bulldozing her way through his most secret feelings, straight to the core of his being.

"Squall! Your guardian forces!"

He could hear Quistis' scream, but the sound was too faint to make it out clearly. Unable to move or think properly, he felt Ultimecia ransacking his mind in search for something. Soon she found Diablos and slowly squeezed all life force out of the demon guardian. A void tore its way into Squalls mind as Diablos slipped away from him. She laughed victoriously. Next. She dug her nails further into him, unearthing Eden. Eden put up a fierce fight, but was brutally snatched away and smothered in dark and suffocating magic. Squall could feel himself going crazy. And last but not least...Shiva. She snickered within his head, her laughter ending in little insane hiccups, drunk with triumph. Squall whimpered internally. Not Shiva. Not her. Oh yes, her. We'll find her Skuall. We'll defile her and shred her to pieces.

True to her word Ultimecia invaded the deepest recesses of Squall's very essence and found the icy queen Shiva ... waiting for her. Neither Ultimecia nor Squall had been prepared for what happened next. Shiva cast her chilling aura all around the Sorceress, trapping her and freezing her. ~You cannot have my Little Lion!~ As violently as Ultimecia had assaulted his mind she was now thrown out of it by Shiva, but not without tearing at her spirit and ripping loose a piece of Shiva's soul. Something putrid and foul started throbbing and spreading its way into her life energy.

"Kursed SeeD! Your trickery ends here. Prepare to die, along with that wench of yours!"

Ultimecia raised her arm, gathering obsidian like shards of magic pointed in Squall's direction. Instinctively he reached for Lionheart at his right hip. Only his arm wasn't moving. Instead he felt himself step forward, his arms raising in the air on their own and conjuring up Diamond Dust. It was far more powerful than he had ever experienced before.

~Only I can have this Little Lion, witch. He's mine to tame and conquer. You released me and for that you have my thanks. But you also killed my kin and for that you must pay!~

The enraged crystalline voice had come from Squall himself. He had no control over his own body as Shiva had taken over and was drawing on his last reserves to sustain his body under the immense pressure the summoning of Diamond Dust exerted. Humans weren't meant to endure such an onslaught of magic. He could die. Sudden fear struck him as he contemplated that maybe Shiva wasn't particularly bothered with this possible outcome. He could feel her anger raging through him and not all of it was directed at Ultimecia.

Suddenly his world imploded on him, searing pain racking through his body as Shiva unleashed Diamond Dust. Simultaneously she infused Lionheart with her icy fury and brought it down to Ultimecia's neck, cleaving of her head with one deadly precise swing of the brightly glowing blade.

*** end of flashback ***


After that, Squall had gone unconscious, only to wake up days later in the Infirmary of Balamb Garden. Shiva remained at the back of his mind, not securely restrained where she used to be, but given free rein to travel his mind and spirit. At first she had stayed quiet though, which - Squall knew now - was only to regain her strength after defeating a Sorceress. He had felt falsely reassured that it had been a one time only event and that soon Shiva would settle down again. He had been sorely mistaken. Slowly but surely she was acting up again. Finally he had given in to Quistis' demands to get some tests done. He had let doctor Kadowaki take a look at him and today she would inform him of her conclusions concerning the exact status of his condition.

But he had a hard time caring for his own wellbeing, when he felt it was his just punishment. He had screwed up. Rinoa was dead. He should have protected her. He should have loved her. Then none of this would have happened. She would never have started to hate him and would never have become so twisted as Ultimecia had. But now he found it increasingly difficult to think fondly of the good times he had shared with her. There were hardly any. They had only known each other for such a short while. Squall felt like he had never really known her at all. Now all he felt was growing resentment. It distraught him to think his friends had gotten hurt because of her, because of him. He was weak, he had walked right into Ultimecia's trap, right when his friends needed him the most.

Zell was still in Esthar going through revalidation. At first he had been in a lot of pain. 45% of his skin surface had been burned severely. Now he was waiting for a mechanical arm, which was being manufactured by Esthar's best scientists. Squall had been too afraid to go see the young man, but felt sure that Zell must resent him and wasn't all too sad about Squall's continuing absence. He couldn't face him, not yet.

Selphie suffered from complete and total memory loss up from the moment she had left Trabia. She hadn't been able to remember any of the things they had gone through together, but had been delighted at meeting her long lost playmates from the orphanage again. She was the only one still smiling, until she learned of the destruction of Trabia Garden at least. Many of her friends there had died. She had a hard time understanding what had happened and why.

Ironically enough all the others had regained their memories after the loss of their guardian forces. Their GF's, all of them had been wiped out, leaving behind an unsettling emptiness. They all had shared close bonds with their guardians, but now they were gone. Except for Shiva of course.

Irvine, he resented Squall for what happened, blamed him. He thought it to be his fault Selphie was the way she was. Squall agreed. Quistis didn't. She desperately tried to keep everyone together and sane, to no avail.

And Seifer... He was Squall's biggest regret. All along he had been convinced that Seifer had betrayed them and had willingly joined forces with Ultimecia, but now he knew better. He had experienced for himself how easily one could be fooled by the tricks of a Sorceress. If only he had recognized the insanity in those crazed jade eyes for what it had been, there at Lunatic Pandora where he had last seen him. He should have realized it wasn't really Seifer standing there in front of them, raving like a madman.

They might not have been friends in any recent years, but suddenly unearthed memories of his time at the orphanage and the dawning realization that he couldn't remember a time when Seifer wasn't nearby to badger him, caused him to reflect on the bond he had shared with the blond. So many 'what ifs' wandered his mind. Squall had never hated the brazen, arrogant man and missed him more with every passing day. He couldn't really tell why himself. He felt thoroughly confused and devoid of any insight in his own messed up psyche.

Squall hadn't witnessed Seifer's death, but had heard enough to be able to conjure up horrible scenes before his mind's eye. Electrocution. As a reminder for the torture he had put Squall through. He felt sure that this was what Ultimecia had alluded at. Why exactly she had chosen to kill Seifer in this way eluded him. His brain couldn't grapple with any of it any more.

~My my, dear Little Lion. Keep up like this and I will not even have to seriously try taming you. So much self pity. So much regret. Ultimecia was right. You are pathetic.~

Squall growled and punched his fist into the nearest wall, only pain rewarding his effort. The temperature in the room had dropped to an all time low and his muscles were sore from the prolonged unnatural position in his sofa.

Today was not going to be a good day.


A.N: So... Liked it? Hated it? Any tips or comments? Let me know what you think in a review, pretty please! I just want to know if anybody cares about me continuing this story.