I should have known that it would turn out this way. I told myself over and over, "She doesn't feel the same, don't tell her." Now, here I am. I just slept with a guy that I despise, I lost my best friend (the girl I love), and I have the worst hangover of my entire life! Luckily Liam was gone when I woke up so I don't have to see the face of the mistake I made. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself. How could I have known that in my severely inebriated state I would somehow think it was a good idea to sleep with Liam Booker for revenge. I can't get revenge on Karma this way!
"You're so STUPID Amy!" I say it out loud just so I can really understand it. I drag myself out of bed and try to shower off my mistakes. I turn on a steaming hot shower and just sit in the stream of water. I have no idea how long I've been in there when I hear a knock.
"Amy?" OH MY GOD! It can't be her. I don't want to see her. Well, I do want to see her but not after last night! I don't say anything and I just hope she will take the hint.
I hear the door open. I should have known better. Karma would never just leave me be, especially after last night. "Amy, I know you're in here and we need to talk."
"Karms I'm kind of busy right now! Can't this wait for me to be out of the shower?" I'm cringing on the inside. I didn't think she would ever want to talk to me again, and here she is ambushing me while I'm in the shower. This didn't even happen when we were on good terms. She would just wait in my room for me.
"No, Ams, it can't wait. Plus, you can't walk away from me again if you are in the shower." She is silent after this because she knows that I'm caught. I have no choice.
"Okay, well since you won't leave then you might as well say what you want to say."
"Okay, here goes nothing." She sounds nervous which isn't like Karma. At least not when she's talking to me. " I made a mistake Amy." That makes two of us I think. " I can't lose you! I love you, you're my best friend. I just got scared."
"Wait, you got scared?" I throw open the curtain and immediately regret it. Karma is sitting there on the floor in front of me and her mouth falls open. " Shit! Could you hand me a towel?" I hide behind the curtain as she throws my towel at me.
"Yeah, I got scared! How often does your best friend admit that she is in love with you?" Karma is on the verge of tears and I want to comfort her but I'm aware that I'm not really dressed for that.
"Karma, don't cry. I hate it when you cry. I know I dropped a bomb on you but you dropped a much bigger bomb on me. Like how you slept with…" I can't say it. I can't say his name. I literally feel sick just thinking of him. Or maybe I am just going to get sick. I run over to the toilet and I'm immediately emptying my stomach of it's non-existant contents. I'm never drinking again!
"Amy, are you okay? I haven't seen you get sick in forever! I'm so sorry Amy! I had to tell you or you would have found out some other way and it would have been ten times worse." I can feel her eyes boring into the back of my head. I slowly get up and make my way to the sink to brush my teeth.
"I'm fine. I just drank waaayyyy too much last night. It's understandable though right?" I throw out that last bit with as much acid as I can. I know it will hurt her feelings but at this point I need her to hurt as much as me. I've been hurting on my own long enough. When I turn and look into her eyes I feel different though. She now has tears streaming down her cheeks and looks shattered. I go to her and hold her in my arms.
"I'm sorry Karma. I didn't mean it. At least not completely." I decide it is best to try and be as truthful as possible.
"No, Amy I'm sorry. I've been so selfish. I made you do whatever I wanted and didn't even stop to think about what you wanted. I'm so stupid. You weren't completely wrong about me feeling something when we kissed." Karma wasn't making eye contact and I could barely believe my ears.
" So… why did you say it didn't mean anything to you? Why would you lie about something like that?"
"I told you I was scared." Karma put her hand up to stop me from interrupting. "Please, Amy, just let me get this out. I wasn't only scared about you telling me you had feelings. I was scared about what those feelings meant for our friendship. Also, I was scared because your confession made me start second guessing my feelings for you." Karma was about to go into full babble mode and I knew it. I really hate it when she does that but, this time I'm getting valuable information so I just sit back and listen. "I mean that first kiss was it a surprise because it was unexpected or because I liked it? Did I make you keep pretending with me because I wanted to be popular, or because I wanted to see what it was like to be with you? Did I come out to my parents as a lesbian because I wanted them to talk to me and see me, or did I come out to them because I really am gay and I didn't really know it yet?" Karma started her rant frenzied and started becoming slower and introspective. It sounded almost like she was coming to a realization. A life altering realization.
"Okay, Karms. It sounds like you have really been turning those gears since last night. Did you make another binder "Am I gay or just AmySexual?"?" I was trying to lighten the mood but Karma looked stricken. "Karma it was a joke calm down." Karma was slowly moving backwards out of the cramped bathroom and into my bedroom. She just kept shaking her head and backing up until she hit the bed and crashed down onto it.
"Amy, what does it mean?"Karma looked up at me expectantly like I could solve all of her problems.
" I think the better question is: What do you want it to mean? Either you like me or you don't Karma I think it is as simple as that." I had moved closer to her as I was talking and was now sitting next to her looking into her warm green eyes.
I wasn't really expecting what happened next but I rolled with it. Karma leaned over and kissed me. It wasn't a light innocent peck either. The kiss almost felt like a question. Like Karma's lips were asking mine where do we go from here?
