To avoid doing math, I'm in the hall walking around. I drag my feet slowly, thinking about recent events. I breathe in deeply and sigh, turning to look at the asphalt cafe outside. The clouds are in an overcast, so nothing interesting occupies the sky. I take my hair out and flip it, then start to put it back up.
"I always liked it better down." I hear someone say. I turn around letting it go back down, and Tori is standing there. She looks adorable as usual. I half smile and say,
"Sure." I start to walk away and she says,
"Wait, Jade, don't walk away."
"Why not? You did." I say while walking backwards away. I turn around and walk regularly.
The next day I find Tori and apologize.
"Look, what I did yesterday was rude and selfish. I'm sorry. Can we still be friends?" I say.
"Of course! I'm not losing you that quickly" she says. Later that week we go to Subway and she tells me everything. Her whole past. Everything about her father, her mother, her life.
One day a few weeks later, Sikowitz assigned a character assignment , so I dress really well. I decide to be a rebel, like in The Breakfast Club. I have my hair down with aviators, red lipstick, a leather jacket with studs, a simple white tank top, boots with studs, and tight pants. I pass Tori in the hall, and she stops talking to Andre when she sees me. I feel her eyes all over me. I just smile to myself mischievously. Throughout the day a lot of guys flirt with me and Tori sees.
Before I go into math, I make eye contact with Tori. But this time, I give her a smile. She's surprised. She starts to walk towards me, but the bell rings and I go to class. She watches me leave.
I go out in the middle of math because I know she's out there. I come out of the classroom and Tori's there, waiting.
"Hey" I say.
"Hey" she says. "Can we talk?" she asks.
"Sure, whats up?" I say walking with her.
"It's just I can't help but wonder why." Tori says.
"Why?" I ask.
"I know it was you. The present. It had you written all over it." She says.
"Well, how are you so sure?" I say.
"Because nobody would ever do something like that for me other than you." she says.
"And?" I ask.
"and" she starts to say while she stops walking " I realized, that I've been my best self when I'm around you. I don't have to put any walls up, I don't need to be something I'm not. And you always know how to make me smile. You strike up the best questions even though you don't think you do. I know you've been through alot, but you don't let it get to you. You do your own thing." She says.
"Tori.." I start to say.
"You make me happy. In the letter you said you wanted that for me." she says. She then puts her arms around my waist and hugs me. I lean my head on hers and hold her, stroking her head. She leans in to try and kiss me but I say,
"Tori, you know we can't.. As much as I would want to, we can't."
"Why?" She asks.
"Because, I don't want to hurt you." I say.
"What do you mean?" She asks.
"Look, Tori, you're great, amazing is more like it. But I don't wanna be the one to make you happy just to have a conversation along the line which ruins all the moments we had. Basically, I know that at this age things don't last." I say
"But that's why we make the best out of what we have." She says. Then she walks away.
In the weight room on monday, I see Tori and Cat talking. I wonder what they're talking about. Tori looks a little upset. Cat says something to her and they both look at me. I don't break eye contact. All of a sudden, Toris eyes narrow as she makes a beeline for me, obviously angry. She gets up to me and says angrily,
"Janitor's closet. Now." She grabs my wrist and pulls me out. She starts to rant, her voice raised.
"Listen Jade. You have been there for me all this time! I've been through hell and you still stuck around for me! Why?! Doesn't that prove that there's something you feel for me? You've put your feelings aside when I was with Sam! You helped us and you tried! Don't say that you can truthfully look me in the eyes and say-" I stop her by pulling her in and kissing her fully.
"I'm not saying I don't feel anything. I'm doing this for you. You're better off without me." I say brushing her lips before leaving her arms and going back into the weight room.
I do feel something for Tori. I want to be with her, but I know I can't. If we fall in love, we'll both end up hurt. I couldn't ever let that happen with her. I always have an urge to kiss her when she's around. It hurts to not be able to. So then I did. And it felt so right. But then I ran away. Like I always do. Why couldn't I ever do anything right? I'm just a natural fuck up. I think about this then Tori comes back in. She looks at me. She goes straight up to me and grabs my neck and cheek, pulling me down into a kiss. As soon as she does this, she melts. I hold her there in my arms and kiss her back. It all feels so right. So real.
"If you do anything for me, this is it. Stop running." She says against my lips. I take her hand and lead her into the janitor's closet.
