Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing
A/N: A few months ago, I wrote the story "Night Terrors" about Relena struggling with recovering from a violent rape. Looking back, I feel that I did not give the work nearly the time or effort it deserved. Partly I had less experience then than I have now, but I also confess the piece is very emotional, and very close to home. As such, I didn't really allow myself the necessary reflection to see the product through correctly.
I've decided to remedy the issues I had reading over the original with two steps. One, I went through and smoothed out the edges on the story. If you've never read it, please read it before this one. It's less that 7,000 words and it is the beginning. If you have, a refresher may find it a smoother read than you experienced, last time. Two, I'm doing the sequel. Some people hinted at a desire to hear more, and others flat out begged. I appreciate the interest, and I, too, feel the story needed to be closed out. Yes. I, the author, thought it lacked a lot, and it left me hanging. So I'm allowing the characters to bring me back, and I'm breathing deeply as I relive Relena's flashbacks with a heavy heart.
This is very intimate, and some things you read here are true. The names and faces, of course, have been changed to characters you are much more familiar with. My only hope is that I can put these experiences, these events and feelings, eloquently, and you can fully understand the hearts that lived them.
In the darkness, her eyes focused thoughtlessly on the dust that danced to a serenade of silence in the spotlight of the moon. At her back, she could feel a chest rising and falling with a long, strong rhythm.
Nearly four months prior he'd come to bed with her to chase away the nightmares. At first, it was completely plutonic. He had stood at her bed to protect her from the night, but he found that only his touch could ward off the dreams that tormented her. Reluctantly, he had submitted to her needs, keeping her in his arms as she slept. Now she was addicted to him, but she was beginning to think the dependency was mutual.
She shifted as slightly as possible, angling her very pregnant body to see the clock. It was after midnight, and she doubted she would get any sleep.
The man behind her opened his eyes when she moved. It wasn't her first bout of insomnia. He was used to it, by now.
He hesitated to speak his mind, but this was as good a time as any. "Who was he?"
Relena froze, her head just beginning to nestle back into the down pillow below. The question was not ambiguous to her. It was the one subject she'd always hoped he wouldn't breach. "I don't know," she whispered.
He was quiet.
"Why?" She asked in a playful voice, making light of the tension. "Planning something?"
When she glanced back at him, the look in his eyes was frighteningly stern.
"Heero, you said you wouldn't kill anymore. You promised."
"I said I didn't have to."
"And that makes it okay?"
He pressed no further on the subject, with her. He only waited. She would open up to his curiosity with timing and grace.
"Sometimes I wish I did," she confessed, as she turned away, again. "I wonder; if I had known him, if it had been less—violent—would I deal with it better?"
Time stretched between them as he mulled over her thoughts.
"No," he said firmly.
Relena shifted onto her back to stare up at him. A question beyond words emanated from her soft blue eyes.
"If you had known him, you'd have to face him, again. If you turned him in, you'd face him in a courtroom. If you didn't, you'd cross paths, over and over. If you tried to cover it, pretend it was consensual, you'd have to juggle him into a 'family' life. It's better this way."
"I suppose," she acknowledged.
Her eyes wandered, adapting to the night, studying the shadows of the room. The intrinsic design of her wooden bedframe formed dips, valleys and hills of darkness in the cherry wood. Along the wall, the glow formed the silhouettes of the trees; their branches and leaves dancing in the soft evening breeze. The crystal blue moonlight shone in, over them, showering her pregnant abdomen in light.
Heero's hand rested on her belly, observing the shifting movements on the small life within.
The baby moved in a way that seemed to tickle Relena, bringing the mother to a soft laugh. "Must you always be such a night owl, Benjamin?"
Heero grinned, ever so slightly, looking at the activity under his hand. "Is he keeping you awake?"
She nestled her body closer to his, stealing his warmth. "No," she answered. "Not that you could help if he was."
"What is?"
She was quiet, again, presumably in deep thought. "I don't know," she answered softly. "I feel restless. I feel anxious."
He blinked, weighing her answer. Was she referring to excitement in regards to becoming a mother? Was she referring to nervous anxiety or fear?
"There's still so much to do," she clarified.
Heero gave a small, crooked grin she could not see. "The paint in his nursery is still drying. You can't do anything until tomorrow."
She sighed, pouting her lips. "Do you think I picked the right color scheme?"
"Do I really seem like the person to ask?"
She started laughing at her own silliness.
The sound of her laughter stirred something inside him. It always did. He'd seen and heard her laugh more times than he could count, but when he knew he'd intentionally made her laugh, it gave him a warm and joyful feeling inside. He was so occupied with the sound and the glow on her face, he never noticed that his own body responded by squeezing her closer, yet.
"I think that you can put together an interior design better than anyone. You just won't tell anyone that."
"What would ever make you want to believe that?"
"You're the best at everything else, aren't you?"
"Not everything."
"Well," she commented. "Whether you are secretly hiding your ability to decorate a nursery or not, I'm truly grateful to have you by my side, Mr. Yuy."
She twisted, again, to look into his eyes. Her face was mere millimeters from his. Their breath mingled with every passing moment.
"Sally said something like that, too," he whispered, suddenly fighting an urge to look down at her soft lips.
"Mmm," she hummed. "Sally's just glad I'm finally sleeping through the night."
"But you're not."
"Then maybe we should trust my body and give in to the nesting instinct."
"Or maybe you should sleep."
"You don't have very many urges, do you?" When she said the words, something sultry flashed through her eyes, lacing her voice with suggestiveness.
"Tons," he answered, setting his face in stone.
Relena cocked an inquisitive eyebrow. "Do tell?"
He hesitated, before answering very dryly, "All urges can be suppressed through discipline."
She pursed her lips, pouting.
"Discipline yourself to sleep."
"What would I ever do without you?" She quipped, arching her back in a long, soothing stretch. Her spine crackled with the slow, deliberate movement, and her lips turned up in a slight smile as he moaned in satisfaction. Sighing, she wiggled her hips against his as she adjusted her position.
She slowly blinked, focusing back on the soldier beside her, who seemed to be a statue watching her rest.
He swallowed, his eyes intense and barely readable.
Her grin grew as she openly raked his body with her gaze, resting for too long on his lips as she came back up.
The flaring of his nostrils did not slip past her unnoticed, so she glanced suggestively at his soft lips, again.
His bearing cracked as his own stare fell to her mouth, fighting the urge to taste her sharp tongue. As Heero felt the desires course through him, she could hear his breathing grow heavier. He was fighting for control, and she was making it difficult.
"What would I do without you?" She asked in a frail voice as she allowed her face to become entirely serious.
"Hn."
She smiled, again. She pressed her soft hand on his arm, allowing her digits to absorb his warmth as she reached down to his palm, which rested over the baby. Her fingers interlaced themselves with his as she gently squeezed him. "When will you leave me, Heero?"
"I'm not leaving," he said solidly.
"Ever?"
He just glared at her, allowing his previous arousal to melt away into gentle offense.
"What if I tell you that I love you?" Her teeth were showing with mischief as she leaned close, over her shoulder, searching his dark blue eyes.
"I'm not leaving," he said, again.
Relena still questioned, deep inside, just how true his words were, but this moment wasn't about fearing tomorrow, so much as living today. "Do you promise?" She pressed.
"Hn."
She looked deeply into his eyes, again, shifting her focus nervously as she memorized his face. When her eyes fell back to his mouth, they flashed with demand.
Heero pulled his hand from hers, reaching up to cup her face as he met her searching orbs. "I'm not leaving," he repeated for the third time.
Relena's smile disappeared as her eyes begged him. "Goodnight, Heero?" She said softly.
His lips came down over hers, tasting her for the first time since they were fifteen. She was sweet and salty on his tongue. Her warmth and the comfort of touching her in such an intimate way seemed to awaken something inside him he'd tried hard to forget. Suddenly his body was fighting urges that he hadn't felt in months.
Thinking better of giving in, he pulled back from her. "Goodnight, Relena," he said, as he wrapped her back into a protective hold, unable to move or to face him.
"I love you," she whispered under her breath.
