Have you ever just…given up? Have your eyes ever lost there life, the light that brings joy to other people. Have you ever felt…broken?

My mother used to tell me that nobody was broken, they were cracked or fractured, but never broken to the point of no repair. I think my mother is full of shit. The day I lost her was the day my entire world was shaken and thrown into chaos. I felt like I was on a bad acid trip, a nightmare that I couldn't escape. She was gone, and I don't mean in just the literal sense. She was taken from me, fate had other plans for us and I hated myself for putting that plan into action.

It was raining, but I couldn't feel anything but the cold rock that my forehead rested against. My fingers traced the name absentmindedly and hot tears ran slowly down my trembling chin. I wasn't sure if I was cold or if it was from the sorrow that filled my chest.

My heart restricted and I choked back a strangled sob. Looking up at the dark grey sky I searched. Searched for words, answers, her…I found nothing but more rain and tears. As I kneeled in front of her grave, it all came flooding back to me,

"no! you don't know anything, you never did, now just…get out!" the words escaped my mouth before I could think them over, and then she's walking past me and out my bedroom door. I don't go after her, I don't run to her and beg for her to just stay and talk it out. I let her go, and it was the worst mistake of my life.

I fell asleep shortly after she left, thinking that some time away will do us both good until its time to talk things out and work out the problems. Im woken up by shaking, cold shaky hands had a firm grip on my shoulder.

"Spencer, Spencer please wake up!" I finally open my eyes. My mothers twin blues stare down at me with a sad expression.

"baby…Megan's at the hospital."

One word and im out of my bed and slipping on my crocs. Hospital…

Hospital,

We arrived without me knowing I even got into the car. My brother sat in the back in his car seat, his little blonde head bobbing and swaying as he tries to stay awake. Im out the door before the engine is cut short and im running through the ER.

Her parents sat in the waiting room. Her mother, Claudia, was huddled against her lover Angela. Both of there eyes were watery and red. Tracks ran down there cheeks and I couldn't breathe. They both had…given up.

"she's gone…they said she was dead on the scene."

Swallowing was a struggle, the bile in my throat rose and bobbed, I began to dry heave as my mom rushed towards me and led me to a chair. A dark blue, plastic, uncomfortable chair.

"baby…honey look at me." I thought I was, but my vision focused and I realized I was staring at a dark beige colored wall. I turned to my mother and that's when I felt it. The hot tears, the pain in my heart, the bile rising in my throat. I raced to the nearest bathroom, and I hurled all of my dinner into the sink.

She was gone, and all I felt was nauseas and heartbroken.

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